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#Post#: 28489--------------------------------------------------
The awe-full truth
DIR By: EternalDawning
Date: May 6, 2017, 9:19 am
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I just finished listening to the second book. This stuff has
been occurring with me for a long time. I've come to most of
these conclusions myself (even a lot of the same symbols) before
hearing your book. I cry hearing Jed's words in these books.
I'm compelled towards and away from looking at totality of it
and myself. My eyes flutter and tear up in the light of what I
see and know. I am done and also not done. Beliefs fall away
still and forgetting still happens but the ball is rolling. Now
I don't know why I'm pushing it or where else it could possibly
roll to. You helped me recognize I'd been seeking mystical
experience, as though I haven't seen enough or don't know
enough.
I'm in no hurry now but still feeling compelled to look. It
seems more about allowing maturity to develop personally,
because really there's nothing else to work out.
I'm curious about some of the symbols, visions and dreams I've
had for years. In the second book you spoke about something
I've never heard anyone talk about that reminded me of a dream I
had as a child. I felt the earth fall away from the sun or the
sun fall from it, hard to say which, no whooshing sound, just
the most intense feeling of falling away and then speeding
towards it again. I think you called it a gateway to duality?
I'm curious also about a point at which cause and effect appear
to merge. I resist the awareness full responsibility at this
event horizon due to intense phenomena.
#Post#: 28495--------------------------------------------------
Re: The awe-full truth
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: May 7, 2017, 12:58 am
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Dear ED:
Thank you for you awe-full sharing of experiences. You didn't
present any clear questions for me, but I'll suggest something.
Your dreams, premonitions, ''mystical'' experiences are just
passing events, sometimes very interesting, but always only a
distraction if you are really seeking T/R. To everything that
arises you want to gently inquire as to what it is occurring...
what is the larger context... and it you get an answer, ask of
it the same question.
Other than that, just relax, breathe properly and be with what
is, (appears to be) as best you can... and further.
Love ya, Jed
#Post#: 28508--------------------------------------------------
Re: The awe-full truth
DIR By: EternalDawning
Date: May 7, 2017, 6:20 am
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Thank you. I need to remember to breathe. I've been in denial
and looking at this from the wrong angle. If I asked you a
question I wouldn't be doing my job. I've been trying to come
up with one to ask for over 10 days. I can't. I write, think
for myself, see for myself and know the answers or the questions
become irrelevant.
I feel alone. I've felt alone here for a very long time. I see
that's as meaningless a feeling as any other. I've been making
this all up. I haven't wanted to face that.
I thought I might be fooling myself with the idea that I'm done,
but I can't find any way to deny it. I know the truth with the
certainty of my whole being. All I have left is distraction. I
want to savor the fading colors and emotions. I wonder at it
and remind myself to inhale. (tears)
I've run so far past the finish line. I turn around and want run
back towards it, to see it again. I don't want it to be over
but it's gone. Nothing's there, nothing was ever there.
I'm going to pretend to be a person. It's not like it takes much
effort. I could do it in my sleep. I can stand on my head and
pretend I don't know anything. Nobody will notice. It's fine.
No big deal. (OMG!)
#Post#: 28520--------------------------------------------------
Re: The awe-full truth
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: May 8, 2017, 2:57 am
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It's all no big deal....
Love ya, Jed.
P.S. It's also all OMG.
#Post#: 28548--------------------------------------------------
Re: The awe-full truth
DIR By: EternalDawning
Date: May 9, 2017, 2:36 am
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My mind is full of lies. I've been using SA to treat the
condition. This evenings attempts at suicide:
I think I find enjoyment when someone sees what I see. A sunset
or an idea. I like when someone gets my ideas or my jokes. Why
is that? - It just is.
(I could have just ended it there but I needed to tear into
pieces. I go over parts of it and reflect on it from different
angles. It's a bit disjointed. )
What's the motivation for enjoyment? Is the feeling just rooted
in socially engrained evolution? Is there more to it? - It's
divinely inspired. I can see that, but only if I choose to.
What's to like about the idea of shared ideas or experience? The
purpose I've given it is to not be alone in something that it
seems could possibly be shared. The beauty. It is beautiful.
There's no denying that from this vantage. It's in me to see.
It's in everybody.
What is it for? - Beauty needs no reason. I can think of
several reasons that don't matter at all in light of the true
reason for seeing it. The fucking miracle of it all.
The beauty is killing me. - That's a lie. But sometimes
thoughts say it feels that way. I got lost in something I love.
Beauty is an illusion I love to love, but it's best to let it
be and let it go.
In the idea of beauty I feel so many things, I can not get a
handle on a definition for long. It is unique what I see... or
so I think. Of course, that attracts me. It's a ploy of the
system.
Can experience of knowledge/love/beauty/truth even be shared? -
It can only be shared. - Shit, I can't believe I didn't see
that before. This also makes it irrelevant to seek out someone
to share it with when it is an inherent in all. Fuck. I'm glad
I saw that. I don't need to long for sharing these things, it's
a choice inherent in all. I can indulge in it fully alone,
bathe in illusions under the stars at night and know perfection
and completion. Or whatever. It doesn't change a damned thing.
Am I deluding myself? - Of course I am. I'm thinking like a
fucking idiot. What a perfect way to stay on the side of a
magical paradox. Trying to put this all in a box. Colors seem
deeper and more serious. Feelings seem thicker and lusterious.
Coyotes howl in the night. Peacocks flutter and I might... not
get more poetic tonight.
Meaning is fleeting. When I spend time in the thick of it, I
learn to not care for it. I will exhale it, surrender it, and
let go to breathe in the light again. Some day I will stop
breathing. Maybe.
There it is. Maybe you can suggest a sharper blade, a stronger
thrust? but why rush? Did I miss a point? Am I killing time
next to an invisible gate? Why wait? - Do why's ever hold
answers? I'm tired and it's late.
Maybe I'll get used to consistently breathing some day.
#Post#: 28554--------------------------------------------------
Re: The awe-full truth
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: May 9, 2017, 8:22 am
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Beauty, love, truth, etc., can only be shared in the dream of
duality... in Oneness who would you share with.
All is One, but humans make ups stories and create the
appearance of duality, but never be fooled, anything that has a
beginning has an end, and everything in duality has both. Your
True Nature is without beginning or end... thus the real you was
never born and can never die.
You only delude yourself when you think you are real and that
what you experience is substantial and important. Meaning is
totally meaningless and of no importance other than to
continually pull one back into their importances and the dream.
Just be aware, as best you can, not judging, not even looking,
just awaring. It can be done. It's always being done, but you
don't realize it fully.
Having said that, good work, don't let up. You are closer than
you think.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 28611--------------------------------------------------
Re: The awe-full truth
DIR By: EternalDawning
Date: May 11, 2017, 3:12 pm
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Every time I look at it it makes me cry in some form or another.
Will I ever stop wanting to see it? Will I ever get used to it?
I assume I will, but the process of going towards it and away
from it is strange. I'm stuck like a flame testing a moth or a
moth testing a flame.
Why is writing to someone better than writing to no one? It's
just an idea.
I get more than everything I ask for and feel like I need to be
more careful of that.
I live in heaven. My stories and perceptions come to complete
me. Why do I get uneasy? Stories or some subtle barley
conscious rub.
And then it comes, I'm filled with anxiety. I look at my lack
of certainty around a general sense of uncertainty. I see a
lack of trust in what I know but I look and it goes.
Looking at these strange little points each ends in some stupid
simple idea that's perfectly true and can't be undone. And I'm
fucked.
How long is this going to take? The intensity of this I feel
has got to break. I consider my work, and the things that seem
must adjust around me to afford the time and luxury to dive into
the Inferno like Dante.
I know the way. When am I going to stay?
Diving into drama is a crazy thing. House of mirrors and things
I just want to jump off a bridge to avoid it or punch someone in
the face. But what am I believing about it? Why do anything at
all? I believe in the shadows of my imagination. I play all
parts of a dream. I forget I'm the director as well as the
actor and then I forget the play.
My tolerance for certain bullshit (inside/outside), is diving
off a cliff. Socially awkward. Fake smile. Try not to
awkwardly cry. Someone just offered to take me cherry picking.
How could I say no to that? It could be trouble, but maybe not.
I don't want to walk, I want to fly to my grave in perfect trust
and seeing clearly everything I will miss missing. Anything
else seems insane, except maybe forgetting everything and
staying really fucking stupid, which is tempting. I seem to want
some unconsciousness. How can I mind it?
I want to experience a single line of conscious across a
seemingly dual plain. Like möbius strip which seems to achieve
the trick! Anything can seem possible.
I'll get better at not knowing and controlling, free falling and
dying. If the music doesn't kill me, then nothing will...but if
it did somehow, I'd have to admit, that would be funny.
#Post#: 28622--------------------------------------------------
Re: The awe-full truth
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: May 12, 2017, 2:13 am
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Good news... you are very close... bad news, you will need much
more patience and understanding.
Once again, I am going to harp on the importance of H/A before
serious T/R work. Adjustment into the knowingness of T/R will be
much easier and quicker.
Your difficulties as you approach T/R are directly related to
how much garbage, importances, stories, etc. you are carrying
with you.
Be patient, breathe and let go of as much as you possibly can in
each moment. This journey is best done as light as humanly
possible.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 28676--------------------------------------------------
Re: The awe-full truth
DIR By: EternalDawning
Date: May 13, 2017, 6:02 pm
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Let me seriously ask you this. Can you laugh without breathing?
#Post#: 28677--------------------------------------------------
Re: The awe-full truth
DIR By: EternalDawning
Date: May 13, 2017, 6:12 pm
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LOLOLOL
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