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#Post#: 24563--------------------------------------------------
how to move from here?
DIR By: jjtech
Date: October 20, 2016, 3:56 pm
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I was just about to ask if it's possible to achieve ha being in
relationship but realized it doesn't matter. Every question I
think of stops making sense once I write it down. I figured if I
somehow take this "first step" that it won't matter either way
-- realtionship or not -- I will simply do what's right.
I have a little problem with ha - is it something that happens
AFTER the "first step"? ... or before? Or it's unrelated?
Sometime ago you asked me what I want. I thought it's tr, but I
can't want it. How could I? All I know is what I don't want.
I'm a bit confused -- there is nothing to strive for because I
can't see the sense in anything. I can't just go on and "make
career" in life because it makes the same sense to me as not
making it.
I see unhappiness in every happiness to the point where they
merge into one thing.
So if unhappiness and happiness are the same thing, and love and
hate are the same thing, than what can ever make sense? I can't
seem to unlock this door. Going to work and not going to work
and starving make the same sense. None. And at the same time,
whatever I will do, will be the right thing to do. No
difference. Saving the whale makes the same sense as butchering
it. I see people killed in Syria, or wherever, and can't see
anything wrong with that.
And... at the same time I feel completely full of shit. What to
do if it makes no difference what I do?
#Post#: 24570--------------------------------------------------
Re: how to move from here?
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 21, 2016, 2:44 am
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Dear JJ:
O.K. Time to get you head our of your you-know-what. How do you
know that people are being killed in Syria? What do you know
from whales? Wait a minute, I get it, your are believing that
little rectangular display, that's it, isn't it?
Go swim with whales (I have in my youth) and go to Syria (passed
through many years ago). Then you might know a little more about
what you are hallucinating. I'd say the first step for you is
yet to be taken. Stop feeding your non-existent brain with other
peoples manure. Find out your own experiences and take them for
what they actually are. Watching a screen is not an experience
for you, it's a deep and very powerful hypnotic induction.
I am dead serious about this. Time to grow up. What are you
experiencing right now? No stories or concepts about your
experiences, forget you memories, what are you directly
experiencing now?
Love ya, Jed
P.S. Don't believe this screen either. Go out and do it.
#Post#: 24576--------------------------------------------------
Re: how to move from here?
DIR By: jjtech
Date: October 21, 2016, 6:29 am
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Thanks Jed,
Yes - I have no idea if Syria even exists... and I've never seen
the whale..
I'm experiencing chaos (random thoughts running in different
directions - I have no better way to describe it). I am
addicted to online pornography and decided to stop it, and it's
my 17th day without it and struggling with so-called "urges" -
persistent flashes of erotic scenes from random videos I've seen
over the years. Even while I write it I see those images in the
background...
Can't see beyond that. The closest description of my overall
state would be "voluntary slave".
And at this very second I feel like crying and screaming. My
heart weights two tonnes
#Post#: 24579--------------------------------------------------
Re: how to move from here?
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 21, 2016, 9:35 am
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Don't resist or attempt to change that weight in your heart.
Just be with it as best you can.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 24584--------------------------------------------------
Re: how to move from here?
DIR By: jjtech
Date: October 21, 2016, 1:36 pm
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Thank you Jed,
I will take it seriously.
J
#Post#: 24591--------------------------------------------------
Re: how to move from here?
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 22, 2016, 12:08 am
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Best wishes,
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 24708--------------------------------------------------
Re: how to move from here?
DIR By: jjtech
Date: October 26, 2016, 7:32 pm
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I can't see anything bad in anything. Things seem to fall into
place just perfectly.
I'm still a stupid addicted idiot, but it doesn't seem very
important anymore.
Whenever I get "lost" in the forest, I refuse to use maps....
even though the urge to do this can be strong.... And I always
get to where I want. I go on my bike with low fuel, and the
petrol station is right there, at the exact time I need it. I
get green lights 90% of the time, even the money seem to come to
me... I call it "divine navigation". Before, I used to plan
everything, look up the maps, prepare. I seem to be just flowing
through things now, so I guess it's a "progress".
I stayed with my heavy heart a few times, but the heaviness
seems to go away once observed up close. Or maybe it stops
bothering me. Don't know which.
Also, my ambitions seem to fall away. I don't see the point in
anything. I don't know why I'm doing this or that - I just do.
Sometimes this state falls away and panic returns, but even this
is ok.
I'm playing with the flowers at the side of the road
#Post#: 24716--------------------------------------------------
Re: how to move from here?
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 27, 2016, 1:47 am
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Sounds just fine to me.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 24728--------------------------------------------------
Re: how to move from here?
DIR By: jjtech
Date: October 27, 2016, 8:57 am
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This whole thing moved from some spirutual level to a very
practical one. There is no grand idea behind it - it's just fun
and makes life easier... to actually not change anything and let
it flow the way it flows. Which it will anyway. I'm still
learning it, playing with it.
Were those things happening to me before and I haven't noticed
them? People, me included, usually find smart explanation for
such "coincidences". But there are too many to ignore - I think
I will put this on paper to see more clearly.
The thought is: this isn't real. My mind is making things appear
and disappear. and if so, they can't be real in the "outside"
sense (outside of what?). It feels very much like lucid
dreaming. Not always, but often enough.
#Post#: 24754--------------------------------------------------
Re: how to move from here?
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 28, 2016, 2:05 am
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Just stick with it, and further.... of course.
Love ya, Jed.
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