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#Post#: 4118--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: kalico Date: March 1, 2018, 9:11 am
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Happy 17th birthday Liam
Hope he has good day......
Hugs kal
#Post#: 4123--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: Jack Date: March 1, 2018, 12:05 pm
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Today is Liam's birthday. We are grilling burgers and dawgs at
his request this evening, and we're inviting a couple of his
closest friends to join us. Tomorrow he'll be joining Van for
the big party at the family center, but Saturday (and it's
supposed to be a beautiful day), he and a few of his friends are
going go karting, and they'll spend some time exploring the rest
of the attractions.
#Post#: 4141--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: db105 Date: March 2, 2018, 2:41 am
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I'm happy things are going fine for Liam. Not long ago, he was
in a very uncertain and difficult situation, not knowing if he'd
be separated from his brothers.
#Post#: 4143--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: Jack Date: March 2, 2018, 3:57 am
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[quote author=Leti link=topic=10.msg96#msg96 date=1505433887]
I would like to know Liam's and Zeke's reactions when they saw
their cars! Did you have some special dinner or thing before
giving them the keys?
[/quote]
I missed this from a long time back.
No, I don't think we had anything really special. We have
family dinner almost every night. In this case, if I remember
correctly, I made some of their favorite sides - chicken
Parmesan for main course? Not especially special, but nice for
them.
#Post#: 4475--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: Jack Date: March 18, 2018, 5:47 pm
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Liam got in trouble this morning... Well, he actually got in
trouble last night.
I hate the term 'attitude' or 'attitude problem'. Most of the
time an adult (parent) complains about a kid having an attitude
problem, it's because the kid is treating that adult the same
way the adult treats the kid. There is the fact that teenagers
are having to deal with hormones, and they're learning to deal
with new social situations and interactions, and those things
can be hard and stressful on them. I try to remember those
things, and I also am willing to just stop a discussion in the
middle if I feel it's getting unproductive.
Having said all that, I feel like Liam's had a bit of an
attitude problem lately.
I'm wiling to admit that part of it might be on my side. When
they moved in here, his little brothers were still at the Legos
and action figures stage (and still are for the most part). We
had plenty in common, and we had time to get to know each other,
bond, and for me to share interests with them (or learn theirs).
While Liam enjoys a lot of the same movies we do, and while
he's developed an interest in a lot of the things that are
common around here, he and I just don't share as many interests
as I do with many of my boys. Maybe that makes me feel a little
less friendly or tolerant towards him.
While his behavior has mostly been good, and while he seems like
he's willing to help, it also seems like he has a tendency to do
what he wants and worry about it later (spanking the younger
boys, sneaking the Dugan's wifi to watch porn on his phone).
Last night, he came home 45 minutes late, and he hadn't answered
texts or calls (something he's been in trouble for before).
When I asked him why he hadn't responded, he replied that he's
not supposed to use the phone while driving. That would be a
good answer, if it took more than 30 minutes to get anywhere in
town (and he's not supposed to leave town without getting
advanced permission). When I asked him why he needs to be on
time, and why he needs to be responsible to the rest of the
family, his answer was basically, 'I already know - can I just
get my swats and go on?'
I told him no. I took his keys, and he's not driving for a
week, which includes to school, since Van has a van and can
handle everyone. He's not completely grounded, he can have
friends over and do things, but no phone or computer. He was
not happy with me when he went to bed, and he refused to let me
tuck him in.
This morning, he came to me apologizing and begging for me to
just paddle him. I might have considered it, or even let him
off completely, except he couldn't explain what he was
apologizing for. He just knew I was upset with him, and he
thought 'I'm sorry' would solve everything.
I have to admit I was pretty mad at the time, and I'll consider
allowing him phone and computer use before a full week. I'll
also give second thought to if 'a week' includes next weekend or
not. I am just upset at the whole 'it doesn't really matter and
I don't care' attitude. I did explain to him that I consider
the paddle to be a quick and easy option, mostly used when I
just need to accent a point. In this case, I think more than
just an accent is needed.
#Post#: 4481--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: db105 Date: March 18, 2018, 7:00 pm
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Yes, I see how that attitude can be vexing. I think taking his
keys away instead of paddling him was the right decision, given
that he was so dismissive of the paddling. Have you tried
talking to him about why his behavior bothered you?
#Post#: 4487--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: Jack Date: March 19, 2018, 4:17 am
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[quote author=db105 link=topic=10.msg4481#msg4481
date=1521417639]
Have you tried talking to him about why his behavior bothered
you?
[/quote]
He wasn't very interested in being talked to Saturday.
Yesterday, after I'd posted this, we ended up talking again. He
knows that he screwed up. He seems to understand why I think
it's so important to be on time. I don't think he understands
how his attitude effected things, but I did try to explain it to
him.
What I did explain to him (again) is that I do consider paddling
the easier option. It's painful and somewhat embarrassing, but
it's over quickly, and it doesn't take long to recover - a
paddling is done and recovered from before a grounding really
begins to take effect. I explained how I feel about paddling
the older boys (which I consider him), and that it's a
privilege, not a right, and a privilege earned by one's behavior
and attitude.
He did try to explain that he was tired, he felt bad because he
knew he screwed up, and that he really hates when I lecture him
(to be fair, I once overheard Mikell warning JD that my lectures
were worse than my whuppings). I myself hate to be lectured,
but I try to make sure people understand the points without
beating it into the ground. That's why I tend to question the
older boys and make them explain what they did wrong and why,
rather than browbeating them myself.
I thought about paddling Liam last night, but part of the point
of this is to make him realize that actions have consequences,
so I decided going through today while grounded would be good
for him. Tonight, I'm going to talk to him about how I lecture
and why, and how he feels about it. Maybe a different way would
be better for him. If we come to a positive conclusion, I might
offer him the choice of getting paddled for early release, but
it won't be an easy paddling if I do.
#Post#: 4498--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: David M. Katz Date: March 20, 2018, 6:39 am
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Any updates on Liam?
#Post#: 4508--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: Jack Date: March 20, 2018, 4:41 pm
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Liam and I had a long talk last night, and he was willing to
actually talk (and listen).
I explained to him how my parents were, and how I actually was
punished for things - not just things that I hadn't meant to do,
or where I had misunderstood - but how I was actually punished
for following instructions. That's why I just never jump into a
punishment, even when I know they knew not to do what they did.
I want to not only make sure they understand why they're in
trouble, but I want them (at least the older ones) to have a
chance to discuss it and explain their side (if they have one).
Liam understood that, and he also understood when I told him how
his response seemed to me, and he apologized. He actually gave
a real apology 'that he'd been hasty and maybe rude', instead of
a fake, politician apology.
He also admitted why he'd been so late. Remember that Liam
repeated his freshman year, and some of his friends are just
turning 16 or are still under it (or haven't had a chance to
take behind the wheel and get their license yet). He was
driving last weekend - I think they'd gone to the old mall,
where they have an arcade (skeeball, pinball, air hockey, pool,
foosball, and I think a few actual video games). When the mall
closed, they decided to get snacks and talked Liam into stopping
at Sonic. The theater, food court, and arcade stay open later
than most of the stores. He said they left at 10, got to the
car, stopped at Sonic, ate there, then took his friends home.
Apparently there was some hung out and talk worked in somewhere.
And he admitted that, even when he saw he was running late (and
saw me calling), he didn't answer because he didn't want to
'look like a 'b... ca... wuss' in front of the other guys.
We talked a bit more about peer pressure, then we talked a bit
more about his behavior, then he apologized again. We discussed
him getting the paddle, but I decided a point needed to be made,
so I stuck to my guns. He wasn't happy, but he took it well, so
I gave him phone back and he can now use all electronics again,
though still no driving until Sunday.
#Post#: 4511--------------------------------------------------
Re: Liam Marsh Wells
By: db105 Date: March 20, 2018, 5:12 pm
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It's nice you could have that conversation. Often we annoy
people without truly realizing, and talking about it helps.
Well, I'm sure getting his phone back made him happy. He
probably missed that more than the car, don't you think?
[quote]he didn't answer because he didn't want to 'look like a
'b... ca... wuss' in front of the other guys.[/quote]
;D Teenagers!
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