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#Post#: 26044--------------------------------------------------
Merry weather
DIR By: Stark
Date: December 16, 2016, 9:36 am
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Hi Jed,
was liar before, and fear before that. I'm in a new place so
thought it was useful to seek advice. Im having a rocky time
adjusting to having a life. That means low energy, im sleepy A
LOT, motivation, i cant for the life of me finish my thesis or
seem to get a solid job to support my own ass, so I'm supported
by my parents. So balancing all that stuff, i feel writing a
thesis means i cant at the same time hold down or find a job.
And it seems unspiritual of me to just blame it on the job
market.
I feel like I'm an adult, but my life looks to me glaringly to
point otherwise. Who's right? Other side of that question would
be how to keep my mouth shut and is it important 100 % ?
#Post#: 26047--------------------------------------------------
Re: Merry weather
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: December 16, 2016, 4:17 pm
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Welcome back.
My first question to you is what do you feel so compelled to say
that you can't keep you mouth shut?
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 26055--------------------------------------------------
Re: Merry weather
DIR By: Stark
Date: December 17, 2016, 2:36 am
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Well, I just can't seem to accept certain things and certain
people characteristics. And before what i wanted were guts to
say what i don't like. When i got guts then i realized it does
not change anything maybe not even a bit. I cant even tell
someone to take care with smoking, its still just being drama,
what do i really know about smoking?? We're not influencers of
change (goodbye obama), at least at a personal will level. So im
struggling to accept being unimportant to people.
Things i can do im lazy for, it all takes soo much time and
daily effort to get good at something. Didnt see all that
coming...
#Post#: 26056--------------------------------------------------
Re: Merry weather
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: December 17, 2016, 3:02 am
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People are free to smoke, be jerks, whatever. Not your job to
change them, you can always leave.
Can't change yourself much... so how much luck do you think you
will have with others? ??? ??? ???
Love ya, Jed
#Post#: 26165--------------------------------------------------
Re: Merry weather
DIR By: Stark
Date: December 21, 2016, 4:30 am
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Ive been grabbing onto various stuff. Jobs, careers, education,
hobbies, people, physical objects, wishes... And everything i
grab hold of i remember now i have to work to upkeep. And that
is just insufferable... On the other hand anything i want to do
and just do, its just easy as a pie, perfect. Thought it, did
it, gone. But a lot of stuff i just entangle myself into, so
sometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt, id say half of time,
with the tendency to get less and less. Im trying to stay cleer
of entangling in any bigger messes, one of the last times had a
fine and possible court date over my head BUT it still worked
out quite fine in the end...
Also with people, sometimes socializing turns out to be my ego
mess, and other times what i feel like a mistake ends me up in a
nice seat to observe theater like show of human behaviour and
what crap i came out of before.
I guess i get entanged because sometimes its hard to bear
emptiness and boredom, and well, just how my life looks like to
other people that have their unexamined ones. I dont want to be
a jerk, but i dont like some pussy looking at me like im the
pussy.
Do i need to be apprehensive, nervous about which one is gone
turn out? or just dive into it and get it over it? does it end
or its always a lottery? is this also a PHASE?
#Post#: 26170--------------------------------------------------
Re: Merry weather
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: December 21, 2016, 6:07 am
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How old are you? ... physically I mean....
Now, how old are you emotionally?
I trust your judgment on this matter.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 26211--------------------------------------------------
Re: Merry weather
DIR By: Stark
Date: December 23, 2016, 3:57 am
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Physically, im couple of years under 30, emotionally, id say im
10. But I think I have been 10 for too long now... it important
to keep growing up isnt it?
I would divide my process to my last break (or my first break),
but this is something different now... I feel im letting it all
play out now a bit more easily. The difference between last
Christmas and this one is well, staggering, the last one i was
amost like a crackhead except propped up a bit by wine.
A lot of us on the forum mention how you cant go for
enlightenment directly, or you dont really want to, or one cant
want enlightenment... but i want to. But what if I am lying to
myself. Like your cookoo rant on moon landings, if something
probability is close to zero, how can a "sane" human animal
really want it, its a threat to its existence... but i know i
want it, even if i dont want it in some of my egoic ways.
Because egoic ways are powerless. Its like dark jedi force,
seems to work out mostly short-term.
What is my best argument about this all not being a dream, that
it takes a lots of human years for a life. How could something
unreal be so long and slow?
#Post#: 26230--------------------------------------------------
Re: Merry weather
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: December 24, 2016, 12:17 am
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Long and slow is only an appearance created by illusory
stretching of the ''now''.
So, you want enlightenment... hang on, my B. S. detector is
going of....
Wait, I think you want what you think enlightenment will give
you, the result of enlightenment. Could that be true... are you
trying to pull my leg. Or maybe you own leg.
Let me know, as Truthish as you can.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 26264--------------------------------------------------
Re: Merry weather
DIR By: Stark
Date: December 26, 2016, 11:42 am
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To tell you the truth, I don't know what I want anymore.
Whatever you would give me, i would destroy it.
I'm afraid I couldn't be able to take it. Just like everything
else...
#Post#: 26265--------------------------------------------------
Re: Merry weather
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: December 26, 2016, 3:06 pm
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Seeing how this is all a dream... what would you have if you
destroyed everything? I don't mean, kill, rape, pillage and
plunder, just gently saw through everything, that it's all b.s.
Love ya, Jed.
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