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#Post#: 4967--------------------------------------------------
Sam Sutton (12)
By: Jack Date: April 7, 2018, 4:36 am
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We first met Sam at my birthday party. His family lives about
four or five blocks from here, and they happened to see the big
turn out (with extra picnic tables, and tents, and even a couple
of port-a-poties), and they wandered over to see what was what.
Sam is the oldest of a mixed family. He's his mother's son by
her first marriage. He's just turned 12 (sixth grade at Briscoe
and he kind of knows Jake - PJ's brother). He has two
step-sisters, whom I believe are 7 and 9, and a toddler
half-brother.
Last Friday (that is the 30th of March, not yesterday), Sam's
mom brought him over, when we were outside (Good Friday - no
school).
Sam is very shy. He has Tourette's, and it's pretty obvious
he's been teased about it.
Sam is actually a moderately cute kid. He's not especially tall
(right at five foot maybe?), and a bit skinny (the back of his
jeans was kind of baggy, so I'm guessing he's a little
flat-bottomed). His hair is that mid brown/blonde indistinct
color. He has blue eyes. His tics aren't really bad - his eye
twitches and he has a little jerk to his left hand occasionally.
He has a slight verbal tic, but you don't notice it much (more
if it was very quiet, I guess). His mom says the verbal tic
does get worse when he's nervous or upset. I'm pretty sure he
gets spanked, because his mom said something like, "It's really
bad when he's about to get sp... in trouble." I didn't fish for
more information.
I don't know if I've mentioned it before, but my friend and
store manager, Brian Franklin, has Tourette's. While he doesn't
come over as often since he's been married, all my kids know
him, and they know the tic is just a diesease - not something he
can control or chooses to do.
Sam was wearing Batman shoes and a Spider-man t-shirt when he
joined us (along with a pair of Levis that looked like he'd just
outgrown them, since they were showing ankle). I'd told his mom
we'd baked that morning, and he had permission to come inside
and have snacks with us. He seemed to get along with the boys,
and he enjoyed playing, but he's a quiet kid, and he loves to
read. He fell in love when he saw my library.
And yes, I let him borrow a few books. He's actually read a
lot, but I was able to direct him towards some good stuff, and
he's been back over several times in the week since.
#Post#: 4968--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sam Sutton
By: Zyngaru Date: April 7, 2018, 10:12 am
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Cute, quiet, shy, small, reads, and is probably familiar with
spanking, what more could anyone want from a son. ;)
#Post#: 4969--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sam Sutton
By: db105 Date: April 7, 2018, 11:56 am
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That's nice. I hope he finds friends among your boys, and your
tribe's boys.
#Post#: 4970--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sam Sutton
By: David M. Katz Date: April 7, 2018, 11:59 am
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Sam sounds like a really great kid. I hope he continues to come
around.
#Post#: 4972--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sam Sutton
By: kalico Date: April 7, 2018, 1:28 pm
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Aww dam sounds like a cutie and I hope he makes friends with
yours
Sounds like he’d fit right in ...
Thanks for sharing
Hugs kal
#Post#: 4985--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sam Sutton
By: Jack Date: April 8, 2018, 7:50 am
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When I wrote this yesterday morning, Sam had already been here
several times. Besides joining us for my birthday, where I met
them all, but very briefly. I did make sure they got food and
drinks and met some people, but when you're the guest of honor,
it's hard to get to know new people. Of course, they came back
the week after that, as I said, when Sam's mom brought him over
to see what was going on. Since then, he's been here several
times. My birthday party was Saturday, 3/24. Good Friday was
Friday (surprise!) 3/30. He came over Saturday, 3/31 for a
while. He came over Monday, 4/2, but I guess he was surprised
that all teh scouts were here, which made him nervous, and he
went home. He was back Tuesday though, and he seemed nervous at
first, but he calmed down once he was assured not even we got
that crazy on a daily basis. Then he was back Thursday with a
couple of the books I'd borrowed, and he and I hung out in the
library for a while to talk.
He was back yesterday, and he seemed kind of down, and kind of
needy. We asked if I could show him some comics I'd mentioned
about early Thanos, who is involved in the upcoming Avengers:
Infinity War. He actually asked if he could stay in my library
and read for a bit, instead of playing with the other boys.
After a few minutes, it came out that his step-dad (with whom he
seems to have an okay relationship - his bio father's not in the
picture as far as I've seen/heard, and Sam calls the man 'dad'),
spanked him for hitting one of his little sisters. We talked a
bit, and I don't think he minds his step-dad spanking him (any
more than most boys mind getting a spanking they've earned). It
seems like the problem is Sam feels the girls get away with
murder, while he's held to much stricter (and sorer) standards.
You have to take a person's word with a grain of salt in a
situation like that, but it sounds like Sam's in a catch-22
situation with the girls, where his only choice is how bad he's
going to lose.
Since I was in very much the same situation, I was able to talk
with him. There's really no solution. I haven't met his dad
except a couple of times briefly, but his mom and I have talked
a bit more, so I'm going to approach her and tell her what's
bothering the boy.
Sam did mention a few details of his spanking as he was
explaining what happened. He does get spanked bare - probably
every time. He mentioned that his dad has a paddle that he gets
sometimes, but this time was only hand. He said he had to
apologize to his sister, but he got to pull his shorts up first.
Since he was wearing jeans, I asked, and he clarified that he
meant his underwear. While he wears pajamas when it's cold, in
the summer, he tends to sleep in underpants and a tee.
According to him, he doens't run around the house like that, but
the girls do see him sometimes, and it doesn't bother him. If
his dad spanked bare for something where he used a hand, I
figure it's how he usually does it, though that's not confirmed.
Oh, and I've posted this as 'Sam Sutton'. When his mom
introduced him, it was as Sammy. That seems to just roll off
the tongue better, but when I asked how he liked to be called,
he said 'Sam', so that's what I try to call him. If I slip,
you'll understand why.
#Post#: 4987--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sam Sutton
By: Zyngaru Date: April 8, 2018, 9:53 am
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I can understand Sam's feelings about double standards, whether
they are real or imaginary. My sisters got away with most
everything. I doubt if my dad ever spanked them. But us boys
were spanked frequently and some time even for something a
sister did. It is just something that brothers have to get used
to.
Just a thought. The feeling of double standards, might have
something to do with age difference also. Sam is older than the
girls. Thus he would be held to a higher standard.
I have empathy for Sam. But like my mother always said. "Life
isn't fair."
#Post#: 4988--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sam Sutton
By: db105 Date: April 8, 2018, 10:22 am
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That's too bad. I'm glad he found a sympathetic listener, at
least. Do the girls in the family get spanked sometimes, or just
Sam?
#Post#: 5053--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sam Sutton
By: Jack Date: April 11, 2018, 3:52 am
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I did get a chance to talk to Sam's mom about this.
It turns out that both his parents have older siblings.
Part of the problem is that most new parents are pretty scared
and nervous. It's a joke - almost a stereotype - but most new
parents are both overprotective, but also over strict, with
their first child. After they see the first child doesn't
break, they're much easier going with the latter ones. That
isn't unreasonable, but it still seems vastly unfair to the
eldest.
One example I remember, and which I shared, is that a friend
asked me to an Iron Butterfly concert when I was 15. I wasn't
allowed to go. The next year, Satana was allowed to go to a
concert. It was a Sean Cassidy concert with her Girl Scout
troop, which is a vastly different situation, but what stuck in
my head was she could go to concerts when she was 12, but I
couldn't when I was 15. I also told her about Satana ripping my
comic book in half, because she was in my room without
permission and wouldn't leave, so I did like Mom told me and
ignored her.
The fact of the matter is that harassing someone is harassment,
even if it's a little sister wanting a big brother's attention,
and hitting someone back when they hit you is self-defense, even
if it's a big brother hitting a little sister. While there
might be extenuating circumstances that make sense to an adult,
do they make the same sense to an 11-year old? Especially the
11-year old who's being harassed and not allowed to protect
himself, but also not protected by his parents?
To her credit, she didn't get angry at me or Sam. She listened,
and she asked my advice.
I explained to her that she (and her husband) need to do two
things. The first is talk to Sam while he's not in trouble and
give his questions real thought and legitimate answers. Part of
that is also be wiling to change how you do things if you can't
explain them in a way that satisfies yourself. One doesn't
have to run the household by what the kid thinks, but one should
also be aware that the way the kid perceives things is his
reality, and he won't forget it just because you think it's not
a big deal. The second thing is set standards for how his
little sisters treat him, then enforce them. Along with that,
let Sam know how to act when his sisters are being pests, then
do your part. When my sister was bothering me, I'd complain to
my mom, and she'd tell me 'you're older - handle it yourself.'
Then I'd handle it, and I'd get spanked.
Sammy does get spanked by both parents. It is mostly always
bare - he's apparently reaching early adolescence, so his mom
has started leaving it to his dad a bit more or letting him keep
his underwear up occasionally. It's not a paddle - while Dad
mostly uses his hand, Mom used a wooden spatula (same as my
Tailblazers) when he was younger, and she uses her brush now.
When Dad does paddle, it's with the wooden spatula. Dad's used
the hairbrush once, of which she's aware, but she didn't say
why.
Yes, his little sisters do get spanked, but they are only 7 & 8,
and, much like Connor and Curtis, they don't get it as hard or
as often as their big brother.
#Post#: 5055--------------------------------------------------
Re: Sam Sutton
By: Adric Date: April 11, 2018, 7:28 am
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[quote author=Jack link=topic=500.msg5053#msg5053
date=1523436745]
The fact of the matter is that harassing someone is harassment,
even if it's a little sister wanting a big brother's attention,
and hitting someone back when they hit you is self-defense, even
if it's a big brother hitting a little sister.
[/quote]
This was the situation handled badly by Kaden's stepmother, and
that mistake certainly had serious consequences for her
relationship with Kaden. I don't know if she even cares or
regrets how that went down, but there is no doubt that it was a
serious mistake on her part.
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