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#Post#: 33512--------------------------------------------------
Re: When you say T/R is a kind of cellular knowing...
By: guest1170 Date: January 2, 2018, 4:26 pm
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I'm still meditating, doing self-inquiry and that practice of
dying... If there's something I can't lose is the momentum born
from practice that I've built up to now.
Regarding what you said: my entire life I felt like something is
missing, I don't know what, though. THAT thing may be what is
holding me on. Better yet: that thing makes my mind hold on into
it.
[list]
[li]Maybe that thing is a relationship; for this is why I've
been working so hard into improving myself;[/li]
[li]Maybe that thing is money[hedonistic lifestyle]; that's why
I desire it so much and make plans to get it;[/li]
[li]Maybe that thing doesn't even exist on this world; this is
why I've been meditating so much lately - Because it may give me
access to other planes;[/li]
[li]Maybe that thing exists after death; this is why I consider
suicide;[/li]
[li]Maybe the feeling that something is missing in your life
goes away when you become aware that life is a dream; this is
why I'm even on this busineses of enlightenment;[/li]
[li]Maybe the act of feeling that something is missing in your
own life is insanity; this is why I seek sanity - So that I can
see the truth of my silly way of thinking and move on with
life;[/li]
[li]Maybe the act of feeling that something is missing in your
own life doesn't categorize insanity; thus, bound to be sane and
unable to dismiss that feeling as insanity and moving on with
life, while not being able become free of that feeling throught
other means, suicide and the idea of non-existence(no existence
= no suffering) becomes seducing[/li]
[li]Maybe the act of feeling that something is missing in your
own life is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain; This is
why I consider taking medication one day if all else fails.[/li]
[/list]
And the list goes...
#Post#: 33515--------------------------------------------------
Re: When you say T/R is a kind of cellular knowing...
By: Jed McKenna Date: January 2, 2018, 10:38 pm
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Thanks for sharing... your ''list''.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 33521--------------------------------------------------
Re: When you say T/R is a kind of cellular knowing...
By: guest1170 Date: January 3, 2018, 3:26 pm
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Actually, the sense that something is missing is essential to
this human game. If a chess player didn't have the desire to see
the opponent's king dead, then why would he make a move? This
world was created to be a battleground; this world is fertile
soil for evil and sadness - It's meant to be so.
#Post#: 33522--------------------------------------------------
Re: When you say T/R is a kind of cellular knowing...
By: guest1170 Date: January 3, 2018, 8:23 pm
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Now upping daily meditation time to 2 hours, btw.
#Post#: 33524--------------------------------------------------
Re: When you say T/R is a kind of cellular knowing...
By: Jed McKenna Date: January 3, 2018, 9:19 pm
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You body is in a constant state of battle between cells and
colonies, etc. Started at birth. No wonder humans like wars.
Love ya, Jed
#Post#: 33528--------------------------------------------------
Re: When you say T/R is a kind of cellular knowing...
By: guest1170 Date: January 4, 2018, 6:48 am
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I'm starting to experience feelings that I haven't felt in some
years. Those are feelings that have been buried by years and
years of depression, feelings that I even forgot they could
exist. Those feelings don't cause me to become blissful... they
just have a good taste.
Anyways, this kind of thing would be incomprehensible to my past
self of a week ago; there are probrably many, many others mental
states that if someone described one of them to me, I would also
think of it as an absurd impossibility.
#Post#: 33529--------------------------------------------------
Re: When you say T/R is a kind of cellular knowing...
By: Jed McKenna Date: January 4, 2018, 8:14 am
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Remember, go right through the middle of all feelings.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 33531--------------------------------------------------
Re: When you say T/R is a kind of cellular knowing...
By: guest1170 Date: January 4, 2018, 7:32 pm
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Exercises, yoga, meditation every single day and now nofap...
It's all starting to pay off: depression is starting to go away;
panic has decreased; less afraid of people; starting to get
motivated to do things; some time ago I suffered from brain fog
and now my brain feels like a perfect unclogged pump of refined
vital energy.
The thing that bother me the most is how much time I wasted. Did
I gain something from 5 years of depression? Was all of it pure
wasted time?
#Post#: 33533--------------------------------------------------
Re: When you say T/R is a kind of cellular knowing...
By: Jed McKenna Date: January 5, 2018, 1:37 am
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I can't tell you if it was all a waste of hands, but reflecting
back on it certain is a waste of time.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 33540--------------------------------------------------
Re: When you say T/R is a kind of cellular knowing...
By: guest1170 Date: January 5, 2018, 12:08 pm
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Had a brief charge of love during medtation; so good, it feels
like winning at life; it feels like being being loved back by
the girl you have a crush on. Went to sleep blissfully after
that and dreamed of meeting Nisargadatta Maharaj(I don't
remember what he said though). Anyways, love is distracting:
What matters is to mantain a unified mind during the sitting and
be aware of the actions of the skandhas.
There's no need for posting here anymore; I've received enough
pointing already...
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