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#Post#: 1674--------------------------------------------------
Re: Smith
DIR By: Smith
Date: September 25, 2014, 1:42 am
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Thanks Jed.
I have a sore throat today, and I'm wondering if the solution to
emotions (attention), applies to illness as well. If there's
pain arising, isn't that a call for attention? I was wondering
if you could share your two cents on how to deal with illness. I
know it's sort of off topic, so just ignore it if you don't
think this is appropriate here.
#Post#: 1677--------------------------------------------------
Re: Smith
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: September 25, 2014, 2:14 am
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I don't bother it and it doesn't bother me. It's just more of
what is and 'you' can never get ill, obviously.
Look closer at who is sick.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 1918--------------------------------------------------
Re: Smith
DIR By: Smith
Date: September 29, 2014, 10:20 am
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There is something crazy about being aware. Trying to understand
it is mind boggling. Awareness is my nature. Awareness is
nature. Self awareness. Who is aware? The world stops. What's
there to look at? Awareness is all. There is no one to find.
Look in every direction, in all aspects of reality. Awareness is
all you can find.
Still, the ego looks for something special. There is no ego, and
there is nothing special. It doesn't listen. "I am not
satisfied. I need to find it." Exhausting. It's like being in a
bad dream sometimes. Actually, it's exactly like being in a bad
dream. So what do I do? There's nothing I can find. It's the
seeking itself that is the cloud in front of the sun. The
seeking happens automatically. I'm not talking about spiritual
seeking. I'm talking about seeking as a way of life. Wanting.
Discontent. Saying no. Placing importance on the character. Why
is this 'part' of self more important than others? If I am
everything and everyone, why do I place special importance on
'this' character? Is that not the very obstacle for a natural,
flowing life? How can I dislike some parts of myself and prefer
others? How can I dislike something or someone? They are me. Do
I want to dislike? Do I want to feel hate? Do I want to invite
that to my life? ... Do I want to invite lack? Is that what I
want to experience? Why 'want' to experience anything? It just
reinforces the lack. Who wants? Ignorant thoughts. I don't want,
because I can't want.
I feel drawn to go back to inquiry. To real inquiry.
Contemplation. Emotional work is still necessary as well. Also,
had a bad habit that took unnecessary time and energy. Feels
good to have moved it out of the house. Why make it harder than
it has to?
#Post#: 2018--------------------------------------------------
Re: Smith
DIR By: Smith
Date: September 30, 2014, 5:53 pm
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I feel like my reading is different. Before, I would always
think what I could get out of the text, always looking ahead.
Now, I'm allowing myself to be the text. Just reading it slowly.
Being it. People talk about 'speed reading'. Perhaps they should
focus more on 'slow reading'. I read a text from Rupert Spira.
It had a lot of questions in it. Reading slow and stopping at
each question seems to be a much more powerful way to read
something.
Doing things more slowly and with more feeling seems to be
something I can do more of. I keep re-reading your 'rant on
truth'. Neti neti was something that had a profound impact on me
when I first understood it. And I did it for a while, in my own
way. Then I stopped with it. Perhaps I should do it again. With
more 'feeling' as you suggest. Self inquiry or neti neti is not
very effective in a robot sense. But at the same time, you have
to be almost ridiculously patient - it's difficult not to become
a robot. The practice makes a lot of sense though. If it's done
in a sincere manner, perhaps it will lead to something.
#Post#: 2036--------------------------------------------------
Re: Smith
DIR By: Smith
Date: October 1, 2014, 2:36 am
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I had a very interesting experience just now. I was waking up,
well rested. For some reason I decided to watch the breath for a
while. Just see what could happen. I haven't done much
breath-watching, but it just felt appealing.
Eventually, I became very relaxed and just decided to lean into
this peacefulness. Deeper relaxation followed, the whole body
was enjoying itself, although I wasn't paying much attention to
that. Being a "spiritual seeker", there's always a tape playing
in the background: 'you should inquire', 'perhaps this could
lead somewhere', 'if you do this correctly, maybe you'll get
something out of this meditation'. So I thought, 'how about I
just let that go and just stay with and enjoy this?' And then
it dawned on me - those previous thoughts are the very
hinderance to peace! To reality. Always looking ahead. Truth is
NOW. There's nothing to get about it, you just have to let go of
the obstacles. It's ALWAYS available. It's incredible subtle.
You wouldn't think something like 'this' would be here 'right
now'. Just stop looking for it. It's already here.
#Post#: 2075--------------------------------------------------
Re: Smith
DIR By: Smith
Date: October 1, 2014, 8:32 pm
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It is right here, available. Just obscured by wanting and
chasing. Let go of that. But then it seems that the letting go
is also effort by ego. But letting go just means to remind
myself of something. It's not a letting go where I try to
control the outcome. Just a reminder which perhaps can take
hold: 'This wanting/trying to get something/figuring out is just
obscuring what is. Let's let go of it and see what happens. Not
even see what happens, just let go.'
#Post#: 2123--------------------------------------------------
Re: Smith
DIR By: Smith
Date: October 2, 2014, 4:55 pm
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Enjoyed your post on letting go. Asking if I want to hold on to
this, feels much more powerful than asking can I let it go. If
it's here, It's because I somehow want it to be there in some
way or another. Letting go of something you actually want to be
there won't work. Asking deeply what it gives you to hold on to
it feels like a way in - trying to letting go feels like trying
to escape.
And it reminds me how silly it is that I hold on to these
things: 'Why do I still believe this; why do I still feed and
manifest this reality?' 'Why do I hold on to it so tight??' 'Who
would I be without it?'
Not everybody is feeling judged bs in a given situation. It's
not a mandatory, necessary feeling. It's not a true belief or a
feeling. Why hold on to it so tight? How does it feel to do
it...?
#Post#: 2124--------------------------------------------------
Re: Smith
DIR By: Smith
Date: October 2, 2014, 5:16 pm
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I feel what's keeping me from 'it' is this mental tension. It's
not the biggest thing in this awareness, but it's pretty
strong/central and has a lot of impact. I inquired what the
cause of this tension is. After a little wait, the answer was
clear: wanting. Wanting is the big obstruction to the whole
thing. I see more clearly than ever that wanting is
counterproductive. 'Is this the reality I want to manifest, is
this desirable?' 'Do I want to hold on to the wanting?' 'Is the
tension something worth holding on to??'
#Post#: 2125--------------------------------------------------
Re: Smith
DIR By: Smith
Date: October 2, 2014, 5:33 pm
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I see more clearly than ever that I am completely manifesting my
reality. Every bad little thing happens because of some dumb
belief (lack, jealousy, anger, shame). Just see what is causing
something, and inquire about it. What is it that I'm holding on
to??
#Post#: 2126--------------------------------------------------
Re: Smith
DIR By: Smith
Date: October 2, 2014, 5:57 pm
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Lots of posts tonight, guess it's one of those days.
If you're feeling like you're unlovable or something like that,
the key is not to try to affirm the opposite. Just look at
whatever you're believing and ask: 'is this worth holding on
to?'
I'm repeating myself, but I'm grinding it out. This is going to
be my focus in inquiry in the coming days, that's for sure. I
might not feel this excited tomorrow, but I sense this is a real
opening... One of your post set it in motion, I'm bubbling with
gratitude...
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