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#Post#: 3711--------------------------------------------------
Re: Garret Riley
By: db105 Date: February 13, 2018, 8:07 am
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Poor Garrett! I hope he heals from all that trauma.
#Post#: 3716--------------------------------------------------
Re: Garret Riley
By: Zyngaru Date: February 13, 2018, 1:31 pm
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I so hate hearing this kind of thing about anyone.
How can you comfort Garret when all forms of comfort is also a
reminder and fear from what has happened to him.
This is the type situation I feel so helpless. I know what I
would want to do. I would want to hold Garret and cuddle with
him and show him he can be loved without the sexual abuse.
Of course that cannot be done. It would so freak him out that
he would run and never return.
I am so glad to hear that Garret likes and trusts you so much
that he brought you in with his therapist and let you know
something that is so personal. I am sure he felt scared that
once you knew, that you would freak out and abandon him. His
self worth has to have suffered.
My prayers go out for Garret. Thank God, you Jack, are right
there to fill in the gap.
#Post#: 3719--------------------------------------------------
Re: Garret Riley
By: Jack Date: February 13, 2018, 2:50 pm
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Garrett's in an interesting situation, not just because of this,
but because of his time in TYC afterwards.
While Garr prefers to go home, he has slept here a couple of
times now (three, actually, I believe). When the college boys
aren't home, he's fine with a guest room, but he's also fine
with the fold out in my office. Once, when we were at our most
crowded, he slept in a sleeping bag in my room, except he found
it more comfortable to sleep in my closet (a huge walk-in), so
he had a semblance of his own room. It's not that he's
physically modest - he's changed and showered in front of me. I
guess it would be hard to stay physically modest after years in
TYC (honestly, i don't know how private the showers are, but I'm
told there is almost no real privacy there).
Also, he did have sex with a guy while in TYC (not often,
because it's hard to get away with, but he managed it a few
times). I don't think he's sure what his sexuality is. He says
he doesn't like girls, but I do catch him looking Maybe he's
just asexual, but I think part of it is the trauma he's gone
through. He says he's not interested in anal sex at all, though
he might do it if the other guy wanted, but he enjoys oral sex.
He's also heard rumors that I've spanked a few of my employees
over the years, and he asked me about that. He also talked
about me spanking some of my over 18 kids. He's never gone
anywhere with it, and I'm not sure why he brought it up (I'm not
positive he knows why he brought it up). I do have the feeling
that he wants someone to support and protect him. Right now,
I'm mostly jut trying to make sure he understands he can trust
me.
#Post#: 3725--------------------------------------------------
Re: Garret Riley
By: kalico Date: February 13, 2018, 3:10 pm
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Awww my heart breaks for this young man .... happy you talked
him into the therapy and that he has you on his side and is
doing better..... hugs 🤗
Hugs kal
#Post#: 3728--------------------------------------------------
Re: Garret Riley
By: Zyngaru Date: February 13, 2018, 3:25 pm
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I am thinking the sleeping in the closet, is because it gives
him some sense of security while he is asleep. He isn't in the
sleeping bag in the open room, but closeted in a room he feels
comfortable in.
I have a house to myself. I have a lock on my bedroom door.
But I still put a knife in the door jam, for the added security.
It isn't that I am afraid of anything. It is just something
that makes me feel more secure.
#Post#: 3729--------------------------------------------------
Re: Garret Riley
By: Adric Date: February 13, 2018, 4:20 pm
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[quote author=Jack link=topic=53.msg3719#msg3719
date=1518555044]
He's also heard rumors that I've spanked a few of my employees
over the years, and he asked me about that. He also talked
about me spanking some of my over 18 kids. He's never gone
anywhere with it, and I'm not sure why he brought it up
...[/quote]
I think he brought it up because he wants it (again). He's
never gone anywhere with it because he doesn't know how.
[quote author=Jack link=topic=53.msg467#msg467 date=1506543313]
Then I spanked Garret, and I wore him out - he was bawling and
shrieking before I finished, hanging over my lap like a limp
wash cloth. Big brother was quite a bit less sure of himself
when his turn came. I actually had to take the swats a bit
easier with big brother, so I could drag it out as long as
Garret's had been. On the other hand, I remember Garret
watching his brother get it with a mix of awe, schadenfreude,
and maybe just a hint of something more.[/quote]
#Post#: 3730--------------------------------------------------
Re: Garret Riley
By: Jack Date: February 13, 2018, 4:49 pm
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[quote author=Zyngaru link=topic=53.msg3728#msg3728
date=1518557122]
I am thinking the sleeping in the closet, is because it gives
him some sense of security while he is asleep. He isn't in the
sleeping bag in the open room, but closeted in a room he feels
comfortable in.
[/quote]
You have to understand that my closet includes a two-sink
vanity, a massage table, a three-way mirror, and shelves and
drawers. It's more than twice the size of most walk-ins I've
seen. Sleeping in there is not cramped. On the other hand, it
has two open arches leaading to the bathroom and the bedroom. I
think he slept there more for privacy than security, but that's
just my feeling.
[quote author=Adric link=topic=53.msg3729#msg3729
date=1518560402]
[quote author=Jack link=topic=53.msg3719#msg3719
date=1518555044]
He's also heard rumors that I've spanked a few of my employees
over the years, and he asked me about that. He also talked
about me spanking some of my over 18 kids. He's never gone
anywhere with it, and I'm not sure why he brought it up
...[/quote]
I think he brought it up because he wants it (again). He's
never gone anywhere with it because he doesn't know how.
[/quote]
I have considered that. I'm just not sure about it, though. As
I said, he was abused physically as well as sexually. I think
it's just as likely he's trying to make sure I wouldn't spank
him as that I would. On the other hand, maybe he's looking for
the security of having someone actually care for him. I'm
afraid there's just no way to know, and I honestly think there's
a good chance he isn't really sure himself.
#Post#: 3733--------------------------------------------------
Re: Garret Riley
By: Zyngaru Date: February 13, 2018, 5:57 pm
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[quote]I have considered that. I'm just not sure about it,
though. As I said, he was abused physically as well as
sexually. I think it's just as likely he's trying to make sure
I wouldn't spank him as that I would. On the other hand, maybe
he's looking for the security of having someone actually care
for him. I'm afraid there's just no way to know, and I honestly
think there's a good chance he isn't really sure
himself.[/quote]
I so agree with that. It take years and sometimes a lifetime to
know yourself. So there is a very good chance he doesn't know
what he wants.
#Post#: 3822--------------------------------------------------
Re: Garret Riley
By: Jack Date: February 16, 2018, 4:20 pm
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I try to invite Garrett over a couple of times a week, because I
know he's not good about asking for stuff.
Wednesday isn't available, since he spends it alone, in a weekly
ritual - he gets off work about 4:30 pm, calls for pizza
delivery as he leaves the store, gets home and showers, receives
his pizza, breaks out a two-liter of soda, puts on some tunes,
and reads the weeks new comics. (It's something I did when I
first had my own apartment, and I even kept it up after Stevie
moved in with me, before finally having to give it up after I
married). Of course, we have Black Panther tonight, and Bryce's
birthday dinner tomorrow. He doesn't know Bryce well, so
doesn't want to come then. so I made sure he was here last
night.
He stuck around afterwards. We do talk comics a lot, though I
don't follow nearly as many as I once did. I'm also helping him
find regular novels that interest him, and I helped him build
his Netflix (DVD) queue, so we discuss those as he watches and
reads them.
He watched me put C&C to bed last night, and he watched me say
good night to the younger teens after story time. After we sat
back down, he asked if and why I hugged and kissed the boys
every night, and if I do it with the older boys as well. I
explained that my step-father was just a jerk, my mom was an
alcoholic, and she could me unpredictable and mean as often as
she could be loving, and that my dad was an old-fashioned, no
emotion type, as well as the fact that Linda (my half-brother
Matt's mom) had kind of tricked him into meeting me, so I was
never sure if he really wanted me around, or if he would have
ever met me if she hadn't done that. The only person in my life
who was really loving towards me was my Grandmother, but she was
a saint, so I always assumed she just felt she had to be. I
don't want my kids to go through that. I want there to be no
question in their minds that they are loved. I also explained
that physical contact is really important, and so I hug, and
kiss my boys, and tell them that I love them, and I do it at
least daily.
He'd finally gotten around to seeing Limitless, and we talked
about that. I never got to see the TV show, so we decided we
should try to watch that together.
A while later, he was ready to go, and I walked him out (to lock
up after him). As we got to the door, he stopped and locked at
me. I could tell he wanted to say something, but he didn't know
how. Finally he looked away and muttered something, but I
caught enough to know what he'd asked. I hugged him, and not
just my arm around his shoulder. I put one arm around his neck
and one around his ribs, and I pulled us together - belly to
belly - and I squeezed. I held it for a minute, and he squeezed
back for a bit, then we released each other. Before he could
step away, I smoothed his bangs back, and kissed his forehead.
He was blushing hard, and obviously uncomfortable, but he was
also smiling wide as he said good night.
#Post#: 3827--------------------------------------------------
Re: Garret Riley
By: Adric Date: February 16, 2018, 7:47 pm
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This seems like a very promising development. It is good that
he was introduced to the hug by seeing you do that with all your
boys, and good that he heard the reason why. Without that it
could be misunderstood, and be more frightening than comforting.
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