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#Post#: 374785--------------------------------------------------
Could a Dog Win a Gold Medal in the Luge?
By: MidwestmikkiJ Date: February 18, 2026, 10:36 pm
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HTML https://apple.new
s/AjqyUlNuAQG6WOy5Ta8Ov_w
Hope this works. The paragraph about dogs in the Bobsled is
worth the read alone.
“FIVE-RING CIRCUS
Could a Dog Win a Gold Medal in the Luge?
Every Winter Olympics sport, ranked by the likelihood of canine
success.
FEB 18, 2026 | 6:21 PM
This is part of Slate’s 2026 Olympics coverage. Read more here.
If a dog could compete in the Winter Olympics, which disciplines
would it be best at? This age-old question took on new relevance
Wednesday, when a Czechoslovakian wolfdog dashed onto the
cross-country skiing course during the women’s team sprint
qualifiers. “So I’m going to say that it’s domesticated. Wants
to enjoy the finish as well,” said commentator Duane Dell’Oca as
the canine interloper, a local pooch named Nazgul, raced
Croatia’s Tena Hadzic and Australia’s Phoebe Cridland across the
finish line. “The biggest cheer of the day is not for any of the
skiers so far,” Dell’Oca continued, as Nazgul sauntered around,
eventually sniffing an Argentine skier’s butt. “Race organizers
did not make Nazgul available for questions after his capture,”
NPR later reported.
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Clearly, the world wants to see a dog cross the finish line at
the Winter Olympics. But it’s high time that they were allowed
to do so not just as party crashers, but as full-fledged
competitors. I know what you’re thinking: You can’t put a dog in
the Olympics! Well, to paraphrase the immortal words of the
referee in Air Bud, “Ain’t no rules say that dogs can’t compete
in the Olympics.” And if there are rules that say that, well,
I’m prepared to ignore them.
I have now spent the good part of a day pondering how a dog
might fare in each of the 16 disciplines on the Milan Cortina
program, and I have emerged from that period of contemplation
with a definitive ranking of those disciplines in descending
order of the likelihood that a canine Olympian might actually
win a medal.
For the purpose of this exercise, we will take as a given that
the dogs entered in these events are capable of using skis,
skates, and sleds.
Now, to the rankings.
16. Biathlon. While I think a dog would do quite well in the
cross-country skiing portions of the biathlon, its lack of
opposable thumbs would render it useless in the portions that
require it to operate a rifle. I’m willing to bend the rules to
let a dog enter a biathlon race, but I cannot and will not bend
the laws of nature to endow that dog with thumbs.
15. Luge. In the luge, competitors lie on their backs as they
steer brakeless sleds down icy tracks at high speeds. Why is the
luge a sport in the first place, let alone a sport for dogs?
This admittedly fair question is beyond our purview here.
Anyway, I don’t know much about dogs, but I do know that they
tend to lie on their backs when they feel safe, relaxed, and
warm, which are three things that they would definitely not be
feeling when competing in the luge. They’d flip over soon after
the race began and would be immediately disqualified.
14. Skeleton. Skeleton racers use their body weight and spatial
awareness to hurtle face-first on a small sled down a track at
speeds of up to 90 miles per hour. While you could likely get a
dog to lay on its stomach atop the sled, one trip down a
skeleton track would likely traumatize it for life, and I cannot
imagine that even the best trainer could persuade it to return
to the top of the track to race in a second heat. Another
disqualification for Team Dog.
13. Curling. Dogs, let’s face it, are not known as the eggheads
of the animal kingdom. I mean, they get fooled all the time when
you pretend to throw a ball for them to fetch but don’t actually
let it go. I simply don’t think that an everyday dog would be
able to strategize in the way that Olympic curling requires, and
I fear it would waste the entirety of its allotted “thinking
time” by barking at the stones.
12. Ski jumping. Could a dog zoom down a ski ramp, jump into the
air, and land gracefully? Yes, of course, nothing could be
simpler or more delightful to watch. The real problem here comes
down to body mass. Because lighter jumpers travel farther, and
because the ski jumping establishment wants to dissuade its
competitors from starving themselves in pursuit of Olympic
glory, a ski jumper’s body-mass index cannot dip below 21
without being penalized. You’d have to be a very fat dog to have
a BMI that sits at 21 or above, and a fat dog would likely have
far too many comorbidities to excel at ski jumping.
11. Nordic combined. Same problem with ski jumping.
10. Freestyle skiing. I fear that a freestyle-skiing dog would
be apt to get the twisties and would be incapable of holding it
together long enough to stick the landing.
9. Figure skating. While a dog could certainly be trained to
twizzle, and perhaps even to execute the full range of technical
elements, I fear that a canine figure skater would struggle to
connect the technical aspects of its program with the artistic
elements, and would be scored harshly by the judges in that
regard, thus rendering it a perpetual also-ran in Olympic
competition. (The canine judge on the panel would do its best to
put its paws on the scale for the skating dog, but its scores
would be deemed suspicious and it would be handed a one-year
suspension.)
8. Bobsled. If a team of dogs can be trained to pull a sled,
then surely a team of dogs can be trained to drive a sled. The
bobsled dogs’ elite sprint speed would give them an edge at the
start. (“Another track record!,” the announcer would repeatedly
exclaim.) The trip down the track would potentially devolve into
chaos, though, as the dogs fought over who got to sit in the
front and stuck their heads out the side, creating costly wind
resistance.
7. Ski mountaineering. The canine skimo athletes would outclass
their human brethren on the grueling uphill portions of the
race, but would be immediately tripped up when the time comes to
remove their skis and neatly stow them on their backpacks. The
skimo dogs would earn a ton of three-second penalties and thus
would never be truly competitive. They would, however, become
immediate fan favorites and quickly accumulate many more
Instagram followers than top-ranked skimo athlete Jon Kistler.
6. Alpine skiing. A skiing dog would have trouble identifying
and sticking to the best and fastest available line in a
downhill race, so they’d be no threat to the Breezy Johnsons of
the world. But if a dog can nimbly navigate obstacles on an
agility course, then surely it could maneuver around the gates
in the slalom and giant slalom events. While it would likely
crush Mikaela Shiffrin’s spirit if she were to finish second in
slalom to a dog, elite competition pushes true champions to new
levels of greatness.
5. Snowboard. If a dog can skateboard, then a dog can snowboard.
Plus, I feel like snowboarders—many of whom are cuddly and
shaggy themselves—are the Olympians who would be most likely to
welcome dogs to their competitive ranks and/or to adopt them.
Also, the Olympic snowboarding dog would be the Olympic dog most
likely to have a movie made about its life.
4. Speedskating. OK, now we’re getting to the sports where you
don’t have to suspend disbelief to imagine Nazgul and his ilk
winning gold. Dogs are very good at racing around ovular tracks,
and there is no reason to think that this talent would not
transfer to the skating rink. The main problem here would be
training them to abide by the rules and not shift lanes
illegally or attempt to bite their rivals.
3. Short-track speedskating. Like speedskating, but a shorter
track, which I assume would be even less taxing for dogs. A dog
might find the mass-start event a bit too chaotic, though.
2. Ice hockey. Hear me out. The question here isn’t, Could a
team composed exclusively of dogs play Olympic ice hockey? The
question is, Could a lone dog compete on an Olympic ice hockey
team? The answer is: Absolutely. This hockey dog would be the
most feared enforcer that Olympic hockey has ever seen. Yes, I
know you’re not allowed to fight in Olympic hockey—but the dog
wouldn’t have to fight. It would only have to growl, and perhaps
bare its teeth, and the other team would skate away in fear.
There’s no rule against growling in Olympic hockey, is there?
1. Cross-country skiing. This is the definitive answer.
Cross-country skiing—i.e., going at top speed for long periods
across relatively gentle terrain—is the sport that best aligns
with what dogs are already good at. An Olympic cross-country
skiing dog would win every race that it entered, and would make
Johannes Hoesflot Klaebo look like just another bum off the
street. Cue Chad Salmela: Here comes Doggins!
#Post#: 374788--------------------------------------------------
Re: Could a Dog Win a Gold Medal in the Luge?
By: Lurknomore Date: February 18, 2026, 11:18 pm
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Couldn’t read about the bobsled but click on link mentioned,
short vid where dog sniffs skiers butt. Because I’m an 8y/o boy
at heart. 😂
#Post#: 374833--------------------------------------------------
Re: Could a Dog Win a Gold Medal in the Luge?
By: MidwestmikkiJ Date: February 19, 2026, 9:03 am
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[quote author=Lurknomore link=topic=4014.msg374788#msg374788
date=1771478284]
Couldn’t read about the bobsled but click on link mentioned,
short vid where dog sniffs skiers butt. Because I’m an 8y/o boy
at heart. 😂
[/quote]
Ok I did a cut and paste.
#Post#: 374887--------------------------------------------------
Re: Could a Dog Win a Gold Medal in the Luge?
By: Lurknomore Date: February 19, 2026, 10:46 am
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This was so clever & funny, and actually made sense to me!
Thanks for pasting here. 🛷 🐕 🏅
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