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#Post#: 37326--------------------------------------------------
3
DIR By: guest1768
Date: February 10, 2019, 7:58 pm
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Dear Jed,
10 or more years ago, I was a mess and almost broke, I stumbled
upon a guy on the internet who was asking people for money to
pay the 1000 usd rent for his beach condo in florida. I thought
that was really funny, so I donated the rest of my money. As a
response, he gave me a link to his thread on your old forum.
That's how I found you. At that time, everybody including myself
had lost all hope in me, but you told me I was close to truth.
Thank you for that.
5 years ago I was here with the infinity thread. I was at a
crossroads, it was either this or that path to the completion of
self destruction. You helped me enter no-mind, and off I was
again.
A week ago I started the torture thread, but it didn't appear
for days, so I deleted my account again. In the post, I do write
about actual people. I live in Cambodia, surrounded by hectars
of empty land owned by some rich folks who don't even live here,
while the locals have nothing. I'd like to buy all this land and
create an orphanage run by good souls I found here, and I teach
breathing and self-awareness. Or soccer and pingpong.
But the true torture is self-torture. I just suck at peace and
happiness. Yesterday i read your rant about beauty and
brilliance. Others go back to chopping wood. I go back to my
mind's diving expeditions. Sometimes I have to write things
down, and I think it's brilliant. Mind found a new depth, a new
territory, a new understanding. Then I delete the stuff. I don't
want to burden myself by carrying it with me. So basically day
and night, the mind is busy exploring, I am busy deleting. To
find peace, I self-medicate with weed and beer and chess. Which
is the other way to self destruction.
So I am at the same crossroads again. Only without the drama. I
just wonder what it's going to be. Maybe I use your forum as my
rehab center and learn to stabilize no-mind bliss. Or life comes
to its senses and dissolves this body-mind and thereby me as its
witness.
Thanks and love, Moron
#Post#: 37327--------------------------------------------------
Re: 3
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: February 10, 2019, 11:00 pm
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Hi Moron:
Thanks for sharing a piece of your world. Write here all you
want. If I sense I can assist, I will... or at least, I'll try.
Love ya, Jed
#Post#: 37328--------------------------------------------------
Re: 3
DIR By: guest1768
Date: February 11, 2019, 1:25 am
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All good. I could make up questions, problems, stories, so we
can pretend to have a dialogue, but for what. Maybe just a
little need for attention and love. Or maybe I just wanted to
say hi. And to thank you for coming from a different angle than
for example Nis and Ramana - having this optimism, love of life,
silliness, curiosity, creative impulse, whatever you call it. I
always admired that in you and I think that it is a much
overlooked achievement and teaching of yours independent of TR.
Blah blah blah. Cheers and love, Moron
#Post#: 37332--------------------------------------------------
Re: 3
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: February 12, 2019, 5:40 am
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From what I am getting here... you are far from a moron.
Cheers. :o :o :o
#Post#: 37350--------------------------------------------------
Re: 3
DIR By: moron4
Date: February 16, 2019, 6:12 pm
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Dear Jed,
I am like all those Asian "Up to you" girls who have been raised
as family slaves an thus never developed a proper sense of self,
of their own needs and wants. In my case, it was a childhood of
constantly trying to rescue my depressed mother. Rescuing her
meant rescuing myself. I may not have survived without her.
The pattern became Maya's main leash for me. I was so used to
self neglection that I wasn't even able to feel anger. Let alone
to develop healthy boundaries. All my intimate and other
relationships revolved around it. I became an MD, a healer,
author - and of course, spriritual teacher. Whereas I was
utterly controlled by Maya. Pretty embarrassing, but what can
you do. I was that moron.
Whenever I threatened to break free, all Maya had to do was to
dress up as a being in misery - and back I was in rescue mode.
Needless to say I never rescued anyone, since there was no-one
to rescue. I just locked myself in for good.
It is impossible to say what I want now. All my wanting so far
has been reacting. I preferred my hermitage, but that was due to
the pressure of the leash. Who am I without the leash, what kind
of life do I want to live? I have no clue. All I know is that I
see Maya all around, in everyone and everything. And that I am
all alone - while even aloneness is illusion.
End of story. Thanks for everything. Or rather nothing.
Love, Moron
#Post#: 37352--------------------------------------------------
Re: 3
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: February 17, 2019, 3:33 am
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Please write me at cambodianashram@gmail.com. I'd like to
communicate a little more privately with you.
But, only if you feel like it.
And, I understand what you are speaking of.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 37398--------------------------------------------------
Re: 3
DIR By: guest1772
Date: February 26, 2019, 10:37 pm
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Dear Jed,
I am dying, and I am in a fantastic state. Last stage cancer is
just perfect for me. Unlike you, I really needed this
preparation time. I almost died a week ago, and I entered the
bardo and learned to instantly dissolve whatever arises. It is
all just a ridiculous carnival with no substance whatsoever.
Speaking of substance, dying has freed me from all cravings, so
I detoxed in no time. Even hunger is gone, and I just enjoy
staying home, indifferent to whatever arises. I also made peace
with my family and said bye. And while they always thought that
I was mentally ill, there is now an opening and strong pull
within taking place in some members which is nice to see.
It was some years ago that the choice arose within in all
clarity. Either a major shift of this nightmare of a dreamworld
- or I want out. So I am very much at peace with leaving this
unreality. By now I am done with the preparations, and all the
luggage is packed and burnt. It's as if I had just come here to
take care of a part of me which was stuck here for aeons, and to
show this part its way home. I can't thank myself enough for
inventing you on the way, it was key for his return. Just
another story, but a good one you have to admit.
That's all. Focker out. Bye
#Post#: 37410--------------------------------------------------
Re: 3
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: March 2, 2019, 12:58 am
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Roger that, and of course, I die with you. Pleasant dreams...
over and out.
Love ya, Jed.
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