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#Post#: 36580--------------------------------------------------
Newbie Introduction
DIR By: Vania
Date: December 18, 2018, 12:29 am
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Hi All,
Ive recently had a breakdown/breakthrough call it what you will
[I still am and most likely will continue for a few more years,
hopefully less but we shall see and who really cares anyway] and
Jed's books have been glued to my eyeballs all the way through
... maybe that's the problem haha! I have so much gratitude for
"Damndest, Incorrect and Warfare" - these books have been my
savior and helped put into simple English what Ive known from
the day I was born but only now "get"with such certainty and
clarity. I was so elated when I cracked but that quickly passed
as I began to realise that in fact I had only just begun ...
soooooooooo much more work to do. Work that would involve me
actually THINKING, not meditating or sound healing or ecstatic
dancing ... actually focusing and doing THE WORK.
And so I have begun, today in fact, with my autolysis - after
Googling what it meant I somehow found myself here - of course I
did, thank you cosmic consciousness, again :)
I have 3 x children, 2 years, 9 years, 5 years and a beautiful
partner (or do i??). I have assumed that Jed, you are single?
Your books never spoke of partners or children. I still don't
know how I can go through this process and be DONE with or
without them, it scares me, im afraid. But I know I must do it
anyway. I trust and I surrender to the process of further and if
not I will just simply do my best.
Below is my first "Spiritual Autolysis:, they are flying at me
thick and fast every day too fast for me to write them all so I
shall begin where I begin and continue from there until it is
done.
God created the world. There is a God.
Assumption: That God exists. That the world exists. What is God?
A mind construct built on belief. What is the mind? Thought
sensations. What is belief? An acceptance that a something is
true or that something exists. What is something? A mental
construct. Holograms. Projections. Perceptions … all of the
mind.
It blows me away to think that I was raised on these beliefs
along with trillions of others. That we all just believed what
we read from a book called the Bible and all decided to take it
on board as true for ourselves. I think about the hours and
hours as a young child, as young as five years old having to do
weekly agonizingly, boring bible study with my parents and then
prepare a talk to present to our local congregation – I was 5
years old!!! I remember my Dad being so chuffed at how “young” I
was, one of the “youngest” I do believe to ever stand up and
give a speech on chapters from the Bible in our congregation. So
much ewwwww ego and clapping and everyone saying how great I was
… did I mention I was only 5 YEARS OLD. From such a young age I
was groomed to spew out more of this “knowledge” and “encourage”
other lost sheep to find their way to Gods truth. It sounds so
insane as I write it and then there’s the witnessing and the
doorknocking and selling our literature … none of it is true!!!
None of it. There is no God, no Jesus, no heaven, no hell – well
there is the Dreamstate. Haha! There is no 144,000, no angels,
no demons, no true prophecyyyyyyy just a heap of lies sold as
“faith” that we all so gullibly bought in to. But even as a
young girl I knew that something was not quite right – the
conditioning – looking at the back of all of the heads in church
all lined up like cattle for the slaughter or the draining … the
draining of our pockets as we were read out the amount of the
“donations” received for that week and reminded to make our
donations again this week.
I remember the terror I had of doing anything wrong … well
actually of being “caught” doing anything wrong [haha] because
of the wrath that would mean from the congregation. I wasn’t
scared as such of God, I got that he was way too above all of
this to even consider punishing little old me but the
congregation, the other “faithful” … now that was terrifying.
That if I didn’t “fit in”, wear the “right” clothes, show up to
the meetings, go witnessing – Id be viewed as less than worthy.
And then if I did anything remotely fun like head out on the
town with the girls, have a few drinks, kiss a boy … fuck then
Id suffer the punishment of being disfellowshipped and
excommunicated from the only community I had ever known. It
sounds so crazy putting it all out on paper now but that is
exactly what it is – PURE, FUCKING MADNESS … and my mum, my dad
dragged my brothers and I there 3 x per week!!! Never mind how
did I get sold on that … how the hell did I make it out!!! Hell
yes, go me!!!
#Post#: 36582--------------------------------------------------
Re: Newbie Introduction
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: December 18, 2018, 7:55 am
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Dear Vania:
Thank you for you email and an outline of how you escaped...
even though I don't know you I feel proud of you.
You didn't ask any specific question but will offer a few
things.
I suggest you browse as much of the forum as you can, you might
enjoy my rants. Regarding S/A, You started with ''God created
the world, there is a God'' Now you must stop at that assertion
and ask ''is that true?". Is there really a God? Did he/she
really create the world? Keep at it until you think you are
going to go nuts... well, you are coming nuts and I give you
credit for that. So, what are you answers to my questions. ..
and for every answer you ask, ''Is that true''. If you say
something like, ''it must be true'' as, ''Is that true, must
there be a God''. Even if you say ''I don't know'' ask is that
true?" Is it true that there is an I who could know.
Another point is, I am pretty busy with students, courses I
give, emails, the forum.. and just enjoying life. So, I have a
rule, keep you posts to 200 words.
Write me anytime and I will do my best to assist/point.
Love ya, Jed
#Post#: 36603--------------------------------------------------
Re: Newbie Introduction
DIR By: Vania
Date: December 19, 2018, 7:43 pm
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Dear Jed,
Thankyou so much for replying and SA pointers - very much
appreciated.
In Ch 26 of “Warfare” you are describing life in the T/R state.
“I am happy, content, usually either amused or cheerfully
engaged …”. I drifted off to sleep last night wondering how
this could be. I find myself annoyed and intolerant of mostly
everyone I come into contact with either in real life or on
social media. I feel lonely and not-unpleasantly despondent …
definitely not amused or cheerful.
And then this morning I awoke to a FaceBook status update of a
“friend” of mine that was word for word almost verbatim of what
another of our “successful” friends posts every day. Words like
coding, templates, vibrations, synchronicity, womens,
empowerment, coach. You get my drift.
And for the first time in 2 months I SMILED. It AMUSED me.
“There you are Maya, I see you. Gosh you are divine perfection.
You are incredible. Have a great day.”
My question is, should I change my FaceBook bio to, “When you
are ready to eat yourself alive, I will hand you the knife and
fork”.
Right or not right?
#Post#: 36604--------------------------------------------------
Re: Newbie Introduction
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: December 19, 2018, 10:34 pm
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Sounds like you are making success on the pathless path to a
selfless self.
Stick with it.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 36618--------------------------------------------------
Re: Newbie Introduction
DIR By: Vania
Date: December 20, 2018, 10:00 pm
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Is everyone who is experiencing a "nervous breakdown" actually
on the path to T/R?
My question is above, don't read what is below I just typed it
all out before I could actually make sense of what my question
is.
This morning it dawned on me that I was most likely experiencing
what people commonly referred to as a nervous breakdown. That I
was in fact breaking down, breaking myself from the inside out,
cracking “it” off piece by piece. I did my autolysis and
"nervous breakdown" is not true.
Humans can get trapped at this forever. They turn to Doctors or
Physcs, get medicated to stay in the exact same place. More
shields to stop the one thing they need even actually having a
chance to be acknowledged and move through … further.
I don’t think anyone has ever felt so happy to be having a
nervous breakdown … well maybe a few other T/R souls. I even
feel happier in the thought that possibly everyone who is
“suffering” from a nervous breakdown and the suicidal thoughts,
depression, anxiety that goes along with this condition are
actually on the precipice of something extraordinary, something
that all wish for but never attain because they're too busy
putting up shields to stop the one thing they want the most.
I went to the gym today with two ladies I know both in their
late 50's, well I should say I knew them. Yesterday I knew them,
today I really KNOW them. They are both experiencing “nervous
breakdowns”, varying stages of awakening … both up and left
their families and came away to live by themselves. To give
themselves the time and space to do their work. I smile. They
ask me to take them to the gym this morning and show them some
exercises because they are feeling weak and stiff. I smile
again.
Yes of course I can, even though I really don’t feel like, after
all I am having a nervous breakdown. Haha. We all go together
and I show them some moves and techniques to build their
strength and flexibility – we all leave the gym with flushed and
sweaty faces and big smiles on our dials. Maybe just maybe I do
have something to offer other awakening people should the
universe agree. 
#Post#: 36620--------------------------------------------------
Re: Newbie Introduction
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: December 21, 2018, 1:20 am
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Maybe you do, maybe you don't. I preach constructive
selfishness. Take care of you first, otherwise you will have zip
to share with anyone.
Love ya, Jed
#Post#: 36629--------------------------------------------------
Re: Newbie Introduction
DIR By: Vania
Date: December 22, 2018, 3:14 am
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As I sat at lunch today I had the sudden realisation that
actually NOTHING is real, that EVERYTHING is a dream. Everything
is MY DREAM. That I am conjuring up all of this, everything. I
found myself staring intently at the bricks on the wall, seeing
little dents and smears Id never seen before and looking at my
children with a new perspective and curiosity. I am so grateful
to have this space to write in and to speak with you about my
experiences because no doubt in the “reality” I’ve created for
myself I would most likely be committed to a mental institution
or at the very least my husband would guard me 24/7. This is why
you tell us not to share our journey with other people and why
you say we only need ourselves, that we are more than enough.
Why am I even writing this to you? Haha. You’re not real, I have
made you too. Go me, thankyou me.
The way to awaken from my dream fully is to see the layers of my
dream, not just the bad like Ive always believed but probably
even more importantly, the “good” for what they are until there
is nothing left. No-self.
Am I going crazy?
#Post#: 36632--------------------------------------------------
Re: Newbie Introduction
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: December 22, 2018, 8:02 am
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You are going sane in an insane world, expect kickback, forgive
everyone, why not, they aren't even there.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 36637--------------------------------------------------
Re: Newbie Introduction
DIR By: Vania
Date: December 22, 2018, 9:16 pm
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Its the oddest feeling to know you're asleep and yet feel so
awake. Riding around on my scooter seeing everything with new
eyes and thinking "Fuck, I have been soooooo busy." So busy
creating my "reality".
My daughter bugs the crap out of me because she is always asking
for something, always speaking, always wanting something - today
i looked at her and thought, "that is me", well at least, a part
of me. A part of me that wants seeing. Understanding now that
everything is a mirror shining a spotlight on what I need to
unknow next. Gratitude. Forgiveness. I didnt know any better.
Facing the things that ive labelled negatively is proving easy
enough but as I turn to face the things I love ... its harder. I
just want to vomit and hide away ... or shop.
I "know" love is fear based because Ive read it in your books
and I kinda get it but I dont really. Help please.
#Post#: 36639--------------------------------------------------
Re: Newbie Introduction
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: December 23, 2018, 1:23 am
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HTML https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KAHXVfqpm0I
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