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#Post#: 1567--------------------------------------------------
Tommy and Donald (and Darnell 13)
By: Jack Date: November 16, 2017, 5:29 am
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Tommy is my biological nephew and was actually only my third kid
- he moved in with Cathy and I before Barry was born.
Tommy is my half-sister's first born. We have no idea who his
father is. When she divorced her second husband, she hooked up
with a guy who was being abusive towards both boys and was
possibly (definitely, but not provable) molesting them. I'm not
even going to waste time discussing this, except to say that my
half-sister was broken, and a sane person will never be able to
understand how she thinks. I just know that, when she was in a
relationship with a good person who treated her well, she felt
like there was something wrong.
Anyway, while we couldn't prove enough from a criminal
perspective to get anything done, custody is a civil matter, and
we were able to prove the boys were being mistreated. Tommy
and Caleb are half-brothers, and Cal's dad took him (for less
than three years), and I took Tommy. I want to say he moved in
with us not long before he turned 8, so Cat was probably pretty
heavily pregnant at the time (Tommy turned 8 about three weeks
after Barry was born).
I could go on about Tommy for pages, but I'm going to skip the
spanking stuff for now. It might still become stories one day.
Let's suffice it to say that Tommy was hard to deal with, and I
wasn't nearly as experienced with troubled boys as I am now
(Steve and Corey were both angels compared to Tommy). I made
mistakes dealing with him, and he had to unlearn all the bad
habits his mom had taught him before we could even begin
civilizing him.
Tommy was not a great student, and he's the only one of my kids
who didn't (eventually) go on to college. However, he did have
a good idea what he wanted to do. When he graduated high
school, he moved to Waco to live with his mom. He and I had
been having a lot of trouble, because he had a lot of younger
brothers living here by that point, and I wouldn't accept the
behavior he thought he should be allowed. I couldn't believe
that he was voluntarily going back to his mother, but I think he
wanted to see what she was really like (she could act human when
she wanted - for short periods of time).
Instead of college, Tommy went to technical school, and he got a
certificate in auto mechanics, learned to handle the newer cars
with computers built in, as well as picking up some side stuff,
like body work. By the time he finished, he'd moved away from
his mom, and had his own apartment. He liked it there, and
found a job at a place that was close enough for him to bike in
nice weather. He's been there every since, has continued his
education (mostly on the computer side), and worked his way up
to assistant manager (mostly because his hardass dad demanded he
do something in high school, which ended up with him having to
take an accounting class).
Tommy really did think I was an unreasonable hardass, and I
probably was to some extent. After living with his mom for a
while, and learning that she really was as horrible as I'd tried
to warn him, he was kind of sour on family for a while, and
spent a couple of years basically cut off from the family. It
was during that time that he met Donald.
Donald is a black guy who's a year younger than Tommy. He has a
really nice skin tone (java?) and wears his hair in a basic cut
(kind of like Will Smith's is most of the time). When they
first met, he was going to college and working in a movie
theater. He got a business degree and now has a decent job in
middle management.
He's not that geeky, but he loves old movies (which is what got
him and Tommy talking in the first place), and he fits in here
okay. However, he and Tommy still haven't shown up that often.
His mom is very demanding about him/then being around for
holidays, and they both like having holidays at their own place.
Tommy does seem to have relaxed his anti-family opinions over
the last few years. I think part of that is just Donald having
a good influence on him and calming him down. He did once
apologize to me and accept apologies I'd made to him years ago,
as well as admitting that he'd been a handful, and must have
been hard to deal with. He also confessed that part of his
problem with me came from his mom. Even though he knew his mom
didn't treat people right, she somehow convinced him that I'd
'stolen' him from her and that nothing had been her fault, and
even after he'd lived with her and moved out, it took him a
while to work through that.
#Post#: 1790--------------------------------------------------
Re: Tommy and Donald (and Darnell 13)
By: db105 Date: November 26, 2017, 1:54 pm
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It's a pity you didn't get him when you were more experienced,
but it's good you are able to move forward.
#Post#: 2326--------------------------------------------------
Re: Tommy and Donald (and Darnell 13)
By: Jack Date: December 19, 2017, 11:00 am
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Darnell, Tommy, and Donald are coming by for Christmas. I think
they're planning to be here Christmas Eve, then drive home, so
they can have Christmas morning at home, before going to visit
Donald's parents.
Darnell is 13, but Tommy and Donald think he's mature enough to
stay alone while he's out of school. so he won't be coming up
here early.
[hr]
Darnell moved in with Donald (I believe they're cousins) and
Tommy after getting thrown out of his house when he came out.
While Donald's family has always seemed big on family, finding a
place for a gay teenager who doesn't especially want to settle
down and fit in seemed to be something of a challenge. From
what Tommy and Don'd have both said, it seems like Darnell did
his fair part in making things difficult.
He seems to be settling in with Tommy and Donald. They did have
to move, so Darnell could have a separate bedroom, but they
don't mind that they can afford it, and it also came with some
other perks. just being someplace where he's comfortable seems
to have helped him a lot, and he's been doing better in school
this semester, from what i'm told.
I really have only met him once, so I don't know a lot else to
say about him, but he seems like a pretty nice kid.
#Post#: 2332--------------------------------------------------
Re: Tommy and Donald (and Darnell 13)
By: db105 Date: December 19, 2017, 1:06 pm
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Well, it's nice if them to give Darnell a home. In what way was
him (Darnell) causing trouble?
#Post#: 2337--------------------------------------------------
Re: Tommy and Donald (and Darnell 13)
By: Jack Date: December 19, 2017, 2:23 pm
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[quote author=db105 link=topic=177.msg2332#msg2332
date=1513710387]
Well, it's nice if them to give Darnell a home. In what way was
him (Darnell) causing trouble?
[/quote]
I haven't heard any specifics. What I was told is that he was
'having trouble fitting in', and that he 'got into some
trouble'.
#Post#: 2438--------------------------------------------------
Re: Tommy and Donald (and Darnell 13)
By: Adric Date: December 22, 2017, 8:35 am
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[quote author=Jack link=topic=177.msg2326#msg2326
date=1513702830]
Darnell moved in with Donald (I believe they're cousins) and
Tommy after getting thrown out of his house when he came
out.[/quote]
I've never been able to figure out how any parent could consider
their children as disposable assets.
#Post#: 2454--------------------------------------------------
Re: Tommy and Donald (and Darnell 13)
By: Jack Date: December 22, 2017, 3:14 pm
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I haven't either.
I really didn't phrase this well.
Darnell and Donald's family is very religious. While Tommy says
they're mostly very nice, loving people, the whole 'gay' thing
came out a really bad time, thanks to all that 'poor, persecuted
majority' BS that's been going around for a while now. I do
know that part of the problems he was having with being accepted
elsewhere was simply thta he didn't want to have to settle or
hid who he was.
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