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#Post#: 5737--------------------------------------------------
Ben Sherman
By: Jack Date: May 17, 2018, 5:45 am
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I've said it before: it's hard for me to know when to introduce
someone. Sometimes I meet someone knew, don't mention them
here, and the next thing I know, they're a major part of a
story. Other times, someone seems like they're going to be over
here all the time, spanking is a possibility, then they
disappear.
In this case, there's a kind of cute story to go with the
original meeting, so it's probably worth telling anyway.
BCA knows that I have a good amount of time when I'm home and
available, and I've sent more kids to BCA than many families
include, so when a parent of a prospective student wants to talk
to someone outside the immediate staff, I'm often consulted.
Yesterday afternoon, I met (part of) the Sherman family. The
ones I specifically met were Robert (Dad) and Ben (who I would
have judged between 11 and 13, and who is actually 12).
Dad is about mid-30s (37 actually), medium brown hair, blue
eyes, and reasonably nice looking. Ben is one of the cutest
boys I've seen in a while. He's the 'standard' blond hair, blue
eyes, fair and freckled, which isn't a plus for me as it is for
some people, but it certainly doesn't hurt, either. Ben has a
really nice face, with a slightly buttoned nose, a lean, very
active build, and he's right at 5'0". He just has a look of a
boy who's teetering on the edge of adolescence. He also looks
like he's had a recent growth spurt, both because of his long,
already tan (ish) legs, and the fact that his khaki shorts and
red polo looked a bit snug on him (the shorts must have been
three inches over his knees, and they just looked great on his
long legs, not to mention the way they hugged his very round
little rear).
Mr. Sherman is basically (and I hate this term with a fiery
passion) a mommy blogger. Ben is very ADHD, and they were
having a lot of trouble telling if that was interfering or if he
had other problems as well. Because his wife had kept the same
job longer, because she made more, and because Mr. Sherman had
more outside goals, he quit and his spent a couple of years
homeschooling. Ben also has a younger brother (11) and a much
younger sister (6, I think he said).
Mr. Sherman homeschools Ben because they felt he needed the one
on one attention, and someone who could devote a lot of time to
helping him and try to sort out his problems. He homseschools
Ben's little brother, because why not. The little brother
(Ricky - and Kier should have a comment or two about that), is
somewhat ADHD, but not as bad as Ben, and, unlike Ben, he reacts
well to traditional meds.
Ben was trying to pay attention to what his father and I were
saying, as the three of us sat out on the patio, sipping juice
(this was before the school kids were released for the day).
While his dad was explaining a few things and why he was
considering BCA, he said something to the effect of 'I have to
be pretty strict with him.'
"Dad!" Ben complained.
"What?"
"Why'd you tell him that?"
"Tell him what?"
"That you still spank me!" Ben complained.
At this point, I was trying to stifle a giggle.
"I didn't," Mr. Sherman calmly replied, "but you just did."
Poor Ben turned so red the freckles disappeared, and you could
see him work back in the conversation and realize that 'strict'
and 'spank' are not the same things.
After he finished his juice, Ben went to play with the dogs (and
you could see how shocked he was to have cats and rabbits
romping with the dogs, but it sure didn't put him off his game).
It's an interesting thing, but many parents are embarrassed to
discuss spanking. I think part of it is there is so much
misinformation about spanking these days, and there's so much
talk about the harms to it and how it's in decline (even though
studies show a majority of American parents still use it), that
people feel like they're doing something wrong, and that's why
it embarrasses them.
While Mr. Sherman didn't share any cute stories or even give me
details about how he does it, he was explaining some of the
differences between Ricky and Ben. He told me, "When Ricky does
get too far out of line, my bare hand on his ba... his backside
is all it takes to straighten him up for a while. On the other
hand, my hand barely seems to make an impression on Ben..."
While he wasn't born until I was already in high school, his dad
sounds very much like my Dad and step-dad, and Rob just doesn't
want to use the belt. He admited to using a wooden spoon on
both boys - Ricky for more serious misbehavior and Ben for
pretty much everything. I showed him the Tailblazer and told
him where he can find them, but also suggested Ben is big enough
for a hairbrush, and showed him a Red Maple. He admitted he's
not good with tools, but I gave him a couple of suggestions
about hairbrushes.
I think he liked most of what I had to say about BCA, both as a
parent and teacher. More important, I suggested he meet with
Paul and his parents (my severely ADHD student from this year).
While I didn't want to hand out there number, I contacted them
last night, and both families are going to meet here Saturday
for lunch.
#Post#: 5738--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ben Sherman
By: afinch Date: May 17, 2018, 6:12 am
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Cute story. Is Ricky's middle initial "M"? If so, I
co-produced his last show ;-)
#Post#: 5741--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ben Sherman
By: kalico Date: May 17, 2018, 9:52 am
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Aw cute intro and I hope everything works out and is a new
student at BCA.....
Thanks for sharing jack
Hugs kal
#Post#: 5742--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ben Sherman
By: db105 Date: May 17, 2018, 10:04 am
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A lot of boys with ADHD, although that's probably because those
tend to be the ones whose parents are thinking about the BCA and
end up speaking with you. Hope everything goes well for Ben, and
that he learns not to give away more information than he'd like
to. ;)
#Post#: 5744--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ben Sherman
By: Jack Date: May 17, 2018, 12:55 pm
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Daniel, the simple fact is that ADHD is more prevalent (or at
least more commonly diagnosed) in boys than in girls. I think
part of the reason for that is, for whatever reason - biological
or social - boys tend to be more active normally than girls.
Girls also tend to mature earlier, so at an age where boys are
still running crazy and playing, some girls are already starting
to settle down and be more dignified. While I'm a bit confused
on terminology (or maybe just unsure), a bit of the trouble is
that girls tend to more often have the 'inattentive type' of
ADHD, which I always just heard as ADD and was not the same
thing exactly. Another possible explanation is much like
reading problems for boys: boys and girls really don't act the
same, on average, and because most teachers, especially in the
younger grades, tend to be female, the behavior of hyperactive
boys is considered more deviant and given more attention than
girls.
And yes, BCA is known to have a good program with ADHD students
and boys having trouble in general, and I seem to have become an
expert in boys at some point in the last 30 years or so.
#Post#: 5746--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ben Sherman
By: Jack Date: May 17, 2018, 12:59 pm
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Don't know his middle name Kier, but I knew you'd catch it.
For those not in the know, Robert and Richard Sherman were
famous songwriters in the 60s, working mostly for Disney. Have
you ever heard of a little movie called Mary Poppins? That was
them. So was Jungle Book and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, though
their single, best known song is probably It's a Small World
(After All).
I did double check my phone, then mention this to Robert. He
knew about it, though he swears they never thought of it while
naming Ricky (both boys are named after relatives).
#Post#: 5778--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ben Sherman
By: Jack Date: May 19, 2018, 5:08 pm
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Here is a link to the post in Teaching, where I first mentioned
Paul.
HTML https://jackshouse.createaforum.com/general-discussion/teaching/msg3571/#msg3571
You'll notice that Paul is actually about Colt's age, making him
two years older than Ben, yet the two of them are about the same
size. They met this afternoon and became fast friends, then
worst enemies (ADHD boys do it fast!)
Connor and Curtis and the younger grands (sons and nephews) left
about 11am for Ryder's birthday party at Legoland. They're also
hitting Rain Forest Cafe and the Aquarium, so they're having a
full day. About noon, we fired up the grill and Noah cooked
burgers and dawgs, while others prepared a lot of sides and
trimmings.
The Danvers and the Sherman's both showed up a few minutes
before noon, right about the time things were ready to go. Both
sets of parents are mid 30s (about Steve and Mikell's age,
amusingly enough), and they all seem like really nice people.
They hit it off quickly, even before they had a chance to
commiserate about their kids.
Paul knew about my house - he even showed up wearing swim trunks
and a tee. Ben and Ricky didn't. However, Uncle Jack has
multiple extra pair of boys' swim trunks in every size from 6 to
adult XL (I look for clearance sales at the end of each summer).
Ricky and his brother look a LOT alike, though Rick is a couple
of inches shorter, a bit less defined, and his rear's not quite
as round. It turns out neither of them is circumcised... or
shy. Oh, seen in the sunlight, I would probably say Ricky is
more a ginger than a blond, while Ben looks nearly an inch
longer than his little brother, though he's not showing much
sign of puberty yet.
Anyway, after the boys tucked away some grub, the three of them
were in and out of the pool. I talked with the parents and
answered some questions, and then they were happy to talk
amongst themselves. Then our attention was caught when Ben and
Paul started fighting. Their fathers broke it up, but they
kindly allowed me to deal with it.
We talked a bit, and I listened while they blamed each other for
starting it.
"Guys, I know you both feel like the other one started it. I
also know you both think the other boy should be punished. I
want you to listen closely - you're both at fault here."
"Now," I continued, holding my hand up while they tried to
interrupt me, "I know you're not both equally at fault, but
either one of you could have backed down or walked away, but you
both kept escalating it. It doesn't matter who started the
disagreement, or who's at fault first, or who touched the other
one first - both of you are at least somewhat at fault."
We stopped then (their father's were watching and listening more
closely than the boys were), and I let them think about it and
ask some questions.
"Now, I see two ways we can handle this. Your dads and I can
take the two of you to my office, we can bare your bottoms, and
you can take turns watching each other get paddled, then stand
in the corner together. Do either one of you want that?"
Amazingly enough, they had found something on which they could
agree, which was that they most certainly did not want that (at
least not the part of their own participation - watching
probably sounded just fine).
"Well, I'm pretty sure that's what we're going to have to do...
Unless the two of you understand that both of you are at fault
here, and you're both willing to apologize for the mistakes you
made and forgive your friend for the mistakes he made, then play
together instead of fighting."
They rushed to assure me they could do that.
"I dunno, you'd better ask your dads. I think they thought you
both needed spankings."
It was funny watching their dads try to keep straight faces
while they 'reluctantly' agreed to let the boys try it and see
if they could avoid fighting.
BTW - the entire thing started because Paul was playing with
Rusti, while Ben was playing with Rascal, then Rusti decided she
wanted to see what Rascal was doing. By this point, Ricky was
playing with the puppies, but Emmet and Kenny took the other two
boys and showed them how Ebony and Jet can play fetch.
Then their mothers came over to me, wanting to learn the black
magic I'd used on their sons and husbands.
Oh, and I was informed before they left that Ricky and Ben will
be at BCA next year.
#Post#: 5785--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ben Sherman
By: Adric Date: May 19, 2018, 8:55 pm
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[quote author=Jack link=topic=575.msg5778#msg5778
date=1526767720]
"Guys, I know you both feel like the other one started it. I
also know you both think the other boy should be punished. I
want you to listen closely - you're both at fault here."
"Now," I continued, holding my hand up while they tried to
interrupt me, "I know you're not both equally at fault, but
either one of you could have backed down or walked away, but you
both kept escalating it. It doesn't matter who started the
disagreement, or who's at fault first, or who touched the other
one first - both of you are at least somewhat at fault."
[/quote]
This sounds pretty much like the justification that was offered
at my elementary school for paddling both participants in a
fight. I assume that in some cases it was possible to identify
an aggressor and a victim, but in most cases it was assumed to
be a situation like that described above - a disagreement that
escalated in such a way that both boys honestly feel that the
other boy started it. In that case a paddling for both of them
would seem more just than a minute and probably unconvincing
analysis of relative blame.
#Post#: 5788--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ben Sherman
By: Jack Date: May 20, 2018, 1:40 am
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[quote author=Adric link=topic=575.msg5785#msg5785
date=1526781342]
a paddling for both of them would seem more just than a minute
and probably unconvincing analysis of relative blame.
[/quote]
I suppose there's some truth in that, but to me, you still have
to be really careful. While I can see paddling because they
broke the rules, there's a good chance you can just create worse
problems by leaving both boys feeling mistreated.
It's funny - a couple of years ago, a number of people whom I've
friended on Facebook were sharing a thing about how things were
when we were kids. One of the lines was 'when we had a fight at
school, we'd shake hands and it would be done.' That was funny
to me, because I know as a fact that some of the people sharing
that lost friendships because of things like that, or just ended
up fighting again, meeting someplace teachers couldn't break it
up. I'm not going to say it happened every time, but I know it
happened.
Which isn't to say I don't think a spanking or consequences of
some type are never called for with fighting, I just don't think
mass paddling as the only response really solves anything.
#Post#: 5790--------------------------------------------------
Re: Ben Sherman
By: db105 Date: May 20, 2018, 5:38 am
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Cute stoy. I'm glad they discovered that the shared interest in
not getting spanked was stronger than their disagreement. :)
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