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#Post#: 5985--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: Adric Date: May 27, 2018, 10:52 am
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Glad to hear this went off without drama.
[quote author=Jack link=topic=10.msg5982#msg5982
date=1527414251]
He had no idea what they were going to want to do, so we talked
over a few ideas, and decided he could text me once they
decided.
[/quote]
That went a long way to making the conditions seem reasonable.
It was still possible to make spontaneous decisions on the fly.
[quote author=Jack link=topic=10.msg5982#msg5982
date=1527414251]
I suggested that first, he needs to keep better track of how
much gas he has; and, second, that he plan to stop and fill up
before he picks up the other guys, for times when they're not
calling it an early night.
[/quote]
The only reason I ever decided to buy gas with a car full of
friends was to give any passengers an excuse to chip in if they
were so inclined.
#Post#: 5987--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: Jack Date: May 27, 2018, 11:10 am
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[quote author=Adric link=topic=10.msg5985#msg5985
date=1527436320]
[quote author=Jack link=topic=10.msg5982#msg5982
date=1527414251]
I suggested that first, he needs to keep better track of how
much gas he has; and, second, that he plan to stop and fill up
before he picks up the other guys, for times when they're not
calling it an early night.
[/quote]
The only reason I ever decided to buy gas with a car full of
friends was to give any passengers an excuse to chip in if they
were so inclined.
[/quote]
That might be what it is, since he's not augmenting his
allowance like most of my older boys are. However, remember
that he gets a free tank of gas each week as part of his
allowance, so it's not necessary. To the left, maybe he's
trying to burn as much gas as he can before stopping, to make
sure he gets the most out of his refill each week?
#Post#: 5991--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: Zyngaru Date: May 27, 2018, 11:30 am
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[quote author=Jack link=topic=10.msg5987#msg5987
date=1527437411]
To the left, maybe he's trying to burn as much gas as he can
before stopping, to make sure he gets the most out of his refill
each week?
[/quote]
And some guys just like to run off the fumes. My dad did. I
can't count how many times my dad ran out of gas for the car or
diesel for his semi, just because he didn't want to stop and
fuel up. He liked seeing how far he could go on a tank. One of
my brothers was the best ever at running his truck off of fumes.
That needle would bounce on "E" forever before he put a gallon
of gas in.
Myself, I never let anything I drive to go under a half tank.
So family always offered to loan me their car anytime I wanted.
They knew they would get it back with more fuel in it, than it
had when they loaned it to me.
#Post#: 5994--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: Jack Date: May 27, 2018, 11:37 am
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It's a quarter tank for me, before I start looking for a
station, but otherwise pretty similar. It only took one time,
running out of gas, far from home and a gas station to teach me
better.
#Post#: 6015--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: Journey Date: May 28, 2018, 3:58 am
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My grandfather was a worrywart, so the needle never went lower
than just past the halfway mark for him.
#Post#: 6017--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: Jack Date: May 28, 2018, 4:41 am
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While it's not a school night, I do make the younger boys go to
bed on something approaching a normal schedule during the school
year. After I'd put the little guys to bed last night (so
probably about 9:15 or so), Liam came up to me wanting to talk.
He said it wasn't really private, so we staked out opposite ends
of the couch, where we could lean back against the arms and kind
of look at each other.
Basically what he wanted was to go to an expanded version of
what we'd done Saturday night. How he phrased it was that he
basically wanted to go back to what he was doing previously -
just writing it down before he left, so I would have 'an
itinerary' that went something like 'pick the guys up, eat, hang
out, do something, eat again, take the guys home.'
Instead of arguing with him, I asked him how that varied from
what we were doing now. Then I asked him why we were doing
this, and why he thought he'd had problems before, and why we
were doing the itinerary (correct answer was 'to get hm to learn
to make and stick to a schedule'). There were a few other
questions, but he was mostly giving honest and forthright
answers, so he pretty soon decided he couldn't do what he
wanted. After a few more questions, we were pretty much back to
where we were Saturday afternoon.
I understand that he wants to be able to do what he wants, when
he wants, with no restrictions. He understands that he's part
of a family, and has responsibilities to the rest of us, and
that he's still a kid and I have responsibilities to him (and
that I believe those responsibilities don't go away just because
he turns 18 or graduates).
Now, Friday night isn't so hard. He wants to go see Action
Point, which is rated R. That means not many of his friends can
(legally) go see it, so it's going to be restricted to only him
and three friends (and frankly, I'm going to be surprised if at
least one of those friends doesn't cancel, because I can't see
James Worley being happy about Todd going to see that - Jim
isn't even going to try, apparently). I really don't like those
kinds of movies, and would be happier if he didn't see it, but
I'll just talk with him about it, since trying to forbid that
kind of thing usually just makes things worse. The point,
however, is that we know who's going to be going, we know when
the movie starts, and we know how long the movie is. I'm
willing to let him leave where they eat before, and where they
get a snack after undecided. We actually went last night, made
the itinerary, built some leeway into it in a couple of places,
and we agreed (this was his suggestion), that if he deviates too
far or violates curfew, he'll get a fairly serious paddling (six
bare with the medium lexan) and be strictly grounded the next
day.
In general, we really didn't change anything, but I think he
sees that I'm willing to discuss it and I'm willing to bend a
bit. More important, I think he's really catching on to why
this was a problem for me and what I want from him, so I guess
we're doing good.
#Post#: 6025--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: db105 Date: May 28, 2018, 5:41 pm
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I can understand him... he probably thinks to himself, I'm 17,
and if I want to change plans and come in a bit late, why
shouldn't I be able to do so? Who am I hurting?
#Post#: 6176--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: Jack Date: June 3, 2018, 5:53 pm
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I thought I'd mention that things went well for Liam this
weekend.
I was right about Todd not going to see Action Point. It ended
up with just two of them going. I also think Liam was a bit
disappointed by the film, but not too much.
He and I did talk about this. I was worried it was going to be
more like Jackass than it apparently was, and I just wanted to
remind him that those people are making a fortune to do stunts
like they do, they probably have all kinds of emergency personal
around when they do them, and they still get injured at times.
His basic response was, 'c'mon, Dad - I'm not stupid.' To which
I replied I didn't think he was, but you see all these videos on
youtube of people doing stupid stuff, and I just felt it was
better to say something I didn't need to say, instead of later
wishing I had said something.
The important thing is that he stuck to his schedule and was
home on time. He had a good time when doing it. Hopefully
he'll be able to stick to the rules without us needing to argue
again for a couple of more weeks. Then we'll start loosening
things up to see if he's learned anything.
#Post#: 6813--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: Jack Date: July 1, 2018, 5:24 pm
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Liam is going out tonight.
I made sure he did his chores, since he wont' be home before
8pm. At least I reminded him, I haven't checked them yet.
On the other hand, as for letting him go out... I made him and
his friends decide which theater and showing they want to go to.
We decided what time they should meet to have plenty of time to
eat and get to the theater early. Then we talked about what
time the movie would probably end (Uncle Drew is 104 minutes,
but I always add 20 for previews, then time to get out, take a
leak, and get to the car). Since they want to go to an 8:15pm
showing, that means they wont' have much time to get home before
11pm, and I'm not willing to extend it, since they could easily
have gone to an earlier showing.
I explained to him that being home on time is part of being
responsible, but so is planning ahead. I did point out that
they could wait, go during the heat of the day tomorrow, have
more time and save money as well, but apparently that's not cool
or something.
So, we'll see how it goes.
#Post#: 6815--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: Zyngaru Date: July 1, 2018, 6:15 pm
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[quote author=Jack link=topic=10.msg6813#msg6813
date=1530483888]
I did point out that they could wait, go during the heat of
the day tomorrow, have more time and save money as well, but
apparently that's not cool or something.
[/quote]
I don't go out to see movies very often. There are few that
come out that I am willing to pay so much money to see on the
big screen instead of waiting for it to come out on DVD.
But when I do go out to the cinema, it is for a matinee showing.
I try to go as close to noon as possible. Lots cheaper, and
less crowded. If I wait until the movie is just about to leave
the cinema, then my friends and I can be the only ones in there
watching it. Can you tell I am cheap and anti-social from this
post?
But I can understand teenagers wanting to go when they can see
who else is there and the other people can see them. It's a
social thing.
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