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#Post#: 2765--------------------------------------------------
Reaching HA
DIR By: BeAware
Date: October 12, 2014, 10:31 pm
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Hi Jed,
I’ll try and keep this concise and to the point.
After years of dicking around with self help stuff and a couple
of years following “spiritual pursuits” I came to the conclusion
after reading your books that I want Human Adulthood. I don’t
know if I want TR or not because I have no idea what it is or
what it will do. It may be what I want later, but right now it’s
not. I don’t know if this excludes me from this forum?
For as long as I can remember I’ve felt that there was something
slightly “off” about reality. Everything I have ever said or
done has felt inauthentic and forced. I’ve always felt as though
I was being forced to a play a part in some stupid play I didn’t
really understand. I now feel like I have a better perspective
on why this was.
I’m at a stage in my life where I’m no longer phased by many
things that used to phase me. I find it very difficult most of
the time to get caught up in drama the way those around me do
and often find it very difficult to understand or empathize with
people complaining about their jobs or how busy they are, bored
they are etc. Overall I don’t get down about much any more, I
feel like I see my own life from a higher perspective than I did
years ago. Like a birds eye view.
However, There are still a lot of sticking points for me. One
being that I’m overly sensitive to what others think of me. I’m
getting better but I still take criticism badly. I also have a
terrible fear of being put on the spot in social situations,
particularly in meetings at work and the like. These are the
things that make me feel like a frightened child.
I’ve started with some SA and have tried to explore the beliefs
behind this stuff. I can see how a lot of my past conditioning
has contributed to this stuff but seeing it doesn’t seem to be
quite enough to overcome the fight or flight responses in me.
The emotions associated with the beliefs seem to outlive the
beliefs themselves if you get what I mean.
I feel like this is one of my main stumbling blocks to reaching
HA. What can I do?
#Post#: 2769--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 12, 2014, 11:40 pm
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Dear BA:
Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing. I would suggest
that you are closer to H/A than you realize.
There are three positions in any encounter, any one of which you
can assume.
1.) You can see it from your perspective.
2.) You can see things from another's perspective, or
3.) You can remove yourself from and person's perspective and
pretend you are above an encounter.
All of these are imaginary, including no. 1.
You task is you develop an ability to hold each perspective.
Start with the one that is easiest and more on, exercise this
skill when you are alone or in not-important encounters. Don't
expect any particular outcome, just do it. Perhaps set aside a
half hour each day.
Feedback...
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 2789--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: BeAware
Date: October 13, 2014, 5:48 am
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Thanks Jed. Just to clarify...
When you say I can do this while alone do you mean I should
imagine an earlier interaction I had with someone?
#Post#: 2798--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 13, 2014, 8:08 am
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Just imagine the positions and take them in a non-important
situation to get the hand of it.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 2837--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: BeAware
Date: October 14, 2014, 12:29 am
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I started with number 1 assuming it would be the easiest, but it
was quite difficult. Something felt strange about trying to view
an interaction only from my perspective. My mind kept coming in
to question if I was doing it right but I think I managed to do
okay in the end.
I don't know what I learned from this part. Maybe that my mind
is like a hyperactive kid. You'd think after viewing things
from my perspective all my life this would be easy. It wasn't.
Even trying to participate in an interaction as myself feels
weird and awkward. Always has I guess.
On to step 2 tomorrow.
#Post#: 2842--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 14, 2014, 3:11 am
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Good stuff, stick with it.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 3126--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: BeAware
Date: October 21, 2014, 8:20 pm
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Still going with step 2. I'm pretty good at it now but sometimes
I forget to actually play the role of myself in a conversation
and create awkward silences.
Trying to see an interaction from someone elses perspective
takes the "me" out of the equation. There's still mental chatter
but my focus is temporarily taken off what I'm doing or what I
think I should be doing. I'm not sure I could do this in any
situation just yet but I'm getting better.
I think it's time to move on to step 3 and see what I can learn.
#Post#: 3393--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: BeAware
Date: October 26, 2014, 10:42 pm
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I'm still working on this everyday. Have a question though...
Is awakening always a painful process? Despite going through
some pretty rough patches, I've enjoyed the ride so far.
It actually feels pretty good to be operating without as much
crap running through my head all day.
#Post#: 3395--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 26, 2014, 10:59 pm
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Dear B:
Actually.. waking up is as gentle as a spring breeze. It's
holding on to old crap that is painful. Hence, the bad rap. You
are already fully awake. It's just occulted (not Crowley'ed,
just hidden) by all the baggage you carry.
Just look at all the garbage you have collected in your life,
all the hurts, obligations, thoughts about this and that, times
you where wrong (Booo!) times you where right (Yeah!) and
contemplate where they will all be in a thousand years. How
important will they be? How important will you be.
I think a good external lesson is to watch TV and ask yourself,
'What part of this is not ego'. Can you find anything that is
not to the aggrandizement of self, personal accomplishment,
personal achievement, attention getting, fear mongering so you
will need a system of other egos to protect you? If you watch TV
from the proper (i.e., most useful) perspective it can be a good
teacher. And, realize that these qualities are all in you as
well.
Now, don't destroy! Be aware and understand the mechanisms....
just watching and wondering what's next. That's all you need do.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 3572--------------------------------------------------
Re: Reaching HA
DIR By: BeAware
Date: October 28, 2014, 6:23 pm
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It's funny you should mention the TV thing. I was watching house
of cards with the wife the other night. All the characters are
motivated by power, control, prestige. I found it difficult to
find the tension and anticipation I was supposed to be
experiencing when one of the characters lost an election or
their job, or there was some kind of move up or down the social
pecking order. I found it ridiculous. But as you say... it's all
there in my own life, just on smaller, and different scales.
I'm at a stage where I still find it easier to recognize these
things in others than I do in myself. I'm reminded of your
plato's cave. I'm looking away from the screen now at the people
around me still glued to the movie. Just not sure what will
happen when I get up out of my seat.
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