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#Post#: 6166--------------------------------------------------
Ralph Peterman (14)
By: Jack Date: June 3, 2018, 11:18 am
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Ralph was not only one of my students this past semester, but he
was honestly one of my favorites. Instead of sharing why, allow
me to re-share these old posts with you.
Quote Jack from Teaching - 24 January 2018
There's one boy named Ralph, who's in 8th grade. I believe he's
already 14.
Ralph is a pretty average looking kid, except for a bit of a
week chin, nice eyes, and very thick, slightly curly brown hair.
He's probably about average size for that age - about 5'6" or
so, and thinnish - maybe 125 lbs. He has a nice, low tenor
voice, and he's willing to talk, so I already like him.
When I was leaving yesterday, I stopped to talk to Marcus.
Between me being in the hospital, and several birthdays, along
with other things, this month has been a bit off kilter I
wanted to make sure we all had our ducks in a row. He had a
gym class, and I found him in the locker room. While I was
chatting with Marcus, Ralph walked in, went to a locker, and
started stripping down. He wears white, Fruit of the Loom
briefs. He has a firm build, with just a hint of a waist and
hips, and while his buttocks are a bit deeply dimpled on the
sides, they're nicely arched out in the back. As I was leaving,
he saw me and waved, turning enough to reveal he also seems to
have a nice bulge.
A few days later, on 29 January
It'll be fun to see Ralph in class today.
The theater where we saw Death Cure is older. They've done a
lot of remodeling over the years, but their men's room doesn't
have privacy guards on the urinals. Ralph and I ended up next
to each other, and he doesn't seem especially shy - he has a
pretty cute (and decent sized) package.
It was also cute at the house that night. He apparently loves
animals, and spent some time visiting Van, including going to my
room to see the ferrets (with permission). Ralph and I talked
for a while, and he asked about the Red Maple. I told him that
I don't share specifics about my kids discipline. I let him
know that I do spank, but I'm not going to say who, when, or
why. I suggested he wouldn't like his dad telling me. He just
shrugged - he was wearing lounge pants with no shirt, and the
pants kept sliding down his barely existent hips to reveal his
Hanes briefs, though they were light gray instead of white this
time - and said his dad almost always uses the belt. "When I
was little, he used my belt on my pants most of the time, but he
says if it's serious enough for me to get the belt at my age,
it's too serious to keep 'em up anymore.'
I still didn't tell him anything about Colt, but I did answer
his general questions, which was more about school anyway.
And on 1 February
Ralph walked into class yesterday, talking with another boy (a
ninth grader).
"No seriously - look. Mr. Wells, (he) doesn't believe me about
Fido."
So, the first five minutes of class involved watching videos on
my phone of Fido performing tricks or just acting like Fido. Of
course, the entire class had to see them.
Now they want Fido to come to class for a visit.
I'm thinking - you just say videos of this rabbit hitting me and
chasing dogs and kids. I guess they want to find out for real.
Oh well - I told them that, if they behave, and if we get ahead
before the end of the six weeks, I'll ask if he can visit.
In related news, Colt and I had a talk about some of the boys
whom he had over for the movie whom haven't visited before. He
likes some of them more than others, but there aren't any he
really dislikes. He was asking about how many kids he can have
over on a regular basis (keep it about where it is after school,
but a few more on weekends - during the days, not sleepovers -
would be okay). It turns out that Emmet and Ralph are friends,
so Colt had considered asking him over more often. Emmet has
asked his own friends a couple of times, but he usually just
hangs out with Colt. I'll probably talk with him about that
myself. Still, it seems like we all like Ralph, so he'll
probably start being a more regular visitor.
I don't seem to have mentioned Ralph in my Teaching thread after
that, but he's been around.
The thing is, I really like Ralph. Beyond what I said about him
above, he's a bit geeky (both in looks and in attitude), which I
always love. He dresses nice, usually within the limits of the
dress code at school, but outside of school as well most of the
time. Ralph does have ADHD, though he either deals with it
really well or he's growing out of it, though I think he suffers
from combination type, and the inattentive is still a problem
for him. There are times, as his teacher, when I have to get in
his face and make sure he's with us, but even that's not too
often.
Mostly I've really liked having Ralph around. While I expect to
see a lot of him over the summer, I'll miss having him in class
next year.
At least that's what I thought. And then Mr. P shared this with
me before the graduation ceremony last night.
"Ralph Peterman's parents have been complaining."
"Why?" I asked, really confused, since I couldn't think of any
interaction Ralph and I had had that had been bad, or why Mr. P
would be telling me about problems with other teachers.
By the way, I should mention here that all my students took a
reading level test at the end of the fall semester, then another
test a couple of weeks ago, to see if there was a good reason
for more classes like I'm doing.
Well, Mr. and Ms. Peterman's complaints were pretty straight
forward. Not only did Ralph's reading level go from a 5.6 to a
7.9, but he's been playing less video games, he's been engaging
socially with more of his peers (not just when visiting at my
house, but at his own home as well), and his behavior at home
has improved.
Now, I'm not going to try to take credit for even half of that.
The fact that they apparently think he's going to backslide if
he's not in my class is an example of what I call 'talismanic
thinking' (though I'm sure there's another name for it). To me,
that's when someone sees something happen, and they see an
object of focus, and so all the blame/praise for all the changes
goes t that 'talisman'. d
Honestly, I think I'm really responsible for just one thing - I
engaged him. That was the purpose of the class. I reached out
to the kids and showed them that what they thought was a dismal
chore (reading) could actually be the beginning of visits to
worlds they'd never imagined. Beyond that, the fact that Ralph
new Cole and was already friends with Emmet almost guaranteed
he'd be invited over here more often, once he became one of my
students. The thing you have to remember is that ADHD kids
sometimes have trouble making friends for various reasons. The
counterpoint to that is that a lot of my kids have various
degrees of learning disabilities, and all of them have had
therapy (you don't wind up in foster care because your life has
been so great). Between those two things, my house is a great
place for a kid with ADHD who has had trouble making friends,
and that's the kind of thing that can really help one's
self-confidence and encourage one to reach out.
To make a long story short (I know - too late!), despite being a
freshman next year, Ralph is going to be placed in my advanced
middle school class. Mr. C and his parents have both talked to
him, and I'm going to talk to him before it's 100%. However, he
says he understands that the class is going to be challenging,
and that he'll be the slowest reader in the bunch, so he's going
to have to work hard to keep up, as well as the fact that he'll
be under stricter discipline in this class than in a normal one.
He was supposed to be coming over this afternoon to spend the
night, but recent events might have changed that, so I"m not
sure if he and I will have our chance to talk today or not, but
as long as I'm sure he understand what it going to be expected
of him, I'm happy to have him.
#Post#: 6168--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ralph Peterman (14)
By: Zyngaru Date: June 3, 2018, 12:55 pm
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If it works out that he is in one of your classes, hopefully it
being an advanced class, won't do just the opposite of what his
previous class accomplished. It sounds like from his scores,
that he excelled in last term's class. What happens if next
term's class is too difficult (challenging) for him and he
digresses?
Boys tend to do well when they feel like they are winning.
(Last term's class provide the environment for him to win), But
when they start loosing, (When the environment is too
challenging for them), some tend to want to give up instead of
trying harder.
I know you will want to make sure he isn't challenged beyond his
capability, but in an advanced class, you will be bound by what
the class needs more than just one student.
So I agree that a one on one conversation with Ralph is very
important to know what he wants (Not just what his parents want
for him). Sometimes it is the same thing but all too often,
parents push their kids beyond their ability to perform and it
can crush a kid.
I know you are more interested in Ralph and what is best for
him, than what his parents think is best for him. I like the
Talisman idea. Jack is a TALISMAN.
#Post#: 6170--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ralph Peterman (14)
By: db105 Date: June 3, 2018, 1:22 pm
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Nice to know the class is having a positive impact, even if it's
not as much as Ralph's parents think.
I normally would call that magical thinking, but talisman works
too.
#Post#: 6171--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ralph Peterman (14)
By: Jack Date: June 3, 2018, 1:44 pm
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That pretty much is what worries me, Zyngaru. After all, while
Ralph made a lot of advancement this past semester (which I
think has more to do with him being interested and wanting to do
well than in a huge jump in his actually ability), he's still
reading below his grade level.
Putting him in an advanced class of a lower grade level seems
like it's pretty much breaking even, but I'm wondering if it
would be better to at least start him in the middle school
undisciplined class. In that case, I'll be able to push him
more easily than I could let him lag in the advanced class.
Also, current planning looks like the undisciplined class will
be dealing more with ADHD issues and learning/coping techniques,
along with the actual reading.
#Post#: 6173--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ralph Peterman (14)
By: Zyngaru Date: June 3, 2018, 4:07 pm
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[quote author=Jack link=topic=607.msg6171#msg6171
date=1528051490]
but I'm wondering if it would be better to at least start him in
the middle school undisciplined class. In that case, I'll be
able to push him more easily than I could let him lag in the
advanced class. Also, current planning looks like the
undisciplined class will be dealing more with ADHD issues and
learning/coping techniques, along with the actual reading.
[/quote]
I didn't know about the Middle School Undisciplined class being
ADHD, but that makes a whole lot more sense to me, than possibly
stressing Ralph with going into an advanced class. Especially
since he is high school (?) and going back into a middle school
class, if he doesn't do well, it could really hurt his
confidence, knowing that younger kids are that much better than
him.
It just sounds to me that the Middle School Undisciplined Class
is made for him if he can deal with probably being the oldest
kid in the class. If he can see that as a positive and not a
demotion.
#Post#: 6189--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ralph Peterman (14)
By: Journey Date: June 4, 2018, 6:57 am
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Maybe starting Ralph out in the undisciplined middle school
class is a good idea. I've seen students get discouraged because
the reading material is above their level. It's also much better
to "upgrade" Ralph to the higher level class later on than to
"downgrade" him.
I've made a few mistakes before by not placing kids in an
environment where they can succeed. Things like that can really
de-motivate kids easily.
I also agree with Zyngaru about Ralph possibly getting
embarrassed if he doesn't do as well as the younger kids.
Still, I don't know Ralph or the specifics of the situation, so
I may not be the best judge. You just do what you think is best,
Jack. :) I'm so glad your students have been improving so much
under your care!
(By the way, this is out of place, but I read the old post (the
first post in this thread) about you chatting with Marcus in the
lockerroom, and I wondered: Do the BCA students know that Marcus
is your son?)
#Post#: 6192--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ralph Peterman (14)
By: Jack Date: June 4, 2018, 1:50 pm
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[quote author=Journey link=topic=607.msg6189#msg6189
date=1528113478]
Maybe starting Ralph out in the undisciplined middle school
class is a good idea. I've seen students get discouraged because
the reading material is above their level. It's also much better
to "upgrade" Ralph to the higher level class later on than to
"downgrade" him. [/quote]
Actually, either I misunderstood something, else the person who
first brought it up to me made a mistake. The plan all along
was to allow Ralph to attend my undisciplined class, rather than
the 9th grade remedial class. While they don't want to open
that up to anyone, they felt that given his age, the
relationship he and I built, and that he does seem to benefit
from an 'all ADHD environment' with different discipline
expectations makes it worth the exception in his singular case.
[quote author=Journey link=topic=607.msg6189#msg6189
date=1528113478]
(By the way, this is out of place, but I read the old post (the
first post in this thread) about you chatting with Marcus in the
locker room, and I wondered: Do the BCA students know that
Marcus is your son?)
[/quote]
It seems to be known but not commonly. I can't remember who it
was right off hand, but I spoke to a student just the other day
who didn't know it. On the other hand, I know a lot of people
do. I think it might depend on how well they know one of my
kids.
#Post#: 6282--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ralph Peterman (14)
By: Jack Date: June 8, 2018, 4:36 pm
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I actually just posted this in the June 18 Spanking Report, but
I thought it would be best to share it in both places, just to
make it easier to find.
Quote: June '18 Spanking Report - 8 June 2018
Ralph was pretty hyper yesterday, and I had to call him down
several times. The third time it happened, not long before his
mom picked him up, I took him aside and talked to him a bit.
I started off by stressing that he wasn't in trouble, but that
he had been pushing it all day, and I reminded him it's very
important that he learn to start watching for his signs and take
a break when he needs one.
He apologized and promised to try harder, and we reviewed his
signs. Then I pointed out that I'd hate to have to spank him
because he wasn't controlling himself, but that I would - as an
example for the other boys, as well as a reminder to him that
it's his responsibility to handle self-care.
He agreed that he'd hate that too.
Then I asked how long he's been out of trouble.
He blushed deeply and admitted he got a whuppin' on Monday.
It turns out that, on Saturday, he'd had some chore troubles.
His dad agreed to call it forgetfulness, rather than lying, but
he also reminded Ralph how important it is to always check his
lists to make sure he's not forgetting stuff (part of how they
deal with his ADHD). He ended up losing his gaming privileges
for three days. That really was letting him off pretty easy,
since he was already going to be spending most of Monday and
Tuesday over here.
Well, Monday, he rode home with a friend after Scouts. When he
arrived, there was a note from mom that she was going to the
grocery store and running a couple of errands, with an estimate
of when she'd be home. Since his game was put away, he let
himself into his parents bedroom (where he's not supposed to
be), and played their game. And ended up turning up the volume
a bit, so he missed when Dad got home.
I started to quote this next part, but between the way he speaks
and not being able to type the hand motions he was making, I
think it would be quicker and more clear if I didn't.
He sleeps on a twin bed. The headboard is against the wall
under a window, but the rest pokes out into the room. When he's
about to get a whupping, he has to move a couple of pillows to
the foot of the bed, turned sidewise to how they normally are,
and in the side-to-side center of the bed. He always get
spanked bare these days (which he's told me before). He did go
on to say that, if he's wearing jeans or 'even (his) school
pants' he just shoves them down, but his basketball shorts don't
stay on when he does that, so he just takes them and his briefs
off. When Dad shows up, he has to go over the bed, with his
head and shoulders hanging off one side, his waist and hips
supported (and raised) by the pillows, and his lower legs
hanging off the other side. Dad stands at the foot of the bed
to do the actual whipping.
Ralph doesn't know how many he gets. He's tried to count
before, but says he can never keep count past three or four.
When it's over, his dad leaves him alone, and he's allowed to
get up, clean up, and dress whenever he's ready.
#Post#: 6650--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ralph Peterman (14)
By: Jack Date: June 25, 2018, 4:25 am
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Ralph's parents had lunch with us yesterday. They had called
and asked if it was possible. They didn't want anything
specific, but Ralph is over here almost every day these days,
and they just wanted to get to know me outside of school. They
actually apologized for asking, and said they would normally
have invited us over, but.... I had to laugh at them and
assured them it wasn't the first time we'd had that issue.
Both of his parents assured me that Ralph is actually doing very
well right now. Apparently puberty mellowed a lot of his ADHD
issues. He's at the point where, though his parents are being
stricter with him about some things, he's actually getting in
less trouble. In turn, he's earning more freedom in other
areas.
His mom did mention that she hasn't whipped him since last fall,
and he's big enough know that she thinks she'll leave that to
his dad from now on.
Outside that one whipping at the start of the month, it sounds
like Ralph has been doing really well lately.
I didn't really learn anything new, but it was a nice visit.
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