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#Post#: 4051--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zeke - 13 Sept 2017
By: Jack Date: February 26, 2018, 12:41 pm
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[quote author=David M. Katz link=topic=8.msg3798#msg3798
date=1518729307]
Perhaps this comes naturally to Liam as he has two younger
brothers?
[/quote]
This goes all the way back to the top of the cage, but i hadn't
really noticed it before. Liam has three little brothers -
Devon, Connor, and Curtis.
[hr]
I am definitely not saying that there's no way Zeke will grow up
to be self-sufficient. I am saying that I need to eliminate my
expectations.
Yes, thanks for the ideas Zyngaru. I already normally give Zeke
limited options. This was a big problem at first. What really
got me is that I'd thought we were past it, and I was a bit
surprised to see it coming back. Still, there are a lot of
reasons problems can recur.
DB - I think overall Zeke is fine. He's very much like a
younger boy - mostly living in the moment. It's just that,
every once in a while, things seem to catch up with him, and
then he gets down.
#Post#: 4054--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zeke - 13 Sept 2017
By: Leti Date: February 26, 2018, 2:51 pm
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In the movie Moscow on the Hudson, the character that Robin
Williams plays, has a nervous breakdown when he goes to a
supermarket to get coffee, and there are hundreds of options.
There are many heroes in books that are moved from their
environment and have to adapt and grow into different cultures.
Tarzan was taken back from the jungle to a city or the
civilization on his time. Also Mowli went back to the man
village, and all seemed strange, from sleeping inside a hut and
understanding the language, after being raised by wolves, and
being taught by a bear and a panther- also from Kipling- Kim had
to adapt to a different life when he was caught by the regiment
and turned into a sahib.
In the book Shogun, the hero has to learn to be Japanese and
talk Japanese.
Maybe Zeke, needs to know that his situation is not unique and
also that he is not alone in his quest, and that he has all the
support needed to overcome the difficulties. He needs to be
patient with himself also.
Hugs
Leti
#Post#: 4460--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zeke - Ezekial Jonah Hannigan Wells
By: Jack Date: March 18, 2018, 4:45 am
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Zeke got spanked Friday morning.
I talk about Zeke and his problem here a lot. Partly that's
reminding people why I need to treat someone who's nearly 21
years old like this. Partly it's because I have trouble getting
my own head wrapped around it. I'm not going to say that Zeke
is unique, but his is a situation I've never dealt with before,
and it's hard for me to talk to people around here about him (I
don't want to spend too much time 'airing his dirty laundry'
with people who interact with him, and it doesn't do much good
to talk to people who haven't interacted with him). Of course,
his therapist is willing to listen, but I have to pay to talk to
him - not that I mind it, he's just not always available.
Zeke's therapist said something interesting to me recently. "If
a tornado has destroyed a house, you don't start building right
there. You dig down, until you find a firm foundation." He
says that's why Zeke seems to be regressing in some ways. He
sees behavior being modeled by his friends and peers, and he's
experimenting with that, but he's also experimenting with whom
his peers really are. He was raised in a way that was both very
limited (to what he was exposed) and very restrained (in how he
was allowed to act), that he's now digging around and trying
different things to see what he likes and what he needs. To use
a politically incorrect term, Zeke is socially retarded. He's
like an unprogrammed computer - there's nothing wrong with his
ability to operate, he just needs more input before he's able to
operate correctly.
Which brings us back to Friday morning.
We had a full week. Andy and his boys arrived Monday afternoon,
and Andy took the kids to eat at Cici's and then to the bowling
alley. Of course, we had guests most of the day. Zeke was
supposed to have given the hamsters' cages a full cleaning, but
it didn't get done. I forgave it that time, since stuff
happens. I think Tuesday is when we spent part of the day at
the lake. I'm pretty sure we grilled a lot of food, and the
kids were out back. Wednesday we went to the Fort Worth Zoo and
had a picnic lunch (fried chicken) at the park. Thursday we did
kebobs for lunch, before Andy and the guys left. It was a very
full week, and I let Zeke get away with putting off cleaning the
hamsters cage. After Andy and Co. had gone, I reminded Zeke it
needed to be done, that he'd been putting it off for days, and I
wanted it done that night.
And then I got involved with Brian Perez and his dad, in what
was a long, involved, and very emotional evening that left me
excited, but exhausted.
When I checked Friday morning, it still wasn't done.
Zeke and I had a talk about pets and being responsible and how
much they depend on us. Then we talked about why I spank. Part
of me worries and feels bad about spanking Zeke, but he
understands, accepts, and relates to it. The fact that he keeps
having the same type of problem also bothers me. His therapist
says that the most important thing I can do is be consistent
with him, while understanding that he's not going to be
consistent.
I took his pajama bottoms off, then sent him for the bath brush,
before putting him over my lap. We had a brief swat/Q&A about
why he was getting spanked, then a short, but rapid fire
spanking. He cried a bit, but it was mostly yelping and
yelling, and it wasn't too harsh. After I let him up and gave
him a quick hug, he put his pajamas back on, and I helped watch
the hamsters while he cleaned the cages. While everything was
drying, we played with them a bit. When he had the cages set
back up and restocked, I watched the hamsters while he checked
with Liam, then went downstairs to invite the littles to come
play for a while.
#Post#: 4462--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zeke - Ezekial Jonah Hannigan Wells
By: db105 Date: March 18, 2018, 7:36 am
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Aww, Zeke. I don't think you can do any more than you are doing.
Keep being patient and working with his therapist.
Chores about pets are particularly urgent, of course, since the
animals need those things done.
#Post#: 4467--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zeke - Ezekial Jonah Hannigan Wells
By: kalico Date: March 18, 2018, 12:23 pm
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Aww hugs to you both.....
I agree with dB that you are doing a great job and not much more
than just understanding......
Hugs kal
#Post#: 4472--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zeke - Ezekial Jonah Hannigan Wells
By: David M. Katz Date: March 18, 2018, 4:43 pm
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Does the therapist give any time line as to when Zeke might get
"caught up?"
#Post#: 4477--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zeke - Ezekial Jonah Hannigan Wells
By: Jack Date: March 18, 2018, 5:53 pm
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David, as I've said before, he's actually slowed down and
regressed in some ways.
While Zeke's case isn't unique, it's unusual enough that it's
hard to put a timeline on it. I'm sure that if our only goal
was to make him able to take care of himself, we could probably
do that, and more easily. As it is, I'm able to let him take
his time and explore, so that's what we're doing. If he sees
his brothers going on to college, and he gets impatient with
being treated like a child, maybe that will motivate him. As
long as he's okay with it, I'm okay with it, and the hamsters
seem to be happy enough too.
#Post#: 4793--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zeke - Ezekial Jonah Hannigan Wells
By: Jack Date: March 30, 2018, 4:40 am
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I'd checked on this ahead of time to make sure it would be okay,
then I took Zeke out of school when I finished my classes
yesterday.
It wasn't for any special reason. We went home, changed, then I
made the menu, checked our supplies, and made the grocery list,
explaining what I was doing with each step, and letting him have
some input.
Keeping that old aphorism in mind, 'never shop when you're
hungry', we stopped and had lunch on the way. We ate at
Rueben's, which I love, and the kids can always find something
there. Sides are so cheap to make that we've found a pretty
good business just by offering a good selection, and Zeke had
the open faced roast beef sandwich, with mashed potatoes, brown
gravy, and green bean casserole.
We did the shopping together. I explained to him why I made
certain choices, and I let him chose chips, cereal, and cookies,
which made him happy. I didn't make him make all the choices,
but he did get some practice, and I was happy to see he took the
other boys tastes and preferences into account.
After grocery shopping, he helped me put things away, then he
asked if I'd help clean the hamster cages. I told him I needed
to take my meds, and I'd planned to lay down a bit. He asked if
he could lay down with me and read. I agreed, and he ended up
in my bedroom a few minutes later, with book but without pants.
The funny thing is, I usually only nap for 15 or 20 minutes, if
I sleep at all, but he snored off about 30 minutes while
'reading'.
When he woke up, I was in my office. We went and cleaned the
hamster cages and played with them a while. Then we did his
laundry. While the laundry was running, I looked at the new
recipe I was trying last night (pork tenderloin) and got
everything together that we needed for last nights supper then
he helped me make snacks for his brothers, before sitting down
to study for his algebra quiz today.
I think we had some good bonding time. We didn't talk about
anything special, except that he misses having his own room, but
likes having Liam around. I know that, since Liam turned 17, he
and Zeke have masturbated together. Despite the ages, Liam
definitely has the power in that relationship, and I know Zeke
isn't comfortable with discussing 'sex stuff', so I had really
just wanted to make sure he was comfortable, and that the two of
them are doing well, and that he's not feeling forced about
anything. I think we're doing good right now, and Zeke seems to
be pretty happy with our rather fluid relationship.
Oh, we also discussed his birthday, which is coming next month.
I think we're going to end up having two parties for him. I'm
going to invite some of his younger friends to join him at
Legoland, and I'll let him have some of his older friends over
that evening for burgers and dawgs and some music. From the way
the weather's been so far this year, it probably won't be warm
enough for the pool, but we'll make it a small gathering, and
they should have a good time.
#Post#: 4821--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zeke - Ezekial Jonah Hannigan Wells
By: kalico Date: March 31, 2018, 8:13 pm
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Love it.......
Hugs kal
#Post#: 4823--------------------------------------------------
Re: Zeke - Ezekial Jonah Hannigan Wells
By: David M. Katz Date: March 31, 2018, 9:00 pm
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That afternoon with you was far more important than being at
school. ;D
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