DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
INVISIBLE GURU FORUM
HTML https://jedmckenna.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Member Posts
*****************************************************
#Post#: 23595--------------------------------------------------
Is illusion for real?
DIR By: Marshak
Date: August 26, 2016, 9:15 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Dear Jed,
Many thanks for creating this forum and sharing precious
information via your books of which I have read the first one
I entered the experience of a real depression (including much
psycho-somatic symptoms) in 2009 and was lucky enough, while
going to a quite nice therapy where some childhood/family
conflicts were
exposed, to trust more and more in an alternative perspective.
First important book was 'Power of Now' which rang some bells.
Others followed from U.G., Nisargadatta, Karl Renz and yours.
After about four years I came out of depression I would say,
armed with a new understanding, losing much of what I had
thought was important for me, including my catholic believe from
my childhood.
I could finally finish my studies and wanted to become a
teacher, as I had planned before depression and enlightenment
literature had changed my life but as I started at school it was
not such a big surprise
that I could not go on as if nothing had happened to me. Money,
Fame, Safety, Career and super much stress in an quite idiotic
school system, listening to bs from my job environment whole day
long - that was
not what I wanted any longer. So I quit my job although I had
studied (and paid) hard for it and started to work at a job
where I barely can make a living but it's not stressful and I am
quite happy there.
It seems as if I have lost much interest in much things I did
regularly before this crisis crossed my life. The subjects that
I have studied are not interesting me much anymore (okay when
you study them at university they are all fun), I am not so
interested in politics anymore and even having sex or having a
girlfriend has become quite irrelevant. I have not much friends
and the ones I have are liking me much but I cannot talk one
second with them about the mystery of life.
I really never searched for enlightenment in the first place but
I think for years now I am infected with this virus and I enjoy
it and it already has changed my life in kind of that way that I
really do not care much about things. Often I have no thought at
all but it feels as if it's a little bit too dry in the desert
and I have doubts if I am playing a trick on myself without
noticing it.
Question 1: How can I know If I am fooling myself and using the
whole enlightenment stuff only for an excuse not to work hard
for my wishes, needs, dreams? Am I afraid of going further? I
have to say I am doing quite fine with not knowing. Only thing
that concers me is how to make a living when I have not much
interest in a lot of things.
Question 2: There are still some moral concers about porn,
smoking, betting, gaming, wheed ... Do you think all distracts
me only from enlightenment? I mean it makes fun so why not? When
I know that I cannot do anything in time and space for getting
"nearer" to enligthenment and I am not the doer. Who cares then?
You see what I mean?
#Post#: 23597--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is illusion for real?
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: August 26, 2016, 11:59 am
---------------------------------------------------------
He there;
Go back to the drawing board. One question only, the most
important one, obviously. And reduce the rest to less that 200
words... too much drama for me to deal with.
Love ya, Jed.
P.S. You are not as important as you think you are, you are full
of yourself and that is just dramatic b. s. Shape up or ship
out. Remember, 200 words, preferably less.
#Post#: 23599--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is illusion for real?
DIR By: Marshak
Date: August 26, 2016, 1:42 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I did not want to sound dramatic and did not know about the word
limit
In short: After depression has taught me a lot and I enjoyed
some really good reads my whole perspective
on life has changed and I am thankful for it; Consequences are
losing of interest in so much things; quiting job, relationship
..
I know it's NOT about getting ascetic but it seems as if it's a
byproduct at the moment.
Question: How can I know if my new passivity in many things is a
good path on the T /R or if it's b.s. and prevents me from
things that actually making fun but I think are 'un-spiritual'
I think maybe there's a moral question behind that question but
I can't put it better into words at the moment, sorry.
#Post#: 23601--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is illusion for real?
DIR By: Marshak
Date: August 26, 2016, 1:52 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I think I cannot know and I think that's the point
#Post#: 23604--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is illusion for real?
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: August 27, 2016, 2:49 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Yup....
#Post#: 23607--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is illusion for real?
DIR By: Marshak
Date: August 27, 2016, 6:44 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Why do I care? It's clear, it's the stupid fear of doing
something wrong or forbidden or to miss something important.
And when "I" is a story I only believe in then it does not
matter anyway cause everything happened by itself and not by
little me.
Why it is so hard to imagine, accept that I never did something?
It's obvious cause I doe not really exist. How should something
become clearer by looking at more carefully when there is
nothing really there?
Laugh, it's all so stupid ...
#Post#: 23608--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is illusion for real?
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: August 27, 2016, 9:39 am
---------------------------------------------------------
.... another ''Yup''...
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 23621--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is illusion for real?
DIR By: Marshak
Date: August 28, 2016, 8:33 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Was in the zoo yesterday, felt like your words that I was "full
of myself" helped me to see through a self-related veil, thanks
for that ...
Today super empty mind, almost only seeing, enjoying, good mood,
no bliss (and that's good, bliss has fooled me lot)
Is it too easy to say not-knowing is being? Feel today as if my
attention is directed on it's own (self-awareness) while I am
doing my daily stuff.
#Post#: 23673--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is illusion for real?
DIR By: Marshak
Date: September 1, 2016, 8:47 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I don't have to care about my ego cause it won't never ever go
away.
It's my partner in crime as my body is.
The only thing that can happen is that I realize that I am not
my ego and that is what's really important.
This whole question and answer thing leads only further when
there is a realization that what oneself is goes beyond question
and answers. So the question does not become irrelevant because
it would be answered once and for always (and would arise the
next minute, the next day, the next year ...)
but there is nobody anymore interested in questions and when
there is nobody interested in questions, no question really
makes any sense anymore.
#Post#: 23674--------------------------------------------------
Re: Is illusion for real?
DIR By: Marshak
Date: September 1, 2016, 9:02 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
When I am not my ego, then shouldn't I immediately stop to
search for something that reliefs me from my ego because by
searching it I would only put more meaning and emphasis to
something which is, let's say it straight, not really there ...
ego exists only in my imagination. No baby would have a clue
about an ego I guess.
*****************************************************
Page 1 of 3
DIR Next Page