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#Post#: 20453--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: acl-ny
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:40 pm
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Wedding chat:
Rehearsal dinner and brunch the following day (which is a nice
thing to do for out of town guests), are very common
wedding-related events. I'm surprised that chatter is not aware
of that.
Sure, it stings when your ex's new wife gets along better with
your son's fiancé than you do, but if you want to fix that, get
to know her better, you can. If you don't feel comfortable due
to Covid, then that's the choice you make, and the consequences
you'll have to face.
Chatter could see if texting helps open up communication. Maybe
send pics of some of son's childhood pictures and talk about his
childhood, ask about hers, see if that might help. I'd probably
ask son if he's ok with this first so as not to go behind his
back.
We don't get to see son's GF that much, distance, Covid, etc.,
but we enjoy texting each other once in a while, keeping
communication open that way.
#Post#: 20454--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: guest154
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:40 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Queenie link ---
>
> I would like to defend the "weddings are a few hours"
tradition. It's a perfectly valid way to go and I think it's as
fine for those people to view the "several days" way as OTT as
it is for the "several days" people to feel that the "several
hours" folks are under-doing it.
>
> I definitely bristled when my kids were very small and Mr Q
was invited to a number of groomsmen's events that were supposed
to take several days each. We have lives, you know! Also, a
budget.
>
--- End Quote ---
I have seen successful weddings of both types, Q. Good friend of
my wife had a 20-minute wedding followed by a one-hour "ice
cream social" reception with no rehearsal dinner It was a very
nice afternoon.
#Post#: 20456--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: Queenie
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:40 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: badpoodle link ---
>
> Ok House sitter, your neighbor did NOT "ironically" tell you
not to hesitate telling the neighbors you don't want visitors.
Her very good friends/neighbors told her what a bitch you were
to them. Instead of just directly saying you wish they would
leave, you did it passive aggressively. LAME.
>
> I question not being able to drive more than a mile in any
direction when you are unfamiliar with a town. I mean really?
>
> The neighbors looking out for the best interest of their
friend and her dog kind of tells me everything I need to know
about the dynamic.
>
--- End Quote ---
Disagree.
LW could certainly have been nicer or more professional about it
but playing faux host while dogsitting four dogs for free for a
month could easily make a person cranky.
#Post#: 20457--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: GladGrace
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:40 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
RE the wedding shower chat: I was of the impression that
inviting people who are not invited to the wedding to a wedding
shower is bad manners, with perhaps an exception for a shower
held by work friends (who usually have no expectation that a
large group of them will attend the wedding.)
#Post#: 20458--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: CaviaPorcellus
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:41 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: GladGrace link ---
>
> I'm not totally on board with assuming that all controlling
people are motivated by anxiety. Sometimes they are, as in: "You
have to have to call me when your flight gets in or I'll be up
all night." Others are manipulative assholes who get pleasure
and satisfaction from their puppetry, as in: "If you marry
outside our race, religion, or culture, I'll disinherit you,
right after I try to get the rest of the family to shun you."
>
--- End Quote ---
Everyone I know with that mindset has it because of fear and
anxiety - that they failed their children/that their children
are disowning THEM so they need to beat them to the punch/that
their children just don't care about their culture/that the
culture will die a slow death if the culture's children,
collectively, don't feel the need to live in it and pass it
on/that their children will suffer terribly in Hell/that their
children's heretical acts will get THEM shunned from the culture
if they don't publicly disavow their children's actions/etc.
#Post#: 20459--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: badpoodle
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:41 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Esme Rain link ---
>
> [quote author=badpoodle link=topic=347.msg20438#msg20438
date=1632504875]
> Oh man, mother of the groom, stop being so rigid!
>
> I know, I know, that isn't fair because she is who she is but
holy hell. Sometimes it's ok to break the rules. Rigidity tends
to make people not feel close to you. LW could have totally met
the fiance outdoors with masks on or whatever and not broken the
rules.
>
> Bringing up the college tuition she paid and the divorce
decree when asked about a wedding contribution - totally
unnecessary and hurtful. If she is pondering informing everyone
of her ex's infidelity I hope she knows the only person it will
reflect poorly on is her.
>
> I have a couple of people in my life who have this inability
to see what it is about themselves that keeps them from having
the close personal relationships they observe in others. It is
both frustrating and sad.
>
--- End Quote ---
I mean maybe maybe not. We weren't allowed to go for walks with
others. Now mind you might you have bumped into each other
while doing an essential errand and walked back together. But
still.
Her current and past financial state is not clear to me. If 1/3
nearly wiped her out and means she has barely a crumb saved for
retirement but that is the only way she could get tight-fisted
but rich ex to contribute...well I see why she is sensitive
still about it. Mind you she doesn't plead poverty in the
letter.
I think you're right though it is about the infidelity. Getting
ready for a wedding is bringing that to the surface again.
[/quote]
Who told "we" they weren't allowed to go on walks with others?
There were some lower risk ways she could have spent time
getting to know the fiance. She chose not to in favor of a rigid
interpretation of the rules. And now she is where she is.
#Post#: 20460--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: badpoodle
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:42 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Queenie link ---
>
> [quote author=badpoodle link=topic=347.msg20449#msg20449
date=1632505127]
> Ok House sitter, your neighbor did NOT "ironically" tell you
not to hesitate telling the neighbors you don't want visitors.
Her very good friends/neighbors told her what a bitch you were
to them. Instead of just directly saying you wish they would
leave, you did it passive aggressively. LAME.
>
> I question not being able to drive more than a mile in any
direction when you are unfamiliar with a town. I mean really?
>
> The neighbors looking out for the best interest of their
friend and her dog kind of tells me everything I need to know
about the dynamic.
>
--- End Quote ---
Disagree.
LW could certainly have been nicer or more professional about it
but playing faux host while dogsitting four dogs for free for a
month could easily make a person cranky.
[/quote]
Umm, she comes right out and describes her own behavior
"hostile"
#Post#: 20461--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: BethinDC2AZ
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:44 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: buffylover73 link ---
>
> [quote author=BethinDC2AZ link=topic=347.msg20432#msg20432
date=1632504668]
> Ugh. I hate pool lady even more post update than before.
>
--- End Quote ---
I had to go back and read last week's chat since I missed it.
She seems a bit...rigid.
[/quote]
She's awful. She wanted the pool to herself and rather than have
a discussion with the neighbors and the house owner about pool
hours she huffed and puffed and was nasty to them. Even when
they saved her with the dog she's calling them invaders. Worst.
Person. Ever.
#Post#: 20462--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: Queenie
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:44 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: GladGrace link ---
>
> RE the wedding shower chat: I was of the impression that
inviting people who are not invited to the wedding to a wedding
shower is bad manners, with perhaps an exception for a shower
held by work friends (who usually have no expectation that a
large group of them will attend the wedding.)
>
--- End Quote ---
Things changed during the pandemic. I was thrilled to attend my
niece's shower even though she was only allowed 25 guests at her
wedding venue including attendants. As Thanksgiving dinner for
just our side routinely numbers over 35 people, this meant that
many close loving relatives could not attend the wedding.
Luckily they were able to host an outdoor shower and we were
thrilled to all show up en masse.
#Post#: 20463--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: CaviaPorcellus
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:45 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
We didn't do any assigned seating at our wedding. People
naturally broke off into groups that made sense to them, and our
families made sure to mingle with every table. It worked fine.
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