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       #Post#: 1033--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Smith
   DIR By: Smith
       Date: September 12, 2014, 6:41 am
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       Had a big breakthrough just now. Let's try to put it into
       words... I've looked at desires as something 'bad' that should
       be let go of. But why are desires there in the first place?
       Because we resist what we have, we resist what is. The problem
       isn't the effect (desires), the problem is the cause
       (resistance). I am unhappy about a lot of things in my
       situation. But the problem isn't that am not rich, it's that I
       resist that I'm not.
       I look at all the things I'm unhappy about. I find emotional
       attachments. I guess my task is to experience all that emotion.
       It's not even that hard. It's actually pleasant compared to
       looking away. Glad to have found this. Several of the posts I've
       read from you lately has been about resistance. Now it opened
       up. Thanks Jed!
       #Post#: 1077--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Smith
   DIR By: Smith
       Date: September 14, 2014, 1:39 am
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       I understand now what it means to have a seemingly neverending
       mountain of crap in front of you. It just goes on and on. It's
       not neverending though. And being very happy to have found a
       method to deal with it - just feel all of it until there's
       nothing left to feel. Getting better at it.
       #Post#: 1089--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Smith
   DIR By: Jed McKenna
       Date: September 14, 2014, 8:22 am
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       Dear Smith:
       Good stuff, keep it up.
       Love ya, Jed.
       #Post#: 1296--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Smith
   DIR By: Smith
       Date: September 17, 2014, 2:21 pm
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       Emotional pain are only opportunities to grow. To expand. To let
       go of facade. The ego resists the 'bad' because by definition it
       becomes worthless if bad stuff happen. Being unsuccessful means
       being worthless. It's about as bad as dying for the ego. So
       welcoming the bad stuff means letting go of ego. Doesn't mean
       welcoming the bad is always easy, but it's easier when you know
       why you're doing it.
       #Post#: 1597--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Smith
   DIR By: Smith
       Date: September 23, 2014, 3:39 am
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       It's funny. Energies that I have taken as my personality are
       simply experiences that says 'hey! look at me! experience me!'
       #Post#: 1598--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Smith
   DIR By: Smith
       Date: September 23, 2014, 3:40 am
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       A small realization I had recently: I have had this urge to
       travel, this dream to go to a new place every week. But it's all
       rooted in bullshit connected to where I live. Here, there are
       triggers, I have a history etc. I don't feel free here. But this
       is all about my bs, not about where I am.   I can be thankful
       for living here where all my crap is continually brought to the
       surface. If something presents itself in terms of traveling, I'm
       in, but anything short of being thankful of my situation is
       resisting it.
       #Post#: 1599--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Smith
   DIR By: Smith
       Date: September 23, 2014, 3:42 am
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       I'm glad you wrote about contemplation, Jed. I guess I didn't
       really understand what it is. Trying to get a better feel for
       it. Asking questions like: what is 'resistance/acceptance
       truly?' I've usually been grasping for answers. Adyashanti
       talked about some autolysis he was doing were he would write and
       then stop when he didn't have anything. Just wait for something
       to come up. Holding the question in a relaxed and focused manner
       seems to be the trick.
       #Post#: 1647--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Smith
   DIR By: Smith
       Date: September 24, 2014, 12:17 pm
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       I find that if I'm feeling out of place - awkward, borderline
       creepy, if I just accept that creepiness and 'become' that
       creepiness, I am at least not fighting myself. And eventually
       the awkwardness that I felt fades out. It was sustained by
       denying all along.
       I have always thought that I shouldn't feel those bad things
       because then I will believe I am like that. Turns out it's the
       opposite way. It's when we don't like something that it
       persists. Being transparent. Completely comfortable with who you
       are. That's what being at ease really is. And that means being
       comfortable with being a dumb, awkward, unimportant,
       unsuccessful, smelly and ugly little shit (when it's called for
       lol). But I find the harder I try to be something 'bad', the
       less of it I am.
       #Post#: 1652--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Smith
   DIR By: Smith
       Date: September 24, 2014, 5:33 pm
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       I'm beginning to see how contemplation really work. And how to
       really think - destructively. I'm meditating on people that I
       don't like, but what I keep coming back to is that there's an
       explanation for everyone's personality and that we are all the
       same. It's much harder to dislike someone when you know they're
       just a helpless, innocent form. Just a leaf in the wind that
       happened to blow in a certain direction.
       Thinking is very powerful when it's combined with meditation. I
       can explore so much. I never used it before. You can get through
       something with a little contemplation that otherwise would keep
       you chained for years. Just think about it with a little relaxed
       focus and see what comes up.
       #Post#: 1656--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Smith
   DIR By: Jed McKenna
       Date: September 24, 2014, 9:05 pm
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       Dear Smith:
       I have nothing particular to say right  now. Sounds like you are
       working it out. Just keep an eye on who or what it is that is
       doing all the working out.
       love ya, Jed.
       P.S. You don't love, her because there is still a you and a her.
       You have an emotional 'deal' with her that may be quite
       pleasant, but that is all that any human can ever strive for,
       regardless of all the b.s. we have been sold, and we have been
       sold a great deal. Absolutely nothing wrong with it, but just
       see it and take it for what it is, not what you want or need it
       to be. (Hmmm.... old, wise fart speaking through me.)
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