DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
INVISIBLE GURU FORUM
HTML https://jedmckenna.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Member Posts
*****************************************************
#Post#: 28671--------------------------------------------------
Hm
DIR By: Nor
Date: May 13, 2017, 12:30 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Hm. It was little bit surprising to receive a message that
invited me to join this forum. I thought to have been banned.
Did not think, was.
In the last months I did upset almost everyone. I will share
very sad things. Of course it is only the story which does
create suffering. Do you think that Crist when he was hunged on
the Golgotta was thinking to himself: "Hey, this is just a
story, it is an illusory happening?" To be honest it had to be
so extremely painfull, to be having pierced the legs and the
hands and than just to hang and to be like complete idiot
hanging, condemned, judged, totally misunderstood. Poor guy.
MAybe that God has sent him as His Son, but the part of the God
who was son suffered too much. I do not identify with any figure
which am describing and do not suffer with any kind of crist
like complexes, ok. And I was not even born into christian
family, was raised very atheistic / humanistic.
Ok, I will share this very bad story, something deeply
belittling and humiliating, something, which is part of the
experience of very hard core sect/cult I have been in. Or, this
is how I do understand it for now. that it was sect/cult. And I
went there voluntarily, gave there everything, and lost lot of
things which did hardly sacrifixe, almost lost my dignity too,
that which I do value the most. This story was something where
my dignity was walked upon very badly, and I tried to make sense
out of it for very long time. But it has no sense. There is no
meaning in it probably. Till today I am receiving the
informations about the leader of that group who is trying to
have any information about me or turn my friends against me. Why
he is doing that when I walked away, telling them that they are
not my spiritual anything, and the guides not at all? Because
themselves in deep ****, where they tried to guide us.
Why do I even have this in my head? What do I expect to have out
of this by sharing it? To talk myself out? Well, my dog already
listened. Yawned as a reply. She is just more advanced.
Ok. This is the story of Gabon. This is the story of the wood
initiation. I thought to going to the initiation of last dance.
Have done years of preparation for it. Would like to discern two
things: the experience with the wood and the experience with the
humans. Because the experience with the wood has been very
clear, very deep. That what happened on the human level is
something which leaved sorrow and bitterness in my heart and
which almsot broke me as human being.
Before Gabon, there was this vision. Wait. What are the visions?
Visions the way I do understand them, are still part of the
field of projected conciousness. They are comming from the Heart
which has no opposite in the dual mind/heart, the Heart which
can not be ever broken. Visions are something which is not
necessary to be stucked upon, those are just certain levels of
signs or the way how let us say unconciousness talk to me in a
way I can "get". Hhhhhh...
_____________________________________________
there was this beautifull indigenous girl, with longer brownish
hair and with the skin as little bit darker than white, yet not
brown. She had those beautifull, big Brown eyes, as if she would
be looking into the Eternity by them. She was so natural,
beautifull and inncoent. Suddenly, in those brown eyes, I
started to see the Blue face. This Blue face has been in her
eyes and she has been looking at the direction where this blue
face has been. Slowly, this vision has changed. Was shifted into
there where the girl was looking. There was this beautifull Blue
man, he was Crist, and he was fully Blue. HE was around thirty
of age, long blue hair, but otherwise looking very human. He
came to me and he put his right hand on my shoulder. He looked
upon my eyes and told me: "You are my sister". It was very
touching because even though, I never was visiting the church
and escaped the studies of theology, I never ever thoguht of Son
of God as my brother, it would not even occur as a possibility
He could see me as that. Slowly, he started to explain many
things from life. After, he told towards me: "Yet, you did not
go throughout everything" and he turned the way where I saw him
on Golgotta. I saw him taking his Cross, walking, being
crucified, in agony.... All of that I saw. I saw him on the
Cross, I saw all of that suffering. HE just told me: This is
still awaiting you, you did not go throughout everything yet.
It was very perplexing and very something which made me somewhat
not put so much attention to as well. The vision was very short
in the manners of the real time, if there is something as real
time. but inside of the vision, it was very...it was not short
at all. Very detailed.
----------------
Preparation to Africa were very tough and this was the first
journey I had many fears about. Arguably. I lost everything
before Africa in the manners of social position and there, my
dignity and trust to people too.
Will try to write and explain the things which happened in
Africa in like more articles. First, would be called
"preparation to depart" second "preparation to go to the benzi
house" third "in benzi house" four "initiation" fifth "week
after the initiation" and the next would be about "the terrible
three weeks" "the dream where Lama was giving his instruction"
"the discern between the two things - inner experience and the
true colours of those who thought to guide "me" " "the slap in
the face" "how i almost got poisoned" and "the very very very
bitter human end"
I am sorry that it is not easy to write in any case of
shortcuts. Because there are many details which seem to be
improtant and without their complexity it is not sure for me to
somehow get over it in a sense of either full understanding
or/and full forgiveness . Because till today there are certain
little confusions which I still want to be clear off, but it is
hard to clarify those without explaining them properly. My
ability to work with the forums or with computers is very
limited, as is my grammar. Please forgive me this. Thank you. I
hope I can somehow reply on this article by positng next one.
But, is there some limit of the words?
#Post#: 28673--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hm
DIR By: Nor
Date: May 13, 2017, 2:00 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Hm. I was supposed to post it maybe into the "Discussion" and I
posted it into here. :(
This is not a Public notice of interest, sorry.
#Post#: 29425--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hm
DIR By: Nor
Date: June 13, 2017, 3:07 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Hi.
Thank you to anyone who reposted this post to General
discussion.
Otherwise, I did not write for long time. Mainly because of the
life has decided to squeeze me out of himself. Last week I was
prescribed antibiotics on which I am alergic (I am suffocating
after them), and I took them (Doctor did not tell me the
contradiction). When I read the contradiction after the big
physical reaction, I was like: "Hm, fine, I almost died on this
at 2 years old, she gave it to me again". Doctor of course
denied her fault, even its transparently exposed. I am realising
one thing. There are many situation in life, which are clearly
tell it - responsibility of someone else, in this case the
doctor. But doctor became self defensive and blamed me for not
informing her about my alergy (But it is being written in my
documentation). I just realised, I stopped fighing. For justice
or for anything. This is something which changed. I feel very
self secure and have no need to be treated fairly anymore. I
wrote her that truth has no need of self defense.
If surviving side effects will write - truth always deliver :) .
#Post#: 29432--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hm
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: June 13, 2017, 10:51 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
;) ;) ;)
Glad to hear you are getting better.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 29566--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hm
DIR By: Nor
Date: June 17, 2017, 5:09 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I am having lately lot of those suffocating feelings -
medications help not. It is very unpleasant feeling which wakes
me up at night, not being able to breathe in. It has another
level which feels like I am being stucked and inprisoned by the
body. By the story, by the situation people believe I put myself
in (I know it was so overwhelming I had "choice" in it as a
falling leave in the wind, just surprised, observing. ) Before
Africa I badly fallen down, was immovable and in
semi/un-concious state lying down immovable, the physical pain
too strong so fully disociated with the body - saw it from
outside. X-ray - born with spine issue. After Africa, for five
months trying to get over unbelievably depictable human manners,
there was time I was waking up in the middle of the night -
"What have I done wrong for all that shit (from "others") having
in my face?" True colours of everyone. 35 years of the wood did
not make them honest. // Maybe that no breathing, no problem,
but still it makes me little bit grumpy, when "I" wants to
breathe, God laughs
#Post#: 29568--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hm
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: June 18, 2017, 12:00 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Best wishes on your journey Nor.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 29779--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hm
DIR By: Nor
Date: June 23, 2017, 11:28 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Thank you. Now I know why the suffocating was happening - by
wronlgy prescribed antibiotics which were including penicilin.
Changed doctor who was pretty shocked to see what the former one
has done. He told it was very core mistake to prescrbe to
someone penicilin if there is this history of alergic reaction.
I realised that everything came better when I was able to think
philosophicaly: "Should I put a complain on the former doctor?
Should not I warn other people? Shoul she continue her practise
when she put me in danger?" I still do suffocate but much less.
The intensity is not so big. At 2 years old, I ended up on
infusion and antihistaminics - was thinking might have been my
first spiritual initiation. No breath, no problem. So much
panics around. I can not understand my former spiritual
acquitances, and left most of the groups. Can not gather the
satsangs and the meetings. MY dog seems as a most symphatetic
guru. The fear of death is not relevant at the moment it is
exchanged of the possible fear of the losing relative. Mind is a
fear and if it does not fear death, it fears life. What with it?
#Post#: 29797--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hm
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: June 24, 2017, 12:27 am
---------------------------------------------------------
You're asking the wrong guy, I have trouble finding mine... mind
that is... ::) ::) ::)
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 29820--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hm
DIR By: Nor
Date: June 24, 2017, 12:00 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Made me laugh. And reminded the self-portrait I made of me
without the brain, desperately searching for it, could not find.
An idea was that its impossible to find a brain without the
brain, or to reconnect the brain without himself. I wanted to
join a church, because I felt very lonely after the six months
of total devastation when I tried to get over the cult. The only
thing I realised was that my motivation to go to initiation in
Africa was to get over trauma, yet I was re-traumatized in very
hard core way. the mind control, the deceit and the
exploitation, abuse and the cult --leader attempts to control
and defame me - and me losing all the false friends which were
connected to this. I was surrounded as BB told by many hungry
ghosts in one and half year, I just felt lonely and nobody else
was showing up. I will have life consequence from the cult. I do
not know how to deal with this loneliness. Nor was my donkey but
he not here now :( To deprogram from the cult and to not be hurt
by all the defaming attempts, I dont know how. ??? ??? ;D
#Post#: 29855--------------------------------------------------
Re: Hm
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: June 25, 2017, 9:14 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Thanks for sharing. Sounds like quite a pickle... but it's all
meaningless blah blah, the real you cannot be hurt or defamed in
anyway. Find that real you and all will end... and I mean ALL.
Love ya, Jed.
*****************************************************
Page 1 of 6
DIR Next Page