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Managing Your Anger By Using The Triple P Method by td jakes
By: Intervention Date: July 27, 2015, 4:30 pm
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Anger properly channeled and controlled is a good thing —a
God-given thing. Like a gas flame on the stove, anger is not
inherently destructive. It’s a legitimate emotion that has a
legitimate function. But it can be helpful or harmful, depending
on how we use it. If we don’t learn how to process and express
it in healthy ways, the results can be ruinous. Aristotle said
it well:
“Anyone can become angry —that is easy; but to be angry with the
right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time,
and for the right purpose, and in the right way—that is not
easy.”
One tried-and-true strategy for working with anger is what we
call the Triple P Method. It’s a helpful way to remain calm when
you feel as though your anger is escalating to potentially
dangerous level. The Triple P Method stands for three action
steps: Pause. Ponder. Pray.
PAUSE: The first step is to deliberately stop, breathe deeply,
and allow that boiling energy to drain away. Buy yourself some
time. This lets your body and emotions cool down before you take
action. You may even want to take a break and get away from
whatever situation might be triggering your anger.
Have you ever noticed that the angrier we feel, the dumber we
get? It’s not only a perception; it’s a proven fact. Anger
reduces the oxygen to the brain, and our thinking gets foggy.
When we’re angry, we do ourselves a favor to pause, disengage
from whatever might be fueling our fire, and calm ourselves
down.
With emotional pressure building and swirling at high speed, the
internal energy will be seeking a release. If we don’t purposely
open a release valve and let some of it out, we can become like
a pressure cooker on the verge of exploding. But if we pause, we
give ourselves a chance to let go of some of this pent-up
energy.
The following list has some good ideas for discharging inner
tension… before it explodes! Here are seven ways to trigger a
calm response:
1. Take in a deep breath, count to five, then slowly let it out,
and relax. (Old advice, but it works!)
2. Tune in to your body and deliberately relax whatever is
tense.
3. Walk around the room and shake out the tension.
4. Get a drink of water.
5. Lean back in your chair in a relaxed fashion.
6. Massage the back of your neck and shoulders.
7. Warm a heating pad and place it on your shoulders or lower
back.
PONDER: Anger doesn’t have to escalate. We can choose cool words
over hot words when we talk to ourselves abut what might be
bothering us or driving our feelings of frustration.
Self-awareness is an important key to managing anger because it
allows us to monitor our tension and effectively release it.
People who are skilled in managing their anger do this almost
intuitively. They have a keen awareness of what is bothering
them, and purposely turn down the heat on their anger so that it
doesn’t’ burn them or boil over one others.
This has tremendous power to reduce tension and help us cope in
the heat of the moment. Even hot anger doesn’t have to boil
over. Cool words can keep our anger in check and prevent us from
fueling fires that harm ourselves or others.
COOL WORDS TO USE WHEN YOU’RE ANGRY:
• Getting angry won’t get me what I want in the long run.
• Think straight. Keep focused. Stay positive.
• Keep reason and respect number one.
• Don’t blame. Look for solutions.
• This situation isn’t worth a coronary.
• This problem is annoying, but it doesn’t have to be a big
deal.
• I don’t have to take this personally.
• What seems so important today won’t seem so a few months from
now.
• I can pick my fights and save my energy for more important
issues.
• When the time is right, talk slow… talk soft.
PRAY: When we talk to God about our wounds and our anger, we do
so for our sake, not His. He already knows the secrets of our
heart. I’m not talking abut prayers consisting of fancy, pious,
religious words. I’m talking abut authentically sharing our
thoughts and feelings with God, as we would with our safest and
most trusted friend. Some of the best prayers have more feelings
than words. Whispers in the dark, cries from a lonely heart,
sighs of confusion, and fumbling utterances offered to God will
find their way to His ears, and He will answer.
Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit
is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how, or
what, to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for
us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans.
He knows us far better than we know ourselves.(Romans 8:26-27,
The Message)
David, author of many of the psalms, mastered the art of venting
his anger in prayer. I love his bold honesty with God:
My enemies shout at me, making loud and wicked threats. They
bring trouble on me, hunting me down in their anger… Destroy
them, Lord, and confuse their speech, for I see violence and
strife… Let death seize my enemies by surprise; let the grave
swallow them alive, for evil makes its home within them… I will
call on God, and the LORD will rescue me. Morning, noon, and
night I plead aloud in my distress, and the LORD hears my voice.
He rescues me and keeps me safe from the battle waged against
me, even though many still oppose me… Give your burdens to the
LORD, and he will take care of you. (Psalm 55:3, 9, 15-18, 22,
NLT)
Rather than taking matters into his hands, David dumped his
anger into God’s lap, or as it says in The Message, he piled his
troubles on God’s shoulders (Psalm 55:22). He asked God to take
up his cause and bring revenge. His example challenges us. When
we are angry, we feel a natural compulsion to act fast. We are
driven to “set things straight” and balance the scales. It’s
basic human nature to want to reestablish justice in an unfair
situation. Rather than depending on God, we take over. Our sense
of justice screams, “If anything is going to be made right, I
have to make it happen!”
The ways of the world are very different from the ways of God.
We are advised to leave the how and when of revenge to God: “Do
not repay anyone evil for evil… Do not take revenge, my friends,
but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine
to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord… Do not be overcome by
evil, but overcome evil with good“ (Romans 12:17, 19, 21).
Someone once said, “He who seeks revenge digs two graves.”
Justice will reign. God will initiate it, and God will complete
it. He will either do it now, or He will do it later. It is
God’s promise to us. God is our avenger, right now, this very
moment. Jesus stands today in the Father’s presence as our
Advocate. “We have one who speaks to the Father in our
defense—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One“ (1 John 2:1). The Holy
Spirit is alongside us like legal counsel in a court case,
representing us and fighting for our best interests: “The Spirit
Himself intercedes for us” (Romans 8:26).
I have talked often with God about these truths during difficult
time in my life. Prayers based on these ideas have tempered my
anger over setbacks and losses, reminding me of the bigger
picture. Ultimately there is no situation in life that can
defeat us because of who God is in us. He is greater than what
assails us. He is more powerful than those who wound us. His
plans and purposes for our life cannot be thwarted by anyone or
anything, no matter how black things may seem.
Every pain, every sorrow, every ounce of anger surrendered to
God will not be wasted. He takes it all-the good, the bad, the
outrageously unfair—and puts a positive spin on it so that it
ultimately works for our eternal good. “And we know that God
causes everything to work together for the good of those who
love God and are called according to His purpose for them“
(Romans 8:28, NLT).
The above article comes from the book, The Wounded Woman: Hope
and Healing for Those Who Hurt, written by Dr Steve Stephens and
Pam Vredevelt, published by Multnomah Publishers. There was a
lot more that we wish we could include in this article on this
subject including how to “Renounce Replays and Revenge” and
reviewing several steps to help you experience the freedom of
forgiveness, plus other helpful bits of wisdom so we encourage
you to obtain this book wherever it is sold or through their web
site.
This is a good book for women filled who are finding it
difficult to cope with some of the tragedies that plague them.
It offers you the pathway to regain your footing, restart your
life, recover your energy, and reclaim your joy. Contained
within its pages are real-life testimonies that will guide you
toward recovery and inspire you to press forward in newfound
strength-not in spite of your wounds but because of them. As Dr
Stephens says,
“We cannot change the past. What has occurred—with all of its
hurt, injustice, cruelty, disappointment, and tragedy —has
slipped into history, beyond our control. Even so, we can change
how we view the painful realities that have touched our life and
what we say to ourselves about those realities.” The mission of
this book is to help you move forward as you work through your
pain, “reminding you that there is hope that you are not alone.
God never promised to keep us from wounds, but He did promise to
be with us and to help us heal.”
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