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#Post#: 38438--------------------------------------------------
Re: "A Truce With Maya"
By: Jed McKenna Date: June 16, 2019, 11:09 pm
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Thanks kindly for your heartfull sharing.
There is no fixing you, you are beyond hope, hopelessly hopeless
but hey, so is everyone else so it's not that bad and you ain't
alone. ''I am addicted'' is just a identity, a story that has
nothing to do with you. It's something you body carries with it.
Your addiction has morphed and you are now addicted to being
addicted, and then it will change into addicted to being
addicted to being addicted.
If I has to live like that I would be damn sure to make friends
with my addiction, it needs loving attention and care. I am
mildly addicted to oxygen so I made a study of how to get the
proper amount of the right stuff and one can get pretty high on
that s h i t. That brings me to the question ... do you have my
breathing tape. Oxygen is in plentiful supply and to date, it is
still legal. But you never know when those self-righteous
authorities are going to go all NWO on it.
Love ya, Jed.
P.S. Oh yeh, my other suggestion is do Iboga.
#Post#: 38452--------------------------------------------------
Re: "A Truce With Maya"
By: Death_by_SallyD Date: June 17, 2019, 10:16 pm
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' "I am addicted" is a story.'
Thank you, Jed. I think I see your point.
The point being that the story associated with those words is
completely beside the point. The words are part of a
diversionary spell that deflects from the moment. The story "I
am an addict" requires a kind of rhetorical fantasizing which
creates another spiraling associative space within which the ego
can live. Stories beget stories.....thoughts beget
thoughts...the whole thing creating a kind of fractal spray of
thoughts....like the Kessler Effect....through which the chance
for escape into clear, empty outer/inner space gets
progressively lost.
"Make friends with my addiction"....giving it "loving attention
and care." Again, I think I see your point...and, maybe,
starting to realize what you mean when you say "Love ya, Jed"
after your posts. It's not a quip. I think "love" means
utterly and completely embracing with the whole of my
awareness...with attention/devotion to whatever presents itself.
All of it. The lovable and un-lovable parts. Given that
"addiction" seems to be a theme throughout "my life"....it is
the stuff through which the experience of liberation, if there
is to be such a thing, will occur I'm guessing. I guess, in
that respect, I should be forever thankful for this whole thing.
#Post#: 38458--------------------------------------------------
Re: "A Truce With Maya"
By: Jed McKenna Date: June 17, 2019, 11:26 pm
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Addiction, the door to wisdom. Make a good book title.
Love ya, Jed
#Post#: 38477--------------------------------------------------
Re: "A Truce With Maya"
By: Death_by_SallyD Date: June 19, 2019, 10:41 am
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Aye, it would make a good book title!! I wonder....
Bah...I'll leave the writing to the writers. The hopelessly
hopeless should probably only be focused on the one and only
option left when reactor 4 has crossed the point of no return.
Pushing the AZ-5 button...over and over and over and ov....
Focusing awareness on awareness while meditating....straddling
myself, slapping/pinching...trying to inwardly cut through the
layers of the spell. Hypnic jerks through the sickening process
of losing myself/the thread/the plot....getting lost...and
sudden arriving again, startled and aware, with a body jolt.
Then finally pushing through to...what?...another level of
experience. The vision of some smug asshole in a green
sweatshirt, looking at me with a smirk...Maya's punchline. Then
I cut through to clear void space (or the representative visual
impression of such) of, again, a bazillion luminous multicolored
threads spilling over into a perfectly circular, abysmally empty
black hole.
Today, reflecting on becoming aware, yesterday, of the unlovable
parts of my friend, Addiction. The sweating, the runny nose,
the waves of untenable blanket of pins/needles across the skin,
the "rotten blue" smell. Vomiting bile. Tough love! Thinking
offhandedly of posting this today, I suddenly get a double kill
while playing my favorite game, Battlefield V. Almost never
happens. Then, watch in amazement, as I then go on to get the
highest score out of 64 players. I'm in shock. Almost never,
ever happens. I knew where the enemy was before I turned the
corner...every time. Unfair advantage.
#Post#: 38480--------------------------------------------------
Re: "A Truce With Maya"
By: Jed McKenna Date: June 20, 2019, 8:36 am
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hmmm........
#Post#: 38485--------------------------------------------------
Re: "A Truce With Maya"
By: Death_by_SallyD Date: June 20, 2019, 9:22 pm
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What goes up....must come down. The wean off, now, because I
can't handle the horror show of cold turkey. Protracting the
inevitable. Iboga brings inevitability to bear, it seems just
reading the experiences, in one fell 30+ hour swoop. I'm barely
flirting with the idea of seeking the iboga cleansing, and I am
truly terrified. Of the judgment from that most exacting aspect
of the self which pulls no punches. I don't know if I could
handle it, honestly. Knowing what's at stake....seems that that
is Iboga's special form of knowledge. Inner truth....and the
cost of squandering it.
In the mean time, yes I think I"d like to employ your breathing
technique, Jed. Where do I find it
Thanks again
#Post#: 38490--------------------------------------------------
Re: "A Truce With Maya"
By: Death_by_SallyD Date: June 21, 2019, 9:20 am
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So, after recent relapse on opioids, I though I'd have to do the
typical slow, painful wean down....once again. No
bitterness....no resentment....no self-pity...no "why me!?"
Just embracing the whole with as much love/awareness as I can.
Able to sleep last night, amazingly. Then, just before
awakening this a.m., I see lucid vision of a small
conglomeration of cells....just a little, unimpressive fleshy
trapezoidal lump...trying to navigate through a fleshy channel
somewhere within the body. Its bumping along but is initially
obstructed trying to move through a juxtaposition of channels.
Then...after bumping back and forth, unable to get
through.....it suddenly releases and is allowed to travel on. I
hear this voice say, "The obstruction is clear...you're good to
go". I wake up with essentially no w/d's.
#Post#: 38493--------------------------------------------------
Re: "A Truce With Maya"
By: Jed McKenna Date: June 21, 2019, 11:28 pm
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You are always good to go, so good to go would be good... I
think...
Best wishes on your journey.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 38499--------------------------------------------------
Re: "A Truce With Maya"
By: Death_by_SallyD Date: June 22, 2019, 6:21 am
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Thanks, Jed! :D
"You're always good to go"
And thanks for this. Like a pin in the conflated bubble.
*pop!* and this expansiveness opens
up.....peace....energy....clarity. My ego concedes
"spirituality" as long as there is the perennial struggle. The
need for a sense of progress. I see what I am doing. It can be
dropped...anytime....to rediscover that spaciousness of "always
good to go". Dropped over and over until....what happens if I
don't pick it up again? The "struggle"? :)
#Post#: 38502--------------------------------------------------
Re: "A Truce With Maya"
By: Jed McKenna Date: June 22, 2019, 12:25 pm
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We shall see....
Love ya, Jed.
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