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#Post#: 30205--------------------------------------------------
How to Deal with Parental Intrusion?
By: Jack Date: January 30, 2025, 11:13 am
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i have read a couple of stories recently (one of which I loved,
and the other of which might be my favorite spanking story of
all time), where a father was dealing with a teenage son. In
both cases, the kids were definitely acting moody (and had a
problem, but the parents couldn't know that). Both scenes went
something like that.
"You okay, son?"
"Yeah, Dad, I'm fine."
"Because if something's wrong, you can tell me about it."
"Thanks, dad," son answered with at least a hint of attitude.
"I just want you to remember that you can tell me anything."
"Will you give me some space!?!"
"I"m not going to put up with that kind of disrespect. Spanking
time!"
Now, in each of these stories, there's some justification to the
parents action (one, the kid is already in trouble for something
else, and the other, they've been having problems for a while),
but this is something I've seen show up in stories and real life
over and over again.
Now, kids can be kind of thick to adults, because they do tend
to live in the now, even when they're teenagers. However, I
know I'd lose my temper if someone kept pushing like that after
I'd already answered them. If you're a parent, sometimes you
have to accept that "I'm fine," realy means, "I'm trying to
process a situation and just don't want to talk about it right
now," or maybe just "I'm a moody bastard, check back with me
after puberty."
Now, to me, if you ask, and they say fine, a good parent should
say something lke "Okay, I'll leave you alone, but remember that
you can tell me anything, and I'm always here if you need to
talk. "
Of course, parents are people as well, so it's understandable if
they're having a bad day or if the kid's had a trend of
misbehavior, but it still lowers my opinion of them a bit.
I guess I really don't have a question. I just needed to put my
thoughts in writing, but since I have and you're here, what do
you think about situations like this - both in stories and how
to handle them?
#Post#: 30210--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to Deal with Parental Intrusion?
By: afinch Date: January 30, 2025, 7:36 pm
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I agree with you. I can't imagine spanking (or being spanked
when I was a kid) for an interaction like that.
I know I was spanked as a kid--the only spankings whose details
I remember are ones I felt were unfair--for "attitude" or
because they were in a bad mood about something else. I suppose
in a spanking STORY, some "reason" needs to be provided for the
rest of the story. None of the best stories by any author
manufacture ones as artificial as the narrative that bothered
you (and bothers me) referenced here.
#Post#: 30218--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to Deal with Parental Intrusion?
By: Jack Date: January 31, 2025, 1:23 pm
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That was not from a story, but simply a rough example of the
kind of thing I was talking about.
One of them is in the second part of a story by Finn Kelly, an
author I really enjoy, but who's only posted three stories.
The second is from an incredibly moving story by Skip Trace -
Sam at 16, part of the Mr. Anderson looks back series and maybe
my all-time favorite spanking story, though it really isn't a
spanking story, but a story with spanking in it.
#Post#: 30223--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to Deal with Parental Intrusion?
By: HumbledBareBoy Date: February 2, 2025, 9:35 am
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[quote author=Jack link=topic=3375.msg30205#msg30205
date=1738257221]
"Thanks, dad," son answered with at least a hint of attitude.
"I just want you to remember that you can tell me anything."
"Will you give me some space!?!"
"I"m not going to put up with that kind of disrespect. Spanking
time!"
[/quote]
Okay, in response to the above, I have just three things to say:
[list type=decimal]
[li]I'm sorry but just, "What?[/li]
[li]No, but seriously -- "What?!"[/li]
[li]Heaven's sake but, "What the [b]almighty blazing ****, Jesus
H. Christ?!?!"[/b][/li]
[/list]
[emoji33] [emoji35] [emoji38] ...you get the idea, I presume? In
the case of the above snippet, my immediate reaction is
incredulity and indignation, wondering to myself "In what
universe and timeline, out of infinite timelines in a
multiverse, does that even 0.0000001% qualify as
'disrespect'?!?!"
[quote]Now, kids can be kind of thick to adults, because they do
tend to live in the now, even when they're teenagers. However,
I know I'd lose my temper if someone kept pushing like that
after I'd already answered them. If you're a parent, sometimes
you have to accept that "I'm fine," realy means, "I'm trying to
process a situation and just don't want to talk about it right
now," or maybe just "I'm a moody bastard, check back with me
after puberty." <-snip-> ...a good parent should say something
like "Okay, I'll leave you alone, but..."[/quote]
There is a formal/clinical term for this kind of behavior by the
provocateur: "Reactive Abuse" -- defined as "Reactive abuse
occurs when someone who has been abused begins to defend
themselves by responding to abuse with physical and/or verbal
attacks," per this introductory/explanatory article:
Understanding Reactive Abuse: Signs and Solutions
HTML https://www.verywellmind.com/reactive-abuse-signs-impact-and-tips-to-break-the-cycle-7567483<br
/>Additionally, this YouTube video discusses the phenomenon with
a
specific focus on narcissistic abuse, in particular:
[spoiler]How Narcissists Set You Up For "Reactive Abuse"
HTML https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbY2WV_haC8[/spoiler]
[quote]Of course, parents are people as well, so it's
understandable if they're having a bad day or if the kid's had a
trend of misbehavior, but it still lowers my opinion of them a
bit.[/quote]
Clearly you are more understanding and magnanimous than I am
because, to put it mildly, it lowers MY opinion of them a LOT --
by orders of magnitude, in fact! But that's admittedly due
almost entirely to my own biography, psyche, and idiosyncratic
personality traits; if there were a Guinness World Record for
"Most Unforgiving," then I would be a shoe-in for the No. 1
position. Perhaps it's for the best, in all honestly, that
others out there have bigger hearts than I...?
[quote]but since I have and you're here, what do you think about
situations like this - both in stories and how to handle
them?[/quote]
I would say it depends on various factors specific to the story
in question: Genre (e.g. WHASS vs. wank), the characters and
relationships, the desired emotional tone and reader reaction,
any particular moral/ethical "lesson" or point that the author
has in mind. In my case, just because I object to "attitude
penalization" in real-life, does not whatsoever preclude me
choosing to include it as part of a fictional spanky story --
for example to establish an element/theme of strictness,
structures, and power dynamics for "hotness" purposes [emoji178]
[emoji91] [emoji97]
[quote author=afinch link=topic=3375.msg30210#msg30210
date=1738287384]I know I was spanked as a kid--the only
spankings whose details I remember are ones I felt were
unfair--for "attitude" or because they were in a bad mood about
something else.[/quote]
**** hell, man, I'm so very sorry you had to go through any of
that! [emoji30] I can personally relate and empathize so very
deeply, being raised as a 90s kid in the Bible Belt, where there
was this general underlying sense that obedience was necessary,
but not sufficient -- you know, because you also gotta act like
you're happy about it! Grrrr....
#Post#: 30224--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to Deal with Parental Intrusion?
By: Zyngaru Date: February 2, 2025, 3:24 pm
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Once a boy enters puberty even if signs of puberty haven't made
an appearance yet, the moodiness and need for privacy with their
own thoughts begin.
Unfortunately, parents don't realize puberty has started. They
still see their son as the boy that tells them everything about
everyone including themselves.
It is when the two clash into each other that a problem arises.
The parent knows instinctively that there is something bothering
their son and they fully expect their son to tell them what it
is so they can help figure the solution out. The son feels
differently or sees something in a different way, or he has
instincts about a situation that isn't making total sense to
him, and he wants to figure it out. He really can't talk about
it with his parents because he doesn't know what it is, so he
doesn't know what to talk about.
To the parent the son looks moody and aloof. To the son his
parents look pushy and interfering. Since neither understands
the other during this time of change, it leads to many
conflicts.
We as a people deal with things through communication. If
communication doesn't work for whatever reason, then conflict
occurs. Most people cannot read other people using non-verbal
communication. So, when no one is talking misunderstandings
happen.
The son shrugs and walks away, meaning he needs some alone time.
The parent sees that as rebellion and disrespect. That in turn
leads to the parent puffing up and looking stern and aggressive.
The son gets mad at how his parents are staring at him as if he
grew a second head, and again conflict occurs.
This situation is difficult to get right in a story. Mainly
because we write stories from one perspective. Thus, the reader
is seeing the conflict from just one side view, which of course
makes the other side look mean and horrible. I applaud writers
that can get this situation balanced in their stories.
But yes, this is a real-life occurrence and sometimes we get to
read a story where it feels real in the story. Usually, it
comes off as either a horrible boy or a horrible parent. We
have even seen this in BOTD's. Read back through the comments
on either how bad a parent there was or how bad a kid it was.
And the consequences that us authors say the bad one should get.
I can usually see both sides of a situation. But most people
can't. But if an author is good at their craft, it is even
difficult for me to see the other side, besides the side the
story wants me to see.
#Post#: 30230--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to Deal with Parental Intrusion?
By: Jack Date: February 3, 2025, 7:18 pm
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[quote author=HumbledBareBoy link=topic=3375.msg30223#msg30223
date=1738510516]
[quote author=afinch link=topic=3375.msg30210#msg30210
date=1738287384]I know I was spanked as a kid--the only
spankings whose details I remember are ones I felt were
unfair--for "attitude" or because they were in a bad mood about
something else.[/quote]
**** hell, man, I'm so very sorry you had to go through any of
that! [emoji30] I can personally relate and empathize so very
deeply, being raised as a 90s kid in the Bible Belt, where there
was this general underlying sense that obedience was necessary,
but not sufficient -- you know, because you also gotta act like
you're happy about it! Grrrr....
[/quote]
THIS! Exactly this.
I have just finished reading all of the In... series by Ripping
Yarns that are posted under Ianboy at MMSA (he helped co-write
the last three). This is an excellent series and I really did
enjoy it, but it has a lot of that cheerful obedience stuff,
which I detest, but the author made it sound... acceptable, if
not desirable.
When I was a kid, the phrase I heard was 'you don't have to like
it, you just have to do it.' As a parent, there are times you
accept that, but I really would prefer the kids mind because
they trust me and believe I'm doing what I think is best for
them, which is my job.
The thing I don't like about instant or cheerful obedience is
that it makes the 'child' less of a person. At least it
certainly seems that way to me.
#Post#: 30232--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to Deal with Parental Intrusion?
By: afinch Date: February 3, 2025, 11:02 pm
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I should also point out that those spankings only happened once
or twice in all of the ones I received. As someone pointed out,
parents are people too, having their own moods and
imperfections. The ones I deserved, which were almost all of
them, resulted in lessons learned and the spankings themselves
forgotten. "Because I said so" isn't any better a response than
"I was just following orders."
#Post#: 30244--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to Deal with Parental Intrusion?
By: squarecutter Date: February 4, 2025, 2:35 pm
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Think this is a growing up thing. Small kids defer to parents at
difficult moments if they feel its a safe place to defer to.
Teens naturally think there issues armore complicated and find
it harder to see their parents as the safe place to go. They
might talk to Boy/girlfriends or coaches/mentors especially if
they don't believe the latter wont come over all parental with
them. A safe place. Think parents need to understand that a bit.
Question> If your boss at work thought your demeanor or
performance was a bit off at work and asked if all was ok at
home would you spill about the row you had with your partner or
money worries etc? I sort of doubt it. I would note Jack that
while you certainly disciplined the kids in your care that you
did a certain amount of life coaching at the same time. Parents
demanding answers all the time isn't always helpful
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