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       #Post#: 20441--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Live Chat 09/24
       By: BethinDC2AZ Date: September 24, 2021, 12:35 pm
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       [quote author=Chicagogirl22 link=topic=347.msg20436#msg20436
       date=1632504839]
       Pool Update:
       Please never house sit again.
       [/quote]
       Right?! In fact, never ever get in a situation where you might
       have to share space with another human being.
       #Post#: 20442--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Live Chat 09/24
       By: Esme Rain Date: September 24, 2021, 12:36 pm
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       LW going to be with strangers at first social event.
       Ummm.  As I posted here weekend before last we had two (outdoor;
       25 ish pple each) social events.  First since the pandemic
       except for two or three gatherings of 4 women on a patio.
       I must say, the social skills a little rusty.  I'm not sure I'd
       mind so much greasing the social skills among people I'd not
       need to count on ever seeing again.
       I was _exhausted_ after too.
       #Post#: 20445--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Live Chat 09/24
       By: Chicagogirl22 Date: September 24, 2021, 12:36 pm
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       [quote author=Queenie link=topic=347.msg20434#msg20434
       date=1632504723]
       I would like to defend the "weddings are a few hours" tradition.
       It's a perfectly valid way to go and I think it's as fine for
       those people to view the "several days" way as OTT as it is for
       the "several days" people to feel that the "several hours" folks
       are under-doing it.
       I definitely bristled when my kids were very small and Mr Q was
       invited to a number of groomsmen's events that were supposed to
       take several days each.  We have lives, you know! Also, a
       budget.
       [/quote]
       I think the LW was overwhelmed. She was expecting one day with
       her ex she intensely dislikes and now she has 3 days, plus one
       of them where he is the host.
       #Post#: 20446--------------------------------------------------
       Pool/Dog sitter update
       By: MinArlington Date: September 24, 2021, 12:36 pm
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       Maybe I'm the only one but I'm not getting the feeling that the
       relative/pool owner is necessarily this permissive with
       neighbors. I'm guessing the neighbors are just running
       rough-shod over the house sitter because they can.  If the owner
       does have a 24/7 open pool policy, that should have been made
       clear up front.
       #Post#: 20447--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Live Chat 09/24
       By: buffylover73 Date: September 24, 2021, 12:37 pm
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       [quote author=BethinDC2AZ link=topic=347.msg20432#msg20432
       date=1632504668]
       Ugh. I hate pool lady even more post update than before.
       [/quote]
       I had to go back and read last week's chat since I missed it.
       She seems a bit...rigid.
       #Post#: 20448--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Live Chat 09/24
       By: GladGrace Date: September 24, 2021, 12:37 pm
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       I'm not totally on board with assuming that all controlling
       people are motivated by anxiety. Sometimes they are, as in: "You
       have to have to call me when your flight gets in or I'll be up
       all night." Others are manipulative assholes who get pleasure
       and satisfaction from their puppetry, as in: "If you marry
       outside our race, religion, or culture, I'll disinherit you,
       right after I try to get the rest of the family to shun you."
       #Post#: 20449--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Live Chat 09/24
       By: badpoodle Date: September 24, 2021, 12:38 pm
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       Ok House sitter, your family member did NOT "ironically" tell
       you not to hesitate telling the neighbors you don't want
       visitors. Her very good friends/neighbors told her what a bitch
       you were to them. Instead of just directly saying you wish they
       would leave, you did it passive aggressively. LAME.
       I question not being able to drive more than a mile in any
       direction when you are unfamiliar with a town. I mean really?
       The neighbors looking out for the best interest of their friend
       and her dog kind of tells me everything I need to know about the
       dynamic.
       #Post#: 20450--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Live Chat 09/24
       By: Queenie Date: September 24, 2021, 12:39 pm
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       Tangential:
       LW isolated due to covid and others did not and their
       relationships grew and blossomed while hers did not.
       To dismiss this very real consequence is foolhardy at best.
       It's a distinct possibility.
       #Post#: 20451--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Live Chat 09/24
       By: badpoodle Date: September 24, 2021, 12:39 pm
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       [quote author=Chicagogirl22 link=topic=347.msg20445#msg20445
       date=1632505003]
       [quote author=Queenie link=topic=347.msg20434#msg20434
       date=1632504723]
       I would like to defend the "weddings are a few hours" tradition.
       It's a perfectly valid way to go and I think it's as fine for
       those people to view the "several days" way as OTT as it is for
       the "several days" people to feel that the "several hours" folks
       are under-doing it.
       I definitely bristled when my kids were very small and Mr Q was
       invited to a number of groomsmen's events that were supposed to
       take several days each.  We have lives, you know! Also, a
       budget.
       [/quote]
       I think the LW was overwhelmed. She was expecting one day with
       her ex she intensely dislikes and now she has 3 days, plus one
       of them where he is the host.
       [/quote]
       Where he and his current wife are hosts, no less.
       #Post#: 20452--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Live Chat 09/24
       By: Esme Rain Date: September 24, 2021, 12:40 pm
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       [quote author=badpoodle link=topic=347.msg20438#msg20438
       date=1632504875]
       Oh man, mother of the groom, stop being so rigid!
       I know, I know, that isn't fair because she is who she is but
       holy hell. Sometimes it's ok to break the rules. Rigidity tends
       to make people not feel close to you. LW could have totally met
       the fiance outdoors with masks on or whatever and not broken the
       rules.
       Bringing up the college tuition she paid and the divorce decree
       when asked about a wedding contribution - totally unnecessary
       and hurtful. If she is pondering informing everyone of her ex's
       infidelity I hope she knows the only person it will reflect
       poorly on is her.
       I have a couple of people in my life who have this inability to
       see what it is about themselves that keeps them from having the
       close personal relationships they observe in others. It is both
       frustrating and sad.
       [/quote]
       I mean maybe maybe not.  We weren't allowed to go for walks with
       others.  Now mind you might you have bumped into each other
       while doing an essential errand and walked back together.  But
       still.
       Her current and past financial state is not clear to me.  If 1/3
       nearly wiped her out and means she has barely a crumb saved for
       retirement but that is the only way she could get tight-fisted
       but rich ex to contribute...well I see why she is sensitive
       still about it.  Mind you she doesn't plead poverty in the
       letter.
       I think you're right though it is about the infidelity.  Getting
       ready for a wedding is bringing that to the surface again.
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