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#Post#: 20475--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: Chicagogirl22
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:51 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: badpoodle link ---
>
> Ok House sitter, your family member did NOT "ironically" tell
you not to hesitate telling the neighbors you don't want
visitors. Her very good friends/neighbors told her what a bitch
you were to them. Instead of just directly saying you wish they
would leave, you did it passive aggressively. LAME.
>
> I question not being able to drive more than a mile in any
direction when you are unfamiliar with a town. I mean really?
>
> The neighbors looking out for the best interest of their
friend and her dog kind of tells me everything I need to know
about the dynamic.
>
--- End Quote ---
Driving comment was extremely weird to me
#Post#: 20476--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: badpoodle
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:51 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Esme Rain link ---
>
> [quote author=badpoodle link=topic=347.msg20467#msg20467
date=1632505620]
> [quote author=Esme Rain link=topic=347.msg20466#msg20466
date=1632505564]
> [quote author=badpoodle link=topic=347.msg20459#msg20459
date=1632505312]
> [quote author=Esme Rain link=topic=347.msg20452#msg20452
date=1632505200]
> [quote author=badpoodle link=topic=347.msg20438#msg20438
date=1632504875]
> Oh man, mother of the groom, stop being so rigid!
>
> I know, I know, that isn't fair because she is who she is but
holy hell. Sometimes it's ok to break the rules. Rigidity tends
to make people not feel close to you. LW could have totally met
the fiance outdoors with masks on or whatever and not broken the
rules.
>
> Bringing up the college tuition she paid and the divorce
decree when asked about a wedding contribution - totally
unnecessary and hurtful. If she is pondering informing everyone
of her ex's infidelity I hope she knows the only person it will
reflect poorly on is her.
>
> I have a couple of people in my life who have this inability
to see what it is about themselves that keeps them from having
the close personal relationships they observe in others. It is
both frustrating and sad.
>
--- End Quote ---
I mean maybe maybe not. We weren't allowed to go for walks with
others. Now mind you might you have bumped into each other
while doing an essential errand and walked back together. But
still.
Her current and past financial state is not clear to me. If 1/3
nearly wiped her out and means she has barely a crumb saved for
retirement but that is the only way she could get tight-fisted
but rich ex to contribute...well I see why she is sensitive
still about it. Mind you she doesn't plead poverty in the
letter.
I think you're right though it is about the infidelity. Getting
ready for a wedding is bringing that to the surface again.
[/quote]
Who told "we" they weren't allowed to go on walks with others?
There were some lower risk ways she could have spent time
getting to know the fiance. She chose not to in favor of a rigid
interpretation of the rules. And now she is where she is.
[/quote]
Public Health.
[/quote]
Nope
[/quote]
Yes they did Poodle. Please don't tell me I'm not able to
follow the directions that my own Public Health imposed.
It was very hard. But I did it gladly and was grateful I was
able to.
[/quote]
You can do whatever you want and rewrite whatever guidance from
the past you want to. I'm done discussing it with you.
#Post#: 20478--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: GenuineKosherDill
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:51 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Queenie link ---
>
> I would like to defend the "weddings are a few hours"
tradition. It's a perfectly valid way to go and I think it's as
fine for those people to view the "several days" way as OTT as
it is for the "several days" people to feel that the "several
hours" folks are under-doing it.
>
> I definitely bristled when my kids were very small and Mr Q
was invited to a number of groomsmen's events that were supposed
to take several days each. We have lives, you know! Also, a
budget.
>
--- End Quote ---
For the most part in the past couple of decades I've attended
the ceremony only (with the hosts' approval). The mingling at
the venue ahead of time and after the vows is plenty, if the
reception is just to be a typical banquet-hall affair. I attend
the important part, wish the couple well, keep most of my
weekend intact and they save the money they would have spent on
my meal and drinks. Win-win.
#Post#: 20479--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: BethinDC2AZ
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:52 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Queenie link ---
>
> [quote author=badpoodle link=topic=347.msg20449#msg20449
date=1632505127]
> Ok House sitter, your neighbor did NOT "ironically" tell you
not to hesitate telling the neighbors you don't want visitors.
Her very good friends/neighbors told her what a bitch you were
to them. Instead of just directly saying you wish they would
leave, you did it passive aggressively. LAME.
>
> I question not being able to drive more than a mile in any
direction when you are unfamiliar with a town. I mean really?
>
> The neighbors looking out for the best interest of their
friend and her dog kind of tells me everything I need to know
about the dynamic.
>
--- End Quote ---
Disagree.
LW could certainly have been nicer or more professional about it
but playing faux host while dogsitting four dogs for free for a
month could easily make a person cranky.
[/quote]
How was she playing host? They didn't ask her for anything. They
brought everything they needed.
#Post#: 20480--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: MinArlington
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:52 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: BethinDC2AZ link ---
>
> [quote author=buffylover73 link=topic=347.msg20447#msg20447
date=1632505026]
> [quote author=BethinDC2AZ link=topic=347.msg20432#msg20432
date=1632504668]
> Ugh. I hate pool lady even more post update than before.
>
--- End Quote ---
I had to go back and read last week's chat since I missed it.
She seems a bit...rigid.
[/quote]
She's awful. She wanted the pool to herself and rather than have
a discussion with the neighbors and the house owner about pool
hours she huffed and puffed and was nasty to them. Even when
they saved her with the dog she's calling them invaders. Worst.
Person. Ever.
[/quote]
I totally disagree. I don't think it is at all reasonable to go
into a house-sitting situation with the expectation that it will
be an open house for all the neighbors to come over whenever
they feel like it and without asking or giving a heads-up. To
me, the Worst Person Ever award is shared by all the neighbors
who helped themselves to that house/pool knowing that there was
a house-sitter who would not know what the norms are and likely
would not feel comfortable saying WTF are you doing here. Tied
with the homeowner who failed to mention that neighbors will be
coming and going without warning and you can expect to have zero
privacy while multiple dog-sitting for A MONTH.
#Post#: 20481--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: Esme Rain
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:53 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
So I was wondering who paid for the other third of the groom's
education. Could be him himself (although that is a _lot_ of
money for a young person in the US). Could be a benevolent
grandparent or even a scholarship (although since LW specifies
that the breakdown of costs was in the divorce decree the
scholarship would have had to have been in the bag at the time
of divorce).
But I wonder if LW bring it up because this is a moment for
readjustment of costs. Divorce decree gave the dad a 1/3 share
of costs but after the divorce he became very wealthy. Because
of tension all around he didn't put more money into education
but has that money now.
LW might not have that money and kind of wishes that this
benevolence had appeared earlier when Son wanted to do an
exchange or something.
Just interesting that she brings it up and there might be a more
tangled financial story here.
#Post#: 20482--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: CaviaPorcellus
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:53 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: badpoodle link ---
>
> [quote author=Esme Rain link=topic=347.msg20470#msg20470
date=1632505740]
> [quote author=badpoodle link=topic=347.msg20467#msg20467
date=1632505620]
> [quote author=Esme Rain link=topic=347.msg20466#msg20466
date=1632505564]
> [quote author=badpoodle link=topic=347.msg20459#msg20459
date=1632505312]
> [quote author=Esme Rain link=topic=347.msg20452#msg20452
date=1632505200]
> [quote author=badpoodle link=topic=347.msg20438#msg20438
date=1632504875]
> Oh man, mother of the groom, stop being so rigid!
>
> I know, I know, that isn't fair because she is who she is but
holy hell. Sometimes it's ok to break the rules. Rigidity tends
to make people not feel close to you. LW could have totally met
the fiance outdoors with masks on or whatever and not broken the
rules.
>
> Bringing up the college tuition she paid and the divorce
decree when asked about a wedding contribution - totally
unnecessary and hurtful. If she is pondering informing everyone
of her ex's infidelity I hope she knows the only person it will
reflect poorly on is her.
>
> I have a couple of people in my life who have this inability
to see what it is about themselves that keeps them from having
the close personal relationships they observe in others. It is
both frustrating and sad.
>
--- End Quote ---
I mean maybe maybe not. We weren't allowed to go for walks with
others. Now mind you might you have bumped into each other
while doing an essential errand and walked back together. But
still.
Her current and past financial state is not clear to me. If 1/3
nearly wiped her out and means she has barely a crumb saved for
retirement but that is the only way she could get tight-fisted
but rich ex to contribute...well I see why she is sensitive
still about it. Mind you she doesn't plead poverty in the
letter.
I think you're right though it is about the infidelity. Getting
ready for a wedding is bringing that to the surface again.
[/quote]
Who told "we" they weren't allowed to go on walks with others?
There were some lower risk ways she could have spent time
getting to know the fiance. She chose not to in favor of a rigid
interpretation of the rules. And now she is where she is.
[/quote]
Public Health.
[/quote]
Nope
[/quote]
Yes they did Poodle. Please don't tell me I'm not able to
follow the directions that my own Public Health imposed.
It was very hard. But I did it gladly and was grateful I was
able to.
[/quote]
You can do whatever you want and rewrite whatever guidance from
the past you want to. I'm done discussing it with you.
[/quote]
Considering how varied the response was from state to state, not
to mention city to city within states, I'm baffled by this
reply. It is completely plausible that a local or state gov't
warned against something that another local or state gov't never
mentioned.
#Post#: 20483--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: guest154
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:54 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Esme Rain link ---
>
> So I was wondering who paid for the other third of the groom's
education. Could be him himself (although that is a _lot_ of
money for a young person in the US). Could be a benevolent
grandparent or even a scholarship (although since LW specifies
that the breakdown of costs was in the divorce decree the
scholarship would have had to have been in the bag at the time
of divorce).
>
> But I wonder if LW bring it up because this is a moment for
readjustment of costs. Divorce decree gave the dad a 1/3 share
of costs but after the divorce he became very wealthy. Because
of tension all around he didn't put more money into education
but has that money now.
>
> LW might not have that money and kind of wishes that this
benevolence had appeared earlier when Son wanted to do an
exchange or something.
>
> Just interesting that she brings it up and there might be a
more tangled financial story here.
>
--- End Quote ---
My speculation was 1/3 Mom (LW); 1/3 Dad (ex) and 1/3 for he
himself. Although if Dad was far wealthier than Mom, it could
have easily been a 1/3 - 2/3 split.
#Post#: 20484--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: badpoodle
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:55 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: CaviaPorcellus link ---
>
> [quote author=badpoodle link=topic=347.msg20476#msg20476
date=1632505865]
> [quote author=Esme Rain link=topic=347.msg20470#msg20470
date=1632505740]
> [quote author=badpoodle link=topic=347.msg20467#msg20467
date=1632505620]
> [quote author=Esme Rain link=topic=347.msg20466#msg20466
date=1632505564]
> [quote author=badpoodle link=topic=347.msg20459#msg20459
date=1632505312]
> [quote author=Esme Rain link=topic=347.msg20452#msg20452
date=1632505200]
> [quote author=badpoodle link=topic=347.msg20438#msg20438
date=1632504875]
> Oh man, mother of the groom, stop being so rigid!
>
> I know, I know, that isn't fair because she is who she is but
holy hell. Sometimes it's ok to break the rules. Rigidity tends
to make people not feel close to you. LW could have totally met
the fiance outdoors with masks on or whatever and not broken the
rules.
>
> Bringing up the college tuition she paid and the divorce
decree when asked about a wedding contribution - totally
unnecessary and hurtful. If she is pondering informing everyone
of her ex's infidelity I hope she knows the only person it will
reflect poorly on is her.
>
> I have a couple of people in my life who have this inability
to see what it is about themselves that keeps them from having
the close personal relationships they observe in others. It is
both frustrating and sad.
>
--- End Quote ---
I mean maybe maybe not. We weren't allowed to go for walks with
others. Now mind you might you have bumped into each other
while doing an essential errand and walked back together. But
still.
Her current and past financial state is not clear to me. If 1/3
nearly wiped her out and means she has barely a crumb saved for
retirement but that is the only way she could get tight-fisted
but rich ex to contribute...well I see why she is sensitive
still about it. Mind you she doesn't plead poverty in the
letter.
I think you're right though it is about the infidelity. Getting
ready for a wedding is bringing that to the surface again.
[/quote]
Who told "we" they weren't allowed to go on walks with others?
There were some lower risk ways she could have spent time
getting to know the fiance. She chose not to in favor of a rigid
interpretation of the rules. And now she is where she is.
[/quote]
Public Health.
[/quote]
Nope
[/quote]
Yes they did Poodle. Please don't tell me I'm not able to
follow the directions that my own Public Health imposed.
It was very hard. But I did it gladly and was grateful I was
able to.
[/quote]
You can do whatever you want and rewrite whatever guidance from
the past you want to. I'm done discussing it with you.
[/quote]
Considering how varied the response was from state to state, not
to mention city to city within states, I'm baffled by this
reply. It is completely plausible that a local or state gov't
warned against something that another local or state gov't never
mentioned.
[/quote]
So there were states that said being outside masked 6 feet apart
wasn't ok?
I'm baffled by the idea that there was absolutely nothing this
woman could have done to get to know her potential DIL
#Post#: 20486--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: buffylover73
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:56 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: MinArlington link ---
>
> [quote author=BethinDC2AZ link=topic=347.msg20461#msg20461
date=1632505484]
> [quote author=buffylover73 link=topic=347.msg20447#msg20447
date=1632505026]
> [quote author=BethinDC2AZ link=topic=347.msg20432#msg20432
date=1632504668]
> Ugh. I hate pool lady even more post update than before.
>
--- End Quote ---
I had to go back and read last week's chat since I missed it.
She seems a bit...rigid.
[/quote]
She's awful. She wanted the pool to herself and rather than have
a discussion with the neighbors and the house owner about pool
hours she huffed and puffed and was nasty to them. Even when
they saved her with the dog she's calling them invaders. Worst.
Person. Ever.
[/quote]
I totally disagree. I don't think it is at all reasonable to go
into a house-sitting situation with the expectation that it will
be an open house for all the neighbors to come over whenever
they feel like it and without asking or giving a heads-up. To
me, the Worst Person Ever award is shared by all the neighbors
who helped themselves to that house/pool knowing that there was
a house-sitter who would not know what the norms are and likely
would not feel comfortable saying WTF are you doing here. Tied
with the homeowner who failed to mention that neighbors will be
coming and going without warning and you can expect to have zero
privacy while multiple dog-sitting for A MONTH.
[/quote]
Having a house/dog sitter is nice, but god, the preparation.
Here are all my streaming services. Wifi password. Garage and
door code. Here's access to my security cameras. The list of
meds for dogs, how and when to feed them, what NOT to let them
eat, where the poop bags are, what Amazon packages I'm
expecting, how to unclog the downstairs toilet if you mistakenly
poo in there...and each time I've gotten to my destination and
realized I've forgotten even more to list out.
Easier to never leave my home now.
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