DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
INVISIBLE GURU FORUM
HTML https://jedmckenna.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Member Posts
*****************************************************
#Post#: 33938--------------------------------------------------
It is starting
DIR By: BreakingOut
Date: February 4, 2018, 1:38 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Hello,
I just finished reading the 3 books and found this forum. I am
really happy that it exists, that there is a place where madmen
like us can share their findings. Thank you Jed for the books
and for this forum.
So, reading the books, I was wondering - do I want to find out
the truth, actually? Do I want to start the process if it feels
like slicing your own flesh, piece by piece, with all of the
pain going through it? Why would anyone want to do that?
But it seems that I just can't let it go and return to the
ignorant life. To forget all of this and pretend to be a person.
I want to know what actually exists, or doesn't exist. Even if
the price is everything. It's not that my life is
bad...actually, it is really nice. Really a happy dream. I have
a good job, good relationship with friends and family, love
nature, animals. It is all good and I enjoy it. But I know that
there is something more. I want to find out. I want to know, for
the sake of the discovery itself. Is that good enough
motivation? Intellectual curiosity? On one place in the book Jed
you say that nobody would do it if they are not in a real pain
in this human-form. That they just wouldn't be motivated enough
to get through. But to me it seems like the most interesting
thing you can do in life. The real adventure! I don't know what
would I rather spend my life on if not on finding out the truth.
That is why I decided to start doing spiritual autolysis, and
what's the better place to do it then this.
So, thank you so much for this opportunity.
Love
#Post#: 33941--------------------------------------------------
Re: It is starting
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: February 5, 2018, 1:40 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Thank you for your post. Sounds like you are pretty sensible. I
suggest you just continues gently with your S/A. Becoming a
human adult (H/A) is an excellent thing to do first. You can
expect plenty of push-back from those around you as you move
forward. I highly suggest you keep you journey to
yourself...(trust me on that one).
Write here anytime.
Love ya, Jed
#Post#: 33945--------------------------------------------------
Re: It is starting
DIR By: BreakingOut
Date: February 5, 2018, 10:53 am
---------------------------------------------------------
It is kind of surreal getting an answer from THE Jed! Too bad I
can't say it to anyone! :D :)
I actually have many friends that are also in the search for the
Truth. Some more, some less seriously. One of them actually
pointed me to your books. Would it be ok to discuss my process
at least with that person, what do you think?
It is hard to go through all of this without commenting it with
someone. But I can understand why it could be best to keep it
for yourself. I tried to tell about it to some people and got
pretty wierd looks so far... they do not find it so fascinating
as I do, to say at least.
Anyhow, it means so much that I can communicate with you. Thank
you so much for this.
Love
#Post#: 33948--------------------------------------------------
Re: It is starting
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: February 6, 2018, 12:04 am
---------------------------------------------------------
You raise a very important point... and I am going to come on
pretty strong. The desire to discuss ''spiritual'' issues with
other seekers is totally, 100 percent driven by Maya/ego. It is
counter productive in the extreme. It's certainly human nature
to want to talk about you interests, but trust me on this
one..... shut up! The energy that urges you to talk is best
spent in contemplation and S/A.
I never discuss such issues with those around me... only with my
students and forum members.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 33950--------------------------------------------------
Re: It is starting
DIR By: BreakingOut
Date: February 6, 2018, 2:52 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Dear Diary,
Mr. McKenna said it would be best to shut up about the process
so I guess that is a way to go if I want to find out. It is
logical after all. It does posses a huge energy, the thought
process that I have the urge to share to other "seekers" (from
which many of them aren't real seekers, and I know it). And I
feel that that energy gets released after talking. So, what
would it mean to have all that energy channeled back into the
real thing?
The thing is, maybe I am afraid to go so fast. Actually, I am
afraid. I am afraid of many things, even though I always said
that I despise fear...that I fear only the fear itself. But fear
is also a cunning little thing. It lurks from the inside of the
psyche and stopps us from going further.
But the fact is, I want to become empty. I don't know exactley
why; especially after reading other people experiences of that
emptyness. Many say it is not a thing you could wish for... it
is not so motivating after all. But it does sound so LIGHT. You
have no mass. No threads that are twisted inside you... You just
cut all of this crap that anyway IS NOT YOU. So you become
nobody, you just - go with the flow, should I say? Flow with the
river, and not against it. Cause you don't have "you" to go
against anything. This is how I imagine it.... you just feel the
breeze. You are it. You hear the drums playing. You become that
sound in that moment. You jump into the water and become one
with it. Feel it in a way that no self could ever feel it. And
you go like that through life, with no future, no past, just
that reality that is around you in that exact moment. And THIS
sound so attractive to me. That is why I want to go further even
if it means slicing my own flesh. Maybe I have a romanticised
view? I don't know, the point is that this life where I am a
person is really becoming a drag. Too many things to worry
about.
So what do I worry about? I will now list all the things that I
can remember that I fear. To become super aware of them and to
see them clearly when they block my road. At least those that
are seen by the psyche eye for now:
I fear that my Mum is going to be sad if I go mad.
I fear that I will be lonley if I figure out that I am alone in
this world.
I fear that the world will lose its meaning if I see it for what
it is.
I fear that I will not be so happy with all of that.
I fear that I will become unmotivated to do my work if I find
out what really is. I fear that I will not be so eager to help
other people if I understood that they are all projections of my
mind.
I fear taking stronger dose of psychedelics. Probably for the
same reasons. I feel like a good psychonaut but that is not
true. The thruth is that I actually always played it safe and
didn't go beyond my limits. Maybe I shuld push that limits
because in this way, this is where I get after all.
I fear that I may not be able to find a partner that suits me if
I go so far. I see already that I am getting so different from
people even now, when I just understand it conceptually. I feel
less and less motivation to hang out with people. I just can't
talk to them about anything that interests me. I can just listen
to them talking, but what is the point? All that I get is their
opinions, .... the opinions of ther masks. They don't even know
themselves and they are talking and thinking it's something of a
value. It is not. I can't see that value anymore.
If I don't get my partner, I fear that I won't have any babies
in this life. That would be a shame. I always felt like I would
be a good mama. I would like to produce a little human being and
teach him/her something about the world. I think it would be a
pretty cute endeavour. But again, I fear I could not do it if I
become nobody? How can you be a mum and a nobody? Can you love
your child when you are like this, like Julie was asking
herself?
It is a good thing that I don't have a family of my own so far.
I am actually pretty free from obligations. I don't have to cut
all that, because I have nothing to cut. I have a clean start
and am pretty young still. I have all life in front of me to do
anything I want. I can become empty, or I can fill my life
with...life of a person.
What do I choose?
(PS for Jed: sorry for exceeding the daily limit of words. This
is my first time really autolysing myself so I had the urge to
write it a little more thoroughly)
(PPS: I so love having you here on this forum. It is
exhilarating, really. I don't think I would actually start with
the autolysis thing if I hadn't found it. But I guess the
Universe wants me to go quicker then I(?) want it. So.... thank
you, thank you, thank you!)
#Post#: 33960--------------------------------------------------
Re: It is starting
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: February 7, 2018, 1:11 am
---------------------------------------------------------
You are fearing all the wrong things...
Fear losing your history (never was yours anyways), fear letting
go of all you wants and desires (the source of suffering
according to Buddha), fear receiving this illusory universe in
whole (makes the dream more fun) fear having others love you and
want to do things for you... or maybe fear losing all your
fears....
Nah.. I'm just messing with you. Keep your fear, embrace it,
feed it it, encourage it and always remember, the way OUT is
THROUGH.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 33973--------------------------------------------------
Re: It is starting
DIR By: BreakingOut
Date: February 7, 2018, 1:17 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
It is stupid, what I wrote.
Loneliness will be a hard thing to go through.
And this life, where I can not talk to anybody about my
experiences, will be lonley, even if I am surrounded with
people. That will be a hard thing for me to embrace.
It is a little embarassing to have the whole writing process
shown up like this. I should write it somewhere else and put
here only the conclusions, not to bother you.
That is also something I need to think
about.......................
#Post#: 33975--------------------------------------------------
Re: It is starting
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: February 7, 2018, 11:09 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Thank you for the kind words... and I have definitely softened
in the past years. Even get a touch of sentimentality from time
to time. Tear up rather easily but enjoy it when it happens.
The pain that comes with loneliness is caused by the fact that
it's only a thought, and a fear based on at that. But how can
you really be lonely when everything is you. You are
everywhere.... sans the stories things are more real and yes,
clearly a dream as well.... go figure.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 33994--------------------------------------------------
Re: It is starting
DIR By: BreakingOut
Date: February 8, 2018, 5:04 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Hey Jed,
I love to hear that you get sentimental and tear up, and enjoy
too! Happy for you, but also for all us that aspire to the
abiding non-dual awareness... it's good to hear that you are in
touch with emotions in a no-self state. Not sure how is that
possible but am happy to be in a process of finding that out for
myself.
I was thinking a lot these days about - myself actually. All
this ego-bundle. Seems that I can't really get on to metaphysics
questions when I have the mess that I am in front of myself. I
feel like I should deal with all of that first...maybe through
that come to something deeper. Seems that I can't avoid this
part... shadow self and all of that...
what I found out... I noticed that I started to have these
feelings of undeserving. Like I am not enough to be on this
forum, to chase these matters. Like I don't deserve to find out
the Truth. I started having thoughts like, that You are going to
think that I am stupid and tell me I should leave the forum. I
had these feelings before, many times, just I wasn't so aware of
them before - they were just doing their job secretevly, like
some toxic substance that was poisoning my relationships and
myself. It is a rather awful feeling. I was masking it before by
becoming narcissistic and perfectionist, always demanded the
best from myself. That was my defence mechanism so I can deal
with this terrible feeling of inadequacy. I really don't love
myself, that is a rather sad discovery. But an important one.
That is my demon...
I am kinda a little bit in love with you momentarily, to be
frank. Like a celebrity crush, maybe... can't even comprehend
that I can talk to you like this. It is precious. It is probably
why I get all these feelings. I know it is silly and infantile,
but it is like that in the moment. Sucking the finger showing to
the Moon... but I know it will pass.
Sorry for the psychoanalysis here... I think I needed it. Hope
to get to some matters of deeper meaning soon and not be so
preoccupied by the self that doesn't exist... hope to get over
myself soon enough!
Will be really dissapointed if you kick me out from the forum
you know ... :D
Love ya!!
#Post#: 33995--------------------------------------------------
Re: It is starting
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: February 9, 2018, 1:49 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Wouldn't dream of kicking you out. Sounds like you are dedicated
to your own journey with a little puppy-love thrown in ... all
good, but keep coming back to all you have, that apparent
''you'' what has been dreamed into a quasi-existence.
Love ya, Jed.
*****************************************************
Page 1 of 15
DIR Next Page