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#Post#: 2717--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fear
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 11, 2014, 11:55 pm
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That's a good book.
Regarding offending others "SO WHAT?".
I offend everyone, Job #1. Offend. Get out there and offend,
then... SO WHAT?
If someone is offended it's their problem, not yours.
If you come across someone who can't be offended, you just might
have someone worth spending time with.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 2787--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fear
DIR By: Fear
Date: October 13, 2014, 5:31 am
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I love you. Im a bit drunk.
#Post#: 2805--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fear
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 13, 2014, 9:23 am
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;D
#Post#: 2850--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fear
DIR By: Fear
Date: October 14, 2014, 4:07 am
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Making decisions. Its pretty automatic, i mostly do it by
myself. ANd then I feel bad about it for myself and have bad
thoughts and generating all kinds of outcomes. Its like its
really hard to give up free will and keep on deciding :).
Whats the criteria? Success, personal well-being, contentment,
bliss, beuty in the eyes of other beholders? How do I know I
will achieve that? How will I knowI acheieved others artificial
standards? I dont even know they have standards. I dont even
know if getting a good result now is a good result two days or
two months from now.
Its hard to let body take care of itself. Its hard to let me
take care of me. Because its not classical taking care. Its just
unnering sense youll always be just fine. Even with a stab
wound, even with psychological abuse. ANy and every of thing. I
notice the reflexes of my conditioning. As soon as I open the
eys in the morning its bad thoughts and bad moods. ANy change is
bad. No, its welcomed as bad. Welcomed with doubt, disbelief,
suspicion. I bend myself quite literally to make things bad. I
introduce bad feelings in the body, bad feelings start polluting
the mind. Everything looks bad because my vision is poisoned
with black ink. And it kinda seems I do it. My programming does
it automatically.
But where is the separation, where is the line between not
making anything even my programming wrong, and seeing how my
programming introduces badness all by itself? I guess thats why
you try to get people to unhook from personal stories. Cuase its
i think quite literally a hook. To get yourself to stop
disattaching. If something "bad" happens there is an instinct to
make a cover story from it, to make it, to model it into me me
me me. But its really not about me. Its nothing personal because
everything is personal. Everything goes into me, into making and
unmaking me.
The body the people, seeing hearing, thinking feeling smelling ,
its all me. Its easy to let old instincts start the bad feeling,
the fears, the anxiousness, the trying to crush it all to hell
and then sulk but its all like rushing rushing rushing. I dont
want to destroy, i want to let it be destroyed if it will, same
with keeping stuff, same with everything. I do not want in any
way to have to move my finger about that stuff. i want it all
delivered to me and cleaned up after me. Im just doing this
"fitness regime" and it really feels like the only thing I DO.
Everything else kinda reshuffles around me. MAybe im losing the
sense of doership, and more like it, i think i never really
wanted to be the one to have to do stuff. Im abysmally lazy.
Born royalty.
#Post#: 2851--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fear
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 14, 2014, 4:47 am
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Further, and take that silver spoon out of your mouth.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 2857--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fear
DIR By: Fear
Date: October 14, 2014, 5:17 am
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Phew, but I gotta admit I lietrally do not believe that thre is
a further from this "place". For the first time I have no idea
what would that be, that its in any way possible, I cannot
envision it.
#Post#: 2859--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fear
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 14, 2014, 6:29 am
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If you could envision is it wouldn't be further. Trust me,
further.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 2893--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fear
DIR By: Fear
Date: October 15, 2014, 3:54 am
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I notice Im not a regular guy regarding general vague stuff,
like talking about the government, worrying about the job, the
future, my house, the succes of my enchilladas at the office
party, but when it comes to personal stuff, to close people , to
attachments, there is a huge distinction. Im not so enlightened
there. All the energy not wasted on general stuff now seems to
excerbate personal issues, hang-ups.
Also maybe I am going completely crazy.
#Post#: 2897--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fear
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 15, 2014, 4:59 am
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Dear F:
Maybe you are going completely sane,
Love ya, Jed.
P.S. I hope to be sane one day also.
#Post#: 2914--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fear
DIR By: Fear
Date: October 15, 2014, 2:03 pm
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It seems like there's no comfort, no satisfaction, no solace, no
retribution, no karma, no point, no conclusion, no purpose, no
end, no tied bow. There is nothing otherwordly in all of this.
This is about the facts of everyday existence. This is not
something comsic, no love bliss, no divine visions, no dopamine
trip, this aint gona turn into a halucinogenic experience,world
is not gonna split apart into starts shooting out of my ass,
counciousness is not gonna necessarily leave my body - this IS
a halucinogenic experience. This ****, existence, IS special.
THere is nothing more to add. I dont need to give my
contribution.
Nothing to get, nowehere to go to, no levels to it, no
graduation ceremony, no hats or pointy ones. This is just life
same as it has always been. Its all just ****ing life.
There is no story to it all.
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