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#Post#: 6848--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: Leti Date: July 3, 2018, 12:19 am
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I hope that Liam got back on time, and he learns to plan his
outings better!
Hugs
Leti
#Post#: 6854--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: Jack Date: July 3, 2018, 3:56 am
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[quote author=Leti link=topic=10.msg6848#msg6848
date=1530595177]
I hope that Liam got back on time, and he learns to plan his
outings better!
[/quote]
I'm beginning to think there might be more to it than just
planning well.
I had mentioned elsewhere that, on Saturday, when we arrived
back from camp, I told all the boys that their time for the next
few days was their own, BUT that they were required to finish
unpacking by 8pm Monday. The short version was that, despite
two general reminders to everyone and a specific reminder when
he went out Sunday, Liam was the only one not finished.
I had thought about running this as a BOTD Extra, but decided to
pass. The long and short of it was, when I went to check on
him, Liam was trying to rush through everything, trying to
finish. He was also obviously very frustrated - more in
general, than exactly at me or himself.
Instead of sending him for a paddle, I had him sit down for a
minute, and I rubbed his shoulders and lead him through a
breathing exercise, then I helped him fold clothes.
Now, I know enough about ADHD that I can tell if someone doesn't
have it, and I can probably tell if they definitely do. The
problem with mental/emotional/behavioral concerns is that they
aren't like a broken bone, where it either is or is not.
They're pretty much diagnosed on a sliding scale.
After talking with Liam last night, I went and looked it up to
confirm, but there's a chance he could have what they currently
call ADHD-Inattentive Type (which was once called ADD or
daydreaming). I base that on the fact that he is very smart,
but, after a great freshman year, his grades weren't as good
this year, and on the trouble he and I have been having just
trying to get him to follow some basic deadlines.
I don't actually think Liam does have ADHD of any type, because
to actually be diagnosed with it, it has to constantly be
causing disruptions in your life in more than one setting. I do
think he might have a milder version of it, that's making things
harder on him.
Some of you might have noticed that I've been working with a lot
of ADHD students lately. Several people have mentioned a place
in NW Dallas that specializes in diagnosing ADHD and various
learning disorders. I plan to call Dr. Sammy this morning to
check on them, but I'm probably going to make an appointment for
Liam. The thing about this is, they'll talk to Liam and myself
to see what we each feel are the troubles they're having, then
they'll run a complete physical to look for any physical problem
that could be causing those troubles. When the physical is
ruled out (if it can be, I guess), they'll help us find a
therapist who will help him with some behavior therapy to learn
to cope with the specific issues he's having.
He and I already talked about this. I think a lot of what I was
seeing as just teenage rebellion and attitude might have been
frustration at why some minor things - like planning ahead and
sticking to a schedule - were causing him so much trouble.
After we'd talked (and finished putting his laundry away), he
asked about me paddling him. He brought me the bath brush. I
was planning on just a couple of stingers on the seat of his
basketball shorts, but he suggested four bare, so that's what we
went with. Firm enough he yelped a bit, but nothing serious,
and we seemed to be okay when I left.
#Post#: 6861--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: guest50 Date: July 3, 2018, 4:50 am
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He's a good boy. Give him a hug from Aus :)
#Post#: 6865--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: Zyngaru Date: July 3, 2018, 10:33 am
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I am so happy to hear you are checking in on other possible
causes or at least contributing factors to Liam's problem.
Frustration is a problem for all of us, but it is especially
concerning for a teenager. Once frustrated everything goes
downhill from there.
Obviously if he isn't being late on purpose (attitude) then
there has to be some other problem. Hopefully this clinic can
either provide you and Liam with a diagnosis or refer you to
some place which can.
#Post#: 6870--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: Jack Date: July 3, 2018, 11:38 am
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I'm intending to write a post about mental/emotional/behavioral
problems soon to discuss things exactly like this.
The thing is, it's possible to have ADHD yet not have it. Like
I said - it's not binary, but shades of grey.
Personally, I don't believe Liam's problem is bad enough for him
to get a diagnosis, and the check up is more like suspenders
when already wearing a belt - better safe than sorry. I
honestly think he just needs some training in how to notice when
he's having a problem, then learning to deal with it. At this
point, I think it would better come from anyone who's not Dad.
After a bit of a rough road, Liam and I are getting along pretty
well, and I feel that the best way to keep on that path is to
not try to teach him in something that will probably cause him
some initial frustration. Also, having to admit you're wrong or
have a problem is often easier when it's not Dad you're
admitting it to.
#Post#: 6874--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: Zyngaru Date: July 3, 2018, 12:14 pm
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I agree. Admitting you are wrong is difficult enough without
having to admit it to "Dad"!
Seeing someone else (Professional) even if he does not get an
official diagnosis, if they give him a routine to follow,
(written out is best) he then can claim he has a diagnosis and
the routine is his subscription, so technically he doesn't have
to admit he is wrong.
Saving face! Important to teenagers. ;D
#Post#: 6973--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: Adric Date: July 6, 2018, 3:03 pm
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[quote author=Jack link=topic=10.msg6854#msg6854
date=1530608186]
He and I already talked about this. I think a lot of what I was
seeing as just teenage rebellion and attitude might have been
frustration at why some minor things - like planning ahead and
sticking to a schedule - were causing him so much trouble.
[/quote]
This sounds like a good development. I think it would be
especially frustrating to Liam if an inability to do something
is misperceived as inattention, not trying, or bad attitude.
Professional advice on this matter could be very helpful.
#Post#: 6981--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: Jack Date: July 6, 2018, 4:02 pm
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[quote author=Adric link=topic=10.msg6973#msg6973
date=1530907426]
I think it would be especially frustrating to Liam if an
inability to do something is misperceived as inattention, not
trying, or bad attitude. Professional advice on this matter
could be very helpful.
[/quote]
Well, he has had a bad attitude at times through this. I'm only
human and putting up with his bad attitude doesn't help mine,
but I'm smart enough to realize that, and I have places to blow
off steam before dealing with him, as long as he doesn't push
too hard when I ask him to stop.
As for the rest, I do understand how it can be to really try,
and just not be able to get it right. On the other hand,
that's something he'll have to learn to deal with. Hopefully we
can deal with it soon.
We do have an appointment - I think it's for a week from Tuesday
(17 July). He'll be getting a full physical that day, and they
can do the stuff required for a sports physical. I'll just need
to double check with Sammy, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't have
any vaccines do this year, so he'll at least get that over with.
After that, we've talked with a behavioral therapist. Even if
there is a physical cause, he'll still need to learn to deal
with the habits he's developed, so I was able to talk him into
starting next month, so he can get a couple of longer sessions
in before school starts, which will hopefully get him off on the
right foot. Then he can skip a class at school for behavioral
therapy after that, until he completes the course or training or
whatever you call it.
#Post#: 7194--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: Jack Date: July 12, 2018, 4:59 am
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I hope I have time to talk about Liam in a new thread this
morning, and I've already mention him, re: July Spanking Report.
I have said most (or all) of this before, but I think it's
important to get it down in one spot.
Remember that Liam (and his biological little brothers) have
gone through a lot of trauma in the last six years or so. They
lost their step/adopted or bio father. When that happened, Liam
didn't react well, he acted out, and he got himself into some
real trouble for a while. It sounds like he was starting to
regain some equilibrium when his mom passed away.
I might need to re-post some material, but Liam really impressed
me, when I first met him, with how mature he was, and how much
he worried about his little brothers.
I will remind you that I'm not a trained
psychiatrist/ologist/therapist/anything. Still, I do have some
experience.
I think that what happened was that Liam was in a kind of
emotional shock - certain thoughts and feelings just shut down
for a while, so he could deal with what he saw as an emergency
situation. He didn't trust CPS to do what was best for the
Marsh boys as a family, so he stepped up to do what he could.
And he did a great job.
It's been nearly three years now, since I took those four boys
in. Liam has watched as I treated his little brothers (and
himself) like part of my family - the good, the bad, and the
sore. He has seen them treated just like boys who were already
here, and he's seen new boys - older boys - come into the
family. He's seen boys who've been here for years, and he's
seen boys who've grown up here, who are now in college or
successful adults. It's been long enough now that he honestly
can think his brothers are going to be cared for, and that
they're all safe.
And now that shock is fading, and he's having to deal with
everything that's happened to him.
In some ways, that shouldn't be too hard. He's been in therapy
for a while, and he's had grief counseling. He's had a chance
to work through a lot of his issues lately, so it shouldn't be
nearly as bad as it could have been.
What I really think is happening is that Liam understands
(subconsciously, at least) that he is safe, and he doesn't have
to play the tough, competent, in-charge anymore. I think he's
relaxing and letting his real self - a bit insecure, a bit
immature, and not perfect - shine through.
I could be wrong, so we are getting him checked to make sure
there are no physical problems. Wrong or not, he is still about
to start his junior year in high school (and about to turn 18),
so we're getting him the behavioral therapy to learn to deal
with his organization and timeliness problems (since those
things will cause a TON of problems for him if he carries them
into college and work). He's also going to see his therapist
more often again for a few months to see if he is having other
problems.
Overall, I think the current situation is pretty normal, and I'm
actually happy to see him acting out a bit (as frustrating as it
can be for both of us to have to deal with it), but we're
checking everything else, just to be sure that's all it is.
For the record - I remember, a few years ago, being worried
because John didn't go through a stage like this.
#Post#: 7198--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: kalico Date: July 12, 2018, 7:44 am
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Aww hugs to you both and I’m you’ll both figure it out....
I kinda think like you in that he is finally settling in and
feels secure enough to be himself......
Hugs kal
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