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#Post#: 17975--------------------------------------------------
Consternation or Constipation
By: Wookinpanub Date: September 19, 2021, 4:13 pm
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After a few years of being a Haxvillain, I have learned a thing
or two about boundary crossing. Very much like a speed limit….
you can consider it as a guide, but cross it at potential peril.
I have a dear friend who seems to have fallen off of the planet.
Haven’t heard from her since Dec. 2020. We both work in the
same crazy time/life suck industry, so it is not unusual for us
to take weeks or months to get back to each other's messages.
But I am becoming somewhat concerned.
We are very similar… irascible, ornery, and give shit as well as
we take it. We have pissed each other off in the past, but it
has never gotten in the way of our mutual love for each other as
fellow freaks of nature.
Today is her birthday, which also happens to be "Talk like a
pirate day". I always send her some sort of a naughty "Avast,
ye scurvy Wench!" b'day wish text, to which she then makes fun
of my peg leg.
I do not have any contacts for her friends, family, or coworkers
(since it could be anyone, ergo - a boundary to start prying).
And her voicemail has been full since December.
She most certainly would have told me to Fuck Off! by now but
hasn’t.
My risqué birthday wish has gone unanswered and I’ve been
tapping the poop deck with my peg leg since this morning.
All very true joking aside, I'm quite concerned about her
silence.
#Post#: 17979--------------------------------------------------
Re: Consternation or Constipation
By: LabPartner Date: September 19, 2021, 4:21 pm
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I do this sometimes: Google "the person's name obit 2021".
Sadly, a few times, it has produced results I haven't wanted to
see.
#Post#: 17983--------------------------------------------------
Re: Consternation or Constipation
By: muskrat Date: September 19, 2021, 4:30 pm
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[quote author=LabPartner link=topic=323.msg17979#msg17979
date=1632086475]
I do this sometimes: Google "the person's name obit 2021".
Sadly, a few times, it has produced results I haven't wanted to
see.
[/quote]
Me, too. Within the last two years, I've just searched on
someone's name - just wondering what they were up to - and guess
what I found instead.
A dear colleague; a college roommate; and a kid I'd grown up
with.
Each time I inadvertently discovered their obit, I audibly
gasped and was crushed. You just never know what you'll find
out there.
Hope your friend surfaces soon, Wookin.
#Post#: 17995--------------------------------------------------
Re: Consternation or Constipation
By: Lady_Lessa Date: September 19, 2021, 4:50 pm
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[quote author=LabPartner link=topic=323.msg17979#msg17979
date=1632086475]
I do this sometimes: Google "the person's name obit 2021".
Sadly, a few times, it has produced results I haven't wanted to
see.
[/quote]
I sometimes do that for the oldest two of my estranged family.
Mere curiosity. Even though when my SIL dies, I would love to
ask "What did your mother tell you about our lack of contact?"
FYI, she was the one who cut me out. But I won't do that.
I've probably told this story before. The Christmas after my
second (and last) stepparent died, I sent my usual well (or at
least attempted well) chosen gifts to their house, before
Christmas. I couldn't get back from California for the holiday,
since I had used up the time with Mom's death, selling the house
in KY, etc. Being the nosy person that I am, I was following it
across country. The day it arrived on their doorstep, my SIL
went to a local department store, and bought one prepackaged
costume jewelry pins for me. That was from the whole family
which had parents and 3 grown children.
#Post#: 17998--------------------------------------------------
Re: Consternation or Constipation
By: animaniactoo Date: September 19, 2021, 4:53 pm
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Wook, I really hope you hear back from your friend and she was
just too busy wrestling a kraken to get back to you today.
If you don't hear back from her, I don't think it would be
overstepping to attempt to find a family member or co-worker to
pass along a message: "Wook is really concerned about whether
you're alive and would just like a status notification."
Sending <mojo> that all is well.
#Post#: 18007--------------------------------------------------
Re: Consternation or Constipation
By: Wookinpanub Date: September 19, 2021, 5:06 pm
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[quote author=animaniactoo link=topic=323.msg17998#msg17998
date=1632088416]
Wook, I really hope you hear back from your friend and she was
just too busy wrestling a kraken to get back to you today.
[/quote]
🐙🏴‍☠️💔🙏
#Post#: 18021--------------------------------------------------
Re: Consternation or Constipation
By: Thetis099 Date: September 19, 2021, 5:37 pm
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I am so sorry. I hope you hear from your friend soon. If this
seems far out of character for your friend I think asking a
friend of theirs or a family member of theirs if they are okay
is acceptable.
#Post#: 18052--------------------------------------------------
Re: Consternation or Constipation
By: VanillaBean Date: September 19, 2021, 7:47 pm
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Wook, I would wait two days and then be very direct, “Hey
friend, we haven’t connected in months and I’m starting to get
worried about you. One blink in you’re out there and okay, two
blinks if you are trouble and your captors are watching. Beyond
that, it would be great to hear from you if you are up to it.”
Or something like that.
I’m really sorry about your friend and your worries seem on
point to me. I think pursuing friend then obit then family is
not at all a crossing of any boundaries and I’m one of the more
boundary sensitive peeps around. Please keep us posted and we
will all keep a good thought.
#Post#: 18077--------------------------------------------------
Re: Consternation or Constipation
By: Itopian Date: September 19, 2021, 11:42 pm
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[quote author=LabPartner link=topic=323.msg17979#msg17979
date=1632086475]
I do this sometimes: Google "the person's name obit 2021".
Sadly, a few times, it has produced results I haven't wanted to
see.
[/quote]
I have gotten back a hit precisely once. An old college friend.
I noticed several of his buddies on FB, and his brother, but not
him.
I got back an obit, and learned that he'd died six months
earlier, and that he had been living in my city for years prior
to that.
#Post#: 18101--------------------------------------------------
Re: Consternation or Constipation
By: ManyHats Date: September 20, 2021, 7:12 am
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Wook, I'm so sorry to hear this. Agree with those who have said
that reaching out to a mutual friend, then checking obits and
asking family members, is fine. Hope you hear something soon.
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