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#Post#: 27641--------------------------------------------------
Why is life unfair?
By: khalifa Date: March 18, 2017, 9:45 pm
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Why are we all under different circumstances, Why is the
universe mean with brutality at times with other presence of not
being able to ever thrive due to lack of resources or just a
deformed unfortunate lack of luck from either health or an ill
society crampling up on that presence?
I feel depressed thinking about my life as all a mere luck draw
with no meaning behind it. I feel depressed just thinking about
going back into being not learning much from trying to awaken my
sleep state. I've been doing a lot of self help latey for the
past year.
But recently my biggest bottleneck has been my constant health
problems, I suffer from tinnitus and internal bleeding. It's
been very difficult for me to sleep as it's very unbearable at
night, And all this internal bleeding causes me to be cold and
fatigued all day. And this brain fog isn't helping while i'm
sleep deprived daily due to the tinnitus.
What am I living for? Why do i have to bother? It's not even
fair when i see other healthy people around me. Even when i know
I that body that i am isn't true either as i am the so called
universe just like you all ?.. this is all puzzling why would
i/we create this?
I've had my SO break up with me after 3 years since i was unable
to cope with my health issues, and she said she's found someone
that's way more amazing than me even though we've been through
self help content together fixing lots of neurotic traits in
each other, apparently she was talking to a guy for 9months
behind my back introducing him to self help as well discussing
things behind my back bonding with him while i had no idea. I'm
absolutely devasted with that blow too. Why would i do that to
myself? How do i unconditionally love such a messed up world?
This is madness! And to top that up she's left me because of my
health problems because i no longer could stimulate her
emotional whore needs over being there for me.
I've read your 3 enlightment books and one of them being yours.
But all this awakening and going back to sleep state to wear our
ego's puzzles me as i don't feel like i've gained anything to
overcome life's brutality.
Please give me some guidance. Thank you.
#Post#: 27652--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why is life unfair?
By: Jed McKenna Date: March 20, 2017, 12:53 am
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Hi there;
Welcome to the forum.
I understand that you are in some physical and emotional pain...
so what?
Now, I know that some folks, you included, might think that
rather harsh... but I am dead serious... so what?
You are not the first person to have been jilted by someone you
thought loved you, and you're certainly not the only person who
has had health challenges. You are not nearly as important as
you think you are. If you can do something about the health
challenges, then do something. I can not tell you what that
might be. If you can't do anything then realize that.. but I am
guessing can do something.
Regarding your emotional challenges, that's just a bunch of
drama. You put her in your life and from the begin you knew
where it would go.... you knew it but were not honest with
yourself... to recognize you knew.
Turning to me for assistance in this requires courage, but
realizing your own responsibilities require greater courage.
Time to man up.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 27661--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why is life unfair?
By: khalifa Date: March 20, 2017, 3:00 am
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I Don't Want To Exist
We have to eat, sleep, we forget, we're petty and superficial,
everything we do and think is meaningless. When things are going
"well", we fool ourselves into thinking life is "good", when in
reality, any moment could turn into suffering.
Why does the universe exist?
We don't think about it, because we're so immersed in it, so
distracted by it, and because there is no answer.
Logic follows - if one doesn't see the point, then for them,
there is no point. I could kill myself, but how can I know "I"
will not be reborn? How can I know anything at all? So I can't
do anything about it, what am I supposed to do then? Why the
actual fuck do I exist and what am I supposed to do?
I just want to clear this up: I am not being pessimistic, but
rather, I'm existentially exhausted and feeling rebellious in
the sense that I don't want to be a part of any of it. I guess
what I really wish for is to REST. Not sleep-rest, more like
die-rest. I want eternal peace or to actually be a true god that
can actually have a full/any option at every dimension of life
over the current limits.
We ultimately have to make two decisions: 1) Do we choose to
live or die? 2) Do we choose to be try to be happy/positive or
miserable/negative?
but both these choices are still part of the human psyche which
in the end is meaningless
#Post#: 27662--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why is life unfair?
By: khalifa Date: March 20, 2017, 3:03 am
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Aren't my responsibilities all an illusion since i don't really
exist as that ego?
#Post#: 27663--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why is life unfair?
By: khalifa Date: March 20, 2017, 3:14 am
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I feel confused, yes i let her in my life but isn't she me?
aren't we all connected? Why should i fear myself? i gave her a
lot of unconditional love regardless of her toxic flaws as i
believed in it. am i not supposed to believe in others and the
universe?
Why would we as consciousness/god create a universe with
destruction? why unfair circumstances/luck/health/suffering?
What purpose do those serve?
We as consciousness created a delusion. That we are separate
from God. In that delusion duality was created.
That duality includes those things we mention.
how is it possible without an ego? we have to keep judging
things in life or else we will be unable to live, we can get
used as door mats with unconditional love, and we can eat things
that may affect us badly overtime.. how do i overcome this to be
at peace with it?
#Post#: 27664--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why is life unfair?
By: khalifa Date: March 20, 2017, 3:19 am
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We cannot do without the ego because it is part of the duality
we live in. However we can learn to recognise when it is
speaking to us and realise those thoughts are not us. Isn't that
a way of constantly trying to dodge something that we dislike?
It doesn't really give value for the things that we like in life
either.. as it's not really real if we are brutally honest. I
feel like we keep toying around with the right and wrong when
one experiences a slight awakening like me using it to deflect
something that i don't want to face. Which seems toxic, but then
again acceptance is just as toxic because sometimes when i
struggle it's better to get things done and then other times
struggling makes things, and rationality isn't always the best
answer as it has it's blind spots as a paradigm, all this annoys
me because i can't have any clear answers and i am uncertain of
everything even my own name is at a 60% of truth as i never hold
anything at a 100% even gravity belief is still at 60%.. that's
my ego's rules as it understands it can't be certain due to it's
humanly equiped psyche
#Post#: 27674--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why is life unfair?
By: Jed McKenna Date: March 21, 2017, 12:32 am
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Dear K;
I suggest you read as much of this forum as possible. The
answers lie herein, but you have to put the time in.
Love ya, Jed
#Post#: 27675--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why is life unfair?
By: khalifa Date: March 21, 2017, 9:27 am
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i've read several topics but i felt like your answers to them
did not resonate to me or maybe my ego is too sneaky to disguise
it as a non answer
i will give it a try for the next month or 2 of reading an hour
a day, if i am unable to find it let's resume breaking down my
ego's blind spots
thank you jed
#Post#: 27676--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why is life unfair?
By: khalifa Date: March 21, 2017, 11:28 am
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all i can understand is
IT IS
that's all there is to it
everything else is an illusion
it brings me back to square 1 of WHY
and why is still part of the dream so it's meaning is pointless
everything remains uncertain
why am i searching if everything is an illusion
an infinite illusion loops
what the fuck jed this is day 1 and i'm already just as fucking
lost as i was the first place
i did spend time reading enlightment books, meditating i've been
searching for truth for years, i've only been introduced to
enlightenment last year and even on this path i feel like a dead
circle and i looped, i did get maybe an awakening but i'm not
even sure of it, i got my few AHA moments but theirs a chance
that wasn't even real as i just felt i couldn't communicate as
there are no words for it
everything is an illusion
even these words they have no meaning but our brains have been
trained to make them come to life even though their just lines
drawings symbols.. we could turn the letter a into representing
a nation or your mom or your food if the human psyche and dogma
let it be that way
for fucks sake what am i searching for if it doesn't exist jed
experience? intellect knowledge graph paradigms ? it makes me
feel like hey why not just find out by killing myself to see
what happens next if i am really that infinite
#Post#: 27677--------------------------------------------------
Re: Why is life unfair?
By: khalifa Date: March 21, 2017, 11:39 am
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why should not address other people around us? why is our
problem if it's our thoughts that judge and want to speak out?
this doesn't sound like freedom it sounds like it's restricting
it but then as i look again it does make sense not to bother or
care as it's not buying into the illusion
but then again we are still partaking in that illusion we still
choose things in the illusion nothings ever right or wrong in it
i feel like i'm looping..
remember they are just thoughts.. huh.. then why am i even here
if so.. why.. because it is?.. my partner in crime ego.. why
can't we partners in bliss? why do we pick between them?
confusion arises loop increases with no validity around it of
being certain with a goal, why is it important to have a goal?
why not? i'm not significant so what? i am on denial? i loop..
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