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#Post#: 6807--------------------------------------------------
Re: Kaden Connelly
By: Jack Date: July 1, 2018, 1:04 pm
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Unlike most of his brothers, Kaden got up early this morning,
ate breakfast with me (our version of a 'continental breakfast'
- he had a banana nut muffin, raisin bran, and an orange, while
I had a couple of English muffins - one slice with peanut
butter, one with cream cheese, one with butter and grape jelly,
and one with just butter) a bowl of Cheerios, and a couple of
glasses of juice. I will often eat light to start Sunday
morning, then nibble as the boys wander in to eat. Kaden
already had other plans.
He went back to his room. By that point, Leif was waking up, so
Kaden jumped right into his trunk. He got everything out,
sorted it, brought all his dirty clothes in and got a load
started. Went back to his room and cleaned out the trunk (not
emptied it, but sprayed inside to clean and disinfect it). A
lot of the stuff they used at camp is either going into
temporary storage (stuff like sun screen, which anyone can use
day to day), though they're welcome to keep any hygiene stuff
they need in their own bed/bathrooms. Kaden wears black socks
and boxers, so his only whites are the few times he wears
undershirts. He had taken a few, but Leif had agreed to wash
those for him, so he managed to get by with one load (they did
laundry at camp last weekend, though I did make him let me check
to make sure he hadn't overloaded the washer). He was in the
utility room before the dryer went off.
Kaden checked his daily chores also, and he got C&C and helped
them brush out Ebony and Onyx. He warned them they needed to
get ready, then cleaned one of the common cat boxes, while he
waited on them. He also has to set the table for dinner
tonight, but that's it. He did make sure it's okay for Kix to
spend the night (and Billy was already planned to stay over
tonight).
Why did he do all that?
He and Parker picked up their moms, and they had brunch at the
Continental. By now, they should be at the theater, getting
ready to watch Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom.
Excuse me? Oh, Kaden's mom is doing fine. Today is officially
her 90th day at the halfway house. I think she's scheduled for
a review tomorrow, but if she's had any problem, I haven't heard
about it. While I don't have access to her medical history or
anything, I think what most of it comes down to - since she
doesn't have custody of Kaden right now - is that she didn't
seem to know what to do when she got in trouble. While she has
been treated for depression, a lot of the reason she was in the
halfway house was to make sure she knew what support is
available and where/how to get it. My understanding is that
they've helped her do a lot of paperwork, and she's now on a
waiting list for a small apartment. She's already moved to
working full time. She'll continue to get therapy from MHMR, but
only a couple of days a week.
So, as far as she's said to me or Kaden, it sounds like
everything's going great.
#Post#: 6849--------------------------------------------------
Re: Kaden Connelly
By: Leti Date: July 3, 2018, 12:20 am
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Aww cute! I hope Parker and Kaden had a great time with their
mothers!
Thanks for sharing Jack !
Hugs
Leti
#Post#: 6972--------------------------------------------------
Re: Kaden Connelly
By: Adric Date: July 6, 2018, 2:43 pm
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How do you see Kaden's future? Do you think he will eventually
be back with his mother?
#Post#: 6980--------------------------------------------------
Re: Kaden Connelly
By: Jack Date: July 6, 2018, 3:57 pm
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[quote author=Adric link=topic=233.msg6972#msg6972
date=1530906206]
How do you see Kaden's future? Do you think he will eventually
be back with his mother?
[/quote]
No, not really.
Right now, his mom has to serve another year and nine months (or
so) of probation (or parole?). There was a CPS complaint filed
against her, and before she can even think about regaining
custody of him, she has to finish the probation and take some
parenting classes, as well as keeping up to date on her MHMR
stuff. Not impossible, but it's going to take a while.
Also, it sounds like they think some of what happened was stress
related on her part, since she seemed to do pretty good when she
had a steady job, and it was only when she lost her job that she
lost focus and got in trouble.
I'm not too worried for several reasons. First, Kaden's happy,
and he's able to see her several times a month now - sometimes
every weekend, and (at least during the summer) even sometimes
during the week. Second, she seems more plugged into a support
structure than she was before. Finally, according to Parker and
Kaden both, their moms seemed to hit it off the other day, and
Parker's mom is in a very similar situation, which gives her
both a friend, and someone who understands her situation.
If Kaden was younger, I'd support her regaining custody, but
with only three years left before he graduates, and almost two
of that will be on probation, I just don't think it's too
likely.
#Post#: 12738--------------------------------------------------
Re: Kaden Connelly
By: Jack Date: May 4, 2019, 12:25 pm
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Wow, it's been a long time since I did an update on this.
For the general record, Kaden is doing great. I don't want to
say anything bad about his mom, since I know she was having some
serious problems. However, living here, Kaden has developed a
lot more discipline. He was smart to start with, but being
required to do his homework (and having it checked at risk to
his butt) has helped him improve his grades a lot (last semester
was straight A's.... by the skin of his teeth in math). He's
always liked sports, but being part of this famly, where his
'big brother' was coach for the younger kids, and being
introduced to new friends, he started playing basketball last
year, and this year he's a three letter man - soccer,
basketball, and track.
His mom is also doing well. She does have some time left on
probation, but she's following her rules, working her therapy,
and she has a stable job at which she's doing great. She and
Kaden manage to get together at least for a meal once a week,
they try to have a mother/son date every couple of weeks, and
she sometimes joins us for supper during the week.
However, there are a few stumbles on the road to success.
Kaden turned 16 on 5 April - about 4 weeks ago. He got a 'super
black' 2013 Nissan Altima for his birthday. While things are
pretty busy right now, as we approach the end of the school
year, he usually has time to go out on the weekends. Last night
he had his first major curfew violation since getting his
license.
I'm going to be honest - this is one of those things where I
would probably have let it go with just a flea in his ear, if he
was an only child. As it is, I have rules in place, and I feel
like I have to enforce them consistently unless I have a really
good reason to do otherwise.
I pointed out to Kaden that losing his car for a couple of days
would probably make the best impression on him. He didn't
disagree, but I have to say - there's something cute about a
6'2", 165 lb teenager begging you to paddle his butt.
Kaden and I were already in his room (it was about 11:45 by
now). He had showered before going out, so he just shoved his
jeans and boxers below his knees while I got the bath brush.
Kaden is very lean, but he also has decent muscles - just not a
lot of extra padding, so I didn't want to use the big paddle. I
actually thought about using leather. Instead, I gave him 8
swats with the bath brush. He put his hands on the edge of the
massage table and pushed himself up to tip toes before leaning
over, then grabbed the drawer handles on the other side, which
lifted his feet off the ground. I swatted back and forth,
starting just above the middle of each cheek and working down so
the last swats were full on is legs. He took it pretty well,
but he was yelping loudly by the last two, and his eyes were a
bit damp when he stood.
I'm pretty sure I made a good impression on him, and we both
agreed he needs to stay with curfew at least a month to keep it
from escalating (which might mean losing the car, but probably
not --- he just doesn't know that).
#Post#: 12740--------------------------------------------------
Re: Kaden Connelly
By: db105 Date: May 4, 2019, 3:52 pm
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Consistency is good, and I'm glad Kaden is doing well. t's funny
how your teenagers arre terrified of going without cars. I guess
it's different in the city: I do not even own a car. What was
Kaden going to miss if he had been without a car for two days?
#Post#: 12744--------------------------------------------------
Re: Kaden Connelly
By: Adric Date: May 4, 2019, 4:13 pm
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[quote author=db105 link=topic=233.msg12740#msg12740
date=1557003124]
I do not even own a car.[/quote]
Daniel makes a good point about the need for cars. When I lived
in Manhattan I didn't have a car because it would be a huge
nuisance - usually no places to park and constantly doling out
money for parking if you're lucky enough to find it. I knew
graduate students who had obtained their Masters and Ph. D.
degrees and found a job, so it was finally time for them to take
the driving test, buy their very first cars, and go out into the
real world.
#Post#: 12747--------------------------------------------------
Re: Kaden Connelly
By: Jack Date: May 4, 2019, 4:56 pm
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In Dallas and Fort Worth, you can take mass transit to get some
places, if you're willing to put in the time. However, in our
town, there are only a couple of buses that run limited routes,
and those are mostly so the college students can do shopping.
For those of us who don't live close to campus, you drive, walk,
or Uber.
#Post#: 12753--------------------------------------------------
Re: Kaden Connelly
By: kalico Date: May 4, 2019, 10:07 pm
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I’m happy things are going good for kaden and his mom...
Is he planning on staying with you even when mom gets done with
everything or will he be going back?
Can’t remember
Hugs kal
#Post#: 12759--------------------------------------------------
Re: Kaden Connelly
By: Jack Date: May 5, 2019, 8:01 am
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[quote author=db105 link=topic=233.msg12740#msg12740
date=1557003124]
What was Kaden going to miss if he had been without a car for
two days?
[/quote]
I'm not sure he would have had to miss anything. I think it was
more that calling and begging for rides because you're grounded
is more painful (embarrassing) then getting your butt busted and
getting it over with. There is a definite cache among 16-year
olds with being the driver.
[quote author=kalico link=topic=233.msg12753#msg12753
date=1557025673]
Is he planning on staying with you even when mom gets done with
everything or will he be going back?
Can’t remember
[/quote]
At this point, Kaden is planning on staying here.
One of the big problems his mom was having was financial. While
his father had managed to pay the BCA tuition, things had gotten
tighter after Dad remarried, and tighter yet after Hurricane
Harvey. Like Parker's Mom, Kaden's mom is doing well without so
much pressure, and Kaden is doing just fine. The two of them
are seeing a lot of each other, so none of us see a reason to
change anything.
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