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#Post#: 3660--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: BeAware
Date: October 29, 2014, 10:23 pm
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I'm still doing this perspectives thing. I'm not sure if I'm
doing it right or what I'm supposed to see or learn from it so
I'll basically just spit out what's happened so far...
When trying to see an interaction from someone elses perspective
I get a little disoriented and lost. I can kind of hold the
perspective for a while when they're talking to me but the mind
still wanders and comments and judges "Am I doing this right?"
"Do I look weird right now?". If that's still happening then
maybe I'm not really doing well enough at seeing the
conversation from their perspective.
When doing the 3rd option I feel lighter. I feel a little less
pressure to play a role. Not as much mental chatter. Things seem
to flow a bit easier.
I want to keep going with this as I feel there's a value in it
that I'm missing. But at the same time I worry I'm on the wrong
track or taking your instructions too literally or something.
Should I keep going? Can you give me some more guideance?
#Post#: 3681--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 29, 2014, 11:57 pm
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Dear B:
Stop fretting. Relax and enjoy things. You can't f-up in any
way.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 4060--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: BeAware
Date: November 3, 2014, 9:02 pm
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Just had a short but very heated argument with my wife over
something very insignificant and it reminded me of your recent
thread about such things.
What normally happens is we both go our seperate ways, steaming
mad with each other. Both steadfast in the belief that we're
right. (I still strongly believe I was right in this particular
argument :D ).
What normally happens for me after this is I find it hard to
concentrate on anything for a while as I have a real dislike for
conflict. Strong emotions of anger and fear arise. I run through
mental scenarios of what we'll both say if we resume the
argument. I worry about what will happen if we’re still fighting
tonight, or tomorrow, or on the weekend.
But this is pointless. I think I'm realising that this is just
the minds desperate attempts to resolve and fix everything. The
only thing that fixes this stuff is letting it go. This time
around I'm just trying to let fear and anger run their course
without trying to mentally resolve it all.
I need to let go of my need to right & also my need to be loved.
Instead of resisting the fear of someone seeing me as wrong, and
someone hating me I’m going to see what it’s like to welcome it.
To see if it’s really that bad. To see if my mind can just let
it go.
#Post#: 4066--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: November 4, 2014, 5:04 am
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Dear BA
You can't be that stupid, well, maybe you can...
Contemplate this... I mean really, with the same fervor that you
conduct your ridiculous arguments with your wife...
DO YOU WANT TO BE RIGHT OR DO YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY?
This is a fundamental life question that you should have
answered by now. Actually, I think you have already decided. If
you would rather be right, I can assure you that you will end up
on a pile of self-righteous crap and it will be a lonely and
smelly place, but you will be right in your own little world.
I wouldn't dream of hypnotizing you into something that might
prove useful, but perhaps you should ask yourself that question
every moment of you life, especially when you can smell an
argument in the works.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 4094--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: BeAware
Date: November 4, 2014, 5:14 pm
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You'd be astounded at how stupid I can be.
The strange thing is that I learnt a hell of a lot more from
fighting yesterday than I would have from avoiding a fight. At
least that's how it seems.
Maybe next time I'll put aside my need to be right, avoid the
conflict, take the hit to my ego and then work with whatever
shitty feelings arise from doing that.
#Post#: 4103--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: November 4, 2014, 11:04 pm
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You may have learned a lot form the fight, but you have no idea
what you would have learned from not fighting, until you try
it...
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 4151--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: BeAware
Date: November 5, 2014, 6:28 pm
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I quite often avoid conflict with anyone so this won't be hard.
I'll keep my mouth shut and see what I can learn from whatever
it was that pissed me off.
#Post#: 4585--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: BeAware
Date: November 13, 2014, 4:18 pm
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Are the paths to H/A and T/R the same?
Is T/R just further along?
I understand the limitations of using words like "path" to
describe what's going on but it's the only way I can put the
question forward.
#Post#: 4618--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: November 14, 2014, 6:01 am
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That's not an unrealistic observation.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 4763--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: BeAware
Date: November 16, 2014, 9:30 pm
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So I've made it my assignment for the past couple of weeks to
carefully watch all the things I resist throughout the day
(inspired by your rant on resistance). In doing so I've learned
to let go of a lot of old bullshit. In particular a lot of
internal judgements and criticisms of my significant other.
I never thought of myself as emotionally needy because on the
outside I'm the complete opposite of that. I don't need constant
affection, attention or anything really, but what I've noticed
was how emotionally dependant I was on needing my wife to behave
in certain ways. If she was in a bad mood, I'd internally resist
it and have a commentary on how she should be different and in
turn I'd feel like crap. I've learned to just watch my
judgements and resistance to her and just let it go. It's made a
huge shift internally which has been great. But the coolest, and
most surprising part is that it's changed so much externally
too.
I don't feel like I've started acting all that differently on
the outside, but a lot of friction that used to come up between
us has just disappeared. Old situations that used to cause us to
disagree seem to magically resolve themselves via external
means. It's like all these weird coincidences line up to make
things right and it seems like she's actually changed a lot of
her behaviors.
Maybe I'm reading too much into it all, but it seems like too
much to be coincidental.
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