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#Post#: 23472--------------------------------------------------
like a rabid dog
DIR By: david
Date: August 19, 2016, 10:57 am
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Getting to the truth. This is what I want MORE THAN ANYTHING
ELSE. I am not interested in "getting" or "seeing" anything
else. All the so-called "spiritual" polite bullshit is a
gigantic bore and I am NOT interested in any of that.
I am not here to be impressed with Jed the writer, with Jed
McKenna who has written "Damnedest" and "Warfare" etc, I am here
to work. And to work as feverishly and hard as I possibly can
like a rabid dog in some filthy dark dank alley ripping into
something that offends him. A snarling seething desire to see
truth. An insane manic and maniacal pushing pushing wanting more
then food or living.
Are we clear on this?
What is seen in this coconut brain/head/mind is a retarded,
stunted, selfish, needy, wanting - always wanting more, "this
isn't good enough" - ad nauseum, unbalanced son-of-a-bitch who
can lie and bullshit and posture and deny and play act 24/7.
This is whats being seen (yea by no one) almost 24 hours a day.
He/it isn't socially polite, it is ugly and neanderthal,
knuckle-dragging, grossly distorting and massively disgusting.
Self centered, drooling idiot here to work.
And all the nicey-nice polite "spiritual" crap is a waste of
time and energy.
Lets be real. really real. No matter what form it takes. This
programmed, conditioned, robotic, marionette,
puppet-on-a-string, lying false life is exactly that - FALSE. It
feels like a F......g straitjacket. What would the lame comment
be in "spiritual" circles? "Oh yes, the "I" is seeing
this......blablabl. But its not big M mind ....blablabla"
Living a lie. It isn't living at all. I want out of the lies and
the pseudo-psycho babble BS of the spiritual market place-milky
toast-watered down meditation filled meditative (lets play at
being buddha) fake spirituality.
NO MORE.
Its time.
#Post#: 23479--------------------------------------------------
Re: like a rabid dog
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: August 19, 2016, 7:03 pm
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Hi David;
Welcome to the forum. Glad you figured it all out.
Now, what is your purpose in writing your post. Noble
intentions, I would agree, but what have you written it for, to
whom, with what purpose in mind?
Remember, it's all about you until it isn't. So, I get that you
are seeking to be shown some direction, pointing in some way,
perhaps a teacher. Here is an excellent Youtube on the subject.
HTML https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3H6-NQ6hfA
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 23488--------------------------------------------------
Re: like a rabid dog
DIR By: david
Date: August 20, 2016, 9:18 am
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Hi Jed,
Thank you for the response and the video. Do I want a guru or
teacher? No. Absolutely not. NOT NOT NOT. NO. "I" am already the
guru/teacher as nothing is separate. Actually no "I" am not an
anything. This brain inside this bony skull produces this
nothing-imagery. And those are as these are - just
words/sounds/noises the human animals agree have some invented
and made up meaning and there isn't any. And there's no such
thing as a guru/teacher. Never has been. Never will be. I have
listened to the fellow in the video several times. Meaning and
intent is clearly understood. There's no nobility here. Nobility
? LOLOLOLO Not here or there. WHat ever this is, it sure
doesn't have a shred of anything remotely associated with such a
concept..... (more sounds and noises and invented meaning).
Theres just seeing all this malignant grasping this malignantly
meaningless fear fear fear, wanting wanting wanting, needing
needing needing, lets pretend to be this and that and the other
crap CONSTANTLY wash through. It is all seen by this no one BUT
IT DOESN'T EVER STOP!!!! Just rabidly insanely wanting to "see"
what the truth is and to stop living all the lies. To see
through and to stop being a robotic fearful fear based
sleepwalker idiot who watches the avalanche of narcissistic
fearfully conditioned conceptualizing albeit impersonal thoughts
from the moment (and before) waking up in the morning until
finally falling asleep at night.
What is seen is the impersonal thinking happens then it is seen
as simply just the appearing, an appearance - the grabbing at
it, the futile attempt at ownership which is usually seen and
caught/dropped either immediately or fairly quickly.
BUT.....something doesn't seem quite right. Its a constant. It
is an underlying something that must be rooted out or so it
seems or so it appears.
#Post#: 23489--------------------------------------------------
Re: like a rabid dog
DIR By: david
Date: August 20, 2016, 9:20 am
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You ask me whom am I writing it to? The enlightenmenty answer
would be no one loloolo BUT the truth is all I have as an answer
is I am writing it to you and me.
#Post#: 23492--------------------------------------------------
Re: like a rabid dog
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: August 20, 2016, 9:55 am
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I got it, however there is no you and me. There just is this.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 23519--------------------------------------------------
Re: like a rabid dog
DIR By: david
Date: August 21, 2016, 10:08 am
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There is just this. No you and no me. Just consciousness just
making up sounds, writing little squiggles from a plastic "key
pad" and seeing them appear on a glass screen also created by
consciousness. This is being "written" out by (quite literally)
I know not what. I mean this literally and figuratively.
"There is just this" "No you and no me". This is confounding and
not clearly understood.
This forum is not a forum. This is a burial ground for
(hopefully) everything that is insane in the so-called human. No
pretty allegories or poetic metaphors are allowed (by me) here.
They are BS. They are phony enlightenmenty, so-called
"spiritual" garbage. The zen traditions are filled with these
pieces of used toilet paper and of no use to me here or anyplace
else.
I laid in bed last night realizing and looking at the fact that
I have been doing autolysis for quite some time, more or less -
often. And yet it keeps bringing me back to here, this instant.
The fiery insanity of this desire to rip thru a lifetime of lies
and deceptions is a constant.
I am writing this and I am writing nothing of substance! Always
skirting around and around the edges! Please help ! This is not
a forum. This is (or is supposed to be) autolysis in action and
in deed.
Ok, I don't mind or care that I'm now going to do it publicly,
so to speak. Ok.
The world is insane. I am insane. Living as I have is insane.
And a lie. It has to end.
It has been part of the mission as of late to end relationships
both professionally and personally. And the odd fact of this is
I don't care. The thing that matters the most is doing this. As
mentioned, I laid in bed and went thru the many areas to cover
in response to your responses to me.
The media, youtube and the nondual people are (in no possible
way in any way helpful to do this!!!!)
This was the only thing of value I finally got out of bed with
this morning.
I do this alone - with your help.
The rabid insane undercurrent is alive and real and pulsing thru
"me" right now as it always is. It isn't attractive or pretty.
It is ugly and snarling and wanting to rip thru and tear and
destroy and savagely rip thru this lying BS'ing, posturing,
always running away in fear "person" thing.
Fear is the big motivator and the biggest of straight jackets
and the fear is of everything, of even being alive in this body
form.
Yes, need to go further. This is barely scratching the surface,
Jed.
This is the autolysis ( I presume) as you had ascribed to and
prescribed to handful of people I have read about in the books.
Ok. I will do it, am doing it. Will just keep going with it and
doing it no matter what.
The zen meditation and cushions, the zafu and zabuton never did
much. It certainly was never horrible or revealing or ugly or
violent.
This is and will be.
I don't need calmness. I need truth. To see and live as truth.
Theres so much, I don't know where or how to begin this
destruction process of undoing. This feels like flailing around.
Can fear be this insane? Obviously yes.
#Post#: 23523--------------------------------------------------
Re: like a rabid dog
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: August 21, 2016, 11:58 am
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Forum rules, hidden deep. No more than 250 words, but in your
case, 200. Good for you and me. So, trim it down a little. But I
do observe that you are trying... perhaps a little too much and
a little too hard... I don't know.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 23527--------------------------------------------------
Re: like a rabid dog
DIR By: david
Date: August 21, 2016, 1:10 pm
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Ok. Will trim it to 200 words per post.
Can you please explain autolysis to me.
How many posts am I allowed to post in a 24 hour period?
I'm seeing a lot of material coming up. Everything I am writing
is creating a momentum for more that is being seen and I am
wanting to write.
#Post#: 23532--------------------------------------------------
Re: like a rabid dog
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: August 22, 2016, 12:08 am
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First of all, write your autolysis by hand in a notebook. This
is important.
Second, write something that is true. You might want to just
write one thing a day and contemplate it on and off during the
day. If your mind says, ''That's stupid, nothing is true''. Then
just ask yourself, ''is that true''. Keep asking that of
whatever you write of think.
No more than one post a day. I am very busy with this forum and
my Nav Series students. Be very aware of your sense of
self-importance. You have a particularly large dose of it.
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 23542--------------------------------------------------
Re: like a rabid dog
DIR By: david
Date: August 22, 2016, 10:40 am
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Thank you for the instructions. Yes understood. Will do.
All feels raw, exposed and overwhelming. A mountain of material
and data.
Will begin today as instructed.
Nothing is true but it sure seems and feels real. Plus the knee
jerk sudden want to distract myself keeps showing up. That's a
sign and clue to dig and dig and keep digging.
Fear and anxiety seem to be the most paramount. Not sure why
yet.
I had begun doing the autolysis prior to the forum but not in
the way you have instructed but apparently it has had an effect
because this overwhelming urgency to do this is always right
here.
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