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#Post#: 2752--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stephan
DIR By: Stephan Caspers
Date: October 12, 2014, 5:06 pm
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Pixiedust
We all believe in fairy tales. Now ofcourse who dare I ask is
the believer? For I know not one can believe, yet everyone else
seem to have gallons of believes under their belt. Now why is
that? Who asked? Stephan. So this girl at the cafe is Merlinde.
Why the acceptance of names? She is me. I don’t have any
control. Life comes as it goes. Absorbing what is, no resisting.
I feel so tired, tired these days. How come? Who asked? Stephan?
I? parents called me stephan, but who am I? what can I say about
myself?
Come on stephan fire up the questions! Shoot the imaginary
bullets! Am I living? Memories what are they? Nothing. no one
lives. Clinging on to experiences that describes a personality.
Indicating that this Stephan is actually a collection of zero’s
and one’s. I am talking about data. Actual data. The ideas
implanted in these brains. Is that an answer? How do I know its
true? Who does the knowing? My god, who does that!? I have no
idea who is behind the curtains. What makes this living
worthwhile when it’s all a dream!? A massive ugly truth! Filthy
filthy FILTHY!!
Keep shooting boy! Titanic my life. Focus on that. Not others,
let them do their shït. My childhood, so I got a name. Why?
Cause even these people calling themself parents have names
labeled on their belts. Do they know who they are? Ive studies
this, ive worked there, im blablabla. No shut up! Why cant
anyone tell me straight on who they are!? Experiences, memories,
thats life!? WE ARE GLUE? PIXIEDUST? Who is we? Who does the
talking, its certainly not the costume. Its whats inside the
thing. Rip it apart, lets watch some gore to get a closer look.
Just when I searched for gore I stumbled upon a video taken shot
at a morgue. Dozens of bodies were shown on the floor. This
party must’ve been boring as hell! (lame pun had to make it!).
Empty lifeless costumes. Now I imagined I shotgunned my friends
and family. I see them on that same floor. No more talking, no
more sound they make. They are just what I imagined. Who cares
when they are gone? look at them! I interact my whole life with
these zombies and I myself am one of them. We talk about
personalities. We talk about a personal future. JUST LOOK AT
THEM!? death!? What where these fools thinking!? Poor souls all
end up the same. Their balloon (heart) popped.
Death is the key. Death vaporises all within the illusionary
reality. What are thoughts other than imaginary data?
Oh yeah whats true about these thoughts? And who may I ask dares
to say no? I am fooling myself cause living means being a fool.
What can perfection know more or less? It is infinite. Absolute.
Who does all the talking? Am i controlling any of it? this body?
Where do thoughts come from? Who makes them? Who invented
thoughts? Who listens to these thoughts? Who is aware of
thinking? What is thinking? Why can I only listen to some filthy
brains? Its making the ONLY FCKING noise in my head. Everything
else in my body is quiet. It doesnt speak. Doesnt grab the “
attention”.
Only the brains? Its not words that used to move us. Before we
developed the ability to speak, we relied on our feelings.
Babies cry when they get hungry. They dont know how to interact
other than expressing, and all cause there is a “need” of
survival. Hold your breath! At some point the pressure gets on
to breath again. What does the breathing? What clings on to this
living? It’s certainly not truth that can be killed, it’s fear.
Procastinating it’s fate that it shall at some point perish into
oblivion.
Is it air im breathing? Am i experiencing stress (eyes keep
blinking, tension around my nose)? Anxiety? I know patterns but
what are they? Expressions. When people talk about love its
cause they have “seen” patterns that represents love. An apple
isnt always round, or red. We can only focus on the outside.
Thats why opinions get born. Thats how reasons start to develop.
WE FCKING MAKE EVERYTHING MEAN”LESS”. Its perfect as it is.
Every costume, everything basically is just at its place. Let
life do its thing.
Further.
#Post#: 2784--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stephan
DIR By: Stephan Caspers
Date: October 13, 2014, 4:09 am
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No escape
Sleeping dream or this living I can’t outrun truth. The illusion
can be complex as Fck, truth remains the same. I woke up and
look into my room. Noticed that all the things around me are
just how it should be. No coincidence crap, it’s how it is. Go
further.
Why does the leaf fall from the tree? I have no idea but when it
does who cares!?
It landed on that same spot on the ground, the reason in why is
absolutely meaningless. The leaf is still there. Words tend to
disap”point”. We rely so much on language, words, communicating.
What can meaningless words say more about that leaf? What good
does talking about it do?
Just be a baby: Cry for attention! Come on cry! I want to hear
tears! Spank my own butt. Pull the attention. Contemplate to
what is. Big baby Stephan needs to change his diapers, can you
help Jed?
Further. :'(
(By the way love you too)
#Post#: 2861--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stephan
DIR By: Stephan Caspers
Date: October 14, 2014, 8:42 am
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Poolparty
Take that dive. It’s better than to rot at this boring place. We
are born linked with a deathwish. I do not care about dead or
life. I care about what is.
Walking on earth for no purpose. we call it reason to the things
we observe, the things we do. Observe as what is. Where does
that magic come from? Its not even magic. It simply is. How can
the illusion figure out what is? For me it’s writing stories to
unplug myself combined with a warm welcoming to what is.
I notice I write alot. Not short, but rather long stories
filtering illusional junk. It’s merely recycling. Distrust all
honesty. Trust nothing for that’s real. I know its meaningless!
I scream, I shout, I roar! To what extend must I shot the rabbit
over and over again? The rabbit is a disguise. I am punching
water, my reflection can be seen. It’s not just me, everything
is a reflection inside that water. I can punch it as many times
as I like, It’s still an oasis. The pool can get filthy thus
need the shít flushed out. We all start as a muddy pool. What
I’ve been doing is cleaning the mess. At time there is frost. It
may dry up. Underneath my pool lies a vulcano. My pool is
boiling hot water. Boiling hot water that erupts like vomiting.
I do not care about going back to my old living. What good does
truth give? I know it’s a made up believe as if truth can be
bottled up as a magic potion. Is it the YOU who wants that
potion? I want to live in a world without a you. It is all a
beautiful distraction to outrun death.
Silly me does nothing but finding a reason what T/R just brought
to me. What’s the point in falling asleep again? The rabbithole
is indeed endless. I wonder how life would be like if I could
climb up? The previous ladders have been burned up. Rocks are
falling down. There is no way up, only down. Enough craptalk,
DIVE IN!
Further.
#Post#: 2895--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stephan
DIR By: Stephan Caspers
Date: October 15, 2014, 4:21 am
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Boiling point
I held my breath just now. At some point after holding on so
long to that crap I have no choice but to let go. Sure I can be
stupidly bold and hold on till I collapse. I still let go
anyways. Death is a solution, but not THE solution. Same applies
to every sensation. It’s like holding my breath. Inhale the
dope, exhale out of the butthole.
Further.
#Post#: 2932--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stephan
DIR By: Stephan Caspers
Date: October 16, 2014, 3:51 am
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Law of the jungle
The reason why sharks attack in groups is because they can
outwin even bigger prey. A fish in my fishtank is about to be
eaten by a group of schoolfish. When I saw what was going on I
helped the little fish. But the school kept coming back to
slowly nibble on the weakened fish. I realised it’s pointless to
protect a fish 24/7 even if that was my first intention to do.
This is nature, the weak get eaten by the masses.
Life ain’t easy at all. it’s either we get eaten by the sharks
or join their sleepwalking crew. It’s foolish to think that
sharks are always harmless, cause when you’re wounded they show
no mercy at all, even if it’s their own kind.
I know I swim with sharks, these loved ones in my life swim the
closed. No matter where I swim there is always a shark lurking
around. I myself wear the same costume but I ain’t interested in
their game. Strong (Drug: M.A.Y.A :o) as a group, feared as the
individual wanting to find the truth (whatever the hell it’s
seeking).
This is no childsgame. I hang around with my dog more often
knowing he is T/R. Absolutely nobody in my environment is even
the slightest aware of what is. None of my business! Only the
strong prevail, such is the law of the jungle.
Further.
#Post#: 2941--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stephan
DIR By: Stephan Caspers
Date: October 16, 2014, 10:48 am
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Lost in the middle of nowhere
Took my dog out for a walk, pleasant weather I must say and yet
still summerish halfway October. Anyways, whilst walking I
looked at a tree. There was a "Have you found my missing cat"
sign on it. Me thinking: hmm... is the cat really lost or did it
perhaps grew tired being treated as a self fulfilling object? I
think it found it's freedom actually, letting go. The previous
owners definitely can't let go. The cat is out going nowhere
it's never lost at all nor did it existed. Perhaps these
ex-petowners didn't wanna lose their precious babytoy?
Further.
#Post#: 2969--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stephan
DIR By: Stephan Caspers
Date: October 17, 2014, 5:02 am
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Is education really THAT worthwhile to us?
It's just a big waste of time. I noticed now that I am in Uni.
for some years all they do is turn you into an opinion machine.
Nothing is real. I got feedback on my unimportant presentation
that I was overexaggerating alot. I was just having fun acting
to be serious cause that's what they want, so I'll boost it up.
Frustrating at times being educated by all these sleepwalkers.
::)
Love you,
Stephan
#Post#: 3003--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stephan
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 18, 2014, 2:12 am
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You can only put up with it for so long, then you go Stockholm
Syndrome on us.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 3049--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stephan
DIR By: Stephan Caspers
Date: October 19, 2014, 4:50 pm
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What has life taught me? What will it ever teach me?
Reminds me that life is a tv commercial full of added bullshít.
Selling my very own products to myself. A pocketwatch thief
flashing his fancy jewerly till I notice it's all my own watches
he got. How dare he sell me nothing! How dare my loved ones love
me when they got nothing I care for!
Love you,
Stephan
#Post#: 3121--------------------------------------------------
Re: Stephan
DIR By: Stephan Caspers
Date: October 21, 2014, 4:20 pm
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This is blasphemy, this is madness!
I invite myself to a world where there is no such thing as space
or time. If I had a world of my own, everything would be
nonsense. Am I a shadow lurking within every object? Objects
unseen by these objectable eyes. My game here, this living, what
fun would it be? Pointing is so abnormally natural. Am i? Am i
everything? Am I awesome? Nothing cares for me. Nobody called me
sexy motha fcker!
I trust nothing. Everyone can shut up, sounds do not reach out
to what is. kill the bunny. No cute stuff remains. Give me a
wrench and ill break my kneecap. What is saying that? That…an
object. What triggers us to direct our attention to one thing
after the other? Absurd!
Further.
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