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       #Post#: 38660--------------------------------------------------
       Jed Rant: Love, marriage, friends, blah, blah, blah.....
       By: Jed McKenna Date: July 13, 2019, 3:32 am
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       Dear Ya'all:
       Think about your loves, spouse, friends, community and the
       like.... for a moment. Now, what prompts you to do, have and
       participate in such ventures. Give it a moment and contemplate
       that question... while I give you my answer (I love to fill in
       the blanks for people, nasty habit of mine). At the most basic
       level, these things are an effort to answer a need, fill a void
       or complete 'you' in some way. Is this not true? If not so for
       you, I welcome your feed back.
       Now, moving right along, when you seek loves, spouse, friends,
       community as the wood filler for a crack in your table, the
       table might appear a little better, but you can put a great deal
       of effort into finishing it off with your slippery stories,
       ('varnish' it over) but the evidence and core weakness inherent
       in the crack remains. Over time it will probably even grow
       bigger.
       Don't all your ventures in loves, spouse, friends, community
       eventually end up as misadventures.... in the 'How the heck
       could I have done that' or 'What was I thinking' category? Some
       students are going to say 'It's just human nature' and I have no
       argument with that, however, I think 'human nature' is well...
       Voltaire once said: “Common sense is not so common.” and I know
       I have failed at that many times in the past.
       BUT... what would happen to your 'personal' ventures if you
       engaged in them from a different perspective. If you knew your
       True Nature, if you were pretty much fulfilled within yourself
       (granted a dreamt character but we need to start somewhere) what
       would change?
       I'm going to step aside and wait for your answers.... and thanks
       for reading.
       Love ya, Jed.
       #Post#: 38663--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Jed Rant: Love, marriage, friends, blah, blah, blah.....
       By: Death_by_SallyD Date: July 13, 2019, 6:52 am
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       It’s procedural generation at the level of thought fantasy  The
       hole is filled (not really) but with the appearance of something
       falling apart in the hole-filling’s wake.  It’s a big fat mess,
       all in all, but creates the sensation of movement.  Stuff
       happening  in which ego is in the middle of it.
       Bring a casual gamer,  I know that gamers LOVE this shit!  They
       crave a game that’s dynamic with lots of “drama” of moving
       parts/variables....stuff flying around all over the place but
       that engenders a story that creates a sense of
       immersion/identification.  The feeling of an endlessly dramatic
       dream in which ego is center stage trying to keep it all
       together while things are perennially falling a part. Ego heaven
       Friends/family.....great stage for this stuff!  :D
       #Post#: 38665--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Jed Rant: Love, marriage, friends, blah, blah, blah.....
       By: Krill Date: July 13, 2019, 9:25 am
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       Hi Jed,
       I'm married for double digits now with two kids. You are
       absolutely correct in your assessment of the motivation behind
       the beginning of these relationships. My perspective has changed
       considerably since the inception of this family circle and it's
       been due to this particular path of spiritual seeking.
       I remember years ago trying to understand what you were saying
       about there 'not being anyone home'.  Thinking I'd developed a
       sense of this, it deepened and hit hard.  If they were not there
       to me, that meant I was not there to them.  That was rough.
       I wouldn't tell someone I love my kids as much or as less as the
       next kid or the salad bowl in the cupboard, but it's true. Or
       that I don't need to 'trust' my husband to be faithful, but I
       don't.  That I don't really miss my family when we are apart,
       but I don't.  These are hard to explain.
       The interesting question for me is, why stay?
       The first thing that pops in to my head, is, why go? It's as
       pleasant and unpleasant as anywhere else.  That answer could and
       probably will change. But for now it's good enough.
       #Post#: 38666--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Jed Rant: Love, marriage, friends, blah, blah, blah.....
       By: Jed McKenna Date: July 13, 2019, 9:34 am
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       Dear small crustacean of the order Euphausiacea, and food for
       the largest creature in existence:
       Thank you for your post and sharing your experiences and
       observations. All good, and in the final analysis it really
       doesn't matter if you stay or go, and if you stay but really
       want to go, then you have already left.
       Love ya, Jed.
       #Post#: 38668--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Jed Rant: Love, marriage, friends, blah, blah, blah.....
       By: err0n Date: July 13, 2019, 4:13 pm
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       Hi
       For some years I've tried to build something.. relationships..
       friends etc.. whatever. As a kid or something I had this thought
       that everything that could be build, as a precondition, can (and
       will) be destroyed one day.
       So, now it crumbles, I can feel that. **** stupid emotion I
       don't really want to be in.. BUT.. I think it might be a sign.
       Ive tried to do my best to get "more" relationships.. Im so
       stupid. It didnt work really from the start. I tend to see a
       difference between friends and family, but is there a difference
       Jed? What do you say? All I know is that its not working out and
       I see that my goodness (if that exists??) is being abused. Im
       fed up, breaking bonds now.. Some people really dont like that.
       Theyd rather would me to keep bonded, I need to do it for them,
       not for myself really. I know this. Am aware of that. Its really
       not working out. You're right about filling a void. Today I ****
       hated Maya, so angry the entire day. Im caught up in it. Is that
       what she wants? Am I really honost towards myself, can I be?
       Everything is changing. People come and go, also in your own
       "life". For some moments I just see a quiet place that I think I
       have to visit. Imaginary. No people anymore there, the thought
       of some ego heaven (as DeathBySally calls it) disgusts me. I've
       felt that persuasive temptation a couple of times. Jed, is it an
       ego empire? Or is that just one big giant illusion. I seem to be
       wrestling with it so much. Today seems to be a **** up crisis. I
       dont know. Everything is slipping away and I dont know if I
       should mind. If I try to grasp unto something, get some control,
       I get the thought of me just not really wanting that anymore.
       Its so fake. Goddammit. Even the thought of making it through
       this and getting rid of it all, is not suiting me. Who is
       getting rid or detaching from this all? All the time. People
       seem to make it look so wonderful. Weither they try, believing
       it is possible, or actually have achieved all the wonder that
       Maya can deliver to us...... I dont buy that anymore. Bunch of
       lunatics. Freak out planet. Im feeling weak. Questioning so
       much. Questioning myself. Ramble ramble.
       Ah forget it, I wrote down that I have to let it go. Do you feel
       at home Jed? Any other One here that can relate? What am I
       seeking. I keep on mumbling.. **** shitload I need to release.
       Am I responsible for my family? That string is the one Im
       holding unto the hardest.
       Still angry, maybe the most towards myself. I had this dream,
       thinking about to let that go gives me goosebumps now. Well, Id
       like to hear...................................
       Thank you for the post Jed, this is my "answer" ?? Just as it
       is..
       Feel a little doubt of sending this, what is it worth? There you
       go.
       #Post#: 38669--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Jed Rant: Love, marriage, friends, blah, blah, blah.....
       By: Death_by_SallyD Date: July 13, 2019, 7:36 pm
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       “what would happen to your 'personal' ventures if you engaged in
       them from a different perspective. If you knew your True
       Nature...... what would change?”
       Married double digits as well with 2 kids.
       Speculating, of course.  Impression of being always
       present.....empty yet happy to participate, maybe.  Though not
       impassioned. Maybe more evolved version of "going along to get
       along".  No interference in terms of judging/controlling.  I’m
       sure that would come as a relief to the fam.  A supportive
       presence.  They seem much more at ease of late...free to do
       their thing while I let go to some extent to simply observe
       myself playing my part.
       Interesting was talking to my youngest who’s 13.  She’s becoming
       the skillful lucid dreamer, so there’s space for interesting
       conversations in that.  She’s wondering what I’m up to with all
       the 4 a.m. wall gazing and such :). Asking why my lucid
       dreaming’s dried up.  I try to explain.  She
       says....”but......then you’ll be.....empty!”  And starts to
       weep.  She is truly sad.  She gets it on some level.
       #Post#: 38674--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Jed Rant: Love, marriage, friends, blah, blah, blah.....
       By: iammar Date: July 14, 2019, 8:51 am
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       i've noticed interpersonal relationships don't go over like they
       used to. once "need" was removed from the equation, it became a
       matter of "want". once the usual somnambulistic repertoire was
       clearly seen, want diminished to virtually nothing. relating can
       be challenging.
       case in point:
       "i want a future with you" says the one.
       "there is no future," says the other one, "so, i can't , in good
       conscience, offer you anything of the sort. i can be fully
       present with you though, and delight in the interaction between
       us when it's happening, without any conditions or expectations
       for its continuance, and no hard feelings or hang-ups when it's
       not happening, or no longer happening."
       "no thanks, i've no taste for metaphysical bullsh!t!"
       so, i eat alone, sitting on the floor most times, because i have
       no need or desire to repair or replace the collapsed table. if
       invited (and inclined) to a community table, i bring a dish to
       share, mind my manners and clean up afterward.
       #Post#: 38677--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Jed Rant: Love, marriage, friends, blah, blah, blah.....
       By: Jed McKenna Date: July 14, 2019, 10:16 am
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       My test is always.. doe's it work for you? If so, do it. But
       don't do it because someone tells you to or everyone else it
       doing it.
       Love ya, Jed
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