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#Post#: 37507--------------------------------------------------
Further
By: guest1765 Date: March 14, 2019, 2:24 pm
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This past week, in the spaces between posts and emails, some
little personality facets I never really saw have been mirrored
back and right now the mind is a tad bit quieter.
I've been waiting for a real question to arise, the only one so
far has been to my self: Is it true I'm stuck?
It feels like anything I can put into words isn't true but I
have to start somewhere.
Judging by the nervousness in my gut and mind as I begin with
this little post it seems like I'm crawling forward just a
little tiny fraction of an inch.
I can't even know if I will go any further.
#Post#: 37516--------------------------------------------------
Re: Further
By: Jed McKenna Date: March 15, 2019, 5:53 am
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Hi there:
You can't even know if you will go any further. Understandable.
Maybe inquire where you would go to.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 37520--------------------------------------------------
Re: Further
By: guest1765 Date: March 15, 2019, 7:16 am
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Hi Jed,
(There was some blah, blah, blah that I deleted.)
Where is there to go to?
It's something about the funny pointlessness of moving around in
space or time whether it be internally or externally. Something
like just moving around in a dream. All the distractions are to
avoid something that teases the edges of my thinking mind.
It's like having amnesia. It's there, can't grasp it. Right
now it's laughing. Me is scratching her head, not laughing.
later: where am I?
it's been feeling a little like being in the cookie bakers
kitchen
later again: I can't think of a single reason not to go
further.
#Post#: 37527--------------------------------------------------
Re: Further
By: Jed McKenna Date: March 15, 2019, 10:16 pm
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Neither can I.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 37530--------------------------------------------------
Re: Further
By: guest1765 Date: March 16, 2019, 3:46 pm
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I did a little reverse engineering as I walked along the beach
and pretended there was no I:
"There is a form that has been called a body or person moving
with another small and furry form attached to what's called a
hand by what's called a leash. There is a surface under the
feet, not hard, not soft. To one side there is something making
sound and movement that is called water and something here knows
it has a certain sensation called wet. There are other forms
moving along, some smaller and more energetic and making sounds
that could be called excitement or fun. There isn't a sense of
danger or threat coming from the space or the other forms moving
in it. There is some commentary going on which seems to be
coming from, and listened to, by this body/person moving along."
After awhile something is sensed. A thought comes that
interprets it as something sensed before. A place and time is
attached to it. Then a another time and place when the same
sensation was realized to not be a memory but just what is,
without time or place. It is exquisite, gone as soon as it is
grasped at, but beckons one to find it, to go further, to wrap
oneself in it and just live there.
No so much later: Was that just Maya's siren song? Or is Maya
the questioning?
I appreciate your guidance so much Jed.
#Post#: 37535--------------------------------------------------
Re: Further
By: Jed McKenna Date: March 17, 2019, 2:11 am
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Time and space gone as soon as grasped at because they never
were.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 37537--------------------------------------------------
Re: Further
By: guest1765 Date: March 17, 2019, 9:32 am
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A little confused today and frustrated with crashing back into
my mundane me. But there was a fleeting moment of experiencing
this mundane state as actually being the altered state, like it
was unreal, fake but not fake at the same time.
I also had this sense that I was being pulled back by the herd,
the collective, and not just by my own personal garbage.
Ironic because I've spent a lot of time and energy this whole
life trying to fit into the herd. Now that I want out.....
Then I was in the past some of the day; in this nostalgic weird
state I don't like to get pulled into. Looking longingly at
certain times in the past and also at the times I've just blown
up my life over and over. Was it all destined or just me making
the same mistakes repeatedly? As in being insane.
I look back because to go forward is death. Both kinds. I would
rather "die before I die" though, I know that. Otherwise I will
have regrets.
I'm trying to pay better attention: to silence, to where
thought causes separation, and to space between thought.
Things feel a little strange but ok.
Thanks Jed.
p. s. Jed, I think you are sort of like a koan.
#Post#: 37541--------------------------------------------------
Re: Further
By: Jed McKenna Date: March 18, 2019, 4:13 am
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Speaking of Koans (or mantras) here is one for you. Ask yourself
''What arises after this question?'' Then watch, and ask again
and again. The minute a thought arises, go back to your
question. It's a little strange but you'll get the hang of it.
You are to be intensely aware of what is there just after the
question. Go for it and report back.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 37546--------------------------------------------------
Re: Further
By: guest1765 Date: March 18, 2019, 10:18 pm
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Well,
Like a living dissection of the mind.
At first there is a blank in the foreground and a commentary
about it in the background starts rising up like a loop or a
ticker tape---where does that come from? How many of "us" are
in here? The thoughts aren't mine. Just like an annoying tv in
the background. "me" is just this thought stream. So who is
asking the question?
There is a "blank", a dark space which becomes an intensely dark
spot hovering in front of the arising thoughts. Thought/feeling
like it is there, it will consume me--"now the cat is out of the
bag". I have a memory of reading Paul Brunton's account of
spending the night in the Great Pyramid and disappearing into a
tiny black hole. It sounded creepy, not sure about this.
When I open my eyes:
It's here, outside of my mind, seeing it with my 'mind's eye',
it becomes like a little slit or tear, like in a fabric, I can
look through, there is another layer under all of this.. It's
there for a while. I go outside take a walk, look at flowers,
this feels very good.
I feel like I would like to stay home all day and play with this
more, but have to go out for some hours.
Later in the day more time with it just seems exhausting.
Is the tiny black hole/slit thing my overactive imagination?
Should I keep doing this?
#Post#: 37549--------------------------------------------------
Re: Further
By: Jed McKenna Date: March 18, 2019, 10:55 pm
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It's all you imagination until it isn't... and you will know
when it isn't.
Just be with what is as best you can, and remember to breath.
Love ya, Jed
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