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#Post#: 32136--------------------------------------------------
Personal will and desire
DIR By: no one
Date: October 9, 2017, 1:44 pm
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There's a vague feeling of frustration and confusion lurking in
this body/mind, and I'm doing a very good job at keeping it at
bay. It comes from a desire to decrease--significantly, the time
spent on reading 'spiritual' books (only thing I read),
watching/listening to videos of awakened beings, and other time
wasted almost daily. I am aware that, anymore, I engage in the
above mentioned activities to avoid sitting with 'me.' To avoid
facing truths and Truth. There is 'a part' of me that wants to
grow up and face the fear...take responsibility for my 'self.'
But to the best of my recollection, it's been over a year that I
continue to watch myself 'make the choice' to read a book, watch
a video, etc. rather than sit and look inward, at what/who is
angry, embarrassed, noticing thoughts, etc. It seems to be a
conscious choice. I can hear my mind rationalize that, "it's a
spiritual book/video," like that makes it ok to continue acting
like an irresponsible child. Ok, having some compassion for
myself, I'm a normal human with lots of fear; I mean how much
fun is it to learn that there is no God taking care of
everything, most of all Me!.....that there is no me....that
every single thing that I have ever thought, seen, heard, felt,
perceived in any way at all has been a lie..wrong. A very tough
thing for this ego because it has prided itself on being right
most of the time. ;)
I have no idea where the desire for Truth comes from, (other
than I don't like suffering, or Truth itself), anymore than I
know why I like certain foods, music, my "chosen" career, etc; I
can't take any 'credit' for that stuff. Is it just fear that's
blocking the choice to stop spending so much time reading,
watching videos, etc.? I can't make myself do anything. When
things change within, and sometimes that shows externally, it's
not because I changed them, something just lets go, something
just shifts, but I don't do it. I'm rambling now. Can anyone
relate?
I know I still have more unconscious beliefs, but do I have to
uncover each one, one by one before I can realize my True
Nature? ......the 'voice' in my head just said, "patience,
grasshopper, patience." Sigh
#Post#: 32140--------------------------------------------------
Re: Personal will and desire
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 10, 2017, 1:11 am
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Hi No one:
Thanks for sharing. I didn't get any questions... just sounds
like you are complaining about yourself to your self. How well
does that work for you?
Love ya, Jed.
P.S. I suggest either do something about it or just shut-up....
or wait!!! DO BOTH.
#Post#: 32148--------------------------------------------------
Re: Personal will and desire
DIR By: no one
Date: October 10, 2017, 7:48 am
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Thank you for reading and responding to this post.
My question was, do I need to uncover each unconscious belief
one by one to realize my true nature, but that’s not a very
intelligent question.
Yep, definitely complaining about my self. One of the major
reasons I ‘tell on myself’ is the belief, and the experience,
that it helps to foster change; kind of like we are as sick as
our secrets.
Ok, great advice, “do something.” As complaining is Not working!
I vow to my Self, no videos for at least 3 weeks beginning
today. I feel I can do that. I need to experience success.
THANKS, Jed!!! I feel better already!!! It’s been difficult to
keep my word to myself in the past, no problem keeping them to
others, but hopefully that changes today.
#Post#: 32152--------------------------------------------------
Re: Personal will and desire
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 10, 2017, 11:30 am
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O.K. Don't let me down, Í'm watch... but not those videos.
HTML https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCtzkaL2t_Y
Well, that's a bit of a fib...
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 32160--------------------------------------------------
Re: Personal will and desire
DIR By: no one
Date: October 10, 2017, 5:26 pm
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Lol 😂 great song. I confess: I watched the entire video.
Made me smile and lol, and created a lighter feeling within.
gopher.createaforum.com:70 /forums/jedmckenna/p/1505:98: line too long