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#Post#: 869--------------------------------------------------
Tidwell Family
By: Jack Date: October 15, 2017, 6:07 am
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Chris - Dad (38)
Mrs. T - ?
Perry - 17 (Freshman in college)
Evan - 14 (high school freshman)
Charles (Chas) - 12
Lincoln (Linc) - 9
There is also a 10 year old sister and several younger children
- boys and girls - who've never been a focus of this blog.
I don't have the time today to properly rebuild a Tidwell Family
bio, so let me give our newer members the short version.
The Tidwells are very religious. Mrs. T was a wild, party type
when she was younger. She became pregnant with Perry in her
late teens. She became involved with a Church, converted and
met Chris (not necessarily in that order) and became something
of a zealot and an extremist. Chris is also a conservative
Christian, but he's not quite as... dedicated? to his views as
she is, and he's willing to listen, discuss, and learn. He will
also admit when he's wrong and has even proved willing to
change. Fortunately, her religious beliefs also include 'the
man is the head of the household', so it's possible to deal with
them, and she can be social when she wants, so I'm able to
invite them to our Tribal Christmas Party without alienating
others.
Along with her beliefs comes what's referred to as Quiverfull.
The basis is that children are gift of God, and one shouldn't
use birth control. IF you're interested in more, I'd suggest
starting with the Wikipedia article.
Here's where the problem came. For whatever reason, Mrs. T
doesn't have easy pregnancies. She's had several miscarriages
now, and she tends to have health problems when pregnant. I
know she's suffered a couple of times from preeclampsia. She
had been warned not to get pregnant again, did anyyway, and not
only lost the baby, but had to have a hysterectomy, and she was
in very bad health for a while.
The Tidwells have a couple of Old Maid relatives (I don't know
if they were ever marred, but that's how they seem to act), who
live near each other and help with the younger children,
including homeschooling them. However, they say the older boys
are 'too rowdy, and too difficult to control, so they won't take
them. Because of that, I have handled the three oldest boys in
the past, and I added Lincoln to that last summer I don't know
everything, but the situation is bad enough that Chris asked me
if I would take the older boys in if anything happens to him and
his wife, and that's actually in their will now.
Mrs. T had some depression problems after all this, but refused
any treatment except prayer for a long time. She finally did
get some therapy and started to recover. Perry was really upset
about all this, which caused him to seriously rethink his own
religious beliefs, as well as leading to some major trouble with
his parents. Chris is not Perry's biological father, but the
two of them love each other very much, and things were very
uncomfortable between them for a while, because they were trying
to redefine their relationship without hurting each other.
Except for a couple of flareups last Spring, things seemed to
have settled down.
Mrs. Tidwell is back in the hospital again, apparently with
kidney failure.
I don't know what all happened. I will say that kidney problems
are often caused by high blood pressure, and that she's had a
lot of trouble with her blood pressure while she was dealing
with preeclampsia. I thought was being treated for it, but...?
Apparently she's been feeling bad for a few days, but had
convulsions --- Thursday evening, I think. She was taken to the
hospital, and they treated her for the symptoms first. When I
spoke with Chris yesterday, it sounded like she'd been
stabilized (I think they had her on dialysis), but she was still
under close observation. She'll be undergoing a lot of test
this upcoming week.
Chris is really stressed out. He has a good job that allows him
to have as many kids as he does and actually take reasonable
care of them. It requires him to travel, though, and he's
usually gone for several days a month, and more if there are
problems. If she has a medical condition that cost a lot of
money, he's not sure they can afford it, and if she actually has
kidney failure, he'll need to be around the house a lot more.
That means he'll have to accept a demotion, which leaves even
less money. They haven't met their deductible this year, so
even this stay is scaring him.
He stared by asking if I could still put Perry to work
somewhere.
"This semester is covered, of course, but I don't know about
next semester. If Perry could work part time and still go to
school, and the boys might have to... Well, I don't think she
can home school them, so we might have to send them to public
school."
"Chris," I told him, "the boys school is covered for next
semester, so that's fine. Worry about now."
He shook his head.
"We only paid for one semester, Jack, I just don't see how....
No."
"Chris."
"I can't let you."
"First, you can't stop me. Second, charity is a Christian
virtue, and you'd be wrong to try to stop me. Three, when you
asked me to take care of those boys... You're the one who asked,
so now you have to live with it, if I get involved a little
early. Now, you need to say 'thank you, Jack', very politely,
then shut your mouth, or I'll put you over my knees and wear
your butt out for being rude."
His eyes went wide, and he stared at me for a second, before
this sound just exploded out of him. Then he started laughing
so hard I thought I was going to have to duct tape his ribs.
Then suddenly he was crying - and I don't mean tears, or
sobbing, I mean he was bawling.
As accustomed as I am to holding and comforting boys and even
teens and young men, that was uncomfortable - and not just
because his beard was scratching my neck.
When he finally gathered himself, he was incredibly awkward and
embarrassed and he tried to apologize. iI wanted to tell him
that it was extremely touching. Even if I'd shocked it out of
him, it was still something that he trusted me enough to let his
barriers down that much around me.
He had to pick his aunt up at the airport, so he didn't stay
much longer than that. He'll be bringing the boys over this
afternoon. His aunt will be staying with him and the kids for a
few days, while the doctors do their tests and try to find out
how serious the problem is and make sure she's not going to
collapse again.
In the meantime, I'll put Linc in.... Considering his age, he
can probably just stay in with C&C. I'll give Evan and Chas the
option of splitting between the tweens rooms or sharing the
college boys' rooms with Perry.
The younger boys seem to be doing well at school. While Chas
(12) has had at least two spankings I know of since football
practice started (14 August, so about two months), it sounds
like Evan hasn't been in any serious trouble at all. Linc got
spanked at school (teacher, not Mr. P) and Chris made him write
a letter of apology to his teacher, instead of repeating it at
home. He's in peewee football, and I know Perry spanked him
once for something that happened after practice (I think we can
call it a lesson in not testing your big brother's patience).
Perry is doing great in college. He's not taking any 8am
classes. He can drop his brothers at BCA, then have a cup of
coffee and review what's going on that day before he has to be
in class. I'm not sure of the order, but he's taking English,
World History, and College Algebra MWF (Monday, Wednesday,
Friday) - 9am, 10am, 11am, and then he has the afternoon free.
A lot of time he stays there and does any homework in the
library. Sometimes he'll eat at home and sometimes at school.
He and I reached an agreement where I give him an allowance
(smaller than my college kids get) and he's on call for heavy
lifting and major chores when I need him around here. Because
he's taking his little brothers to class and running around on
errands for his mom, his parents pay his insurance and give him
gas money, so he's not exactly flush, but he has enough.
Sometimes he sneaks off and he and I go to lunch.
On TTh, he has a 9:30 PoliSci, then a gym class. He takes a
lunch break then, and does Spanish, which he had in high school,
so he's actually taking SpaII.
It's a bit of a heavy load, but he seems to be able to stay on
top of it. I think he's really loving being able to get around
on his own, and that his parents seem to trust him to be doing
what he needs to do.
I am a bit worried about him just now. His mom's current health
problems are, quite possibly, still more results from her bad
decision making. I'm not sure Perry has put this into words -
even to himself - but I think part of the reason for his anger
is not just her health, but because it seems like she cares more
about having kids than taking care of the ones she already has.
Or maybe I'm projecting, since I know I feel that way.
Whatever it is, it'll be nice to have the kids around - as much
as I love many of the kids around here and my biological nieces
and nephews, the Hogan, Strouse, and Tidwell boys really do feel
like they're actually part of the family.
#Post#: 870--------------------------------------------------
Re: Tidwell Family
By: Zyngaru Date: October 15, 2017, 10:25 am
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Jack,
God gave you a very special heart. How you can take families
from any walk of life and pull them right into your own family
is special. There are so many families that cannot even accept
their own relatives into their families, and you can do that
with strangers. Yes you are a very special individual and
everyone that comes into your life is blessed from meeting you.
May you never change, live a long life and bless many more boys
with your love and caring nature.
I am blessed just being allowed to read what you do. The boys
whom you bless, even when it is a spanking blessing, are so
lucky to have found you and have you active in their lives.
Keep it up, no matter how tired you get. You are making a
difference in the lives of people.
#Post#: 871--------------------------------------------------
Re: Tidwell Family
By: Jack Date: October 15, 2017, 10:30 am
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Everyone makes a difference in the life of other people. I'm
not special and I'm not blessing anyone. I just have more to
share than a lot of people. What was it Robert Heinlein said?
[quote]The more you love, the more you can love--and the more
intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can
love. If a person had Time Enough, he could Love all of the
majority who are decent and just. [/quote]
But thank you anyway.
#Post#: 872--------------------------------------------------
Re: Tidwell Family
By: kalico Date: October 15, 2017, 12:19 pm
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I have to ditto Zyngaru here......
I'm happy the boys lives will stay some what normal through all
the upheaval with mom and I hope and pray she recovers. Thanks
for sharing jack
Hugs kal
#Post#: 873--------------------------------------------------
Re: Tidwell Family
By: Journey Date: October 15, 2017, 1:50 pm
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Ditto Kal and Zyngaru!
Thank you for sharing, Jack. I hope Mrs. T gets better soon, and
that the kids and Mr. T will be okay.
Please don't forget to take care of yourself, too, while you're
being Super-Jack! :)
#Post#: 887--------------------------------------------------
Re: Tidwell Family
By: Adric Date: October 16, 2017, 10:34 am
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[quote author=Jack link=topic=99.msg869#msg869 date=1508065670]
Mrs. T was a wild, party type when she was younger. She became
pregnant with Perry in her late teens. She became involved with
a Church, converted and met Chris (not necessarily in that
order) and became something of a zealot and an
extremist.[/quote]
I am torn between pity and contempt for Mrs. T. It seems clear
she has a great capacity for bad decisions and bringing chaos
into their lives. I was particularly disturbed by the idea that
she would be doing the home-schooling of her children and
passing on that capacity to the next generation.
When I read about this family months ago, my first thought was
that things would not go well in the future and that the boys
would be better off with more exposure to Jack and less to their
home situation. I hope that this new arrangement, whether more
or less temporary, will be a benefit for everyone. I'm glad to
hear that Jack has been able to squeeze them in.
I was impressed by Perry when he asked Jack if he would be
willing to host his birthday party and then immediately offered
himself to Jack for a spanking because by asking he was
disobeying Chris. He didn't have to do that, but he did it
anyway. I don't remember exactly what happened after that, but
I was glad he was getting his party at Jack's House.
[quote author=Jack link=topic=99.msg869#msg869 date=1508065670]
"This semester is covered, of course, but I don't know about
next semester. If Perry could work part time and still go to
school, and the boys might have to... Well, I don't think she
can home school them, so we might have to send them to public
school."[/quote]
Public school is presented here as if it were the worst possible
outcome. Is it really that bad? (My own public schools, in my
opinion, were excellent.)
I can think of two reasons that one might choose to home-school.
One is if you and your spouse are very highly educated and the
public school teachers are almost all incompetent and
unqualified. In that case, you might have a point.
Unfortunately I don't see that as being the case in most
home-schooling situations. The other reason might be to isolate
your children from the bad influences of the "unwashed masses"
in the general population. Not only is that a losing battle,
but it leaves your children with no acquired immunity to bad
ideas. That is similar to what happens if you isolate them from
diseases because it leaves them with no natural resistance.
Better to let them test a few bad ideas and reject them while
they are young than to grow up susceptible to any nonsense that
comes to them from con artists of all flavors later in life.
#Post#: 893--------------------------------------------------
Re: Tidwell Family
By: David M. Katz Date: October 16, 2017, 12:36 pm
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I want to tread gently here but Adric echoes many of my
thoughts.
I do wish Mrs. T well and, typically, a few days on fluids will
correct her situation. I know her children and husband are
worried and need her around.
And, yes, Jack, it is great that you can be there for the boys.
#Post#: 895--------------------------------------------------
Re: Tidwell Family
By: Jack Date: October 16, 2017, 3:00 pm
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Adric, I agree with you completely.
I have home schooled before, but I don't think there are many
good reasons, and I agree with you entirely on home schooling
for religious reasons.
One thing that is very hard to remember (especially with today's
'religious right), is that people who are religious believe
they're doing the right thing for their kids. To me, they all
come across as modern day Pharisees, more interested in right
wing dogma than in what the Bible actually teaches, and
incapable of a reasoned discussion.
For disobeying his dad, Perry received a light (pretty much
token) taste of the belt and had to write some lines. Given the
situation, I think even that was more than was called for, but
sometimes even a parent can back himself into a corner and not
have a great way out.
#Post#: 900--------------------------------------------------
Re: Tidwell Family
By: Zyngaru Date: October 16, 2017, 4:44 pm
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[quote author=Jack]
For disobeying his dad, Perry received a light (pretty much
token) taste of the belt and had to write some lines. Given the
situation, I think even that was more than was called for, but
sometimes even a parent can back himself into a corner and not
have a great way out.
[/quote]
I think many adults back themselves into a corner sometimes. I
know I have done it. That is why, I rarely promise and never
threaten anyone, especially kids, that if they do this, then I
will do that. Once said, you are in a corner.
That is why, I generally do not like a disciplinary list or
directory. This wrongdoing = this disciplinary action.
The only action I define a spanking for is rebellious
disobedience. When I say this, I mean in your face No I am NOT
doing what you say.
All other actions could lead to a spanking, but it could only be
grounding or chores or lecture, or nothing at all, depending on
the circumstances.
Many times a boy will do wrong and not even know he is doing
wrong until afterwards. I did that myself and got the worst
whipping of my life for it, and of course that is the one I
remember the most, because I still, 50 years later believe I did
NOT deserve it.
I believe each circumstance has to be evaluated separately.
#Post#: 975--------------------------------------------------
Re: Tidwell Family
By: Jack Date: October 19, 2017, 3:36 pm
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The kids are starting to get home from school. I checked
bedrooms a few minutes ago. I'm going to have a talk with the
older three Tidwell boys, just to remind them that they're
expected to do their share in keeping the bedrooms and bathrooms
clean. They know the rules, but this situation deserves at
least a bit of slack.
Their mom is still in the hospital, but she should be home soon
(maybe tomorrow). They were talking about commiting her for
mental treatment for a while, but apparently the infection she
had was leaving her kind of confused and a bit abnormal. Once
she'd had dialysis and been on some antibiotics, she apparently
recovered fairly quickly (from the confusion). Because this was
potentially life threatening, they've been adjusting her meds,
then testing her again to make sure she's within normal limits.
Between work and visiting the hospital and dealing with the
relatives, Chris doesn't have a ton of spare time, but he did
come by this morning and have breakfast with us, which gave him
a chance to talk to the boys. He knew she was acting a bit
weird, but he thought it was because this is around the
anniversary, and he figured she was dealing with some
depression. To avoid this again, he's going to supervise her
meds for a while.
I think Chris is dealing with his own depression - or at least
some real anxiety right now. I know he likes his job, but it's
looking more and more like he won't be able to travel - at least
not while they still have toddlers in the house.
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