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#Post#: 28310--------------------------------------------------
Breezer
DIR By: bree
Date: April 27, 2017, 2:04 pm
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Hi Jed,
~$@ ~
Hope you are well. I'm gonna post on this thread only from now
on. You need not reply.
It's been a while since I wrote to you. I firmly believe that I
exist and willing to go to any extent to prove you wrong if you
say I don't exist. I believe you exist as well.
Iam a believer to the core. I believe in many things , good and
bad . Iam a bit masochistic person with a bit of psychotic
sadism . No I don't make people cry intentionally. But I think
crying or sadness is a very genuine emotion. It is rock solid,
than fleeting states of happiness.
I like genuine people. Iam a genuine person as well.
I love myself. I love myself like my motherly figure would have
loved me. I feed my body a lot of food and keep it safe from the
world. I don't risk too much , because Iam afraid that this body
might get hurt and die. There is a fear of suffering a painful
death, heart attack, and poverty. There is a greater fear
imagined from rape scenes from movies and channels. I'm living
with interesting and unexamined fears.
Until next time, thanks and love you too.
Jeddai
#Post#: 28313--------------------------------------------------
Re: Breezer
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: April 28, 2017, 12:04 am
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Back at ya Bree.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 28463--------------------------------------------------
Re: Breezer
DIR By: bree
Date: May 4, 2017, 12:35 pm
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I'm experiencing deep sadness. I'm feeling stuck in a ring of
pleasure and pain. I feel that I'm not worthy of living. I'm not
fulfilling my life's destiny. I'm compromising with my inner
spirit. I'm unable to get clarity of where Iam and what is
important - basically what is to be followed?
I'm a clueless leader and an arrogant follower. I like to create
art ( a deep seated fear is associated with the idea of
procreation). I'm suffering with bad memory and lapses in
thoughts.
Need a break from the madness ! :-X :-[ ??? :( >:(
#Post#: 28469--------------------------------------------------
Re: Breezer
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: May 5, 2017, 1:59 am
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Your beliefs are causing your grief... but you don't want to
give them up, hence the grief is going to continue.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 28714--------------------------------------------------
Re: Breezer
DIR By: bree
Date: May 14, 2017, 10:56 pm
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I was afraid of making enemies, making people angry, losing
love, dying in pain, unpleasant emotions. I want to change my
beliefs and examine them. I think I'm not doing that properly. I
want to be useful - Whatever thoughts I generate - there is a
judge in my mind that rejects the thought. The bar is set so
high. I'm dying.
Infact what I said above is not true. My mind just told me. They
change - and are not set to stone. So, might as well not take
them seriously.
But what is it that doesn't change ? Let me tell you another
answer from the mind. The fabric in which all the drama of my
life happens. I could only believe that it doesn't change.
Nothingness is constant. Means whatever something is - it is not
constant. The definitions fade over time - or stay as long as
they are powered somehow.
Not the reasons stated above, for reasons and indications better
than that. But the process of integrating and disintegrating has
begun.
[move]How to move further in terms of H/A or Truth ? [/move]
#Post#: 28724--------------------------------------------------
Re: Breezer
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: May 15, 2017, 7:34 am
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Good... let it do its work.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 28763--------------------------------------------------
Re: Breezer
DIR By: bree
Date: May 16, 2017, 11:15 pm
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Hi Jed,
I removed perceiver from the perception. It's all perception.
What is the perceiver - but a memory powered with amazing high
moments got from perception ?
I see this body as a perception machine. In few instances the
wiring had been so good and in sync with the perception , that
there was an electric focus. The perceiver dearly seeks to
re-enact that memory and ignores all perception.
Removing the perceiver and it's memories by condensing into a
size of a small black pearl (Imagination).
There is a lot of work to be done on the body just to make it
addictive and awesome , says the perceiver again. The high of a
focussed attention is damn good.
What further ? More watching
#Post#: 28766--------------------------------------------------
Re: Breezer
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: May 16, 2017, 11:34 pm
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:P :P :P
#Post#: 28851--------------------------------------------------
Re: Breezer
DIR By: bree
Date: May 19, 2017, 11:27 pm
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I'm writing down what I think is as truth. There are many
stories that are acting as filters to what is - the present.
It's as if the present is looked at with huge tainted glasses
with distortive lenses. The past had a great hold over my
future. There was a repetitive pattern of emotional responses
formed in childhood.
A sense of humour that was lost , because life has to be taken
very very seriously. Because I don't want to be a joke. I don't
want people to laugh at me. I don't want to be a laughing
object. I want respect, adoration, adulation. I shouldn't be
treated like a shit like many get treated. Respect is powerful.
It can protect. My ideas of respect and survival got very close
- that I began associating respect with survival.
What happens when someone doesn't respect me ? May be I should
put it this way... What happens when someone whom I consider as
an important person doesn't respect me as I want him/her to
respect me? What happens when I don't get the respect I care to
get from a certain someone and I don't get it. What if someone
kills me because I don't hold any importance for them in their
life ?
Still writing it .. "further"
#Post#: 28854--------------------------------------------------
Re: Breezer
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: May 20, 2017, 12:32 am
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You are changing my words... I am very specific, write something
that is true... not ''as truth''.
You asked, ''What happens when someone doesn't respect me ? May
be I should put it this way... What happens when someone whom I
consider as an important person doesn't respect me as I want
him/her to respect me? What happens when I don't get the respect
I care to get from a certain someone and I don't get it. What if
someone kills me because I don't hold any importance for them in
their life ?''
I'll tell you exactly what happens... your stories, memories and
concepts (all lies) are confronted and shown for that they are,
and that upsets you. You should be ecstatic in having these
exposed.
Love ya, Jed.
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