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#Post#: 38611--------------------------------------------------
Jed Rant: From Student
By: Jed McKenna Date: July 5, 2019, 10:29 pm
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The following is an email from a long time student. I have
posted with permission. You might gain something of value from
it:
I wanted to write to you for weeks... but somehow I couldn’t...
don’t know where to start or how to start...but this morning I
have an urge to write to you... so here I am...About two weeks
ago, maybe 3, (in my story), a conversation brought the
earthquake... I was talking to a friend... he insisted that he
is enlightened and want to discuss this with me... for a long
period of time, I lost the interest to discuss this kind of
topic with others... for one, I really don’t know what they are
talking about... I used to think I knew... but now I don’t...
for two, I really don’t want to know what they talk about...
because I doubt whether they know what they are talking about
themselves.... discussing is pointless....
So I was lack of interest... to quickly end this boring
conversation, I said to him “ you are enlightened or not... so
what? Whatever it is is still whatever it is...” I heard the
words I said... and it’s like a bomb...,at that moment, the
seeker role is in pieces....things were all linked together....
I saw how I was chasing a mental goal... and how it’s not
real... why I wanted to reach this goal... cause I wanted to
find a perfect place to hide... to protect myself, to survive...
the funny thing is that I have been running away from the thing
called life.... to do whatever to avoiding it... this life is
not even real.... the most safe place is here and now... what am
I talking about? Only here and now... it’s the most safest
place... mind creates heaven and hell... and I am not in either
of them... I felt that I have dreamt for so long.... in the
dream, I was pursuing a goal of waking myself up....and in the
dream, I was afraid to be eaten alive by the monster names
life...
I smiled and cried for my own ignorance... I am disgusted by so
called humanity.... human is a stupid creature... full of
lies... no depth at all... but again... this, everything is just
have appearance... whatever I touch, it’s dissolving.... I don’t
want to be with people... their stories make me bored... just
like the broken recorder... always repeats the same tunes...
when I see someone I know... I actually just enjoy the part of
saying hello and smiling to each other... and then I want to
leave immediately... people says “ never judge a book by its
cover”... I will say there is only covers... there is no depth
to explore... all kinds of dramas... I guess I haven’t learnt to
enjoy them yet... everyone is so serious... so heavy... I can’t
breathe by listening all kinds crazy stories.... especially for
some people, I can even feel some kind of evilness.. this makes
me really uncomfortable... just want to be as far away as I
can.... I am kind of scared by the craziness and evilness....
To quite the mind... I tried chanting “XXXXXX” all day long...
had a few wonderful experiences... every sound I heard, every
thing I saw is the frequency of XXXXX...
Every thought is a changed form of XXXXX... then I looked deeply
into my hands... there are nothing called hands.. no skin... no
vain... no flash meat... atoms standing in orders... the
emptiness between atoms shine through all... it’s all
light....pure light.. it washes me over... just like crystal
clear water.... you said the truth is not a state of
consciousness... it’s the consciousness without state... I let
them all go... back to I thought... I is actually a pointer...
for a moment, I saw I am not even in the body... it’s back to a
void...
How many times of this kind of experiences has to happen, in
order to making the major shift? I don’t know... what’s the
next? I don’t know... if I am lucky, I will be done in this
life.. that’s great... if I am not, I will be back, I will
continue this unfinished journey. Maybe not.. so what? What’s
the big deal?
But somehow, I still want this to be finished sooner... cause
this is wired...
The whole process actually is running by itself... I used to
think if I can understand just a little bit more.. i can finally
get it... how silly is that...
the tea cup is more real than what I am saying... and tea cup
doesn’t exist... it’s only appearance... but it does have
different layers... how strange...
I don’t even know how to write anymore... so let’s call it a
day....
Thanks for listening... sorry... actually I have been very lazy
for so long... but surprisingly the process is still on
going....
Thank you for everything, my dear Guru...all best wishes for
you....
Always love you,
#Post#: 38613--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jed Rant: From Student
By: bjoern Date: July 6, 2019, 3:38 am
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Thanks for sharing Jed.
Love it because reading this removes all lifebelts for the mind
who is always seeking for the next thing, the next goal or
teaching...always next, never here. "When i just listen to this
teaching over and over again, seeing this new video on youtube
from teacher XY or reading the brand new post on this invisible
guru forum, THAN SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN". Bullshit.
Remembered me also to what ive heard a few weeks ago, it was
something like "Whatever is happening, is all there is. There is
and cant be nothing else". And when the mind starts to question
it, all that needs to say is "Show me something else [than
this]". And thats that. Really, show me something else than
'this', this happening.
But the mind is never agreed with that answer even though is the
only answer.
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