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#Post#: 9536--------------------------------------------------
An Update on No Updates
By: Jack Date: October 23, 2018, 4:05 am
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Those of you who see me in chat on a regular basis probably have
some idea of what's going on these days, and I've alluded to it
in posts a couple of times.
This is one of those times when real life is just interfering
with my ability to blog. I mentioned that a couple of CP
sessions happened here over the weekend, and someone (Zac, I
think) mentioned that I hadn't even started a Spanking Report
for Oct. Suffice it to say that some spankings have occurred,
buy my time and energy has been very limited.
I don't think I have to address the issue of my mother, except
to say that she's 70 years old, she is having mobility issues
which can't be corrected by surgery right now, because of other
health problems, and I'm afraid she might be in the early stages
of Alzheimer's. She's not only not able to care for herself
completely right now, but she had a couple of people living with
her for a while, and it seems like they were taking advantage of
her.
I'll be honest that I strongly resent a lot of what's going on.
I've talked about my mom before, both recently and in my
childhood. While I can and do get along with her, and while we
do have a lot of interests in common, I also don't think we have
the best relationship. The truth is that she's one of those
people who is never at fault for anything. She will not admit
that anything was ever her fault, and the most she will do is
claim that she did the best she could, which she seems to think
makes everything okay.
The other problem is a sort of warped pride. I have no problem
with paying for a maid service to come in and do a thorough
cleaning for her, but she 'doesn't want them to see her house in
this shape'. Daniel has been over there doing her yard work
lately, and I've been over there almost every day after school,
doing minor repairs, cleaning things, and trying to take care of
the worst problems, but I resent it. I resent not being able to
spend time at the stores, I resent not having time to bake for
the kids before they get home, and I resent not having time to
myself in the afternoons. I also resent her unreasonable
expectations, but it seems like the more I do, the more she
thinks I'm going to do.
We've had a couple of fights/arguments/disagreements lately,
because she feels she's 'an adult and can do what (she) wants'.
I have tried to avoid pointing out that's obviously not true, or
I wouldn't have to be there doing all this. I'm sure part of it
is that she just wants some attention, and maybe I have been
lacking in that department (though she has no kind of social
life, no matter how often I've encouraged her), but I am feeling
kind of worn thin right now.
Anyway, I am around, and - from the family's perspective -
everything is going well. I'm just very busy with stuff that
will hopefully soon get under control, and I'm kind of tired
when I do have a bit of spare time. I know you all understand,
but I do feel I should try to keep you at least a bit in the
loop and let you know things are going pretty well over all.
I'm sure things well settle down soon, and I'll update specifics
when I can.
#Post#: 9537--------------------------------------------------
Re: An Update on No Updates
By: David M. Katz Date: October 23, 2018, 6:29 am
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Understood.
It sounds like you might have to eventually draw a line with
your mother.
#Post#: 9542--------------------------------------------------
Re: An Update on No Updates
By: mahoover Date: October 23, 2018, 8:10 am
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I don't know enough about what is going on, so I may be way off
base. One thing that helped when my grandmother was not wanting
to get some help with the house was the county health services.
They had a person that can explain to the elder what
Medicaid/Medicare does and does not pay for, and what other
services were available. We had told her some of the very same
things, but hearing it from a non-family member helped her to
accept it. You might look to see if there is anything similar
in your area.
#Post#: 9544--------------------------------------------------
Re: An Update on No Updates
By: kalico Date: October 23, 2018, 8:53 am
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HUGS JACK......
Take care of yourself too and your right we do understand....
Happy everything else is going pretty good for you...
Hugs kal
#Post#: 9545--------------------------------------------------
Re: An Update on No Updates
By: Zyngaru Date: October 23, 2018, 8:57 am
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I like what Mr. Mahoover said about having someone from outside
talk with her about the help that is available and the help that
she needs. Some people just do not accept what family says about
things. They need someone else to say the same thing before
they accept it.
My brother-in-law has dementia. Medicare pays for an aide to
come in three times a week to give him a bath. My sister would
have to argue with him to take a bath, but the aide just comes
in and he goes and takes his bath, without an argument. He gets
a nurse that comes in every other week to check on him, to make
sure all is going well. The aides are there for an hour on each
visit and will do other things to fill that hour like clean his
room.
My brother-in-law will do whatever the outside help want him to
do, because he wants to show off for them. But he will argue
and refuse to do what my sister tells him to do. The nurse will
also work with you and help you communicate with your mom. My
sister uses the nurse to get what needs to be done. She tells
the nurse and then the nurse tells her husband. He then accepts
it because his NURSE told him. That might be a way to get a
home cleaning service into your mom's house. Maybe even a live
in caregiver, if you feel that could help you get your life
back.
Dementia and Alzheimer's patients are difficult to deal with
and will rob you of your life. Old people in general will rob
you of your life. They require care and time from you. Been
there done that. I hope you can find ways to spread out your
mom's care with others, so you are not carrying the whole
burden.
#Post#: 9556--------------------------------------------------
Re: An Update on No Updates
By: Leti Date: October 23, 2018, 3:09 pm
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Hugs Jack!
Do not worry about the updates! Take care of yourself.
It is hard to be the care giver of your parents. I take care of
my dad that is 78 yo, in general he is a good patient, but there
are moments when he insists that he is the boss and we have to
do as he says. And If I try to explain something that need to be
done he asks me to to yell at him.
::)
It maybe a good idea for your mother to talk to a social worker
or therapist, to help her realize the situation.
Hugs again
Leti
#Post#: 9558--------------------------------------------------
Re: An Update on No Updates
By: db105 Date: October 23, 2018, 4:18 pm
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I'm sorry about that situation, Jack. Patience and ask for help
when you need it, and of course do not worry about updating when
you have no time or energy. Take care!
#Post#: 9560--------------------------------------------------
Re: An Update on No Updates
By: Jack Date: October 23, 2018, 4:23 pm
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I'm not sure that a social worker is appropriate, because we're
not talking about health issues (not yet, at least). On the
other hand, maybe I could at least talk the general issues over
with one and see what they think.
Thanks - both for the suggestions and the understanding.
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