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#Post#: 5742--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: BeAware
Date: December 3, 2014, 5:36 pm
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Okay back to work.
When I first started the thread I referred to my fear of being
put on the spot/public speaking etc I've been practising putting
myself in the different perspectives as you suggested and it's
helping.
I feel like something is loosening up though I can't place my
finger on exactly what is happening and lately I haven't been
put in a fearful social situation in order to judge progress
(partly because there's been no requirements to and partly
because I avoid putting myself into then voluntarily).
Anyway I've been doing some work and trying to uncover the
thoughts and beliefs that contribute to this fear. Basically it
comes down to the fact that I place importance on the opinions
of others and fear their potential judgements (well duh) . I
view their potential judgements of me as a potential devaluation
of my own self image.
How do I start hacking away at these ideas and beliefs that what
other people think is of some importance? I've heard that the
seeing of one's attachments IS the dropping away of them, but
that doesn't seem to be the case for me. At least not in any
immediate, noticeable sense.
#Post#: 5748--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: BeAware
Date: December 3, 2014, 10:12 pm
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Okay. I've done some more digging into the backyard full of
weeds that is my own mind so you can disregard the last post.
Feel free to read it for background though.
Anyway, I don't know if I'm exactly on the right track but it
appears to me that somewhere along the line I developed an ideal
of how confident and socially skilled someone should be. I'm
pretty sure this came from having a "successful", "well liked"
father who had an air of confidence. (I'd hoped I was too old to
still have daddy issues).
And then somewhere along the line via perceived feedback from
the outside world I developed the notion that I didn't live up
to this ideal image of confidence and strength one should exude
in social situations.
What I want to know is...
1) will going in and Messing with with these ideals help
overcome my social issues.
2) How do I go about hacking away at these particular beliefs...
1.that there is a standard of social grace one should display
and 2. That I don't live up to that standard.
My inkling is that it's the belief that there is a standard to
be lived up to that I need to see through. Just not sure how.
I'm in the mood for really fucking with my own belief systems
and this is a big one for me so please don't hold back with your
suggestions.
#Post#: 5755--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: December 3, 2014, 11:11 pm
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You are trying to put lipstick on a pig, forget it.
Love ya, Jed
#Post#: 5774--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: BeAware
Date: December 4, 2014, 2:00 am
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*sigh*
Back to finding out who it is that's trying to put lipstick on
the pig?
#Post#: 5775--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: December 4, 2014, 2:16 am
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Yup... oink, oink, Ï'm outa here.
Love a, Jed.
#Post#: 5799--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: Jesse
Date: December 4, 2014, 10:19 am
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I think I'm breaking the rules by posting in someone else's
thread. "Sorry". This lipstick-on-a-pig thing is too relevant..
I have been casually pursuing H/A for a while and finally
realized that my approach to it is backward: Attempting to
construct a different kind of ego, rather than deconstructing
the one "I" already "have", which is how it is presented in the
McKenna books (I would include a relevant passage here, but I
guess that would be pushing it).
There's a lot of ambiguity surrounding H/A specifically, but
it's part and parcel, no?
#Post#: 5801--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: December 4, 2014, 10:27 am
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Yup, part and parcel, now keep to your own thread.
Talk later.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 6004--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: BeAware
Date: December 9, 2014, 10:31 pm
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Okay back to basics the past few days... Drinking lots of water,
remembering to breathe deeply, exercising, resting as awareness
and just being as often as I remember to do so.
Trying to remind myself that the "me" who is trying to solve
problems, look for solutions and find an end game is the one who
is simultaneously creating all the problems and when I remember
this I relax and everything is as it should be.
Patience, Focus, Further.
#Post#: 6019--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: December 10, 2014, 5:14 am
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Yep.
Love ya, Jed
#Post#: 6198--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: BeAware
Date: December 11, 2014, 2:18 pm
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Jed, I sit down to do spiritual autolysis and I come up with
statements and then dissect them. I can pick apart each word and
each concept and recognise that it came from outside and from
some conditioning. I can admit to myself that I don't know the
statement is true but that doesn't seem shake the belief loose.
Even though I can't verify the statement is true I don't know
that I feel as though the belief is any less real to me than it
was before.
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