DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Jawz Anecdotes
HTML https://jawzanecdotes.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Zectas
*****************************************************
#Post#: 183--------------------------------------------------
Feedback/Problems you have with the story, logic etc.
By: No Comment Date: December 20, 2014, 8:54 am
---------------------------------------------------------
The subject title is a problem, I couldn't think of ANYTHING
better. This in itself is not part of the story, so just skip
this part.
Money.
I haven't finished reading the current chapter.
The 100$ etc for the mantis blades. Sure it's a lot. He made
thousands of them. I don't recall if there were any descriptions
of it, but it seems to be a few times better than what great
level 100 gear or so would be.
Now, my problem is that I don't recall there being a base for
the items and it seems that skimming over what was behind the
prices etc made me lose my immersion.
#Post#: 184--------------------------------------------------
Re: Problems you have with the story, logic etc.
By: johnnest Date: December 20, 2014, 9:30 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Hmm. I'll try to fix that by giving in a baseline of how most
auction items are priced at. I'm really sorry because I only
imagined those numbers in my head and didn't write them down,
hehehe. But that won't be happening any time soon.
I already have the next 2 chapters planned out and putting the
explanation would feel to out of place...
I think maybe after 2 chapters, I could write in a more detailed
explanation and price list on the items.
Thanks for pointing that out ^_^
#Post#: 186--------------------------------------------------
Re: Problems you have with the story, logic etc.
By: No Comment Date: December 20, 2014, 10:24 am
---------------------------------------------------------
No problem and don't apologise. You know the story better than
anyone so trivial things(as in what everyone should know) might
escape your consideration when you're planning bigger, more fun
things. Remember that writing is a learning experience. That's
why I read. :(
Ah, title for the subject: Feedback.
Now, here's something you can use: One of his brothers needs
money for something, pesters him. He says no, but relents on a
cheaper thing and then says that the budget is tight, then he
lists the things he has to spend money on (bills) and food.
State the money he gets minimum a month from the job. (Introduce
his notebook for family accounting)
He then thinks of the game marketplace, the money he made,
expects to make a day (1k$ a day from the mantis blades. PLS VR
COME TO ME COME TO ME MY SWEET VR), looks at similar items,
lists the prices, checks requirements(this part doesn't need to
actually list more than a few) to get us familiar with the
average drops and prices. Then look at a few rare things, where
he sees something too good to be true. Looks for ability tomes,
in order not to get you too swamped, you could say that there
are too many for him to look through for now, he thinks he'll
just get them when he needs and still has... The G mans stash.
Speaking of G mans stash. Darius would be training him, or
giving him some like that, no? Maybe give him a few lessons when
Smoke gets horribly beat at something for being too cocky.
Teaches him to be more creative with the skills he has etc.
This is actually harder to think about than the bigger things.
No wonder directors have continuity problems.
Edit: Too many commas, not enough chapters.
#Post#: 228--------------------------------------------------
Re: Feedback/Problems you have with the story, logic etc.
By: Zanareth Date: January 26, 2015, 5:54 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Hi there!
I wanted to know where you got the inspiration for the name of
the Aqua knight Mamelon in your last chapter.
Because in case you didn't know (or actually did, thus having
named her like that) "mamelon" has a specific meaning in French.
I'll let anyone, who doesn't know, search by him/herself, but I
must say I laughed out loud when I saw that name. ;)
It's always a pleasure reading your work; you have my thanks and
my highest esteem :D
#Post#: 229--------------------------------------------------
Re: Feedback/Problems you have with the story, logic etc.
By: johnnest Date: January 26, 2015, 11:22 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Another user named Evernest pointed that out in that chapter's
discussion.
I got the inspiration from the pictured Aqua Knight in my head
LOL I don't think that her name is too offensive in the French
language is it?
#Post#: 230--------------------------------------------------
Re: Feedback/Problems you have with the story, logic etc.
By: Zanareth Date: January 27, 2015, 8:18 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Haha I wouldn't say it is offensive, at all. It's just I
couldn't stay serious while reading. I was picturing the scene
where Mamelon would kill a bandit and say "Know that your
killer goes by the name of Nipple" Never ending laughters XD
#Post#: 232--------------------------------------------------
Re: Feedback/Problems you have with the story, logic etc.
By: johnnest Date: January 27, 2015, 8:27 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Zanareth link=topic=17.msg230#msg230
date=1422368302]
Haha I wouldn't say it is offensive, at all. It's just I
couldn't stay serious while reading. I was picturing the scene
were Mamelon would kill a bandit and say "Know that your killer
goes by the name of Nipple" Never ending laughters XD
[/quote]
Her Nipple's sooo hard that it's still visible through metal
armor! :o
#Post#: 280--------------------------------------------------
Re: Feedback/Problems you have with the story, logic etc.
By: Nemal Date: March 30, 2015, 11:32 am
---------------------------------------------------------
hello i'm wondering about the leadership stat
Doesn't it need to increase when you lead the bunch of farmer to
war against the bandit ?
It's never spoken of and it quite bug me.
#Post#: 283--------------------------------------------------
Re: Feedback/Problems you have with the story, logic etc.
By: johnnest Date: March 30, 2015, 12:51 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Nemal link=topic=17.msg280#msg280 date=1427733177]
hello i'm wondering about the leadership stat
Doesn't it need to increase when you lead the bunch of farmer to
war against the bandit ?
It's never spoken of and it quite bug me.
[/quote]
The Leadership stat is used to control large parties but mostly
restricts your number of members for your private army. Thanks
for bringing this up. I'll remember to mention in next time.
#Post#: 287--------------------------------------------------
Re: Feedback/Problems you have with the story, logic etc.
By: interitus Date: March 30, 2015, 5:07 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I just read both books today and finished them earlier and I
enjoyed them emensly whilst I was reading them that I noticed
that some in game notifications such as skills and item
descriptions had pop up boxes whilst some others did not and
whilst it does not detract anything from the story it
interrupted my reading flow a couple of times
*****************************************************
DIR Next Page