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       #Post#: 14745--------------------------------------------------
       Re: My Thread. Mine.
   DIR By: Jed McKenna
       Date: September 15, 2015, 2:01 am
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       Hi there.
       If fighting the illusion doesn't work for you, then love it too
       death. It can be done that way. Forget about being honest. It's
       not possible. You are using words which originated with
       Maya/ego. Humans are the people of the lie. Just get used to it
       and do the best you can to be Truthish.
       Love ya, Jed.
       #Post#: 16314--------------------------------------------------
       Re: My Thread. Mine.
   DIR By: aar24
       Date: November 19, 2015, 1:06 pm
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       Unlimited perspectives, some strategically chosen by nobody, a
       self-automated virus.
       At the moment, wrestling with the idea of control. Like it's
       obvious that the phenomena are totally out of control, but from
       the perspective of the virus. Attempts to rearrange the
       phenomena >>> having to reveal more code, according to its
       apparent algorithm.
       Some of the "code" coming up of late is sexual, stuff that's not
       socially acceptable and rests on the border of "Can I love
       that?" and "I' don't really wanna do that, right?" I tell myself
       that everybody must have shit like that going on underneath,
       that to sexually repress is human, because feeling like I'm the
       only one sucks. Thinking nobody would listen to the specifics
       without being paid, that I'd be likely to end up in a looney
       bin...
       And I know feel I'm just getting started.
       The other part is social, seeing how much fear is really at the
       wheel. Allowing that, or beating myself up, and allowing that. I
       see that needing any of that to change is the same problem.
       The love will come if it comes. There's glimpses, and then
       there's the rest of the ride.
       #Post#: 16325--------------------------------------------------
       Re: My Thread. Mine.
   DIR By: Jed McKenna
       Date: November 19, 2015, 9:12 pm
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       It's all a ride.
       Enjoy... Jed.
       #Post#: 16454--------------------------------------------------
       Re: My Thread. Mine.
   DIR By: aar24
       Date: November 24, 2015, 9:34 pm
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       Just re-read most of your second book. Not under any illusions
       that I'm doing anything but idly passing the time - regardless,
       was a fun reread.
       Been thinking about commitment to this process. The first thread
       of the delusion has been exposed, on the outer edge of blanket,
       keeping me warm and giving me a place to hide. Pulled it enough
       to see some stuff, and it seems I may be content with that. If
       I'm not meant to really get into this journey, so be it. Who
       cares? Zzz...
       I've seen enough to entertain doing what I actually want. To
       disobey. Forces undoubtedly push and pull without my say, yet on
       the surface I seem, if not freer, slightly more lucid about my
       makeup, about being pushed and pulled. If I get tired of that
       and wish to dissolve it, I'm glad I've had your books to
       reference, that I'll have a map, something that lets me know I'm
       undergoing a human thing. Simultaneously walking off the Earth
       and following an archetype. And, again, if not, zzz...
       #Post#: 16455--------------------------------------------------
       Re: My Thread. Mine.
   DIR By: aar24
       Date: November 24, 2015, 11:42 pm
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       Distractions vs inevitability in a no-holds barred cage match
       #Post#: 16457--------------------------------------------------
       Re: My Thread. Mine.
   DIR By: aar24
       Date: November 25, 2015, 12:06 am
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       The doctor prescribed an ounce-a-day for my insanity but I'm
       taking pills instead. Zzz...
       Dreaming about locations on a map, where do I fit? Zzz... Pills
       may be wearing off but I'm still comfortably numb. Not looking
       forward to spreading out the doses. Weed, laptop, sleep,
       reading, calling people, compulsive ruminating - eyes shut and
       writing here helplessly. I know you can't help me. I'm writing
       to myself. There's no kidding myself about self-perpetuating my
       own sleepwalking. Jailer and jailed.
       Zzz...
       Not expecting answers anymore. I can just write outward?
       Thinking it must be frustrating, writing a book about waking up
       and having people go OUTWARD? OUTWARD? OUTWARD? In limbo between
       not being serious about this waking up business and being less
       involved in dream circumstances. Plenty of time for
       distractions. Narcotization. Obvious why you said you don't do
       it unless you can't not. I feel like I'm not at round 1 yet,
       already throwing in the towel. Even if I did start, where would
       it go? Distraction or suicide.
       Zzz... Ain't gotta feel a thang. Reading this giving myself "too
       smart for your own good" vibes. Lalalalala
       #Post#: 16461--------------------------------------------------
       Re: My Thread. Mine.
   DIR By: Jed McKenna
       Date: November 25, 2015, 12:50 am
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       ;) ;) ;) ;D ;D ;D ;D ??? ??? ??? ::) ::) ::) ::)
       #Post#: 16469--------------------------------------------------
       Re: My Thread. Mine.
   DIR By: aar24
       Date: November 25, 2015, 1:06 am
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       Hey that wasn't what I was looking for, where's my advice? :'(
       #Post#: 16470--------------------------------------------------
       Re: My Thread. Mine.
   DIR By: Jed McKenna
       Date: November 25, 2015, 1:32 am
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       It all lies in between the lines...  erh..  faces.
       Love ya, Jed.
       #Post#: 22612--------------------------------------------------
       Re: My Thread. Mine.
   DIR By: aar24
       Date: July 10, 2016, 1:14 pm
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       Hey again,
       About to go off to a distant land with not much to do but chill
       out and be in the jungle. Equal parts beautiful and horrifying.
       Feel stuck at a place where it's obvious that the body isn't
       what it's seemed, nothing but an assumption about passing
       perceptions that I don't know the origin or substance of, and I
       can't seem to find what I am. Still feels like I haven't
       actually started, though I suspect I'm just on a slower
       pre-school plan right now (hope that I'll "actually start"
       embedded in the suspicion).
       The world doesn't seem as attractive - suspect I won't find
       happiness there. Girls and close friends/family - in a word,
       "people," - are the biggest draw. Guess I just float down the
       lazy river and actually look when/if I'm ready. Not sure if
       there's a way I could get things kick-started, and not sure if I
       would even if I could.
       Thanks for helping me recognize that I'm not really doing the
       thing, that I'm happily snoozing, even if I occasionally trick
       myself into thinking otherwise.
       Love you, too. As best I can.
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