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#Post#: 1308--------------------------------------------------
Re: KayF
DIR By: KevYo
Date: September 18, 2014, 12:33 am
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Okay, Jed. Question time.
I think I like being alone. I don’t know what “like” means in
this context but maybe enjoy is a more appropriate word. I can’t
be sure. BUT when I am alone, things are “cleaner”; there’s less
crap and less “self” and I can see through things more easily.
What does “easy” mean? I have no idea.
Recently, I’ve found myself to be happier, more at flow. There’s
seems to be no one there to care about the things I used to care
about as much. BUT when I interact with people for a long period
of time, I settle into this “self” and I forget all the resting
and perceiving. I fully immerse in the drama of she is this
person, he is that person and they are all real entities
existing inherently “out there.”
And when I am by myself again, resting and aware, I think to
myself “what the f*ck just happened?” It’s like I blacked out
and I was performing this character. And remnants the “self” I
was portraying is sticking onto me. It’s so sticky and kind of
yucky… it makes me want to just take a shower and wash it all
away (maybe that’s what it’d feel like if I had sex with a dirty
second-rated prostitute).
What’s sticky for me right now is “I” am the person who likes
“this girl” or “that girl”. For the sake of specificity I am the
person who likes Monica (this girl in my class).
I want Monica to like me. That’s a person. Is the thought “I
like Monica” a person? No. Who are you? Is the thought “I want
Monica to like me” a person? No. Who are you? “I am funny.” Is
that thought a person? No. I want to hook up with Monica. Is
that sensation a person? No. Are the thoughts you have about
what it would be like when you hook up with Monica a person? No.
This wanting… is that a person? No. I made a mistake. I pursued
her too hard. She doesn’t like me anymore. I f*cked up. I am a
person who can make mistakes? I have no idea.
I guess what I think is dirty is the desire for someone. When I
feel desire, I take myself to be someone who is unwanted. Jed,
you’re gonna tell me to let go of the desire, but I can’t. The
desire will make me suffer as long as I believe there is a
person there feeling the desire and that the desire is
commanding me to take action (i.e., be funny and try to hook up
with her). The thought that I can “DO” something about that
desire is just wrong-knowing.
KayF, you think desire is making you into an unwanted person,
but that’s just a sensation. Nothing more. All the dancing
monkey shtick you do to pursue the girl is your way of getting
rid of the sensation. Do nothing. Sensation arises and passes.
It takes no positions. It has no messages. Who cares? F*ck the
label of desire, just feel. Inquire into it. Is that sensation
me? Don’t be stupid and go believing the thoughts about the
sensations that arises. All are just colours, sounds and
sensations. Never a person.
If I do nothing, then I will be missing an opportunity. An
opportunity to do what? To get laid. To feel something? More
sensations? Where’s the opportunity? Where is the “you” that can
miss something? I don’t know. This thought of “missing an
opportunity is still sticky… but I will end it here today.
#Post#: 1317--------------------------------------------------
Re: KayF
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: September 18, 2014, 1:08 am
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Down to basics. You are trying to manipulate the 'girls'
experience. Let her have her own experience. Girls can be a real
**** because they are so sensitive... they see through our b.s.
almost instantly.
If you find a girl and she likes to be manipulated, big trouble.
You will lose in the long run.
You are even trying to manipulate your own experience, big
trouble.
It's old crap, but just 'be you'... express what's going on with
you.
What am I doing here, trying to sell my latest pick-up artist
tapes. First go to a bar and find a really drunk girl. Make up
some stupid games and try to get laid, but only once because
that will be all you can stand each other for. There you have
it, eazy peezy and pretty sleazy.
Looking for love in all the wrong places. Find it in you... but
only when sober.'
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 1320--------------------------------------------------
Re: KayF
DIR By: KevYo
Date: September 18, 2014, 1:52 am
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--- Quote from: Jed McKenna link ---
>
> You are even trying to manipulate your own experience, big
trouble.
>
--- End Quote ---
What do you mean by I am trying to manipulate my own experience?
#Post#: 1326--------------------------------------------------
Re: KayF
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: September 18, 2014, 2:47 am
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Dear K:
There are things that you like and things you don't like. You
are trying to get more of the things you like. Why do that??? To
manipulate your 'state' into one of illusory and temporary
happiness, more like stimulus really.
Many will say that it only makes sense, but it doesn't make
sense at all because it is all based on there being a 'you'.
What you are attempting to do is based on a fraud. Any
satisfaction will be very short lived.
Find that 'you' for me... or for you... now. Go on. I want a
full description on my desk in the a.m. You can post pics of it
if you have any (of 'you', not a body or anything silly like
that, 'YOU').
The preceding may sound silly and flippant to many, but rest
assured, I am deadly serious. Ebola only has a 50% mortality
rate, I'm shooting for 100% with a little help from 'you'. Ya up
for it???
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 2410--------------------------------------------------
Re: KayF
DIR By: KevYo
Date: October 7, 2014, 1:31 am
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--- Quote ---
> An extract from a previous post. Please read slowly while
watching your response to it. Thanks in advance.
>
> Simple, but not easy. I don't know if we have discussed this
one, but have you done Kiloby's vids on Unfindable Objects? Find
your sickness and the you that is ill. I highly recommend them.
>
> Conserve your energy by not talking about yourself any more.
No one really wants to hear about you. They all just pretend.
Believe me, I know what I am talking about. No! don't believe
me, believe yourself. That's the source.
>
> Dialogue:
>
> Hi, how are you?
>
> Well, not too bad, my backs been kicking up a little but the
twitch in my left hand is going away. I think the acupuncture is
helping. Got a great acupuncturist, used to be the royal
accu-guy for the King of Thailand, but now that the king is
dying he had to leave the country, met him in a book store in
Syracuse. He noticed a little growth on my right ear, it's dark
and irregular, said it might be cancer. Jeez, I don't know what
to do. Other than that, I'm not doing too bad. Wife left me last
week, said the drinking and smoking dope was getting to her.
Good thing she didn't find out about 'you know who' or I would
have lost an important body part. The guy from Thailand said
wives feed them to the ducks. I watched a documentary on that, a
doctor has done three thousand re-attachments in the past eight
years. Duck chewed ones are the toughest and the blendered ones
are impossible. Yup.. sure glad she didn't find out about 'you
know who'. As a precaution, I threw out the Blendomatic we had.
But, that's enough about me. Tell me... do you think I am
looking a little pale, you know.. peekid.. these days? I think
I'm losing weight, might to due the Chinese diet pills I got on
the internet. Make my jaws clench a lot. Now, what do you
suppose that is? Ah, probably just a little tension. That's all
it is, just tension. I'll just have a little smoke and feel
fine. Have you ever noticed how people don't listen to you? It
happens all the time to me, no one listen and understands me.
>
> Just to be clear and for emphasis, no one gives a tinker's
damn about you, period. Getting that is one of the biggest
reliefs l could offer you. The freedom that comes from this kind
of honesty is amazing. Of course, the corollary also applies,
with the exception of West Africa. There they really do give a
damn about you but it's not quite the same... they only give a
damn about whether or not you have symptoms.
>
> Not giving a damn, or hootlessness as L.L. used to call it
doesn't mean you are a bastard and ill-willed, it means there is
little or no 'you' in everything you do. Things don't go better
with Coke, things go better without 'you' in them. The more
'you' the more screwed up things get (a generalization, but look
around 'you' and see for yourself).
>
> That's a very condensed version of a huge topic. Just try it
on for size. Also, it's important that I have offended you here,
I make no bones about it. The only thing that can be offended is
something that requires defending and this is all about de fence
(please say with French accent) that you built. I want for you
to break that fence down into recycled toothpicks. Then compress
the toothpicks into press-to-logs and send them to Nepal where
they have burned all their trees down (I spoke to the Dalai
about it and he said they didn't have many trees to start with
so it's not their fault).
>
> Love ya, Jed.
--- End Quote ---
I was hoping this would offend me a little but it didn't. I
didn't even find it funny or amusing. It just is. Equal to every
other story, no better no worse. Just is.
Recently, I find that whenever I talk about myself, it takes a
bit of effort to conjure up the stories. All the familiar
stories seem to be at a distance and it take a bit of warming up
to become a "me."
I suspect "done" may be approaching soon, but I have no idea.
Onward. Next.
#Post#: 2994--------------------------------------------------
Re: KayF
DIR By: KevYo
Date: October 17, 2014, 6:05 pm
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You can’t form relationships or connections because it’s all
you. There is no other.
Relationships are illusions because I can only experience me at
all times:
•
just colors arising. A story about the colors gets attached to
the arising. It’s all just me.
•
sensation in my awareness. Again, it’s just me.
•
thoughts in my experience. Awesome doesn’t exist. “Amelia” and
“person” are just labels and hence they’re nothing but stories.
I only ever experience things from my end. It’s all me. The
thought of an “other” is nothing but a story.
Life is like a big TV screen. Colors arise on the screen.
Sounds, sensations and thoughts also pass through this special
screen. There is no one looking at the screen or and no person
perceiving the screen. It’s all just the screen; and there is no
screen. It all just is. Done-ness is here. Everyone is done;
there are only stories about not being done. Even “done” is just
a story.
Jed, I wanted to ask you: How do I know if I am “done”?
I know your answer will be: You just know.
The desire to ask you about being done implies that there is an
“other” who is an authority and can assign the status of
“done-ness” to me. Those are just thoughts. There isn’t anyone
“out there.”
Wanting to know if I am “done” is the desire to achieve a
certain level. And there are no levels. There is no person here
who can achieve anything. A thought that tells me I am done is
nothing but a thought. “I” is a story. I don’t exist.
They’re all thoughts. Nothing else. All thoughts are equal.
#Post#: 3000--------------------------------------------------
Re: KayF
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 18, 2014, 1:48 am
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321 words, sorry, no response. 250 limit exceeded.
#Post#: 3005--------------------------------------------------
Re: KayF
DIR By: KevYo
Date: October 18, 2014, 2:47 am
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Damn you, Jed! I don't even post a lot!
#Post#: 3012--------------------------------------------------
Re: KayF
DIR By: Jed McKenna
Date: October 18, 2014, 5:13 am
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Well, if I'm going to be good dictator, I must dictate fairly,
regardless of how unfair it is, plus, blah, blah, blah, blah....
Love ya, Jed.
#Post#: 3035--------------------------------------------------
Re: KayF
DIR By: KevYo
Date: October 19, 2014, 1:15 am
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Good dictators break their own principles whenever they feel
like it because they're crazy muthf*ckers.
Come on, Jed. You can just read the first 250 words and stop.
You can even toss me into the gas chamber if you want. I just
want a little approval that I am almost there (don't give it to
me; not that "you" can give it to me anyway, you're nothing but
a bunch of squiggly lines on a screen).
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