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#Post#: 26223--------------------------------------------------
playing cat and mouse with myself.
By: Stasia Date: December 23, 2016, 3:58 pm
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Hello, Jed. Have cleaned the topic.
Whatever to say or think, its all is b.s. I have much to talk
about, but this time I won't. I'm fed up with my stories and I
don't want to produce more. But I do. Every single moment. So,
there's nothing to do here, I just watch the show. It's all
helpless and you were right about it.
Getting rid of falseness and stories is a story too. I stare
into the void, Jed. Im dis.sa.tis.fi.ed. Deadly.
S.
#Post#: 26225--------------------------------------------------
Re: playing cat and mouse with myself.
By: Jed McKenna Date: December 23, 2016, 10:01 pm
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Thanks for sharing Starsia.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 26471--------------------------------------------------
Re: playing cat and mouse with myself.
By: Stasia Date: January 7, 2017, 8:54 am
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Happy Holidays, dear Jed!
I want to share something. I felt a light flavour of nothingness
and, yes, I cant desire it. Two or three seconds of scaring,
thrilling, deep, unfamiliar void, absence of mind and self. I
couldn't find anything to call 'I'. It was also a moment of
animal willing to plunge into thoughts again. Thoughts are my
dirty water now and my non-existing lungs are not strong enough
yet to breathe fresh air of nothingness. I guess, one day they
will.
Nothing to gain and nothing to lose anyway!
Wish you all the best, bestbestbest,
S.
#Post#: 26474--------------------------------------------------
Re: playing cat and mouse with myself.
By: Jed McKenna Date: January 7, 2017, 10:00 am
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And the best always to you.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 29956--------------------------------------------------
Re: playing cat and mouse with myself.
By: Stasia Date: June 29, 2017, 11:36 am
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Jed.
I used to think that talking about sex was something childish
and foolish. that's why I hesitated to wright about it here.
It took me two years to stop avoiding this real barrier: I have
a strong attachment to the body and I'm too keen on keeping it
pure. I feel shame and guilt for intimacy with my ex-partners as
if they stole some valuable part of my being. It feels like I
betrayed myself.
I do my best while autolysis and only want you to guide me a bit
if I start avoiding this thing again. I appreciate your any
words you think might help me now.
Thank you always.
Stasia.
P.S. I got something interesting. I realized why the end of
relationships was the most scaring thing for me. That is my
personal demo-version of real death. My image dies in other
people's heart and I subconsciously project this on my whole
life. I feel I have an end. A kind of a freeing and scaring
insight.
#Post#: 29966--------------------------------------------------
Re: playing cat and mouse with myself.
By: Jed McKenna Date: June 29, 2017, 10:18 pm
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Getting freer can have it's scary aspects. But in the end it's
much better.
So you might be thinking there is something special about you
and your stories about sex. Don't think for a moment that others
haven't experienced the same or similar conversations in their
head. So what?
Is there something special about your story that I have missed?
Sounds like you are clinging to some personal drama and I can
tell you that you are wasting you time.... totally. (just trying
to emphasize this). It's just a decision.
Stop wallowing. Forgive everyone and everything, especially
yourself. You are not nearly as important as you think you are
and from what I am getting, your sexual adventures sound...
hm... a little boring. :P :P :P Humans are very sexual animals.
Just the way it is. We screw up plenty of things (figuratively
and literally). SO WHAT? SO WHAT? .... SO WHAT?
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 30073--------------------------------------------------
Re: playing cat and mouse with myself.
By: Stasia Date: July 4, 2017, 4:47 am
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Ok, Jed. Personal stories are all I have. I mean, ALL. I
checked. Whatever i try to say or think. So.. what? I'm stuck.
Again and again and again... Total futility.
#Post#: 30080--------------------------------------------------
Re: playing cat and mouse with myself.
By: Jed McKenna Date: July 4, 2017, 8:26 am
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After futility... what would be the smart thing to do ??? ???
:o
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 30082--------------------------------------------------
Re: playing cat and mouse with myself.
By: Stasia Date: July 4, 2017, 9:29 am
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Surrender
#Post#: 30085--------------------------------------------------
Re: playing cat and mouse with myself.
By: Jed McKenna Date: July 4, 2017, 10:30 am
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Now go do it!
Love ya, Jed.
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