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#Post#: 20391--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: buffylover73
Date: September 24, 2021, 11:58 am
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--- Quote from: MidwestmikkiJ link ---
>
> I must be feeling critical today. I didn’t much like the Mom
who won’t contribute toward her son’s wedding and now resents
everyone else who will. Decisions have consequences, lady.
>
> I’m also not feeling much good will to the LW who wants to
diss the “niece” because it’s complicated. When I was that age
my Mom often added my name to wedding and shower gifts to
relatives. Sometimes I probably paid for part of it but I’ll bet
she did it and never even told me at times. Eventually I was
viewed as a separate adult by the family and then I began to
purchase and send my own gifts. Give the young woman a break
even if you think that for some reason she doesn’t deserve it.
>
--- End Quote ---
The judginess of both LWs shined through for me, for sure.
#Post#: 20393--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: Esme Rain
Date: September 24, 2021, 11:59 am
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--- Quote from: MidwestmikkiJ link ---
>
> I must be feeling critical today. I didn’t much like the Mom
who won’t contribute toward her son’s wedding and now resents
everyone else who will. Decisions have consequences, lady.
>
> I’m also not feeling much good will to the LW who wants to
diss the “niece” because it’s complicated. When I was that age
my Mom often added my name to wedding and shower gifts to
relatives. Sometimes I probably paid for part of it but I’ll bet
she did it and never even told me at times. Eventually I was
viewed as a separate adult by the family and then I began to
purchase and send my own gifts. Give the young woman a break
even if you think that for some reason she doesn’t deserve it.
>
--- End Quote ---
Seems totally normal to me too. Not a "charade" at all but a
way of gradually taking on adulthood and parents fostering
relations for the next generation. Don't go on about the
presents in the thank you note. Put a word or two in about how
life is treating you and ask her how she is. Something to
connect. This was the point of the parents bringing the gift.
#Post#: 20394--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: guest154
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:01 pm
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--- Quote from: GenuineKosherDill link ---
>
> Pretty harsh on mother of groom. Her angst and sadness are
understandable, whether objectively justified or not.
>
> I sense a worry that those who ARE contributing financially
are going to be closer to the nuptial couple, and that's why
she's dwelling on the multi-day plans -- more events = more $$
involved = more opportunities for the other parents to deploy
largess.
>
--- End Quote ---
You are possibly correct, but if so, that's on the bride and
groom. If their closeness can be bought, they're pretty shallow.
My wife's parents always spent way more on us and our kids than
did my Mom; because they could afford to. I know it didn't
impact me, and I feel confident that it didn't impact my kids'
affections either.
In crass terms: my kids' grandmothers died two weeks apart. The
kids were equally torn up at both funerals - I think they really
did care a lot about both women.
#Post#: 20396--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: floridafan15
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:01 pm
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Sister may be your best friend and thus someone you'd turn to
for support. But she's also lost HER father. She can't be your
support right now.
Give her space and look for the support you need elsewhere.
#Post#: 20398--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: Esme Rain
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:02 pm
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Oh poor LW whose sister is grieving differently. My youngest
sister didn't come home right away when Dad died in an accident.
She needed her own time.
#Post#: 20402--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: Esme Rain
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:09 pm
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Oh LW, I'm as much in favour of living by your values as anyone.
But no, if you think showers are objectionable don't rain on
their parade by telling them so after you're invited to one.
Hax right on this one. Just decline the invitation sans speech.
Reminds me of the "wedding's don't need to last three days"
groom's mother.
It's absolutely fine to have those views for your own party.
But let other people have their party. I'll even concede the
parties might be harmful (support wedding-industrial complex,
patriarchy....) but once you've got the invitation it's too late
to make that case to them.
#Post#: 20404--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: Queenie
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:11 pm
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Some people think showers are fun.
#Post#: 20406--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: CaviaPorcellus
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:11 pm
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Bonnie is, like, the inverse of my controlling, abusive
boyfriend who had a crush on my roommate and therefore forbid me
to ever speak about her, lest he be reminded that I live with a
total hottie.
My roommates that year were super close, and we all shared
community meals at home, went out together, went to each other's
family's houses, etc. Can you imagine not being allowed to talk
about someone you spend the majority of your time with? It was
madness.
#Post#: 20409--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: floridafan15
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:13 pm
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I'm all for fighting the patriarchy, but sometimes a party is
just a party. Go if you want, don't go if you don't. Jeez.
Also, I'd be happy to never see the word "bridezilla" again.
Talk about playing into traditional roles.
#Post#: 20411--------------------------------------------------
Re: Live Chat 09/24
DIR By: Lady_Lessa
Date: September 24, 2021, 12:13 pm
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I know that I dislike "Bridezilla Trio" They come across as
angry/nasty at least in the chat writing.
I have no problems with not doing the shower thing, but the view
that tradition means, for women is "Shut up and be nice" turns
me off. I'm more of a silent, do my own thing woman.
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