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#Post#: 30408--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zeke - Ezekial Jonah Hannigan Wells
By: Jack Date: February 23, 2025, 1:36 am
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Zeke 22-Apr-97
UF/AA
I said elsewhere that I'd really hoped Garret and Zeke would
room together, but I think it worked out for the best that they
didn't.
First of all, Zeke stayed with construction carpentry. He's
currently close to halfway through his apprenticeship, and we've
talked about him also doing trade school to increase his skill
set. My goal is to set him up someplace where he can have a
good-sized workshop, so he can do construction during the
building season and do bespoke projects during the bad weather
periods.
Zeke and Kix are both technically still subject to corporal
correction, and there is still a paddle there (and they both
have good hair and bath brushes there if I need them). Kix
doesn't really need spanking, but he accepts it both because
Zeke isn't quite ready to do without it, and because I am paying
so many of his bills right now. With Zeke, I've only used it
once in about 3 1/2 or 4 years, and I used it twice with Kix -
once at the same time Zeke got it last, not long after they
moved in together, and the other time for some problems with his
school deal.
Zeke and Kix are living in a two bedroom, and they each have
their own room. Kix never really came out to his parents, and
he was a virgin until 20. Because of that, I had the talk with
both of them, adn gave Kix some detailed instructions on how to
be, not just safe, but gentle.
As a reminder, Kix was expected to be a juvenile male, and just
turning 18 didn't change that. He was never expected to have
sex, so he'd been taught nothing about it.
One of Kix's chores for me is to supervise Zeke in doing daily
chores. Basically the two of them end up doing a lot of stuff
togehter, like paying bills, grocery shopping, planning a menu.
Oh, both of them are frequent guests over here. They live in a
duplex now, so they're here a lot to use the pool in the summer.
Zeke has asked about Reynard coming to live with them, now that
they have a backyard, but Renny is still used to living with a
lot of other animals. Instead, they've talked about getting a
couple of puppers, but they're not in a rush so they can make
sure to select the right ones. In the meantime, Zeke is still
loving the hamsters.
#Post#: 30416--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zeke - Ezekial Jonah Hannigan Wells
By: Leti Date: February 23, 2025, 9:05 am
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Hola Jack
It is great that Zac and Kix found each other.
You mentioned that:
“As a reminder, Kix was expected to be a juvenile male, and just
turning 18 didn't change that. He was never expected to have
sex, so he'd been taught nothing about it.”
Who expected that? His parents?
???
Thanks for the update.
Leti
#Post#: 30417--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zeke - Ezekial Jonah Hannigan Wells
By: Jack Date: February 23, 2025, 12:17 pm
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There have been complaints with the quote function on this forum
being hard to read, so I will say that the following information
was saved from the old forum and originally posted in my blog,
on 9 April 2015.
[font=verdana]The first part of this was just a rant on how many
boys were living here and how overwhelmed I was feeling at the
time, so I omitted it.
And because of that, you feel safe answering the phone, when you
see it's your contact with Child Protective Services.
Maybe you should have broke the phone, changed the number, and
moved.
"Have you ever heard of a lost boy?" the conversation starts.
Then, because she knows you, she quickly adds that she doesn't
mean Peter Pan.
Lost boys are kids who are ejected from sects (particularly the
Fundamental Church of Latter Day Saints). I won't go into the
reasons for that here, but these kids usually have little or no
real education, and some of them don't even have any
identification (there were articles earlier in the year about a
girl here in Texas who was having that problem after leaving her
parents).
The long and short of it is, CPS has a lost boy. The reason
this is a problem is that he reads at a 6.1, does math on a 4.7,
and has history, current events, and science knowledge that is
practially non-existent. The boy needs a few (several?) years
of remedial study before he would even be able to start studying
for his GED. The reason they came to me is because he's going
to be 18 in about 2 weeks, which means he's going to fall
through the cracks before they can even get him into the system.
I met the kid this afternoon. He's not stupid, he just hasn't
had a chance to learn. He obviously needs some help and
training in a variety of things. He's small for his age -
looking more like he's about to turn 14 than 18.
I kind of go through a hard time anytime I think of taking in a
new kid - and no matter what his chronological age, he is a kid,
and will likely be a dependent for a number of years. Because
of his raising, he won't really fit in with my other kids. It's
kind of funny, because I was worried about John, but John turned
out great. With John, I was worried that he'd been having
behavior problems. With this kid, I'm worried because he's
confused, scared to death, and they say he's either
pathologically shy or extremely introverted (though having
talked to him, I think it's a combination of shy and
overwhelmed).
With four kids graduating high school, and Clay and Zack being
young adults and not needing as much attention, I felt like I
was finally going to be climbing on top of things. I'm not
worried about making a commitment to this kid; I'm worried about
shorting my other kids, or not shorting them, and not being able
to give this one what he needs.
Right now, they're trying to rush his case. If he can get
approved before he turns 18, there are ways he can stay in
foster care until he's 22, as long as he's working on his
education. But they literally have 13 days to do it, and I'm
not sure how far they have to go (paperwork in motion, or
actually complete and approved?). Also, that means derailing a
LOT of people ahead of him to get it done.
Right now, I'm going to talk to the older kids today, and see
what they think. After that, I might talk to the younger kids.
After that... --->
After meeting with Zeke today, and talking to CPS about him, i
came home and did some reading. This article seems to reflect a
lot of the things I heard from/about Zeke.
Boys Face a New World (edit: lost this link, sorry, but maybe
you can Google the title?)
For those interested, I thought it might help understand the
situation better.
Just to clarify, adoption isn't an option in this case.* The
problem is that, with court lead time, investigation time, and
the required hearings, there's no way to get him into the system
before he ages out.
I found something last night that explains the benefits
available from foster care for adults that will help explain the
problem: Transition and Aging Out. I was shocked to realize
that, in this one instance, Texas seems to be the best in the
nation. Still, the problem is that this is for people aging out
of the system, not for adults who aren't in the system, which is
why Zeke is such a problem. There just is no one size fits all
solution, and sometimes odd cases just slip through the cracks.
I did talk to the kids after supper last night. I pointed out
that Zeke has been raised in an unusual situation, he hasn't had
much education, and what he has had is very different from how
we run our house. I admitted that he might require a lot of time
and attention that would have to come from some place, and that
he might not fit in or that he might cause disruptions.
"Like me?" John said.
I think the questions that everything else hinged on were from
Colt and Kenny.
"Will you still tuck us in and read to us at night?"
"Will you still run my cubby pack?"
Once they were sure the answers were unequivocally yes, they
agreed.
I had to ask Christian what he thought. He was shocked at the
idea he got to have an opinion, but he thought it was a good
idea.
There's no rain forecast today and only a 20% chance tomorrow,
so we'll hopefully get to play all our games, and maybe even a
make up or two.
We'd already made tentative plans for Zeke to spend Saturday
with us. I'll pick him up at 8am, and he can spend part of the
time at games with me and running around.
My biggest problem right now is where we'd put him. He'll have
the option of staying with us tomorrow night, but he can either
share with John or have a guest room. If he's going to live
here, I want him in the teen area, where the other boys will be
around, for a number of reasons. Once summer draws to an end,
and I have 4 (FOUR!!!!) boys leaving for college, that won't be
a huge problem. Until then, especially over the summer, when
Daniel, Cal, and Tracy come home (and Charlie will be here about
a month), things are going to be a bit cramped.
All right, there's way too much stuff for one sitting, so I'm
going to jump in and see how much I can do for now.
I decided that Zeke and I needed to spend some one on one time
together, which won't be possible this weekend. He's really just
in a holding pattern right now, not doing anything, so I called
and arranged to take him out with me this morning.
I started by calling BCA, talking to Mr. P, then talking to Toby
(Kirk - the principal at BHS). Neither of them had any real
experience with something like this. I think Mr. P had the best
idea, which would be (starting next fall) to put Zeke in a
remedial, high school Language Arts class, which he should be
able to handle, then put him in a gym class and an elective or
two. The rest of his time would be split between independent
study - basically reading texts and selected books to help
familiarize him with the basics he's missed, and a tutor. That
would give him the benefit of meeting new people and being in a
class environment with him, but it would also give him the
education he's needing.
Both of them promised to call around and see if they can talk to
someone in the Utah/Arizona area, where this seems to be a bit
more common.
I think all of us agree it would be best to not worry about
starting him this spring. We're about to start the last six
weeks, and he's already going to be dealing with a ton of stuff.
Normally on Fridays, I take restocks to the stores, and do walk
throughs to make sure everything is up to par. Zeke joined me in
that, and we stopped to have lunch at Ruben's. He had no idea
what to order, or even how to order. He said he'd eat anything,
so we each had a Rebecca, with lemon bars for dessert.
Afterwards we went around to the stores, then we came to the
house.
He loves the animals, though he was surprised to see cats and
rabbits acting like dogs.
He left with only the clothes he was wearing, and they don't
have tons of clothes available in all sizes, so we went
downstairs and got him a couple of changes of good clothes. We
stopped and bought him a back pack (to carry everything) and a
new pair of shoes. I have to say that he's very body-modest. He
didn't hesitate too much about undressing to try the clothes on,
but he did mostly keep his back turned to me. He now has two
good pair of slacks, three shirts, and four pair of socks,
underpants, and tees.
By that point, it was getting late in the day, and I wanted to
save him the trauma of being here when the ravaging (ravenous)
hordes arrived, so I took him back, and made sure to remind him
to be ready for me in the morning.
We did make one more stop, but I need to digress before coming
to that
[/font]
#Post#: 30418--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zeke - Ezekial Jonah Hannigan Wells
By: Jack Date: February 23, 2025, 12:37 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I believe this is the part which is really relevant to Leti's
question.
[font=verdana]Zeke seems to have three beliefs that will make
him fitting in here pretty easy.
1) The father is the head of the household, and he seems to
believe the converse is true (the head of the household is the
father).
2) Boys need to be disciplined, and it should be physically.
3) He is still a boy.
From what Zeke told me, he was shocked at the idea that a
certain birthday would make him legally an adult.
If you read Ephesians 5:31 - it says that a man shall leave his
family and join his wife. Somehow, that has come to mean that,
until you're married, you're a child. Zeke says there were two
'boys' older than him there.
And yes, Zeke has recently received physical punishment. He says
he was whipped twice in March. I didn't try to get him to go
into detail, but it sounds pretty similar to how Denny Archer
used to get it - belt bare.
The first time, he and two other boys had snuck off, when they
were supposed to be doing chores. An adult caught them and
escorted them to their fathers.
The second time was his last evening there, and I'm going to
have to cut off now, and talk about this later.
[/font]
I never cared enough to figure out any of their so-called
religious beliefs, except what I needed to understand to deal
with Zeke. However, it sounds like it was set up similarly to
some of the radical Mormon offshots, where the boys are free
labor as long as they don't get too uppity, and the girls are
basically used for procreative purposes (and free labor).
This is now coming from 11 April 2015, still before Zeke turned
18.
[font=verdana]Okay, I need to get this out of the way, and it's
best to do it while I have time to be by myself and calm down.
Zeke was caught with a book. He was chewed out for that, then
taken to the barn, which seems to be where all his whippings had
occurred since he was 'a little kid'. He'd known the book
(basically any, non-religious book) was forbidden, and that he'd
get into trouble if he was caught with it. He was stripped, had
to lay down over something, and his but was whipped with a belt.
When he told me about the whipping he got for skipping out on
his chores, I asked if he cried, and his response was 'not
really.' He says he was starting to cry when this one was
finished. When he was allowed up, two adults - one of them 'the
Elder' - were there. While trying to cover himself with his
hands, he was lectured again about wasting time reading
'non-sacred texts'. Then he was asked where he'd gotten it.
There was a boy, a bit younger than him, but bigger, who went
into town when they purchased supplies, to help carry the larger
stuff. He'd found the book, brought it back, read it, then
passed it around. Zeke had no intention of saying who'd brought
it, or who had given it to him.
When he refused, he was told to lay back down, and he was
whipped again.
"I did cry that time."
The problem here is that, under Texas law, punishment becomes
abuse when marks are left that last more than a day. Cases might
be made for other situations, but that's the baseline they use.
Because bodily shame was taught there - the boys wore long
underwear year round (even sneaking off to swim, they only
stripped to underclothes, not skinny dipping) - so Zeke couldn't
say anyone was bruised from the whippings they got. Blood was
never drawn, even the two times he was in serious trouble. His
butt was often welted afterwards, but he didn't think they
lasted too long. In other words, what he received was repugnant,
but not really illegal.
When he managed to get up again, he had to undergo another
lecture about the book, and it was burned. Then he was given
another chance to confess. When he didn't, they told him to lie
down again. When he refused, the three men forced him down, and
he was held, arm and ankle, and whipped with the belt from
shoulders past his knees. He says he screamed himself hoarse at
that point.
When he managed to climb to his feet again, his father was gone,
and they told him that foolishness and evil were bound in his
heart, so he was being cast out. He had to leave in the clothes
he had on, but one of his mother's managed to sneak out with a
coat, some food, and a bit of money for him. He left that night.
I think he was caught out after curfew the next night, picked up
when he couldn't answer any of the officer's questions, which
led, after several days of fact checking, to our meeting.
Yet once again, there's nothing in Texas law that says the
punishment has to be on the buttocks. I hate when someone slaps
a person's face, but if you're doing that to 'discipline' your
kid, it's technically not illegal, even though it's much riskier
than an actual spanking.
I think CPS is going to use Zeke's statement as justification to
investigate and see how the kids are really being treated, but
it's not enough to press charges against anyone.
So, the stop Zeke and I made before I dropped him off, was at
the book store. I replaced the book which had been burned, which
he had been in the middle of reading. Oh, and what was that
'sinful' book that caused all this? Robinson Crusoe.
Besides Robinson Crusoe, I picked out Swiss Family Robinson and
My Side of the Mountain. Those should all be entertaining for
him, and about his reading level. I also got him a fourth grade
math workbook, and asked him to do a few of the pages. Once
again, that's about the level he's at, so it should be practice,
but it will also give me an idea of how rusty he is.
I don't think I mentioned that Zeke and I stopped at the grocery
store. I'd done our regular shopping Thursday, but with him
coming, the kids decided we needed to grill, so I needed
burgers, dawgs, and the fixings, and I ended up getting some
center cut pork chops for Sunday dinner.
Anyway, I offered to get something for him, if he had any
favorites. He couldn't really tell me anything. When we were
trying on clothes, I think he nearly broke down in tears when I
asked him if he'd prefer pullover shirts, button fronts, or a
mix. When I decided he should just have polos, he was able to
pick the colors he liked, but the wider choice was too much for
him. We went through the grocery store, getting the things we'd
need, and he didn't ask for one thing. If had preferences for
cookies, chips, and juice, he wouldn't tell me.
What I really came away with is, if I do take Zeke in, there are
ways he's going to be less independent than Kenny. From what
I've read about some of this type of groups, he's been raised
having all his choices made for him, and he might be scared to
put any opinion at all forward.
What that really means is that he's probably not capable of
deciding if he wants to live with us. He showed he can stand up
for himself (or to keep someone else out of trouble), but not
much more. That means I'm probably going to spend the next
several months with a shadow who thinks having fun is sinful.
Unless there's really trouble with my boys (probably him not
being able to stand this environment being the only trouble I
can foresee), I just don't see that there's a choice about
letting him come.
Anyway, I think that gets us up to date.
I have to admit that he seems like a nice kid. He's very eager
to please. He's not stupid. He's not especially cute, but he's
far from ugly. He is a bit small for 18, and I'd accept him as
one of Ethan's friends easily. That should help him fit in at
school, at least. I'm sure there'll be a ton of time bombs and
booby traps coming over the next weeks, but I've survived that
type of thing before.
And the next thing is figuring out where I'm going to put
everyone, without resorting to Cappy's tents and cots.
[/font]
After reading these old posts, I'm mad enough to kill someone.
I'm only glad that their 'compound' was broken up and that some
of the people involved went to prison. Since I'm not able to
kill anyway, I called Zeke and Kix and they're joining us for
dinner tonight - center cut pork chops, Stove Top, garlic green
beans, roast vegetable medley, corn on the cob, and a cherry
cobbler for dessert.
[font=verdana]I picked Zeke up this morning. He and I stopped
for a fast food breakfast (he's never been able to watch TV
before, so he was fascinated by the idea of an Egg McMuffin'.
After that, we took in a soccer game, then about half a baseball
game.
He's met all my home kids now, and he's basically doing okay,
except you all have an idea what Saturdays are like around here.
He actually did okay through most of it. The only problem is
those alien life forms from Venus who drop by. Mom's aren't a
problem, but I thought his heart was going to stop when Elle
showed up in a sun dress. Imagine if a Predator landed in your
front yard, rang the bell, and asked to borrow a cup of sugar. I
imagine your response would be about as coherent as Zeke when he
was trying to talk to a girl.
Besides that, things are going okay. Most of the boys are
playing ball. Zeke has no idea about the rules, but he's in good
shape and reasonably coordinated, so he's catching on to the
basics.
I talked to him just before logging on, because, we had to let
the facility know if he was spending the night or not. He is.
For tonight, he's going to stay in John's room.
He and John have already talked, and John shared his background.
The two of them seem to get along okay. Colt has also spent some
time talking to him. Zeke was never allowed to have pets, but he
likes animals, and Van introduced him to all the four foots.
We're not having any guests tonight. We're going to do kebobs,
with fruit kebobs for dessert, then we'll watch a movie. I'm
trying to think of something that we all like, but that won't be
too... overstimulating for Zeke - I'm leaning towards Disney's
version of Swiss Family Robinson.
Things went well last night.
Probably because of the extreme body modesty he's been taught,
it doesn't appear he was ever taught what I consider proper
hygiene. I'd warned him that, despite his shyness, if he moved
in with us, I was going to see him naked at least twice
(assuming he behaves himself) - once to correct his hygiene
problems, and once at the doctors. He suggested last night that
we go ahead and take care of the first.
Zeke is an interesting case. He's very reticent and too
respectful of authority, but he does okay one on one. He doesn't
put himself forward, but he will talk, and he seems to be at
least a bit more comfortable with the boys. At least he's not
withdrawn, which I take as a good sign. Also, while he's not
exactly docile, I think he might be too compliant.
He was in awe at my bathroom, and I explained that the tub was
mostly for soaking out aches (though it's great for dealing with
batches of younger boys), while the shower was for getting
clean.
I rely on a top-down method, starting with my hair, and chasing
all the dirt and stuff down as I scrub. He was in just his
underwear while I demonstrated how to use everything, and
explained that he needs to be very methodical to be sure he does
everything. I showed him where everything was, how to set the
shower, and left him to it.
He does have a bit of a problem with acne, so I showed him how
to use the Proactiv stuff, then put him on the massage bench to
work on his back.
While it's hard to clean your own back, this is really a great
time for me to talk to the boys. Since they have a great excuse
not to look at me, it really makes it easier to talk about
almost anything. With Zeke, we had a long, rather rambling
discussion.
Right now, Zeke is having a lot of cognitive dissonance. I think
he knows that - at best - the place from where he comes was not
a fair place. Still, it's hard to shake off the way you were
raised. On top of that, he's being bombarded with a flood of new
information - not just being in my house, around a lot of
energetic, outgoing kids, but being exposed to things of which
he's never heard or was told were evil.
I think dealing with Zeke is going to be a lot like dealing with
a younger kid - the only 'good' thing is that he has already
learned lessons about respecting boundaries that will help. Even
that's a problem, though, because I'm going to be encouraging
him to violate his old boundaries. That means I'm going to have
to convince him those boundaries are wrong, but that mine are
right. Fortunately, he is polite and nice, though quiet, and
none of the boys seem to dislike him. Most of them seem to get
along with him just fine. That means I should have help in
introducing him to new things.
He did sleep in John's room last night. John put on lounge pants
until he was ready for bed. You could tell my boys being
undressed was a bit uncomfortable for him (like it's usually
easy to tell the shy boys in a locker room, even if they aren't
currently undressing themselves). He slept in pajamas last
night. He understands that we do have a lot of casual nudity
around here, especially in the summer, but he says he can deal
with it.
[/font]
#Post#: 30419--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zeke - Ezekial Jonah Hannigan Wells
By: Jack Date: February 23, 2025, 12:57 pm
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[font=verdana]This morning, we decided to stay home, have
brunch, and a devotional. That's probably closer to what he's
used to, and we're not serious churchgoers anyway.
>>>>Zeke is back at the facility tonight. They're going to
release him to me 'temporarily', while they figure out which
version of what happened is real and set a hearing.
Realistically, with a birthday on 22 April, he's mine. I'll pick
him up tomorrow, early afternoon to bring him home.[/font]
And that, more or less, is the story of how Zeke became part of
our family.
[font=verdana]Tne thing to look into, is if this kid has a birth
certificate and a social security number. Too often those in
that particular "religion" will not register their births with
the state.
I had already thought of that, because of that Jessica girl in
the news a few months back. However, the state was able to
identify him, and he wasn't sure of his own birthday, so they
have some kind of identification on him. My understanding is
that, when he was very young, he was taken to a hospital for
something, and things must have been taken care of them.
I am going to ask a few follow up questions when I pick him up,
and we'll see where they are with getting what he needs, and
what I need to do.
I did sit down and make a few phone calls and a plans last
night.
I'm going to get with the home schooling group and find some
high school age boys that he can spend a little time with and
maybe take a few field trips with, while the rest of my kids are
in school.
I don't know if I'm going to bother with a tutor right now, or
if I'll just buy him starter books. He reads okay, and the stuff
he needs right now is early grade level. I'll probably just get
him a tutor a couple of days a week to start.
We're going to see Dr. Sammy tomorrow morning, and I need to
schedule trips to the dentist and eye doctor as well.
He and John did just fine together. Because the college kids
stay there when they're home, the sleeping areas are already
separated for some privacy (room dividers between the beds).
That should do okay for a while.
We need to fill out his wardrobe, but I'm not sure if I'm going
to take him shopping. I'm probably going to get him a basic
phone for now, but I don't think I'll bother with anything else.
Maybe we'll go to Toys R Us and see if we can find some kind of
non-tech toy that will interest an 18-year old.
I'm was planning to start a bio for him, but I'm yawning too
much right now. I'll probably do that this afternoon, if I have
time, then link back to this and do future updates there.
Doctor's visits are scheduled. We're seeing Dr. Sammy today. I
have to go into the stores for a while. Looks like a fun day.
We did find almost everything Zeke needed in the handmedown
closet, and we moved a few things in John's room (we had to
rearrange a few of the college boys' things) to get him his own
private spots.
He's pretty needy and insecure right now, but I think he's doing
better than John did his first few days with us, so I guess
everything is okay for now.
I should have a bit more free time this afternoon, and I'll try
to get the new thread started and organized then.[/font]
This next was posted on 14 April 15 and was apparently the start
of Zeke's bio page on the old forum.
[font=verdana]I started a thread, when I was first asked if I
could take Zeke into my home. You can find a lot of the early
details in What Would You Do?. The title comes from me throwing
another fit about how I already have too much to do and too many
kids to care for.
Let's start with the basics
5'7.5" (171.5 cm)
124 pounds (56.25 k)
medium brown hair
blue eyes
fair complexion
While he doesn't look much like us in the face, Zeke has the
right coloring to fit right in with me, Barry, and Noah.
We saw the doctor today, and the poor kid had to get a TON of
shots; ten, I think, and that's only because he already got a
TDAP, when the police first picked him up. It did include an
antibiotic, because he has some dental problems, and he has an
infection in his gums. Sammy called the dentist, and added the
antibiotic, to get him started before we get there tomorrow.
You probably remember that some of those vaccines are thick, and
they hurt going in. He's also not especially broad right now, so
he ended up getting shots in both arms, both thighs, and his
rear.
He's upstairs right now, sleeping it off.
The saddest thing is, some of them require follow ups next
month.
Like all my new boys, Zeke got a thorough physical. I'm sure he
was very embarrassed by it, but he took it well. Basically Sammy
does a visual examination of the boy's entire body. The purpose
is to document any marks or scars; both so we know about them in
case their trouble (moles) and I can't be blamed for any old
marks. In Zeke's case, with him being nearly an adult, and with
his bios probably being scared to push themselves further into
the laws' attention, it was probably unnecessary, but 'better
safe than sorry.'
Besides that, almost everything was just fine.
The problems he does have are related to diet. Sammy says he
sees similar things in many poor families, because they tend to
eat a lot more starch and fat protein. While he suggested some
mineral oil tonight, and fiber bars for a week or two, once he's
been eating with my family for a bit, and his body adjusts, he
should be just fine.
Sammy did say he has some more growing to do. I'd already come
to the same conclusion, but Sammy sees more cases and has more
experience than I do, so I'm glad he agreed. Zeke looks like
he's in late stage 3, early stage 4 of puberty, which means he
probably has at least another inch and possibly as much as five
more to grow. Without knowing his family, it's hard to be more
accurate than that.
Kier said that, after all those shots, Zeke was probably going
to feel fluish. He was certainly pretty ran down.
After a nap yesterday afternoon, he went to bed early last
night. He got up with the other boys this morning, but ended up
staying home while I went to work this morning. At first, he
said he didn't feel much like eating last night, but Noah had
made some beer batter onion rings, with some 10/15s, and I made
steak on egg sandwiches, and we had some roast veggies and a
salad, and he decided he could probably choke something down
after all.
We're leaving for the dentist in a few minutes. He's upstairs
cleaning his teeth before we go.
I talked with a home schooling father of 3 boys yesterday, and
we're going to get together tomorrow afternoon. He tries to take
his boys on at least one field trip of some type every week,
plus a couple of days a week at the gym, and he has no problem
including Zeke. We're going to see how the boys get along, and
how he and I get along. His oldest boy is in high school, so I'm
hoping this is something Zeke can do to get out of the house,
meet some new people, and get exposure to some new things.
Things just keep getting worse for Zeke.
He did NOT want to go to the eye doctor yesterday. He'd already
had bad experiences at the pediatrician and dentist (he has a
number of cavities, and while the cleaning wasn't too horrible,
the doctor had to check the cavities to prioritize, and I'm sure
most of you have at least a bit of experience with how fun that
was). I promised him that the worst that would happen at the
optometrist was that they might dilate his eyes. He went, but it
was under protest.
He did need glasses - he's slightly astigmatic. He doesn't have
to have them for driving. He probably would have to have them in
a traditional class room (reading the blackboard). In the
situation he's in now, we got them so he can see if he really
needs them to read and maybe for movies. And, if he doesn't use
them and complains of headaches...
We did meet those home schoolers yesterday, and it was a nice
group.
As I said, the father stays home and does the home schooling.
Apparently he's able to do some work online, and his wife is a
doctor and made more than he did anyway.
They have FIVE kids - all boys. Three are biological, two are
adopted. I don't have the entire story straight, and I don't
remember everyone's name, so I'm not going to try to do a full
introduction here, but I will say that the eldest, who is one of
the adopted boys, is Ukrainian and speaks Russian. Mickey is
excited to meet him.
They're coming over again tomorrow afternoon to meet the entire
family.
I started off by saying that things keep getting worse for Zeke.
He's been getting up and having breakfast with the family, then,
when the other kids leave, he and I discuss what is scheduled
for the day, and decide what he's going to do (he's used to
almost constant supervision and direction, so I don't want to
throw him in the wind, like I would do for any of the other,
older boys).
This morning, he didn't get up. John said he was awake, so I
went to see if he was feeling bad or something.
No, not feeling bad, but kind of obviously upset.
I should mention two things here.
Zeke sleeps with his hands outside the covers.
Zeke was one time caught 'just scratching', but his 'privates
had grown', and he was taken to the barn and whipped like I
described the last whipping he received before being turned out.
This morning, Zeke had a wet dream. Apparently this was
previously a whipping offense, so he didn't know what was going
to happen, and he was worried about being embarrassed in front
of the other boys.
We covered his sheets until the other boys left for school, and
he grabbed a quick shower before breakfast. Afterwards, we had a
talk about a lot of things. It will probably take a while for
him to overcome what he was taught, but we looked at the Bible,
and discussed my beliefs again (I am giving less and less
credence to Paul as the years go on, and treating what he said
more as guidelines than anything else, while relying on the
Gospels for most of my beliefs).
I didn't even try to have the sex talk with him. I think we'll
save that for another week or two.
[/font]
#Post#: 30420--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zeke - Ezekial Jonah Hannigan Wells
By: Jack Date: February 23, 2025, 1:16 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
This next post comes from 19 April 2015 - STILL before Zeke
turned 18, so you can probably understand how overwhelmed he and
I both were at this point, and it impresses me again with how
well he's doing today.
[font=verdana]The St. Cyrs are the new family we met this week.
I contacted them through the Home Schooling Organization I work
with. I let a couple of people with that group know my situation
with Zeke, and they found a family (they live outside Bransom,
but still pretty local) where the father home schools, who have
adopted children, including a teen, and who don't just sit home
all the time.
Zeke and I met the family last Thursday, and we hit it off
enough that we invited them over Saturday, so they could get the
full effect.
We hit it off fine, and I talked a lot with the parents,
especially Mr. St.C.
The reason he's the home schooler (home teacher?) is that he's
able to do some of his work from home, while his wife is a
doctor. Things were a bit rocky, with her having children, but
now she has her own practice.
The parents are Louis (Lewis?) and Tamara. He's Creole, she's
Persian. Judging by the kids, it's a really nice mix, though
they'd really pass as Hispanic, which makes sense, since creole
is nearly the same thing, just French instead of Spanish).
They have 5 children - 3 of them are biological, 2 are adopted.
They both want more than one child, but it took several years
for her to get pregnant, and when a few more had passed with no
more luck and they saw something about foreign orphans, they
decided to adopt. While they were in the process of adopting,
she got pregnant again (of course). They thought three was
enough, but then the baby came along, and they needed to take in
their nephew (I believe by his sister, but I'm not positive).
After keeping him over a year, they wanted to stabilize things
for everyone, so they got his parents to agree and adopted.
The Kids:
Nick - Nick (Nicolai?) is 16 and was the first adopted son. He's
from the Ukraine, but started out speaking Russian (yes, Mickey
loved meeting him, and he and Johnny spent a while talking).
Micah - the oldest biological son. Micah is 12, pretty obviously
is in the early stages of puberty, and is absolutely beautiful.
He seems fairly smart, and is a huge baseball and soccer fan.
Dominic - Dom is 10. I think Dom is mulatto. That's not any
direct information that I have, but that he has an unusual
skintone that I've seen from people who I knew were. He also has
really tight, curly hair, that's a weird, light brown color. He
carries just a bit of extra weight, like he's getting ready to
grow. He's a very nice kid, and he loves the same stuff my kids
do - Hot Wheels are his favorites right now, but he's also big
into Legos.
Dashiell - Dash is 8. I'm not going to say he's hyper, but he is
very active. He immediately made friends with every boy and
animal who were present yesterday. Cute as the dickens and a
real charmer. (EDIT: Remember - this was nearly a decade ago.
Dash is a senior and Lee is a sophomore, and both of them still
visit on a regular basis).
Lee is only six, and he's the shy one. He was trying to hide
behind his mom, until he was introduced to Spin and Marty, which
drew him out a bit. By the time they left, he and Adam were
lifelong friends. He's the cutest of the group.
The reason we're getting to know each other is that Louis takes
the boys either to the gym or to do something physical at least
a couple of times a week, and they try to do field trips each
week. After explaining what's going on with Zeke, and after we
got to know each other, he agreed to take Zeke along for the
physical activities and field trips. That way, Zeke will get to
spend time with other people, and do some things, which will
hopefully seem like I'm not acting as a jail keeper.
We did talk about how he home schools, and I like his ideas. He
requires the boys to do a certain amount of work in each class
each week, but he requires more work than he gives assignments.
Therefore, the boys can spend some of the rest of their time
chasing their own interests or reading about new stuff. It
actually answers one of the problems I have with public school,
and it resolves a lot of the troubles I have with 'unschooling'.
We also talked about discipline, and he is a spanker. We'd
brushed by the subject once or twice, when Dash brought the
Little Deer to show him. After that, we had a fairly frank
discussion. He wasn't asking for permission to discipline Zeke -
he hasn't actually whipped Nick in 'a while' - and he made it
clear that he tries to give the boys privacy when he does spank
(except Dash and Lee, who share a room and get in trouble
together on a regular basis). I think he started out trying to
make sure Zeke and I weren't going to be offended if someone did
get spanked while Zeke was with him. When he found out the
Little Deer (and others) hung in the younger boys room, he
laughed about it.
What I did find out are that he almost always spanks pants down,
but bare is reserved for serious transgressions and repeated or
multiple problems, and that he's not quit as formal as I am.
Then we talked about our near/recent teens, and the discussion
went off in other areas.
I think it will work well for Zeke.
It seems like it might.
They dropped by after church for a while yesterday (called to
ask if we had lunch plans, and brought enough fried chicken to
feed us all). Micah and Van seem to have really hit it off, and
now Micah is considering getting involved in 4H. Nick and Mickey
enjoyed talking to each other and practicing their Russian, and
Johnny joined them for a while. The younger boys are typical
boys, and they managed to find things in common.
Zeke is still a bit withdrawn around adults, but he gets along
okay with the kids, and he spent some time talking with me and
Mr. SC about how he'll be expected to behave, and he and Nick
spent some time talking. I think Zeke will be okay with them.
They're doing a nature hike today, and Zeke will be going with
them, so we'll see.
Zeke is now 18.
His birthday was fairly quiet. They didn't celebrate birthdays
in his 'sect', and (from what I understand) he wasn't even
positive when his birthday was, when he was first picked up.
I decided not to go too fancy. We had appetizer sampler trays
(jalapeno poppers, stuffed mushrooms, fried cheese, potato
skins, and grilled shrimp), t-bones, roast potato wedges, and a
garden salad. We had ice cream cake for dessert.
Zeke was pretty overwhelmed to realize that all the attention
was on him, but he seems to be getting better at accepting
things without feeling guilty or worried. I'm not sure how much
change he's been able to internalize, but I think he's realizing
that his environment is much different and safer.
Zeke and I have to go to court today.
First, they are pursuing an investigation of this 'farm' where
he was raised. At the very least, they were obviously lying on
their home school paperwork. I think they want him to review his
statements and attest that they're 'the truth, the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth.'
Second, it's possible that the court could have declared Zeke
incompetent and remanded him to the care of CPS, though he
passed 18. The law is set up to make things like that difficult
(and it should be), but it was one possible way to keep from
just throwing him on the street. My lawyer will meet us there.
He already has paperwork drawn up (the same basic thing I used
with Steven, Clayton, and Christian) that Zeke and I will sign -
basically Zeke will attest himself as being of limited
competence and not being ready or able to support himself, and
so he'll grant full parental powers to me, as though he were
still a minor, and I'll be accepting full parental
responsibility - including guarantees to provide support,
education, and discipline.
It's not totally, legally valid. Zeke will still be an adult
under the law, which means I wouldn't be responsible for him
getting a ticket, like I would be with Bryce or the twins, but
it does provide us with protection and assurance.
Court really didn't consist of much. The judge talked to Zeke a
bit, and he did ask me a couple of questions and review the
agreement. Zeke and I both signed it, and the judge witnessed it
himself.
The main reason we went in was so that Zeke could make a
deposition that was basically him taking oath, re-reading his
statement, and swearing it was all true. The farm where he was
raised is going to be investigated on a couple of issues, and
they wanted Zeke's sworn statement to be sure they had probable
cause (from what I understand).
It's a pretty nice day today, so Zeke and I went to Sonic
Drive-In for lunch, then drove around the lake for a bit.
I've been trying to find material for a young adult who has no
education, and it's really not there. There's material to teach
someone to read, but not for the kind of things Zeke has missed
out on. Instead, I just got some used material for early grades,
and he's looking through it. I'm honestly thinking of just
starting him at his reading level or just below, and seeing how
interested he is, and what kind of pace he will keep with it. We
picked up some sixth grade social studies and science material
today, and we'll start working on that and see how it goes.
I've had a few questions about how Zeke is doing, so I thought
I'd take a few minutes to update.
First of all, we're still trying to make long-term decisions on
his education. Right now, we're not able to do a lot. That's
mostly because it's so close to the end of the year. On the
other hand, Mr. P., from BCA, suggested that we could work up an
IEP (Individualized Education Program). Those are really for
special needs students, but this kind of is a special needs,
special circumstance. Once we have that worked up, we might be
able to get him into an online school. So far he's interested,
and he's used to discipline, so he might be able to handle
something like that, without me having to constantly supervise
him.
There are a couple of other ideas were considering as well.
For now, we're hitting the library quit a bit, and he's reading
a lot of science and social studies/history books that are
really aimed at younger kids. The reads are too easy for him,
but it's giving him some fundamentals he needs, and it's helping
him figure out where his interests are. He's going through the
same phase that many boys do - dinosaurs and astronomy. That's
something all my boys can talk about, and we have plenty of
books on both subjects.
He's also reading some novels. I think his reading level was
really better than they originally thought - he just needed to
get some practice and exposure to a vocabulary that wasn't King
James.
It turns out John had a sex talk with Zeke. As far as I've
found out, Zeke never masturbated. After having a wet dream and
being worried about how I'd react, he and I had the first in a
series of talks. I would normally have had that talk with...
Well, I've already had it with Kenny, except I added more
information on self-pleasuring.
John's talk was a bit more... detailed.
I try to give the boys privacy. I'm even trying to be more
careful about walking in, even if the boys are supposed to be
asleep or not home. Also, John and I haven't had talks like Noah
and I have.
Well, at the very least, John either watches or helps some of
his friends. This came up because he pretty much told Zeke that
a couple of his friends were coming over, and they were going to
be having a circle jerk. Zeke could join or give them privacy.
He gave them privacy.
I found out about this, because John told me. He was pretty much
laughing about it. On the other hand, he also told me that Zeke
asked a couple of 'how to' questions, and John got him a rag to
clean up with.
Zeke got his first swat. He does NOT like the idea of corner
time.
It actually wasn't over anything huge. I was trying to get him
up and moving yesterday, but he protesting and foot dragging. I
actually like it, because he was... asserting himself for once.
On the other hand, I gave him pretty direct instructions, and he
didn't follow them.
Because he's so against corner time, I put a Jokari paddle in
his room. When I went back to his room, and he still wasn't
ready, I offered him corner time again, but he said 'no', so I
had him put his hands on his knees, and I gave him a pretty good
smack. He took it well, but I did see him sneaking a rub.
That was all it took, so he must have been just testing. And
like I said, I'm basically happy to see it.
[/font]
I'm going to let that be it for now. I think it gives a good
idea of what things were like when Zeke became part of the
family and how hectic things were for him at first.
#Post#: 30424--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zeke - Ezekial Jonah Hannigan Wells
By: Zyngaru Date: February 23, 2025, 5:12 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Thanks, Jack, for the updates on Zeke.
It was a little confusing for me, since so many posts were
labeled as TODAY.
But I think I have them figured out. It was still good to read
back when Zeke first came to live with you, and he had to grow
from the background he was raised under.
Of course, you know I am going to take a special interest in any
boy with a "Z" name.
#Post#: 30425--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zeke - Ezekial Jonah Hannigan Wells
By: db105 Date: February 23, 2025, 7:39 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Thanks for the update. I remember reading years ago the
information of how Zeke became part of your family. I always
found that story very touching, how you guys would help an
adult, or almost adult, boy who had had such a difficult
upbringing.
[quote author=Leti link=topic=8.msg30416#msg30416
date=1740323129]
You mentioned that:
“As a reminder, Kix was expected to be a juvenile male, and just
turning 18 didn't change that. He was never expected to have
sex, so he'd been taught nothing about it.”
Who expected that? His parents?
[/quote]
I'm also curious about that. Why would his parents expect such a
thing?
#Post#: 30427--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zeke - Ezekial Jonah Hannigan Wells
By: Jack Date: February 24, 2025, 1:12 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=db105 link=topic=8.msg30425#msg30425
date=1740361194]
[quote author=Leti link=topic=8.msg30416#msg30416
date=1740323129]
You mentioned that:
“As a reminder, Kix was expected to be a juvenile male, and just
turning 18 didn't change that. He was never expected to have
sex, so he'd been taught nothing about it.”
Who expected that? His parents?
[/quote]
I'm also curious about that. Why would his parents expect such a
thing?
[/quote]
I got it now. No, not Kix - I meant ZEKE. The leaders of the
cult he was raised in didn't want any competition, so most of
the boys were taught they had to have sex to be adults, and
weren't allowed to have sex until they were adults.
#Post#: 30428--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zeke - Ezekial Jonah Hannigan Wells
By: Zyngaru Date: February 24, 2025, 8:07 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I understand why some communities want/desire to be closed to
protect their youth from outside brainwashing and manipulation,
but at the same time being a closed community creates the very
thing you might want to protect your youth from.
My personal belief is to have a very open community where all
ideas and viewpoints can be seen/taught and discussed. In doing
that though, a parent/guardian/caregiver needs to be
close/open/honest with the youth in their care, so they don't
run off with every hair-brain idea of society but can build a
firm foundation around the traditional ideas so as the child
grows-up they can make more and more decisions on how things
apply to them and if they wish to vary their outlook on social
ideas and practices.
Totally closed off societies tend to create boys like Zeke,
which in my opinion is a travesty. My heart will always hurt
when I read about what he had to climb up out of to become the
young man that he is today.
*****************************************************
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