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#Post#: 30059--------------------------------------------------
Holding on by a threadd
DIR By: cully192
Date: July 3, 2017, 11:18 am
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Hanging on by a thread and noticing how much stress it
creates....locking me into the dream state. Pulling apart the
pieces has been rewarding and painful...causing me to leave
relationships because I am not interested in playing the part
any more. Actually I am finding that I don't desire "normal"
social interaction - never have! All just a bunch of BS. I can
see that nothing is real and yet I am not sure that I am there
yet - still holding on - damn ego keeps trying to prove to me
that I exist! Concerned that if I let go I will no longer be
able to enjoy and interact with my son and his family and for me
that is a scary thought! Sure, in HA/TR I can chose what role I
want to play, but the thing is, is that I can't even imagine
what that looks like. Just what does nothing look like?
#Post#: 30065--------------------------------------------------
Re: Holding on by a threadd
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: July 3, 2017, 10:43 pm
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Dear GL:
Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum. What you are
experiencing is very common among serious students of this
''subject''. You may indeed be close to the end, however, you
are still clinging to your mind and it is exhibiting it's
control freak tendencies. You want to know what it is before
being there. How can you possibly know what something is like
unless you go there.
You want to be absolutely sure you will land safely before you
jump out of the plane. You never know how you are going to land.
T/R is unimaginable and unavoidable... but often requires great
patience and a good dose of courage. You simply cannot know what
it is like until you go there. Of course there is no you who has
to go anywhere for T/R, but these just words and an attempt to
point to something that cannot really be pointed to.
I wish you the best on you journey.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 30077--------------------------------------------------
Re: Holding on by a threadd
DIR By: cully192
Date: July 4, 2017, 7:32 am
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Thank you Jed. Control is a definitely a self-limiting program
that I have used to define myself. In the end, its all story. A
story that has also allowed me to get to this the illusory place
called here. Ego is control....control is ego. Think that what
I am most afraid of isn't so much the process, but what might
become available if I let go. A life of control gives the false
illusion of safety. Not much f***ing fun! Invites negative
drama and self-suffering. What a bunch of crap! What have I
been doing?! Time to trust and let go - see where I land.
Gratefully, GL
#Post#: 30078--------------------------------------------------
Re: Holding on by a threadd
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: July 4, 2017, 7:59 am
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Go for it... now!
Love ya, Jed. ;D ;D ;D
#Post#: 30079--------------------------------------------------
Re: Holding on by a threadd
DIR By: cully192
Date: July 4, 2017, 8:03 am
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On the plane, ready to go!!! Thank you!
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